While I'm Waiting

Green eyes looked around the room, observing the dull green walls adorned with various purple objects. The eighteen year old ripped all the objects down and threw them into a box, anger flowing through her veins. She couldn't remember a time when she actually wanted to think about any of the photographs on the wall. They fell to the floor, cascading gently as if leaves blown in the wind, and landed gracefully on the floor. She reached down to pick up the first one and stare at it. There she stood, cap and gown, holding up a rolled up paper. Gordo was to her left. Miranda wasn't in that picture since Larry's family demanded photos of just the couple.

She threw the picture into the box and fell onto the bed, running her hands through her long blonde locks carefully. She rolled her eyes skyward. "Mrs. Gordon keeps telling me that you're our only hope right now." She murmured to the ceiling. "But I'm not really seeing any proof."

Suddenly a thought entered her mind 'Tell her I love her'. Why would his mother just make that up? She looked up again, falling backwards on the bed. Green eyes darted around to count the neon stars on the ceiling. "If she's right, and you are our only hope of him surviving, what is this lesson you want me to learn? Is it that I can't take anything for granted? Is it that the world still goes on even when he's gone?"

She shot up straight and looked at the faded item on her dresser, where it had sat for nearly three weeks now. The old blue cover was worn, the spine falling apart. She'd opened it only once and saw highlight marks all over the pages. She raised a brow and took it gently into her hands afraid of it falling apart. Her fingertips gingerly ran over the etched silver words David Z. Gordon running along the bottom right hand corner. The top read "N.L.T. Bible", but she wasn't sure what it meant.

"So this is it, huh?" Lizzie whispered, turning to the first page. It was a list of contents, as if that wasn't expected. She was never religious in her life, but now was a good time to start. Nothing puts your life in perspective like the misfortune of others, Sam said. She looked at a list that sat beside the Bible on the dresser. "First Corinthians 13:13…"

When the blonde couldn't find the passage, she began to grow restless. Instead she put the Bible back and stared skyward again. "Why can't you just tell me why you took him and not me?"

Tell her I love her…

Lizzie grabbed the phone beside her bed and dialed the number she'd memorized in the last two weeks. It rang for some time before Mrs. Gordon picked up. "Hello, Gordon Residence."

"Mrs. Gordon? I need help." Lizzie whispered, defeated. "I've never read the Bible before…"

"Would you like me to come over?" She asked carefully, knowing the topic is a touchy subject.

"…please, if you don't mind."

Two hours later, she never would have assumed that Roberta would be sitting at her table, holding a faded red leather-bound Bible of her own. It sat in her hands gingerly, even as she placed it onto the table. Roberta's gray eyes watched Lizzie for some confirmation that she was ready to learn.

Lizzie put the Bible down on the table and set the list beside it. "How do I find these?"

Roberta smiled and took the paper into her hands. She brushed back her short hair and opened to Corinthians without having to look at the front. The elder woman looked to Lizzie and pointed to the first number. "This is the chapter number. So look for the part where that number is bold. It will be larger than the others." She pointed to the second number. "Think of this as a 'subheading', it will be the verse's location. So look for the smaller number within the chapter." She ran her finger down her Bible's old onion pages and turned it so Lizzie could read it. "This is it, right here."

Lizzie brought it closer so she could read it, mouthing it out loud. "Three things will last forever – faith, hope, and love – but the greatest of these is love." Lizzie looked up at the elder woman, green eyes curiously searching for answers. "I don't get it, why did you give me this one?"

"Because love lasts forever, it is your legacy. What you do now will affect everything in your future." She stared at her hands, toying with the charm bracelet on her wrist. "Don't give up on love and it won't give up on you."

Lizzie nodded in understanding and found the next verse, after minutes of paging. "Jeremiah 29:11…" She continued quietly. "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, They are plans for good, and not disaster, to give you a future and hope."

"No matter where you are, or what happens in your life, God never gives up on you and your future." Roberta commented, whispering her words. "Elizabeth, do you know why I gave you this Bible?"

"Not entirely, no." She replied, biting her lip.

"It is David's. He used to read it every night as a child, even until he turned fifteen. Then his life just got too hectic and he hadn't time to do so anymore. As such, he fell away from his faith." She shook her head, her grey eyes closing for a moment. "David has never given up on anything in his life. Not even his faith. That's why I wish you to learn more about yours. Perhaps you would like to come to our house for Chanukah next month? There is always an open seat."

Lizzie shook her head casually. "No, I don't understand any of this, Mrs. Gordon. What does faith have to do with saving him?"

"Believe in God, believe in ghosts, and just believe in something." Roberta whispered. "Without belief, we've nothing. Everyone needs something to believe in, or else you fall and can't get back up. You believe in yourself, so why is it so hard to believe in someone else?"

"He doesn't exist." Lizzie whispered.

"I would like to tell you a story only your mother knows." Roberta closed the Bible and placed her hands on top of it. It was the first time Lizzie noticed that the charms on her wrist were covering a slash mark. "When I was pregnant with David, things started to grow hectic for me. I hadn't time to do anything I needed to do. In fact, a few months before he was born, I had been diagnosed with Cancer. I had started to lose faith in myself, my family, and most importantly, my husband. At the time, I didn't know what to do. Howard was so busy with work, and I was so lonely, I felt like I was falling apart. Deep down, I was praying the child would make it without harm, it would make my life complete to have someone to spend time with. I swore if the child made it, he or she would be my pride."

Lizzie gasped and leaned forward, still listening intently.

"I didn't tell Howard I had cancer, in retrospect, I should have. Especially since my child's life was on the line. You see, with leukemia, you can pass it onto your children." Roberta began to cry. "I didn't want to bring a child into the world with the knowledge that I could possibly kill them, also. I decided that if I was going to go, it wouldn't hurt the baby. So I slit my wrists and sat in my bathroom with the blade trembling in my hands the entire time. I shook so bad, I was terrified of hurting the baby. I waited, second thoughts crossing my mind, doubt becoming ever evident. How would this child grow up? Why couldn't I be a testament to him? If he was diagnosed with it, at least he could see me battling with it and surviving."

She bit her lip and stared up at Lizzie. "I didn't know who else to call. It was two in the morning, Howard was at work at the dock – still working on his degree to council, and I found a number for your mother. I called her. She came over as soon as she could, and she was so gentle. She wrapped the wound up and held me close until the bleeding was under control. She took the blade away and threw it away, and then started to tell me about how I can't die because there's so much more for me to live for. And if my child wasn't a good indication of what I should live for, then I didn't deserve him."

Lizzie blinked, listening carefully. She wanted to speak but nothing came to her. "My mom knew you back then?"

"We've known each other for years, dear. Your mother saved me. In more ways than one. She told me about this group she belonged to that helped damaged children find hope. She left me with this," Roberta held up the Bible for emphasis. "And asked me to read the book of John."

Lizzie scrolled through pages until she found John and turned to Roberta again. "What is it about?"

"The death and resurrection of Jesus. A patient asked me several years ago, why would a man who loved his people so much, send his son to die instead of himself?" She smiled faintly. "After that night, I realized it. There's no greater sacrifice than your child. But why would I need to do that if he was my life? I wasn't going to give him up for anything."

Lizzie nodded and frowned. "Mom always seemed to know what was best."

"And then, September 14th, I met my son for the first time. The one who saved my life. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to live with the knowledge that I was the one who caused his illness." The elder woman wiped her tears and smiled to Lizzie. "He has, every day up until this point, tested cancer free. And as of 2005, so have I. It took a lot of struggles, and a lot of hardship, but I learned that I couldn't have done it without faith. Faith in myself, my child, my God, my friends, and my doctors. But here I stand, sure enough, with words of wisdom for a child in a similar position."

"How do you figure?"

"Just like my son almost lost me, you almost lost him. He is still here for you, watching you struggle with acceptance. I had several years of doubt, where I wanted to give up and live without them. But abandoning him would have been worse, for he was the reason I was fighting in the first place. Just like he's the reason for your doubt, and also the reason you fight so blindly." She stared at her hands, resting on top of the Bible's worn words. "Elizabeth, you may not believe, and that's fine. But prayer doesn't work if you don't believe what you're saying."

"I feel so stupid praying to a God I don't believe in."

Roberta paged through her Bible until she found another passage. "Psalm 46:10. Be still, and know that I am God." Roberta read, watching Lizzie look confused. "If you need the answers, ask. He'll provide them. But all things take time, Elizabeth. And miracles can't happen overnight. It takes time to make a baby, it takes time to graduate. It takes time to heal. We've been confirmed that he's still with us long enough for him to speak to you. To you, Elizabeth. Not me."

Lizzie trembled slightly, seeming to fold in on herself. "How can you have faith in someone you can't see?"

"Because someone saved your life that day, weather you see it or not. This means you are meant for a greater purpose. Just as I was meant for a greater purpose." Roberta nodded. "You told me in your session that you saw someone following you, and when you turned to look, no one was there. Someone saved you."

She nodded. "I guess so. But I need to see confirmation, Mrs. Gordon. I can't just believe."

"Sure you can. You believe in miracles, don't you?"

The blonde nodded again. "Yes, but that's diff-"

"How?" Roberta cut her off. "How is it different, Elizabeth? You can't see a miracle, or who makes it. You just know it's been made. Pray with me, please. I know you believe what I'm saying."

Lizzie closed her eyes and whispered to herself, still shy about doing it out loud. When she finished, she turned to Roberta again. "How can you be so sure this will work?"

"I will move ahead bold and confident, taking every step in obedience." Roberta answered. "He is my son. I have faith in him. When he told me he loved me and he would see me later, I know he meant it."

Lizzie sat in her room later that night paging through the book in her hands, the one that had the worn blue cover and pages falling out. It had Gordo's sloppy handwriting all over the ledger, little notes that allowed her to see into his mind. She smiled at the verses highlighted in green, clearly his favorites, since the rest were in yellow. He left small notes about what he felt the verses were about, and several were spot on to how Lizzie felt. She bookmarked the book of David – reading about the history of his name and where Roberta had gotten it from, put the Bible down and traced the name again. "You said you died to forgive us of our sins. So why don't I feel very forgiven?"

Lizzie looked over and saw a box sticking out of the bottom of her dresser. It hadn't been touched since she moved in. She'd forgotten about it. She pulled the box out and stared at the contents. A small chain with a locket inside, reading "always remember", and the eighth grade class picture. "He promised not to leave my side, didn't he?"

And that was all the confirmation she needed.

I'm updating this because its 1:30 and I can't sleep. This chapter may or may not make sense, and I'm praying I can stay on track (I'm depending on you guys to help me out with this!). Anyway, I just wanted to take a moment to say that in my life, there are very few times where people are confident in my work. I hear "oh, this is good" a lot, but never 'amazing' or 'inspiring'. I just wanted to take a moment to thank Sam, my real life friend, for inspiring me to pick up a relic and work on it again. I also wanted to thank Matt, another real life friend, for never losing faith in me. The two of them are the most amazing people in the world. And Aunt Kim, for realizing I had true potential and driving me to keep working at it until it was better. Without you three, I'd be pretty much nothing.

The true thanks go to my brother Thomas. If you hadn't done what you did when you were younger, I wouldn't be writing today. You inspired me to pick up the pen as my sword and use the paper as a shield. I've been writing for twelve years because of you, you jerk. And you've never read anything I wrote. Lol.

Let me take a moment to point out that I am, in fact, a Christian. I have been for my entire life – even if I'm not practicing entirely. I feel that this story could use some faith and religion, and if it isn't liked, please don't trash me for it. Gordo is Jewish, and Lizzie is Christian (and that's how I see it, deal with it). The way I see this, in order for Lizzie to truly understand what's going on and how to help, she needs to find out why he's so faithful to religion, family, school…whatever. And when she does, she'll find out about herself and a lot more.

But, as Shepherd Book from Firefly put it "Why is it whenever I talk about religion, you assume I'm talking about God? It doesn't matter what you believe in, as long as you believe." I love people either way. =)

Honestly, though, you can't have a story called "Star of David" and not expect a little religion. I promise it's not a lot. This is actually probably it until I get to the history of Judaism again.

Also, the song is called "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller – it's from a movie called Fireproof, and it's an amazing movie.

I'm done now. Read and review. Sorry for the long announcement. Lol