*Please do not distribute or post this story anywhere without my permission.* Thanks to cookiesarefood for her betaing skills.

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FLOWERS FOR A GHOST

Hot tears coursed down her cheeks. She leaned forward against her steering wheel, trying to get herself under control. A moment later there was a honk behind her. Another car was waiting. Buffy sucked in a deep breath and blinked to clear her eyes. Then she drove forward, toward home.

Chapter 10

Buffy felt like her face would crack from all the fake smiling. Being a bridesmaid had seemed really glamorous when Anya had first asked, but the actual duties did not live up to her expectations. It mostly consisted of guiding the already intoxicated guests away from the open bar, and trying to keep Xander's Uncle Rory from palming her butt during one of the many times he had cut in on her dancing with someone (anyone!) else. The dress wasn't exactly flattering either. Through some cruel twist of fate, Willow had escaped bridesmaid duty. Instead she was wearing a flattering slim cut tuxedo that complimented Xander's, having been assigned the role of best man. Faith too had escaped the green monstrosity currently wrinkling in every conceivable location. Only Dawn shared her pain. Actually, Dawn had gotten off a little worse, since her dress came complete with horrendous puffy sleeves.

Dinner had been a pleasant interruption from the whole thing, with just the gang sitting at the head table and chatting quietly. No sooner had the first couple headed back to the dance floor than Uncle Rory was back at her elbow, holding out his hand in invitation. Trying to keep the frown from her face, Buffy sighed and accepted his hand, allowing herself to be led back toward the floor.

Uncle Rory stopped short of the floor when his path was blocked by a tuxedo-ed form. "Actually," Faith said, her voice chipper, "do you mind if I cut in? I've been waiting all night to get on blondie's dance card." She punctuated this statement with a wink. Uncle Rory seemed torn between politeness and wanting to further monopolize Buffy's time. "Thanks," Faith said, not waiting for his response. She stepped around him, seizing Buffy's empty hand and pulling her free.

Buffy followed her gladly. Faith walked to the center of the floor, turning and placing Buffy's palm on her shoulder.

Trying to cover her surprise at Faith choosing to interact with her, Buffy said, "I was beginning to pray that vampires would invade the reception so I would have a valid excuse to get away, but this is much better. Thank you." She laid her other hand on Faith's shoulder.

"Well," Faith murmured, finding a comfortable grip on Buffy's waist, "after your tenth dance I started to feel pretty sorry for you. Thank God you're a slayer or he would have broken a few of your toes."

"Please," Buffy muttered, "him stepping on my feet was the least of my problems."

"Uncle Rory's a little handsy," Faith agreed. "If he asks Dawn to dance I'm gonna throw him out on his ass."

Buffy looked around quickly, relaxing when she spotted her sister dancing goofily with Tara. "I second that."

There were several inches between them, and the pair shuffled along slowly, like middle schoolers at their first dance. The momentary levity seemed gone, and the silence quickly became strained.

Trying to keep the mood light, Faith forced herself to look at Buffy. "You look nice."

Buffy gave her an oh please look. "I look like a Mucinex commercial."

Faith snorted. "No," she protested, obviously lying.

"You look good," Buffy said jealously. "Why couldn't I be on Xander's side? No fair."

"Like Anya was going to get me in that?"

Buffy shot her a mock glare. "So what you're saying is, I have you to blame for me being in this fashion faux pas?"

Faith merely grinned.

"I'll remember this," Buffy promised darkly. The song tapered off and another slow tune began playing. Glancing around, Buffy saw that Dawn was still safe from Xander's unsavory relatives. As silence threatened to descend once more, she tried to keep Faith talking. "So, how have you been?"

"Okay." Faith shrugged. "Working, the usual."

"Yeah…" The usual included picking Dawn up for outings and occasionally running in to Buffy on patrol, but it did not seem to include any plans of coming back to Revello Drive. It definitely did not include any actual conversation between the two slayers.

"How are you?" Faith asked politely.

Buffy opened her mouth to give back some vague pleasantry, but the truth tumbled free instead. "I feel like a horrible person," she answered honestly. "I want to talk to you all the time and tell you how sorry I am, but I know you don't want to see me so I'm trying to respect that."

Faith stared at her for a moment, her fingers unconsciously tightening around Buffy's waist. She looked like she might walk away, but finally she said, "I'm here now."

Forgetting to dance, Buffy took a deep breath. This wasn't exactly the venue she had planned for this discussion, but if Faith was willing to listen, then she had to roll with it. "I know I messed up," she began sincerely. "I know I crossed a line with you. I obviously still have issues I need to work out related to the other Faith. And I know you're not her. I do know that. I see how you love Dawn, and hard you work here. What an amazing slayer you are."

"It didn't seem like you knew that a few weeks ago," Faith pointed out, her voice flat.

Buffy winced, but nodded in agreement. "I know. I'm sorry, Faith."

Faith digested this quietly for a moment. Then she said, "I get that you had a pretty heavy situation where you came from. But you literally, three seconds before that, were telling me that we're family. And then you hit me. Do you get why this is such a big deal?"

"Yes," Buffy assured her, "I do."

Faith nodded, her brow still furrowed.

"I hope you can forgive me."

"Buffy," Faith said, sighing, "I can forgive you. It's just... everything that happened was so messed up, and some of it was me, some of it was you. I just don't know where we are."

"I understand," Buffy said sadly.

Faith noticed Willow looking at them with concern from where she stood, off the dance floor. She pushed gently at Buffy's hips, starting them moving once more. "I don't think you do," she answered. "What I had before, with her... I never knew people could be that happy, you know?" She looked away, her face wistful. "Now she's gone, but here you are. And I'm looking at you and I'm thinking... maybe you're supposed to be here." She met Buffy's eyes, looking at her intensely. "You're wound so tight, Buffy, and you have these walls up that I don't even totally get yet, but you started to let me in. I know you did," she added plaintively. "And you look so fucking good, and I just—I'm losing my mind here."

Buffy stepped closer, her hands tightening on Faith's shoulders. "You're not," she promised.

Faith's hands on her waist stopped her from moving any closer. "Well, I must be," Faith said quietly, "because just when I start thinking maybe something this crazy could actually work, you remind me that it can't."

Ouch. "You didn't handle things that well either," Buffy pointed out, with no real malice in her tone.

Faith accepted this. "Yeah, I know."

Desperate to salvage something out of this conversation, Buffy said, "Maybe it's just not right. Or maybe I pushed things too fast. Nothing has to happen between us. Just come home."

Faith wanted to go home. She missed Dawn. She missed the house, with its big, bright kitchen and the leak she'd been meaning to fix under the bathroom sink. It was the only place that had ever really felt like home to her. She knew she couldn't stay at Xander's much longer. He and Anya would be back from their honeymoon, and they would need their own space. She had been debating whether it was a good idea to go back to Revello Drive, or whether it was time to face facts and get her own place. It would be somewhere nearby, where she could still spend plenty of time with Dawn.

"We miss you," Buffy added.

Going back meant going back to Buffy. Even if they scrapped this whole crazy thing and kept things completely platonic, was she really going to be able to live with Buffy? "I need a little more time," Faith said, "to think."

Buffy's face fell. She nodded in resignation. She didn't really believe Faith would come back, and that hurt. It hurt for herself, because she knew there had been a chance between them to make a go of things. Not necessarily romantically, but just to have a relationship that didn't end in blood and tears. If she'd ever had that chance with Faith at home, it had been too short and tenuous to grasp. She wanted that here. It hurt too for Dawn. Buffy had thought she was doing the right thing, trying to shut down things with Faith before it hurt their ability to live together as the family Dawn so desperately needed. Instead, all she'd done was mess things up.

"Hey," Faith said, noticing Buffy's clear sadness, "it's okay. I meant what I said-we're, well, we're not good, but we're okay. I'm not going to disappear if I don't move back."

"Right," Buffy said, forcing some pep into her voice. "Of course. I know that."

From the stage, Oz's voice rang out. "If I can have everyone's attention over here," he paused, gesturing to the small table near the stage where Xander and Anya stood, beaming. "Our newlyweds are ready to cut the cake!"

Buffy pulled her hands back from Faith's shoulders. The brunette gave her waist a last squeeze and then released her. "Come on," she said, "let's watch Anya murder Xander after he smears cake on her face."

Buffy cracked a smile at that. Faith could find an upside to everything.

XXXXX

With the Fall quarter only days away, UC Sunnydale's campus was brimming with students. The lines at the bookstore were out the door. Parents of freshmen bustled around, blinking back tears. The dorms were a madhouse, with people dropping boxes and knocking in to one another right and left. "You're sure you wanna stay here?" Buffy asked, as she easily juggled all of Tara's belongings in her arms.

Tara inserted her newly claimed key into the lock on the door. "Positive," she said, grinning. The knob turned, and she opened the door to reveal a small, bare room outfitted as a single.

"At least you have your own room," Buffy conceded, entering and depositing her items on the bed.

"I'm not really in to roommates," Tara admitted, as she unearthed a small box of desk supplies from the pile. "Something about other people seeing me undressing really freaks me out."

Buffy raised an eyebrow.

Flushing, Tara muttered, "N-not in all contexts."

"I would hope not," Buffy replied, grinning at Tara's obvious discomfort. She settled herself on a bare section of the mattress, beginning to sift through Tara's belongings and separate them.

"So," Tara said, trying desperately to change the subject, "I was thinking of adopting a cat. They're doing an adoption event at the pet store this weekend, and I saw some of the kittens online. So cute."

Buffy's ears perked up at this. "What would you name it?" She asked curiously.

Tara considered this, as she arranged a variety of items on her desk. "Something cool like… Miss Kitty Fantastico?" She suggested. "Oh! Or Pierre."

"Pierre?" Buffy laughed. It was endlessly fascinating to Buffy to find out which things stayed the same in this reality and which were different. "My vote's on the first one."

"It does have a certain ring to it." Satisfied with the desk, Tara retrieved her suitcase from the bed, plopping it on the desk chair and unzipping it. As she began placing her small amount of clothing in the battered dresser, she asked, "Has Faith said anything about moving back in now that I'll be out of her room?"

"That'd be a no," Buffy said discontentedly. "When she said she needed time to think, I was hoping she meant like half a day."

Tara smiled sympathetically. "It's only been a week since you guys talked it out."

"I know," Buffy said. "On the plus side, I've had lots of time to dwell on all the things that went wrong with me and Faith at home, and how I could have avoided some of them." She smiled with false cheer.

"Oh, sweetie," Tara said, stilling her organizing to look at her friend. "You can't beat yourself up over everything from the past. That's not going to help."

"I know," Buffy agreed, "and I'm not trying to do that. It's just that the more I think about her, really think about her, the less I hate her and the more I just feel… sad."

"Isn't that better than hating her?"

"I'm not sure." Buffy fidgeted uncomfortably under Tara's gaze, and the witch resumed her unpacking. "I wrote her a letter," Buffy said a moment later. She looked up to meet Tara's eyes. "Probably silly." Actually it had felt pretty good. She'd put it all out on paper. The things Faith had done that had hurt her so badly. The things she wished she could take back. It was so much easier to talk to someone when you knew they'd never know what you said.

"It's not silly," Tara insisted. "It sounds good. It sounds like you're letting go."

It felt suspiciously like that too. "Which would have been a good thing to do before I tried to knock Faith's teeth in."

"It would have," Tara admitted, "but better late than never."

"I think it's too late in this case."

"I don't think so," Tara said sincerely.

She really hoped Tara was right.

XXXXX

"Hi," Buffy said cautiously, when Faith opened the door to Xander's house.

"Hey," Faith greeted. "What's up? You wanna come in?"

"No, actually," Buffy said awkwardly. "I wanted to give you something."

Faith watched curiously as Buffy reached in her bag and produced a slim white envelope.

"Here," Buffy said, thrusting it forward.

"What's this?" Faith asked, running her fingers over the unmarked paper.

Buffy hesitated. "You'll see," she said. "Just read it."

"Okay," Faith agreed, giving her a weird look.

Buffy turned, rushing back the Jeep. Faith looked down at the envelope in her hand, then closed the door. She'd been in the middle of making herself dinner, so she headed back to Xander's (gorgeous, amazing, who did that kitchen?) kitchen. Initially, she placed the envelope down on the island, flipping the burner under her stir-fry back on. As she stood there, sautéing her dinner, curiosity kept drawing her eyes back to the small package. She tried to ignore it, but Faith had always been an instant gratification type of girl. She turned the burner back off, set her spatula down, and picked the envelope up. She carefully slid her finger under the flap, tearing it down the seam. Inside was a single sheet of lined paper, folded in thirds, and filled with Buffy's loopy handwriting.

Faith leaned on the counter, and began to read.

XXXXX

With Dawn and Buffy both at school, Faith entered an empty house. She wasted no time in heading through the kitchen and out the back door. Her eyes immediately sought the lavender she'd planted several weeks ago. The stone sat where she'd left it, and it was warm to the touch when she knelt and placed her hand flat on it.

"Sorry I haven't been by," she said quietly. "A lot's been going on."

She sat in silence for a few moments, feeling the cool breeze ruffle her hair. "This wasn't supposed to happen," she said aloud. "This wasn't our deal. You weren't supposed to leave me. Not like this," she paused, brushing away the first few tears beginning to drip down her cheeks.

"You're supposed to be here. But you're not. I don't even know if you're… if you're okay, or if you died, and I am so lost. I am so lost without you." She leaned forward, her palms pressing down into the marker, shoulders beginning to shake. "I feel like I'm betraying you. How stupid is that? How fucking stupid is that? You left me." Sobbing now, she slumped down, her head on her forearms. "You left me."

She cried there, her tears collecting on the impervious stone, until her ribs ached, and her face burned. Finally, Faith took a deep, shaking breath, and sat back on her heels. Her fingers lingered for a moment longer on the stone, softly, like a lover's touch, before she gently pulled them back. "I think," she said hoarsely, staring at the makeshift marker, "I think I have to stop this." She blinked against the tears rapidly invading her eyes once more. "I have to let you go." She nodded, swallowing hard. Climbing to her feet, she took a deep breath. She squared her shoulders, and turned, heading back in the house.

She washed her face in the kitchen sink. After, she pressed her hot cheeks into one of the flowery dishtowels Joyce had loved and dried off. On her way out, she paused in the foyer, quickly flicking through the stack of mail neatly piled there. One envelope in particular caught her eye. It was addressed to Buffy, from the department of Family and Social Services. It was neatly torn open, the contents folded back inside. Faith plucked the letter free, opening it without hesitation. She quickly skimmed it. Their social worker had recommended that their case be resolved. She was confident that Dawn was in a loving, stable home, with more than adequate care. Faith tucked the letter back inside, replacing it in the pile. Then she sat down on the stairs to wait.

XXXXX

Buffy made her way up the porch steps, her coffee clutched in one hand while she tried to select the correct key from her ring with the other. Her sunglasses slid down, barely dangling on the bridge of her nose, while her purse meandered perilously close to the edge of her shoulder.

She reached for the doorknob, and was surprised to find it unlocked. Cautiously, she nudged the door open with her toe, looking around for signs of demonic activity. Instead, she found Faith, seated on the stairs, tapping a folded envelope on her knee—Buffy's envelope, containing Buffy's letter to the Faith back home.

"Hey," Faith greeted, her face largely unreadable.

"Hey," Buffy said, putting her things down on the table beside the mail. "Dawn won't be home for another hour." She smoothed her hair back, forcing a smile to her face even though she felt nervous.

"Yeah," Faith agreed, standing up. "I came to see you." She came down the last two stairs, stopping a few feet from Buffy. She held the envelope up briefly, then placed it down on the table, tapping it lightly as she let go.

"Oh," Buffy said, dumbly.

Faith stuffed her now empty hands in her pockets, rolling her shoulders forward. "I didn't know… I mean, I knew some of it, but I really didn't know."

"I wasn't ready for you to," Buffy replied, her eyes somewhere around Faith's bellybutton.

"Did you really mean what you told her?" Faith asked. "Can you ever really forgive someone for all of that?"

"I didn't used to think so," Buffy answered. "She tried to apologize to me after… after, and I just couldn't hear it. I wasn't ready. I thought I'd never be ready."

"And now?"

"Now," Buffy said, taking a deep breath, "Faith is gone—or I'm gone, however you want to say it—and I can't change what happened. But I can choose what I do now. And I'm choosing to let it go. Let her go."

Faith nodded, taking another small step forward. The early afternoon sunlight drifting into the foyer cast her shadow long on the stairs. "Why'd you show me this?"

Buffy swallowed hard. "I want you to know me. I want you to know my story. Even the horrible parts, even the things I'm ashamed of." She blinked, unsure why her eyes were suddenly wet. "I'm letting you in." She looked at Faith, standing just out of her reach. "I want you to let me in." She took a step closer. "No running away, no hiding. Can you do that?"

Faith thought about the stone outside. She thought about the wind on Glory's tower, about B's hair flying behind her as she jumped through the air. She thought about Buffy and Faith, each of them trying to break the other one. She thought about Buffy standing in that hotel room in Idaho, her wrist grasped in Faith's fingers, her lips turning up, pink and sweet. "I don't know," she said honestly, reaching out to take Buffy's fingers, pulling her forward, meeting her in the middle, "but I can try."

XXXXX

That's all, folks. Thank you for reading this one.

A lot of people have asked me about Alt Buffy, wanting to see her in this story. I mostly blew you off. :p I had good reason… Alt Buffy has her own story. :D It is being posted at chosentwofanfic dot com, and I just uploaded the first chapter. It's called The Girl from Away. Hope you will check that one out too. Any readers and/or authors are welcome to sign up at C2, and we'd love to see any of you over there. You bring the feedback; I'll bring the fuffy. :p :D