CPOV

I can't be more than eighteen, maybe nineteen, looking down at myself. I've angered Elena in some way, as she's whipping me hard. My skin isn't just a burning pink; it's bleeding from the lashing she's giving me. I'm trying to bite my tongue to keep from screaming out but the pain is becoming unbearable. Of course, anytime I let out a noise, especially when I say 'yellow', she just puts more force behind it. She doesn't seem to hear me yell out, "Red, red, red!" over and over and I'm just crying, ready to fall but being suspended by chains hanging from above.

"Christian, wake up! Christian!" Is that Katniss' voice? Why is she here? Elena won't tolerate that one bit. "Christian, honey, wake up!"

I feel small hands on me, on my chest, my shoulders, the weight of someone petite leaning into me. I feel warm where this person is touching, not flinching away from it like I normally do. I open my eyes, wide, too quickly, letting in light too soon. Katniss' face is above mine, worried, tears in her grey eyes. I put my fingers up to mine, feel the wetness there. What the hell? I haven't cried in my sleep in a long time. Yell, thrash about, sure, but not cry.

"Christian, it was just a bad dream. I'm here." She says soothingly, trying to pull me into her arms. I must have woken her up with my yelling because her hair is all sexed up and her breasts are still propped out of the corset. It must be an awkward feeling for her. She sees where my eyes have handed and blushes, but instead of covering herself up, she just takes it off and throws it to the floor. "Baby, are you okay? You scared me."

I sit up slowly, looking down at my limbs even though I know I wasn't actually hurt in any way. Katniss just watches me, afraid for me, maybe of me now. She should be, I'm still messed up, still fifty shades of fucked up. Well, maybe not fifty anymore, it seems like less since I had been with Ana. Katniss' eyes are wide, still unsure of how I am, what to do. I let myself be cradled in her arms, enjoying the closeness, of being held by someone who cares for me again.

Katniss runs her hand through my hair, repeating the same path with it as my heartbeat slows down. I rest my hands lazily around her waist, breathing her scent in, breathing in her. With a low voice, she asks again, "Baby, are you alright?"

I nod against her chest, hearing her heartbeat, strong and vital. With a low voice of my own, I answer her, "I think so. I haven't had a nightmare in a long time. It's been even longer since I cried from one."

"Will you tell me what it was about?" She probes, still running her hand over my head.

I tilt it up to look at her, "I was young, it was a long time ago. Actually, I don't even know if it was something that really happened or not. I don't remember ever being beaten as an adult."

Katniss nods slowly, trying to comprehend. "Was it Ms. Lincoln who was beating you?"

"Yes." I state while sitting up fully. Katniss drops her arms into her lap, fiddling with the sheet. I put my finger under her chin, "I don't think it ever really happened."

"But if you dreamed it, then you know she'd be mad at you for something, right? It sounded like you were saying the safe words." She admits while I had hoped I hadn't said anything coherent.

"Yes, I know she's mad at me, but I don't know why. But I don't think it's just about being mad, I think she's jealous. Why else would she have my apartment bugged, have gotten your mother involved and then those kids? I don't understand why now, after so many years of finally leaving me alone, that she's decided to mess with me again." I start to ramble. I usually don't but with Katniss, it's different, I know she's safe to tell.

"Again? She's done this before? She's not like that girl you told us about, the crazy one, is she?" Katniss has every right to fear for her safety, I fear for it.

"Not crazy, I don't think. But there was a moment, a short time when Ana didn't want to be with me. I told you she had gone back to her home to get away from me, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, it was Elena who told me to go after her. She told me that if I really thought I could fall for this girl, that if I thought she was that special, different than all the rest that I should go after her. I followed her advice and it all ended up working out, for awhile. But I don't think that Elena expected it to, I think she thought it would blow up in my face and was pretty surprised when I showed up with Ana again. She kept trying to butt in; she even talked to Ana, tried to convince her that I wasn't the right kind of man for her. That we were a special breed all to ourselves." I pause, trying to gather all my thoughts to form correctly from the memories. "She kept calling and it made Ana feel unsure of herself that Elena could be so involved, so I cut ties with Elena."

"Except for the business aspect of it, right?" Katniss reminds me, not that I need to be reminded of that.

I nod, "I can't just get rid of that. The businesses themselves have done very well and it wouldn't make sense to dump them. Like I said before, I only see her over breakfast or lunch meetings and the last three times I saw her, I had Ros with me."

"Why not just have Taylor?" It makes sense that Katniss would think that Elena would mind herself in front of Taylor, but I know better.

"She doesn't think of Taylor as an obstacle. She would still talk to me as if I was her sub in front of him, since she knows that he knows what I do behind closed doors." I pause again, seeing Katniss blush. "Yes, Taylor has seen the room; he knows what's in it and what things are used for. He's the one who has had to take women to the hospital after all. Katniss, he doesn't care, or at least, he pretends like he doesn't. I'm sure if I got too out of hand, he would jump in, but he never has had to before and hopefully he won't ever have to."

"I know its part of his job. It's just a little weird that him and Mrs. Jones know what goes on in there and can keep a professional face when they see you." She retorts, looking down at her hands again.

"It's what they are paid to do, yes. But back to Elena, I think she's jealous that I have found someone I really enjoy being with again and will do what she can do ruin it." I tell her, grabbing her hands in mine, forcing them to stay still. "Katniss, I'm going to just rent a car from here and we'll drive to your home in District 12."

"Drive? Won't that take a long time?" She asks, her eyes going wide.

"Probably two or three days. The roads are a lot better than they were, easier to get to each city center. This way no one can figure out where we're going." I tell her my plan.

"But if you rent a car, won't that tip her off? Wouldn't she just figure that you are going to be going somewhere with me anyway?" Katniss asks, squeezing my hands just a little. "Do they let you rent cars?"

"Well, maybe, but if we take our time getting there or get there sooner, it won't matter. I mean we could just go back to the Capitol and take care of it tomorrow." I want her to feel like there is another option, but I would rather enjoy spending the time on the road. I haven't driven for a long period of time since….well, ever. "And yes, they do rent cars, now. I think they did it a long time ago so people wouldn't have to take their cars for long drives; they could just fly somewhere and have a car waiting for them. Have you ever driven?"

"For what? District 12 isn't that big and I walked everywhere. Anytime I had to leave it involved a train or hovercraft." She pulls her hands away from mine and begins to get up. "Do you want something to drink? I'm thirsty."

"Oh, umm. Sure, water will be fine." I stumble, getting up after her. I look out the window, not having paid any attention to it until now. The sun is getting ready to set, so it must be close to dinner time. "Should we watch the sunset?"

She turns to face the window as well and nods her head smiling. Katniss quickly grabs the water from the basket we brought and have basically ignored and gulps down some of its contents before handing it over to me. Then she squats right in front of the giant window and I do the same behind her, pulling her into my lap. She leans back into my chest, her head resting against my shoulder. I kiss her exposed neck and she giggles. "Watch the sunset, Christian; it's the best part of District 4. Well, actually the sunrise is pretty too."

"You've seen both I take it?" I ask her, wrapping my arms around her middle. She hasn't stayed naked for this long in any of time we've been together unless she was asleep or in the shower.

"So have you. Peeta's paintings. He loved the color of sunset, the orange of it. That was his favorite color." She enlightens me.

"You never told me your favorite color, Katniss." I remind her as I watch the sun lower. It's practically blazing into the water, melting it seems.

In a low voice, entranced by the sunset I'm sure, she answers, "Green. I've always liked the green from my forest."

I nod my head against hers, "That makes sense. It's the forest that basically kept you alive, right?"

"Yeah, but it's just pretty anyway. You'll see soon enough. Now be quiet and enjoy the view." She orders me and I laugh, but stay quiet after she jabs my ribs with her elbow.

It really looks like it's melting into the ocean, the sun is melting. Ripples of orange and red play on the waves farther out, little bits of white foam breaking them apart. The sun looks huge right now, though I know it's just because of where we are and the ocean playing tricks on our eyes. I can feel how relaxed Katniss is here in my arms and want to stay like this forever. I wonder what her reaction would be if I told her this?

"If I could, I would stay here in this moment forever." I whisper to her. She straightens up and turns around to look at me, eyes wide as if she's seen a ghost or something. I put my hand to her face, "What? What did I say that was wrong?"

She shakes her head and her voice is shaky with the tears that are forming in her shining grey eyes. "Not wrong….familiar. Peeta said almost the exact same thing the night before we had our interviews for the Quarter Quell."

I open my mouth, and then shut it, only to open it again. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize."

"How could you? We figured that was about the only place there weren't any cameras, up on the roof of the training center. We had the whole place to ourselves for an entire day." A tear rolls down her cheek and I wipe it away with my thumb. "It was one of the most perfect days we had, thinking that we would be dead soon anyway."

"I'm so sorry, Katniss, I didn't mean to make you cry." I apologize again, though I know there was no way I could have known something like that. I don't remember seeing any footage of them on a rooftop anywhere, let alone the Capitol.

Katniss wraps her arms around my neck, kisses my cheek, "Don't be, no one ever knew about it except us." She pulls back enough to look at me, "And now you."