Bella
It had been so long since I had felt the sun on my face – really felt it, beating in to my skin, making it prickle and flush.
Leaning my head back against the cushions of the garden swing, feeling a slight sweat begin under my thin cotton t-shirt, I closed my eyes and drifted off in to a deep sleep.
It was the same dream. Dark and green and brown and cold. Trees and moss and rain. Edward.
"Bella…Bella…"
I awoke with a start, sitting bolt upright, eyes swivelling wildly until I found her face, full of concern.
"You were having another dream sweetheart," she crooned, handing me a glass of milk as I sat up, "are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"
"No thanks Mom, it's really nothing."
The sun was disappearing behind the distant mountains now, I must have slept for a long time, through dinner for sure – my stomach protested angrily in confirmation. It was quiet apart from the roar of cars on the freeway and the distant thump-thump of somebody's music somewhere along the road. It wasn't the kind of silence I was used to. It was taking some time to adjust to the hugeness of Phoenix again.
"Who's Edward?"
My heart leapt in to my throat at the sound of his name and I felt the colour drain from my face.
"Nobody…um, why?"
"Isabella, you forget that I know when you're lying. And you've been shouting out his name every time you fell asleep since you got back."
"It's nothing Mom, really," I pleaded, downing my milk and handing the plastic beaker back to her, "I'm kind of hungry, is there any food?"
"Nope. Want Thai?"
I nodded enthusiastically, stretching at the same time before hopping off of the swing and following my mother back indoors, watching the last of the suns rays light up her wild auburn hair – lighter than mine and with more red and copper and…bronze. I shivered.
As we settled at the kitchen table, boxes of Thai food opened and steaming between us, Renee started up her interrogation again.
"You know how happy I am to have you back baby," she popped a forkful of noodles in to her mouth, chewing and swallowing before continuing, "but I need to know what happened back in Forks. You're not right Bella. You're scared of your own shadow and these dreams…" she faded off, staring at me with concern.
"Mom, honestly nothing happened, not really."
"Then who in the hell is this Edward?" She demanded angrily, jamming her fork in to a spring roll with force.
I gave her the story. Edward was a kind-of boyfriend. We fell out big time. I freaked and came running back to Mommy.
"And you're sure that's it?"
I nodded, eyes wide and innocent.
"Then what's with the nightmares? Seems kinda an extreme reaction to breaking up with your boy Bella."
"They're not nightmares." I muttered, gathering the finished boxes from our dinner and pushing them in to the dustbin before returning to find Renee with a perplexed expression on her face. Realisation dawned and her jaw dropped, practically hitting the table.
She waggled her eyebrows at me, "Isabella Marie Swan…you didn't!"
"Jesus Mom! Of course I didn't. And they're not that kind of dream either!" I stomped out angrily, heading for my room in true hormonal teenager style.
"I hope you've been being careful!" She screeched after me, half laughing.
I threw myself on my soft old bed, ignoring my mother's combination of cackles and reprimands, jamming the earbuds of my iPod deep in to my ears and cranking up the volume as high as it would go without deafening me.
Of course I couldn't tell my mother the truth. She'd probably believe it.
Edward
Alice had eventually sloped away, following Carlisle and Esme to the den.
"So, if you're not like Alice then what?" Bella had asked encouragingly.
"It's a bit weird," I began, pulling up a chair across the table from her.
"And seeing the future isn't?"
"I can read people's minds." I whispered, tensed for her reaction.
None came. We just sat there, looking at each other thoughtfully. Then…
"What number am I thinking of?" Her brow was furrowed in concentration, her deep brown eyes boring in to mine.
I threw my head back and laughed uproariously.
"I can read anybody's mind Bella, except yours."
As I let the information sink in she started to look annoyed. And then, all of a sudden, tears welled in her eyes.
"What's wrong? Bella? Are you ok?"
It took all of my effort to move at a human speed as I circumvented the table to kneel in front of her.
"It's stupid…" she huffed, swiping at her face with the sleeve of her tattered sweater.
I stroked her arm soothingly, shushing her at the same time, "I'm sure it isn't, tell me."
"Well that's the thing isn't it?" she sniffed, "If I was normal you wouldn't have to ask."
"I'm sorry?"
"It's just like me to have the defunct mind."
Only Bella would see things this way. Anyone else would be worried, scared or intrigued. Bella Swan was worried that there was something wrong with her because the mindreader couldn't read her mind.
Suddenly she stood up, pushing her sleeves up to her elbows like she meant business.
"So show me your house!" she exclaimed.
"You don't have any questions? Anything to say about…"
"Oh, I've got a whole ton of questions Edward," she replied, seriously "but I've got to get it all straight in my head first. Show me the house!"
"Um, what do you want to see?"
She was suddenly inspecting her fingernails, dirty and jagged from the accident.
"How about your room?"
If I was Emmett I probably would have pulled a fist pump or perhaps done a victory lap of the marble topped kitchen island.
I placed a palm on the small of her back, guiding her towards the staircase, feeling the warm electricity of her as I did so.
Suddenly she stopped, "your parents won't mind will they?"
I smiled, "Carlisle and Esme'll be fine. I'm old enough to be trusted with girls in my room."
"You have a lot of girls in your room?" she chuckled.
"No, you'll be the first."
She peered at the odd collection of artefacts which lined the walls as we moved through the house – Carlisle's father's huge wooden cross, juju hats from Cameroon, gilded Venetian masks, fragments of antique Asian silks from Japan, Thailand, India.
"Wow, look at all this stuff. Where do your folks get it from?" she breathed, running a finger along the strings of a turn of the century Balalaika.
"Carlisle travelled a lot when he was younger."
I steered her towards my room, at the rear of the house, letting her enter in front of me. I leaned in the doorframe watching her take everything in. Her face was reflected in the huge glass wall, now inky black in the darkness of the encroaching evening, here I watched her eyes darting along the shelves of books and CDs, the old vinyl records leaning against one wall.
She stopped at the window, cupping a hand against the glass, "you must get amazing views from here."
I moved across the room, positioning myself just behind her, "just the forest. It's nice I guess."
She jumped at the sound of my voice, spinning around to face me.
"How're you feeling now?" I murmured.
"What? Oh, the accident…" she absentmindedly rubbed her sore shoulder, "yes, I'm…I'm fine." She was breathing heavily and her heart was racing, I could feel the temperature of her skin rise by a couple of degrees, see the fine hairs stand up on her exposed forearms.
She swallowed loudly, looking up at me with those huge brown eyes which could almost make me lose my train of thought.
"Good. I was really scared you know." I ran a thumb gently across the red graze which followed the line of her cheekbone, letting it linger at the corner of her lips.
She closed her eyes, leant her head in to my hand and sighed, "I know."
"I've tried so hard to keep you safe Bella," I was stroking her hair.
"I know you have," she breathed, "but I don't know why."
She turned her head without opening her eyes, touching her soft, warm lips to my palm. I could feel the blood pulsing through them as she did so but it didn't tempt me.
I had broken through some kind of barrier. The accident had caused so many cuts and scrapes to her delicate skin that the aroma of her blood was inevitably stronger but while I certainly couldn't ignore the smell the temptation was barely there at all. My instinct to protect her was too strong.
I moved my hand to cup her chin, tipping her face up to mine. A smile lingered around her lips and her eyes flickered open once again, focusing on me.
Leaning down I kissed her, at first gently but then with more urgency.
She reacted immediately, wrapping herself around me, tangling her fingers in to my hair, tugging gently at it as she moved, her breath coming faster and faster.
"Actually, I'm glad you can't read my mind just now," she gasped, a hand twisting in to the front of my shirt.
"I'm not," I mumbled in to her mouth, feeling her tongue dart out to tangle with my own.
Standing on her toes she pushed her chest in to mine forcefully, crushing her breasts against me with a groan.
"Um, Edward, not that I'm making suggestions but where's the bed?" she asked breathlessly.
"Haven't got one."
She was running her mouth along my jawline, nibbling at my earlobe with her small, sharp teeth.
"Where do you sleep?" she breathed heavily in to my ear.
I curved my neck, giving her better access as she continued her path down my neck to my collarbone, humming with satisfaction as she alternated between lips and tongue and teeth.
"I don't," I opened one eye to look at her but she barely reacted to my reply, just nodded slightly and pulled at my shirt, moving towards the black leather couch and taking me with her.
"Human beings can't survive without sleep Edward," she laughed, pulling me down on to her as she leaned back against the dimpled leather.
I shifted my weight so as not to crush her and as I did so, she pushed a hand under the cotton of my shirt, running it along my bare, cold flesh, shivering in response to the unusual temperature.
"Human beings can't, no."
Despite knowing, somewhere in my mind, that what I was doing was wrong, that this wasn't the way to let her find out about me I carried on, breathing in to her hair, moving a hand roughly down her side and to her hip, caressing it as she pushed her pelvis up to mine, rocking in to me in an entirely inappropriate way.
"You're not human." It wasn't a question and she didn't seem to care about getting an answer. Instead throwing her head back, exposing her throat entirely to me she let out a long shaky breath, "what are you then Edward?"
"Promise me you won't be afraid," I allowed myself to breathe deeply, my nose nestled in to her neck, feeling the thrumming of her pulse, the heat of the skin warmed by her sweet, rushing blood.
She shook her head, whispering urgently, "I'm not scared of you."
I kissed her throat gently before raising my head to look her directly in the eyes.
I whispered it, "Vampire."
"Are you going to bite me?" she stared at me, staring at her, my body pinning her to the couch, her face betraying no emotion.
I stroked her slightly damp hair away from her face, sad, "Of course not."
Crushing her lips against mine, pushing the back of my head down to her, she shuddered, "you could."
Worried about her reaction – her interest appeared barely piqued - I started to pull away but she dragged her hand down, across my bare stomach until her fingers found the waistband of my jeans, one hooking itself just inside. All strength left me.
"Of course I could…" I muttered "I won't."
"I meant that if you wanted to…" she turned her head to one side, exposing the lily white skin of her neck once again and smiling at me wickedly.
I was across the room before she'd even finished, crouching against the wall.
"This isn't a joke Bella."
She sat up, curling her arms around her body, her face flushed, eyes wild.
"I know."
Every cell in my body wanted me to reach out to her, to pull her to me and stroke her hair, whisper that everything was alright, that she didn't need to worry. But everything wasn't alright, I was foolish to believe that I could just tell her like this, to give in to such basic needs instead of approaching the situation logically.
"You believe me?"
"I think I always knew. In a way. I'm not sure Edward, I don't know what to think…"
"What can I do?" I whispered, my head in my hands, not daring to look at her.
"Nothing. I don't think that there's anything that you can do," I heard her shift, standing up.
"I don't…I mean…what I eat…" I couldn't find the words, didn't know how to reassure her, "you don't need to be scared of me."
"Christ Edward, don't you think I know that!" I raised my head at the sudden ferocity of her voice, she strode across the room to stand in front of me, the heels of her hands pressing in to her temples. She was…incredible.
"I'm sorry," I whimpered, looking beyond her to the black of the windows, reflecting the scene pitifully.
"Would you just stand up for Christ's sake?"
I did as she asked, but too fast, she flinched at the speed of my movement.
"Tell me. Everything."
I did. I told her about my life before the Spanish Influenza, before Carlisle. About our family, all of us. I explained how I had been changed first, then Esme, Rose and Emmett. How Alice and Jasper had found us. I told her about our vegetarian lifestyle and my own transgressions, the time I'd spent away from my family, living on human blood. How we had moved from place to place, relocating when people began to get suspicious of us. Everything she needed to know, I told her. And more.
For more than an hour she perched silently on the couch, her knees pulled up to her chest, chin resting on top of them. Her face betrayed no emotion as she absorbed my words.
Eventually I stopped.
"Can anybody be changed?" She whispered.
I frowned at the strange questions, "in theory. But Carlisle only changed those of us who wouldn't have made it otherwise."
"Do you want to change me?"
"WHAT?" I roared, making her jump, "how could you think I would do something so…so, selfish?"
"I didn't ask if you would. I asked if you wanted to."
Her gaze held mine, serious and unflinching as I thought.
"Bella, there's nothing I want more than to ensure that you're with me forever. You've changed me irrevocably. But I could never take your life away from you, please don't worry that I will."
"I'm not worried. I want you to."
I reeled at her statement, unsure quite how to feel. I knew she felt strongly about me, as I did her…but this? Could it be her unconscious reaction to the qualities designed to draw humans to me? Hormones? A blind desire for immortality and power?
My reaction to the request was more than a little confused. Venom pooled in my mouth, my throat constricted and burned. At the same time as my fists clenched in anger and frustration I was filled with desire, my cock suddenly at attention, straining at my jeans with the mere thought of biting her, of making her irreversibly mine.
"Bella," I choked, "you don't know what you're asking for."
"Are you saying you won't do it?" She purred, leaning in to me, forcing her scent to fill my senses.
Closing my eyes and gathering my every ounce of willpower I shook my head, "no Bella, I won't make you a vampire."
She nodded slowly, thoughtfully.
"You know Edward, sometimes we have to make sacrifices to ensure our own happiness."
"This is one sacrifice I'm not willing to make," I replied.
"It isn't your sacrifice," she stated simply, firmly. "I need to go."
She stood and walked slowly to the door of my bedroom. Her hand resting on the handle she turned to look at me, "you need to decide what's important to you Edward."
I had no reply. I wasn't entirely sure I even understood what she meant.
We went out to the car in silence, climbing into the Aston Martin wordlessly. As we drove out of the forest and towards Bella's home, I could see her chewing at the inside of her cheek, her jaw locked tight.
"I understand if you don't want to see me any more."
She turned to look at me, eyes burning with fury, her hair whipping around her face in the cold wind blowing through her open window.
Perhaps it had been the wrong thing to say.
"I mean…a vampire isn't the ideal friend for anybody…" I stuttered.
"Friend?" she spat, "I was under the impression that there was more to it than that."
"That wasn't what I meant Bella."
She snorted, restraining herself from saying any more. Within minutes the car was idling in front of her home.
Combing her fingers through her hair and hissing at her ragged reflection in the vanity mirror above her seat, Bella prepared to face her father, cuts, bruises and all.
She took a deep breath and opened the door, stepping out in to the faint glow given off by the security light over the door of the little clapboard house.
Leaning back down in to the car, she fixed that beautiful, angry gaze on me once again.
"When you're ready to let yourself be happy Edward, let me know."
She slammed the door shut forcefully and turned to the house.
Yet again, I let her go.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- edit: this chapter has been unhappily shouting at me from my desk all morning. Lovely reviewer jadeEyre and her review (thank you love!) has confirmed my niggling suspicion - being consistent with the length of chapters is not really as important as content. Duh. Therefore Chapter Ten will soon become a two-parter. Sorted, as we say in the East End.
A/N: Well chaps, there you have it, she knows, she wants some of her own bloodsucker action. I have to admit I'm not sure I'm entirely happy with this chapter, I struggled a wee bit to know how best to deal with these two this time round. With that in mind reviews are REALLY appreciated - good, bad, ugly - more reviews, quicker updates dudes, that's all I'm saying ;)