A/N: I do not own Criminal Minds! This chapter heavily refers to "Demonology," but I changed a few of the scenes to what I think would have more accurately fit this storyline.

Chapter 10

A Few Weeks Later…

"What's it like to be back in Counter-Terrorism?" Remi asked as she drank a sip of wine and ate a bite of food that Emily prepared for herself, her girlfriend, and Jordan Todd, who had returned to her other job a couple weeks previously.

"It's like returning home, honestly," Jordan admitted to her two friends. "As much as I loved working with the BAU team, it wasn't really my thing."

"Which is unfortunate because we loved having you work with us," Emily told her truthfully, smiling at her friend.

"I know! But at least we all got to meet! But now we can all be where we really belong. And, JJ is back at her job. I have no idea how that woman does it. She still excels at her job and she's a single mom now, too."

Remi laughed a little half-heartedly. "She does seem to be good at everything. So, Jordan, is there anything else that you want to do besides your job?"

Jordan's eyes dazzled happily, talking with the professor. "I love my job to pieces, but I also love traveling. I just want to backpack through Asia or go on safaris in Africa or learn how to dance and learn culture in South America."

The professor started to grin, knowing exactly how the woman felt. "I know what you mean! I love teaching, but I love just going from place to place, not knowing exactly where I was going to end up. Where is your favorite place to travel?"

The agent frowned and admitted, "I haven't really had the time to travel. I basically went to college and started working. I only went to Europe once when I was in college. A bunch of foreign language clubs came together and we decided to travel. It was honestly the best experience I ever had. I learned so much."

Remi nodded, relating so hard. "You know, I have the same feeling when I go anywhere. Have you ever thought about going to Ecuador? It's one of my favorite places to visit. Oh, the culture… the people… beautiful."

The two women almost forgot Emily was there until they heard her phone ring. Emily groaned and got up to answer the call. She went to the bedroom and answered.

"Emily Prentiss."

"Em?"

Emily froze like she had just heard a ghost. But in some ways, she did. "Johnny? Wha-"

"I hate to bother you. But I need to see you. I'm in Alexandria. I'll text you the location."

Emily didn't know what to say. "I- okay. I'll see you soon, I guess."

He hung up on her, but she received his text a few seconds later with a location. She didn't even have time to think about the call. She returned to the eating area where her girlfriend and friend were still chatting animatedly. She smiled, glad that she wouldn't be missed. Once they realized she was there, Emily cleared her throat.

"I have work to attend to," Emily lied carefully, trying her hardest to not look them right in the eye. "I'm so sorry. Please, continue to enjoy yourselves. I hope this is just some paperwork mishap. Jordan, I'm so glad to have talked with you, please come back again whenever you want to. You're always welcome here. I'll be back soon, Remi." She turned away and walked out of the apartment. She felt numb. She couldn't allow herself to feel anything.

She entered the dank bar and found him immediately. He didn't look too different. He was the same man she left when she was fifteen. And that was the most worrisome thing she had ever thought.

He recognized her, too. But she wasn't the same woman he had seen all those years ago. She was different.

She approached him, quivering slightly. She took a seat next to him and ordered a drink. She turned to him and asked, "Johnny, why did you call me? We haven't talked in years."

"I called you. Multiple times. I thought maybe today, you might pick up your phone." He took a sip of his whiskey and looked down at it. He couldn't look at her. He was too much of a coward to look at her.

Emily sighed, annoyed that she had somehow offended him without even trying. "I was on a case, John. And you didn't leave any messages. What's going on? Why did you need to talk to me?"

He took a long sip of his alcohol and then he murmured, "Matthew's dead." He finally looked up, trying to search Emily's face for a reaction, but knowing Emily well enough to know that he might not find one.

The profiler felt nothing for a second. But that only lasted for a moment. Then came nausea. She pushed it back with a swallow. "How?"

"His parents said that he had a heart attack," John told her.

Emily bit her lip trying to keep all her feelings inside. "Have you seen him recently?"

"Yeah," He admitted, feeling guilty and ashamed. "A couple of times."

"And how was he?"

John shrugged, not knowing how to reply to that. "He was Matthew. He was rambling. A little chaotic."

Emily read between the lines of the little information that she was given. "He was using."

"I don't know," John replied, rubbing his chin self consciously. "Probably." He took another sip of whiskey and looked back at the glass.

Emily stared at him and noticed that something was off. "There's something that you're not telling me."

"The last time I talked to him, there was somethin' different." He noticed that he caused Emily to look very concerned. He decided to go into further detail. "He was talking crazy. But the- uh- fear, I can't quite explain it. It- it was real."

Emily gaped at him, knowing something unusual happened. "Wh-what was he saying?"

"He said, 'Johnny, they're gonna kill me,'" John whispered as if he thought someone was listening to their conversation."

Her eyes widened. "Who's they?"

"He wouldn't say," John told her. He gulped slowly. "He said that they already murdered a guy from Georgetown named Tommy V and made it look like an accident."

Her pulse quickened and she went into profiler mode. "Do you know anyone named Tommy V?"

"No," he insisted as he crossed his arms. "Look, he was probably just paranoid. But with what you do for a living now..."

Emily nodded, debating what to do. "Yeah, yeah." She didn't know what he was asking for her to do.

"I mean you're one of the only people he ever trusted, Em."

Her face melted. "Okay. I'll look into it, John. I promise. But I can't promise that I'll find anything."

"All I'm looking for is the truth, Emily. We owe him that." John agreed. He took a long look at the woman from his past. "It's been too long."

She blinked at him several times. "There's a reason why it's been so long."

John's face fell. "I guess you're right. I'll see you around, Emily. Call me with whatever you find." He left a quick half smile before he turned around and left Emily to stare after him, grief overwhelming her.

"I told you not to mention me," Emily muttered as she was approached by her team after they spoke to Matthew's parents.

JJ looked at Emily carefully, trying to understand what was going on in her head. "You didn't say it would get us kicked out."

Hotch frowned with seriousness. "Is there something we should know?"

Emily was torn about how much to reveal to her team. She felt vulnerable enough. "Matthew and I met in Rome when I was fifteen. My mom was posted there. His parents didn't like us hanging out."

JJ didn't know what that meant. She was annoyed by how vague the brunette was being. "And they still hold a grudge?"

"They were extremely religious," Emily tried to explain without saying too much. "They thought I was a bad influence."

JJ could hardly believe what Emily said. "You?"

"Yeah," Emily stated firmly.

Hotch felt like she wasn't being entirely truthful. "And that's it?"

"That's it," Emily replied as she squeezed her way in between the two agents. She needed to get away from them. She felt… too much.

She walked outside of the building. She pulled out her box of cigarettes that she had taken out from her desk earlier that day. She hadn't smoked in years. But now seemed like a better time than any to start the habit again. She lit the cigarette and felt a wave of relief.

But she also felt an uncontrollable wave of memories.

"Emily, try one. It's fine," John promised her as they leaned on the wall in a dirty alley. "Come on, scaredy cat. It'll be fun."

The teen girl rolled her eyes and snorted. "That's what you said about the X."

John groaned and facepalmed. "How the fuck was I supposed to know that I got bad X? The guy seemed legit."

"The guy was sketchy as hell, Johnny," Emily told him, grinning wildly. She turned to the other boy, who was kicking rocks. "Mattie, tell him that the guy was sketchy and that John should have known."

Matthew looked up, and Emily for the first time realized that his eyes were red and sunken. "It's just a cigarette, Em."

Emily stared at him, knowing something was wrong. He always chose to do the right thing. He was always the good one.

"See! See, Em! Even Matt knows not to be a buzzkill. The X was a mistake, but remember the coke? That was a good deal."

"Oh, just shut up already," Emily muttered as she took a cigarette from her friend. As she lit the sucker, she watched her friend look down at the ground, looking depressed. Emily wanted to ask what was wrong, but she knew that John would just make fun of them.

Her memory stopped re-playing when she felt a hand on her back. She turned to find a confused blonde.

"Are you okay?"

Emily thought about nodding and returning to the case, but her head shook instead. She didn't know why she told her no. She also didn't know why she started following JJ on a walk that seemed pointless.

"Matthew was an old friend," JJ said, trying to understand the full picture. "You haven't talked to him in years. And yet…"

"And yet it seems like I'm unraveling," Emily finished for her. "It makes sense. Because of me, his life unraveled. It's only fair."

JJ tried to search the dark eyes but found nothing there. That scared her even more. "You haven't been in his life for years, Em. How could you have unraveled his life?"

Emily sighed, not wanting to share. "Because of me, he got screwed up. I caused his suffering. I helped him lose his faith. And then I left. I didn't even help him."

"Some people become lost, Em. You know that."

"I was the lost one. I came to him lost and afraid and empty. He saved me. Without him, I wouldn't be here. But I also ruined his life in the process."

JJ didn't understand what she was talking about. Nothing connected. "Em, what aren't you telling me?"

Emily started talking, and she didn't know why. "I didn't have friends as a kid. I moved around so often I didn't have time to make friends. But then I became a teenager. I became a loner and everyone noticed. I just— I wanted someone to talk to. I wanted to be accepted. And sometimes… I'd do anything to be accepted."

It took a second for JJ to understand what she meant. They stopped walking. Emily couldn't look at her. JJ's face fell. She gently cupped Emily's face and moved it so that she would look at the blonde. She nodded warmly, trying to encourage Emily to continue.

The brunette cleared her throat. "I couldn't tell my mom that I was pregnant. Matthew suggested we talk to the priest. He said that if I had an abortion, I wasn't welcome in his congregation."

"So what did you do?"

Emily's lips quivered. "Matthew found a doctor. He took me there. He stayed with me. That Sunday when we got back to Rome, he held my hand and walked me into the church. Father Gamino actually stopped his sermon, but Matthew told me to hold my head up, and we walked to the front pew. He and Matthew just stared at each other. It was like a battle of the wills. And then… Father Gamino went back to his sermon. Matthew saved my life. He made me feel like I was worthy of love and friendship."

JJ nodded and removed her hands. "And that's when the questioning started."

"Yeah, and when the drugs we were doing melded with his religious questioning, you could understand why his parents were afraid he was possessed by something evil."

JJ wrapped her arms around the brunette and held her.

"He wasn't even the father," Emily whispered. "He wasn't the father and he still loved me. Maybe… I think maybe if he was…"

"Don't," JJ commanded sadly. "Don't start thinking about what if's. That's not going to help you or him. What will help is if we solve this case."

"You're right. Let's solve this case."

The air was cold but felt good on her skin. She felt the snow bite her skin. It was chilling but welcoming. She didn't know exactly where she was walking. She felt her legs drift in a direction.

She finally looked up. She was standing in front of a church. Much like the one she went to when she lived in Rome. She pulled out the picture from her pocket. The kids in that picture would look happy to anyone else who saw it. It was only Emily who knew the kids in the picture were lost. Lost and empty and were just trying to be loved, but were used to being let down. She saw the red drip onto the picture. She wiped her nose, feeling the blood stain her skin.

And then like it was yesterday, she remembered going inside the church in Rome for the first time.

She walked inside and felt the warmth. Comfort. Down the aisle, she felt peace. She longed for it. She felt someone tug her sweater and she turned around.

He was smiling shyly. "Hey, Emily, right? Your mom's the ambassador?"

Emily wasn't used to this. The recognition. She saw the look of hope in someone's eyes, and she was in awe of it. "Yeah, yeah. I'm Emily. You're Matthew, right?"

He nodded sheepishly. "I was wondering if you wanted to sit with us. If- if you don't already have someone to sit with."

She didn't know what to say. She had never been invited like this before. It was such a simple question, but it meant so much to her. "Yeah, yeah. Sure."

Matthew grinned and led her to the back where another boy was sitting. He had his feet up on top of the row in front of theirs. He looked so careless and free. The first thought that Emily had about him was that she was sure her mother would have hated him.

He looked at them as they took a seat next to him. He looked at her from head to toe. He charismatically smiled and said, "Damn, Matt. How the fuck did you get a girl to sit with you?"

"Shut it, John," Matthew told him, his face becoming red. "Emily's new and I thought she could use someone to sit with."

John laughed and replied, "Well, she chose well. Cooley. John Cooley. You'll be fine if you hang out with me. Matthew… eh, not so much. I just felt bad for the little guy, ya know?"

Emily could tell that he was an asshole. Everything about him screamed douche. And somehow, that made her want to know him that much more. "Nah," She said confidently. "I think he's the one that feels bad for you. Prentiss. Emily Prentiss."

John stared at her for a second, as if trying to figure out her deal. He then let out a breathy chuckle. He grabbed Matthew's shoulder and shook it playfully. "You got us a good one, Mattie. She'll do. She'll definitely do."

She shivered fiercely, feeling the cold finally pull her under. She started walking again. This time, she felt like she had no control. She didn't know where her feet her taking her. She felt her body lose feeling. She didn't know if it was because of the freezing snow or because of her.

She stopped in front of a familiar building. She looked up. This was where she wanted to be.

Ooh! Cliffhanger! Where do you think she is?

This was a sad chapter, but it was a sad episode. I use this episode in so many of my stories because I love it so much. Other than the whole "Lauren" storyline, this is all the past we get for a long time. I loved writing the flashbacks. Little John Cooley was such a dick. (BTW for all you lovely readers who don't know drug lingo, X is ecstasy and Coke is well... cocaine.)

I'm still on vacation, but I was able to sneak away for some time. Thank you for reading and reviews are welcome and appreciated! XX