Peridot's Dream
It was the same as every other night since Mama died. As soon as I was asleep, I woke up on her porch. It was August, but not the stale, stagnant August that we have here in the big city. Out in the country, August is the time when the whole world seems to feel liberated and vivacious. Every flower on every plant is open, and the steamy breeze tickles those deep places inside the blossoms that they've been keeping hidden. The smell in the air is that of botanical bliss, and you feel yourself caught in the middle of a hedonic orgy with the hopes and dreams of all creatures flowing about you, as fragile yet indestructible as the late afternoon breeze. You exist for the sole purpose of enjoyment, and the sun dulls your mind with its merciless beating. Rolling through the golden grass which rises far above my head, I know that I am of one purpose with every rat, hare, owl and coyote. We live in the summer because life in the summer is beautiful. What more is there to do or know?
I hear Mama's voice calling to me from across the field. I run to the edge of the grass and she is standing there with a pitcher of pink lemonade telling me to come inside before I get heat stroke. I take her hand and we walk back to her house together. She's much taller in the dream than she ever really was, probably close to ten feet if I ever thought about it. She was actually barely half that height, but I like seeing her as tall as a tree in my mind. It makes perfect sense. We finish our lemonade and she sits down at her rocking chair, picks up her knitting and begins to hum a slow, solemn tune while she works. I lay down at her feet on top of a pillow like a cat and watch her from below in her infinite tallness and wisdom, making me a scarf for when autumn came "real soon." I watch her for a long time before my eyelids start to sink and she fades slowly away. At the same time, my eyelids slowly open in my home under the overpass, and I'm alone in the dusty, rusty, chilly darkness. Autumn was coming early that year, and my scarf had long since blown away.
Thanks to that dream, I woke up every morning with a smile on my face, even if it never returned until I was asleep again. It showed me what my life with Mama should've been like, could've been like, someday. It helped me to forget that our last days together had been spent in a homeless shelter in the worst part of town, sharing a cockroach-infested room with a silent old man whose life had ended the day he tried crack cocaine. Seeing Mama's smile in the bright sun helped me to forget the last time I saw her cold, tired, defeated, dead face lying next to mine. It helped me to remember that happiness did exist, even if I didn't make it to my next birthday, as long as I wasn't alone. At least Citrine and I had each other. At least my cold, tired, defeated, dead face would have someone to lie next to.
Disembodied Girl's POV
I watched Peridot wake up, and I wanted to say something but she couldn't see or hear me. She just stared at the door, seeming simultaneously to dread someone bursting through and taking her away to another foster home and to be painfully hopeful that Citrine would appear and soothe her worries, maybe give her a stolen candy bar. I doubted that either would happen, but Peridot had absolutely nothing to do but sit in her dread and her hope and wait for the next tragic event of her life. I had a terrible feeling that Citrine would never walk back through that ancient iron door, that something absolutely sinister had happened to her and that it had a lot to do with me and my family. The harder I wondered where the waitress was, the more I felt myself slipping away from Peridot and leaving the overpass. Next thing I knew, I was flying across L.A. once more and I didn't stop until I was high above Rocque Records. I floated down until I recognized Kelly, Logan, Carlos and my brother standing outside the front doors, staring down at something. Strangest of all, there was someone clinging to my brother's back.
I stood before the body lying on the stoop and tried to convince myself that it wasn't Citrine, that it was some other woman who looked just like her who had been savagely killed and flung out here for all to see. But I knew better, and seeing her like that made me angry. What's the point of this? I tried to say, but made no sound. This isn't fair! Peridot needs you! You can't die now! Why does everything bad have to happen to her!
"It's not just her bad luck, Katie. Peridot and I have led similar lives. We're both twisted caricatures of how, no matter how hard society tries to protect everyone, some people always fall through the cracks." I turned around and saw Citrine demount my brother and take a few steps closer to me so that we were both standing beside her corpse. She was translucent, so I found I couldn't look into her eyes.
"I'm sorry." I said earnestly.
"Don't be. It's not your fault. I guess you've visited my home and had a talk with my… friend, I guess. I've actually started to think of her as my daughter. I've been thinking about her a lot since I died, but I try not to think about it too hard. I know she'll have to get new foster parents now, and she's had the worst history with those. It was her last foster father who did… it… to her."
"Did what?"
"Y'know, her imperfection. Didn't you notice?" I shook my head. "My God Katie, the girl can't walk! That's why I bring food to her every day in that dungeon that she never leaves. The real world is too much for her anymore."
"Wow… how did it happen? What did he do to her?"
"Well, he kept her chained to her bed in her room. The shackles were tight to begin with, but she was growing fast and soon they were cutting off blood to her feet. By the time child services stormed the house where that bastard was keeping her prisoner with somewhere near twelve other girls, her feet were dead and they had to amputate them to keep the gangrene from traveling up her legs. That was before she met Darcy. That woman was a saint, from what I hear. Perry felt safe with her for so long, and she was making great strides toward walking with some cheap prosthetics, but it all went to Hell when her mama got so inundated with medical bills from her physical therapy that her apartment was foreclosed upon and they had to move into a homeless shelter. There, Darcy got sick and before long left that sweet little girl all alone. Peridot hasn't walked since."
"I don't believe it… she's survived so much… and I thought moving away from home to watch my brother become a star while I sat on the sidelines was hard."
"But that's not all you've had to endure… is it, Katie? You lost your dad somewhere along the way, didn't you?"
"H-How did you know that? You don't know anything about me!" She gave me a knowing look.
"I know it's wrong, but I've been… watching… you and your family a little bit since I died. I like you all very much."
That explained it! I had been trying to solve the mystery of my displacement ever since I woke up on my brother's bed, and I think I got it just then! "I felt your presence, Citrine. I couldn't put my finger on it until just now, but I could smell you on me, I could hear you whispering as if there was a concrete wall between us, I could feel you irradiating off of everything! You didn't… somehow… come inside of me, did you?"
Disembodied Woman's POV
I wanted to tell Katie the truth, but what I had done to her was too shameful. I couldn't bear to say that I had usurped her body just to get a chance to feel her brother with flesh, a desire which stemmed from little more than simple lust and loneliness. That's when it occurred to me how strange it was that Katie had come to me in spirit. Obviously my logic and sense of reality were already starting to become distorted due to my separation from my mind.
"No… how could I do that? You were inside of your own body. I was in your apartment when you got up this morning and sleepwalked into your brother's room. I left soon afterward. What happened? Why are you projecting yourself here?"
"I don't really know… I'm somehow separated from my body. I couldn't hold on for more than a few minutes after I woke up. Something really, really strange has happened… or is happening to me. My body's just lying on the couch in my apartment. I know I'm still alive, though, because…" she bent down and grabbed a glowing white cord that was wrapped around her ankle. "This thing. It's feeding me all of my thoughts, emotions, and memories from my brain like some kind of umbilical cord." Suddenly, her eyes widened and fixated on my foot.
"What?" I asked and looked down. There was a misty, mostly empty outline of my body that hadn't been present earlier in 2J. And there was something else. The sliver cord… there was one on my ankle too! I followed it to its other end. There wasn't far for it to go. It entered my head, lying lifelessly on the pavement, a couple of feet away. I could see weak little pulses of electricity flowing through it, lighting it up as they went.
"Citrine, you're still connected to your body! That means you aren't dead!" Katie exclaimed happily. I refused to believe it. I couldn't be alive! I had already come to terms with being dead! I got down and put my newly identifiable ear on my chest of flesh. There was a heartbeat. It was coming every couple of seconds, very strained. But it was there, and that meant that Bitters hadn't finished his job. I looked up at Katie. She was beaming at me. I couldn't believe what my selfishness had done to her. She may never be the same because of me. What if she can never get back into her body? And it's all because I wasn't willing to die without getting some cheap thrill! Now that I realize that I might live to tell of this, Katie, this sweet little girl who gave me a good fortune because she thought it might help me, may end up being the second victim of the foolish naivety with which I conducted myself last night. I only ever came to the Palm Woods because I wanted to be rich and famous. This is 100% my fault. I'm a home wrecker in the worst way.
Kendall's POV
A nightmare. That's all that day was. My own mind was trying to terrify and disturb me as much as possible. I was trapped in a world of monsters lurking around every corner waiting to break me down and get me to give in and wake up. It didn't make any sense that Citrine Hu would be lying dead on the stoop of Rocque Records. It was more than I could take. Kelly covered her mouth with her hand and promptly ran to some neatly cropped bushes nearby to toil over the dissuasion of her breakfast to make a curtain call. Logan cried out and buried his face in Carlos' chest, who stared at the body in horror as he took Logan down the stairs away from her. I called the police for the second time.
"H-Hello, yes I'm outside Rocque Records and there's a b-body. Yes, I know her. Her name is Citrine Hu. Is she alive? Um… I don't… let me check." I got on my knees and felt her wrist. There was something moving inside. She had to be alive. "Yes! Yes, she's definitely alive, but I don't know how much longer she has. She's lost a lot of blood from her head."
The dispatcher said to stay with her and that an ambulance would arrive in a few minutes. I stared into the face of the pretty girl and a shiver went down my spine. It felt like she was all over me, groping every inch of my soul. The weird part is, I had gotten the same weird goose bumps in the limo, like my skin was touching another's when I was alone on the seat. I knew that stepping away from her wasn't an option, that I would be by her side until she died. I didn't care how long that would be. I felt that she needed somebody.
Disembodied Woman's POV
Kendall entered me. We were occupying the same space. For the first time in all my years, I wasn't singular. Kendall Knight was giving himself to me and we were becoming united in a plurality. It took all I had to not acquiesce and assimilate. Possession was extremely addictive. The feeling of being one with him for one second was a greater high than two decades of life had ever provided. His hand traveled to the pocket of my slacks and pulled out a crumpled piece of yellow lined paper that had been sticking out slightly. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked at it and he opened it up and straightened it out on his leg. I read it while he held it up and did the same.
I TOLD YOU I COULD HAVE YOU ON GUSTAVO ROCQUE'S DOORSTEP BY THIS MORNING. I DON'T RENEG ON MY PROMISES, SO BELIEVE ME WHEN I MAKE THIS ONE: IF YOU TELL ANYONE WHO I AM AND WHAT HAPPENED, IT'LL BE YOUR OTHER LEG IN THE VICEGRIP, AND THAT'S JUST FOREPLAY.
MY SUGGESTION: GET YOUR FREAK ASS OUT OF TOWN AND DON'T LOOK BACK. YOU'RE LUCKY I WASN'T IN THE MOOD TO KILL YOU FOR THE FUN OF IT.
It was hard to believe that Bitters still wasn't done with me, but I suppose that he had to cover his back somehow. The note was a slap to the face. All of the hope that had been born of my realization of being alive turned to doubt like that. If I left town, I would lose what little I had. I would never be a star, I would still be homeless, I would have to leave Peridot behind and I would likely never see Kendall again. The last thought scared me the most, strangely enough. It assured me completely that leaving L.A. would be worse than dying (though I wasn't really at liberty to make that judgment, seeing as I had never actually died).
"Citrine, who wrote that? Was it the guy who made you like this? Who was it?" Katie urged me to tell. Again, the truth was something she was better off not knowing.
"I don't know. I don't remember anything after I left the Glory Panda for the second time last night after finding my necklace." She was only eight. I didn't need to make the lie that complex. That's when I heard sirens fast approaching from down the street. It seemed sudden, but then I remembered what part of town we were in and that there was a hospital a few blocks away. Kendall and I stood up at the same time to look for it. I wasn't sure whether it was a coincidence or if our energies had somehow synchronized. We all watched as a couple of paramedics ascended the stairs two at a time to get to my body. They checked my pulse and said a bunch of things to each other that none of us understood, then before I knew it I was being pushed into the back of the ambulance on a gurney and Kendall was climbing in behind me. Kelly, Carlos and Logan tried to get him to stay for their meeting with Gustavo but he wouldn't leave me alone. They didn't get it but they didn't stop him, either.
I couldn't take my eyes off of Kendall's face. I had secretly started to call him my White Knight in my thoughts. I had the paranoid notion that perhaps Katie could hear my thoughts since we weren't making any sound to speak to each other, but she seemed to be fixated on the motions of the paramedics and what they were doing to save me. She hadn't thought twice about coming with us. She was irreparably invested in my safety due to the bond she had made with Peridot just by visiting her once. That made me feel important, but at the same time it was sad because I didn't really expect to survive. The only thing that made me feel more important than being the light of my darling orphan girl's life was the way Kendall's face changed with every effort made to stabilize my body. He seemed tortured as he watched me cling to this world by a thread. He listened to the paramedics intently and his face rose and fell as they noted things both promising and ominous. It had seemed to happen in an instant, but he looked like he really cared about me. He really wanted me to live. I thought again about our fantasy life together, and it suddenly seemed totally possible. That's when I resolved to climb back into my body and fight for the life that lay ahead of me. But my resolution came just a moment too late.
Dr. Hollywood's POV
The sunrise over the Pacific Ocean always gives truth to the name of the peaceful waves it embellishes. As long as I start off my day with a toast to the new air, the fresh sun and the well-rested sky, there is nothing I can't do. Sometimes I even dare to look forward to it when I should be sleeping. Being awake is so much more enjoyable, and when one knows just how to order it, the coffee at the Sunrise Café is simply divine. Seeing as it was a Saturday morning and most people were indulging in extraneous quantities of sleep, I decided to treat myself too and order a maple nut blondie, the decadent confection du jour. The bakery of the Sunrise is a sinful place where the ovens run on the repressed desires of the weary and weight-watching. As a doctor, I am obliged to have a moral abhorrence for such places, but considering I deal mostly in cosmetic affairs we're really on the same side. Everyone needs to let loose once in a while, perhaps once in a week, and that's my professional opinion.
Mrs. Knight blew onto the terrace in a whirlwind of anxiety and nearly fell flat when she misjudged the position of the wrought iron chair opposite me at my small table.
"Would you like some coffee?" I started off politely, hoping against hope that we could exchange some pleasantries before she bombarded me with medical questions too vague to answer. Mrs. Knight regarded me in exasperation for a moment, then her look softened and she unexpectedly replied yes. After a few sips of her double shot latte, the woman before me was transformed into someone remarkably reasonable and half her age.
"At first I was just concerned about the sleepwalking, but then she started not making any sense, looking incredibly tired and talking like she was having an out-of-body experience. Next thing I knew, she was completely passed out. Did I mention that her skin was cold as ice? Doctor, I can tell my daughter is sick but this is a very strange way for it to happen! Oh my God… what if it's Swine Flu! Does this sound like Swine Flu to you? What percentage of children survives Swine Flu?"
"It could be Swine Flu." I said temperately after moving my eyes from hers to the sea. I smiled when I saw her begin to fret and fuss. "I suppose I could stand to come by and take a look at her before going to my office, but you know that would encroach dreadfully on my morning Zen. I'll need some reimbursement."
"Of course I'll pay you!" she squawked. "If that's all it'll take, we should get going now!"
"No, no. Mrs. Knight, Hollywood is my last name. I assure you that I have all the money I could ever want. What I find I'm lacking severely is company. Not just any company, but your company."
"My company?"
"Yes. I want to take you to dinner, Kristen."
"Oh! Well… I don't know…"
"In that case, I could always come by and assess Katie's condition after work in about, say, ten hours."
"No! No, anything could happen by then. She needs to be checked out right now."
"So… is that a yes?"
"…alright, yes. I accept your invitation."
"Excellent. Let's go see about your daughter then, shall we?"
Disembodied Woman's POV
I was flatlining. My heart fell a thousand fathoms into a dark trench at the sound that shattered the tense air inside the ambulance. My heartbeat had been pretty good, or so I thought, though it might have been getting a little slower. But just like that, when I wasn't looking at myself, the equipment, the paramedics or anything else that wasn't Kendall, I heard the heart monitor begin to emit one long tone. The sound of resignation. It was something I deserved to hear for abandoning my body. Kendall's face was pulled back in fear and distress. Katie's mouth hung wide open. I could scarcely process what was happening. We all watched in shock as the defibrillators were brought up and placed on my chest. I rose slightly up off the gurney, but the heart monitor was in no position to make a concession. They pushed on my chest so hard that I thought my ribs would break. Once the third attempt at reviving me had failed, the reality of my position dawned on me. I was dead, again! I looked down at the silver cord. It was shriveling up. My thoughts were getting cloudy. It was do or die. Actually, at that point, it was just do because I was already dead. I looked at Kendall. His eyes were swelled up with tears and they began to roll down his cheeks. I looked at Katie and she looked in my direction, but seemed to see nothing. This deflated her severely. That's when the strangest idea of my life (or lack thereof) hit me like a ton of ectoplasm.
I was on the verge of losing everything. My whole life had been nothing but working and dreaming, and a number of lonely nights greater than that of the sky-bound stars that had kept me company. I always knew that I would never really amount to anything in a dark, unswept corner of my mind. The lie that I had enough talent or guts to become a star had only been something to keep me going through all the years of heartache. It had been such a long road to discovering who I really was, and then to doing something about it and getting through all the repercussions of that necessity. My life had been building up, getting gradually better to the point where I was living under a bridge but at least I was living for real. I was almost free. My life was about to start. All I needed was to get a real job somewhere, anywhere besides the Glory Panda Super Buffet. I had hit rock bottom, every rock wall and even the rock ceiling, but I had never gotten a break. My only real dream, the only thing I had ever really wanted was to be loved for who I really was by the most amazing man I'd ever meet and to spend forever in his arms. Now, just when I was a trillion light years closer to that utopian state than ever before, it was all being taken away by one stupid old man, his hammer and his unpredictably heavy coffee pot. I watched Kendall take my hand and beg me to wake up, and I knew what I had to do. I had to use my only option, the only way I could be with Kendall, whether it was everything I had always wanted or just a pathetic fraction of it. I had to do the most evil thing I've ever done.
I broke my fragile silver cord with a simple tug and floated across the cabin of the ambulance to Katie's side. I was sickened by how easy it was for me to pull at hers while I had faded so much from this world that she couldn't see or sense me at all. Finally, with the use of all my astral strength, I broke the bond on the girl's ankle and quickly replaced it with that which applied to my body, the cord almost crumbling to dust in my hands. It rejoined to a ring around her petite limb seamlessly, and when I wrapped her cord around my ankle and brought the two ends back together they reformed into each other even quicker. Before I could wallow in my remorse for the terrible crime I had committed, I was pulled out of the speeding car with the sound of my own death ringing in my ears, a sound which I could still hear with disturbing clarity as my eyes opened in Apartment 2J.