Nothing is Forever
Summary: Yamato and Taichi share a bond that exceeds friendship and challenges the boundaries of love. Their relationship appears to be indestructible, but cracks are starting to appear on the surface. Nothing is forever. Taito/ rape/drugs
D-Angel: As I promised, here is another update
Tai: Zomg! It hasn't even been a month since chapter 9! Are you ok?
D-Angel: Yes indeed! I just have a lot of free time right now, though oddly I rarely write during the day, I'm more of a night writer, lol.
Matt: Yeh… Anyways, the story!
D-Angel: Oh yeh! Well, here's chapter 10... I hope everyone enjoys!
Rating: M
Warnings: Strong language, Hints of drug usage
---------------------
Chapter 10
---------------------
'Here, you can be anything
Anything that scares you
I think that scares you
Here, I've been here before
But only by myself
By myself '
It felt like I was floating, the entire experience felt so surreal and nothing like I had endured before. I could see and hear absolutely nothing; though the rest of my senses were heightened beyond what I knew was normal. There was some strange essence that the gentle force, which was levitating me, was carrying as it carefully embraced me. I was so calm and relaxed during that moment, but at the same time there was something uncanny about it.
I became aware that there was no actual comforting warmth and that I more or less felt like I had just stepped out of a piping hot shower, straight into the Antarctic. Becoming mentally aware that I was in fact in a dreamlike state, I slowly tried to force myself to open my eyelids but they felt like someone had coated them with lead. I started to panic as I tried to move my limbs, though they remained still by my side. Experiencing a mixture of frustration and fear, I tried to scream out, though not one sound escaped from my lips. You know what I actually thought? That somehow I was paralysed because I'd had a brick smashed again the back of my head.
Bloody brilliant.
Almost instantly, as if my thoughts of being wheelchair bound for the rest of my life had triggered it, my eyes flickered open and the first thing I saw was a blurred image of my mum standing over me looking somewhat relieved.
"M…Mum?"
My vision soon cleared and I immediately sat up in the unfamiliar bed I had been sleeping in. I was in a hospital only wearing my underwear with my mum, two police officers and a doctor standing round me.
"I…What's going on?" I asked drowsily before a stinging sensation lashed across the back of my head, instantly reminding me what had happened, though I obviously had no idea how I had got to hospital. The whole situation may have sounded like something out of a television drama, but it was in fact far from glamorous and not really that interesting when you're experiencing it.
"It's alright hun, you're in hospital," my mum stated the obvious.
"I gathered that, but…"
"…You're perfectly fine Taichi Yagami," The doctor interrupted. I suddenly felt more awake after hearing him speak.
"My head was bleeding and I collapsed! How can I be 'perfectly fine?'"
"You just fainted, and it was in no relation to blood loss I can assure you. Yes, the cut was quite bad, but we just cleaned and stitched it up while you were unconscious. We'll need to do further scans today though, just to make sure."
I later heard from my mother that they had almost resorted to shaving the entirety of my hair off around the area of the cut, but my mum (knowing me all too well) firmly told them that I had too much pride in my hair to have it shaved off. It was lucky they were able to sort it out without the need of bringing out the razor.
"You're entitled to press charges against the lad that attacked you," The policeman notified while his female counterpart cocked her notepad in a not-so-subtle gesture, "it was an assault after all."
"I don't want to press charges," I coolly said, my inner reasoning being that it had not been the Yamato that I knew and still actually loved that had almost cracked my skull open. I knew that in the state he was in, he wouldn't have been able to fend for himself in prison.
"Yamato ran off after confessing what he did once you had fainted- he said he was 'really sorry'," my mother explained, before she brushed a hand across my cheek. I flinched. For some reason his apology seemed empty; I probably would have preferred it if he had just left without saying anything.
"You're very fortunate that your friend didn't hit you any harder with that brick..."
Fortunate? I couldn't help but sneer. I wished that the fucking brick had killed me. I figured that death was all that was left for me now that I had lost Yamato. Reflecting on things now, I was barely thinking rationally, but at that time the solution seemed simple. I thought about how easy it would be to take my own life- a quick slice of the wrist, followed by eternal bliss. Suicide.
I stood on the edge of the platform at Odaiba train station a day after I had left hospital, occasionally glancing up at the clock while it counted down to the moment where I would be freed of pain. A small breeze finally brushed by me, the train was approaching the platform in the distance. I shut my eyes and prepared myself.
I almost jumped off the platform prematurely as a hand landed heavily on my shoulder before pulling me away from the edge.
"Tai!" It was Daisuke. His eyes were filled with such concern, I was aware that he idolised me and it must have been awful to see me like I was (and to almost witness what I was about to do). I still cursed inwardly as the train pulled up next to us, annoyed that I would have to wait for another ten minutes for the next one.
"You ok? You looked like you were about to fall off the platform."
Daisuke was not exactly the pick of the litter; he could be rather dense at times. However, I was kind of pleased that he hadn't worked out that I had intended to fall off the platform.
"I'm fine," I said, perhaps a little too abrupt. One of Daisuke eyebrows rose arrogantly, and I was aware I'd managed to offend him.
"Sorry," I quickly sighed when he was about to respond, then we had to quickly move out the way to the side of the platform as a mob of passengers fought their way on and off the train. Daisuke seemed far more relaxed as we sat down on a nearby bench.
"No worries Tai, you've had a lot of hassle, Miyako told me."
News often spread fast around our gang and I assumed Miyako had heard about Yamato and the drugs through Sora and Mimi. I wasn't particularly in the mood to talk about what was troubling me; I really didn't think most people would after a friend had prevented them for committing suicide without realizing it.
"Where you off to?"
"Oh, Ken split up with Miyako," Daisuke explained, "I have to keep travelling between here and Tomachi to try and get them on talking terms again."
If only my problems were that simple, I thought, though to them it probably wasn't. The three of them were so close-knit; it was a surprise to hear that something was troubling them. I guess I learnt then that I wasn't the only one with issues and I felt stupid for almost killing myself.
"They've split?"
"Yeah, it's all rather complicated," Dai groaned, "not even I know exactly what's going on."
We spoke about Miyako and Ken until the next train arrived, though several times throughout the conversation Daisuke had asked me awkward questions in relation to Yama. I had answered them as briefly and dismissively as I was able to.
"Take care of yourself," Daisuke whispered as he unexpectedly pulled me into a hug (most people were aware that he wasn't really the hugging sort). He blushed when he saw my surprised expression and quickly moved his arms away from me. I had to admit, it made him look rather cute. I probably would have fallen for him if he hadn't been four years younger, and if I hadn't known Yamato beforehand.
I gingerly placed a hand on his shoulder and forced a smile to appear on my face.
"Don't worry about me Dai, I'll be just fine." Though we both knew I was lying.
----------------
I came to an agonizing decision to officially state to Sora and my other close friends that I was no longer with Yamato. Everyone of them were so shocked they just stared at me in silence for five or so minutes, as if waiting for a punch line, before noticing I was actually being serious. I don't think that they were aware as me of just how bad Yama's drug addiction was getting. I never told them he had cheated on me since it was something I was probably trying to deny.
"You've done all you can Tai," Sora said as placed a plate with a chicken salad baguette resting on it in front of me. I felt a familiar wave of nausea creep across my stomach as the distinctive aroma of cooked chicken wafted around my nose. "As much as I hate seeing Matt in such a state, there's little that can be done when he can't accept the help we're trying to offer him."
"I don't want to sit back and watch him slowly kill himself though," I added while picking at the bread of my baguette, while Sora monitored my actions like a hawk. Her thoughts must have been screaming 'hypocrite!', or maybe, like me, she was unable to think of the right words to say without offending me. I guess it proved that even close friends have a limit to what they can say to one another.
In a way, I'm glad some people (mostly relatives) have the nerve to speak their mind during a moment of crisis, even if it means hurting the other person. I walked into the kitchen a few days before I had to return to school to get another glass of water. I recall wearing a black t-shirt and a pair of my favourite jeans that had suspiciously become easier to put on (I assumed it was because I had stretched them). I noticed that my mum was staring at me- in what seemed like surprise. She then asked me if I wanted any dinner, before she went ahead and started to pull her bright red cooking utensils out from the side cabinets.
"No thanks," I replied while watching the water gush out the kitchen tap as it filled up my glass, "I'm busy finishing off an assignment that's due in when I go back to school."
I almost jumped out my skin as I suddenly heard the clattering of pots and pans falling onto the ground.
"Dammit Taichi, you need to eat something!" My mum cried, "You're becoming skin and bones."
Me? Skinny? I couldn't take her comment seriously at first. Last I checked I was at a healthy weight, perhaps a little overweight though mostly due to my increase of muscle bulk thanks to my years of football playing. Leaving the tap running, I muttered something about needing a shower before I hurried into the bathroom and slipped out of my clothing to investigate my body in the full length mirror. I was immediately sickened by the image that was gazing back at me.
"Shit."
I looked awful. I weighed almost a stone less than I remembered and it seemed I had grown a couple of feet taller without realizing it. My muscle definition still remained, though the outline of my ribs and shoulder blades could be seen ever so slightly. Not only did I look undernourished I also had grey circles underneath my eyes, and my eyes themselves seemed dull and sullen.
I knew what my appearance was the result of. It was the result of worrying over Yamato like crazy and in the process ignoring the fact that I wasn't looking after myself properly. Still, it wasn't as if I'd suddenly be able to magically feel better and scoff down anything and everything that was placed in front of me. Despite realizing my lack of sleep and food were fucking up my mind and body, I was still unable to sleep or eat properly for quite a while, even though I forced myself.
Slipping into my school uniform, the night before I had to return to school, I was ashamed with just how baggy my trousers and shirt were on me. It was annoying that my trousers refused to stay up without the use of a belt (I really hated wearing belts, they just feel horribly constricting). I absolutely dreaded going back to school. I knew it was going to be very different now that Yamato and I were no longer together; people would question why we had broken up, some would coo in fake sympathy while others would just mutter that it was obvious it was going to happen sooner or later.
However, I never expected Mr. Fuji to be one of those people.
"Yagami, tuck that shirt in!" The dragon barked the moment I had stepped out of the boy's toilets. I inwardly sighed in frustration before I lazily tucked the material of my shirt into my trousers, half-expecting him to yell at me for something else afterwards.
"Where's Ishida?" He unexpectedly asked as he peered over my shoulder, as if expecting to see Yamato crouching behind me, or something. I shrugged sluggishly, mainly due to my lack of sleep, which had been responsible for me dozing off in quite a few lessons that day. Mr. Fuji studied the dark bags which I knew were underneath my bloodshot eyes (from watching too much late night television when I was unable to sleep), before he lowered his glasses thoughtfully.
"Perhaps it isn't my business, but has something happened between you and Ishida?" Mr. Fuji quietly questioned, his usual stern voice had been replaced with a more casual tone suddenly making me realize that he was actually concerned that something wasn't quite right involving my personal life. I'm not exactly sure why I did, but I slowly nodded my head before muttering that Yamato had something to do with why I felt and looked like crap. He then asked if I wanted to talk to him privately in his office and for some reason I said yes.
Previously I had only been to Mr. Fuji's office because I'd been in trouble for doing something immature or childish, so it felt strange being asked to sit down on one of the comfy chairs (I was used to standing by the desk while my punishment was dished out to me). He handed me a cup of water from his personal water dispenser, which I gladly downed, before he sat down on his own chair and laced his fingers together.
"What's happened between you two then?"
I pretty much told him the whole story, though I carefully missed out chunks that either I knew Yamato wouldn't want me to say to Mr. Fuji or just things I knew could land him in trouble. I must have told a convincing story because Mr. Fuji sat in dead silence for a few minutes once I had finally stopped speaking.
"Sounds like you've had an eventful summer," Mr. Fuji finally stated before he took another sip of his own water before eyeing me again in sympathy, "It's not nice to hear that you and Yamato have drifted apart because of everything…"
"…I just hate how he's changed so much, though I know it's not all his fault…"
"…People do change Yagami; nothing stays the same way forever. We all get old and die eventually, as morbid as it sounds. Nothing is forever."
Nothing is forever? Mr. Fuji was right. The words still played on my brain as I stood up and thanked Mr. Fuji for taking time out to chat to me.
"I'll be monitoring you and Yamato carefully from now onwards; you're in a bad enough state as it is, so I dread to think what Ishida is like especially after losing his brother."
"I'm fine," I openly lied despite knowing that my appearance was a dead giveaway, "I'm just concerned about Yamato."
I saw Yamato just before my final lesson of the day. I hardly recognized him as he walked towards me. His eyes were grey and sunken and apparent black rings surrounded his eyes. It didn't take an expert to notice that he was unhealthily skinny; the sight of his hollow cheekbones and bony fingers as he ran his fingers through his lifeless blonde hair sent a harsh shiver down my spine. He seriously made me look overweight.
I hated him so much, yet I still loved him like crazy. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him, in fact I just wanted to hug him tightly; but in his frail and delicate looking state I was afraid I would accidentally crush him. So instead I quickly turned around and ran and ran, until I was out of school premises. I leant against a nearby wall to catch my breath while I gazed over my shoulder just to make sure Yama hadn't followed me. I managed to sniff back my tears and slid a cigarette between my lips while I fumbled around in my pocket for a lighter.
Looking back on things now, maybe I should have at least told Mr. Fuji that Yama was experimenting with hard drugs. It could have prevented the drama that was yet to come.
---------------------
Song lyrics-
"Just Watch the Fireworks" by Jimmy Eat World
---------------------
D-Angel: Another angst-filled chapter complete, and unfortunately only 3 or so more chapters to go! But fear not, I have other stories, lol. The next chapter should hopefully be out by the end of June, if not the beginning of my birth month (July).
Tai: Hope you stick to your regular updates promise! I'm bored of being depressed and underweight.
Matt: -rolls eyes- You're not really, baka… You're just acting for this story
D-Angel: Yes, you two are my special yaoi minions –pets- Anyways, my lovely readers, thank you for taking your time to read this chapter (and the ones before of course). Your reviews have truthfully kept me going for so long, and they make me dance around and smile. So yeh, thanks a lot!
See ya next chapter!
-D-Angel-
12/06/07