A/N: I own NOTHING!
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Chapter 10 The World's Smartest Idiots
L couldn't believe his ears. Light couldn't have mistaken him for THAT Hideki Ryuuga, could he? He obviously WASN'T that Hideki Ryuuga, yet Light seemed to think he was... Was he playing him? 'I know your using an alias but I'm pretending to be an idiot'?
How could anyone ever mistake him for THAT Ryuuga! For that... that brainless Ken doll that was the butt of every Yuutoob™ comment!
"Wait, aren't you are Light Yagami? Son of Chief Souichiro Yagami and the other top scorer at Touhou, correct?" L felt the sudden need to reaffirm that that was the genius he was battling. Perhaps he had been body-snatched?
"Yeah, that's me..." Light looked surprised and a perhaps a bit suspicious. His name was on the advertisement for the room but he never gave out that much personal information.
L felt the need to justify his asking. "I missed you at the entrance ceremony."
Light swore he detected a note of accusation in Ryuuga's tone—could it be that Ryuuga was "not looking" for him too? Light rationalized that that was probably all it was about—Ryuuga the celebrity must have had him checked to make sure he didn't belong to an international kidnapping ring or something. He needn't have worried. The way Light saw it there was no place safer in the world then at Kira's side. Light laughed good-naturedly. "Oh yeah, I was sick."
"Oh? That's too bad," the other man murmured, sounding anything but sorry.
"Yeah, don't I know it! I had the flu so bad I couldn't take two steps without tossing but I think I've recovered now. I'm really sorry I missed it. I had a kickass speech planned too," Light chatted rapidly, stealing furtive glances with the other man almost as if he was nervous about something.
You sure do talk a lot. What are you so nervous about? L adjusted the percentage accordingly. Is it really you? It made sense logically but that Kira might ever be nervous was almost too humanizing for comfort. L could hardly get a word in edgewise as Light continued to chatter at him in an overly-friendly way. If L didn't know better he would have thought the teen had been living in extreme isolation for a long time... L didn't even get a chance to feed him his cover story about being a foreign exchange student from the U.K. and Light, for some unfathomable reason still seemed to be under the mistaken impression he was Hideki Ryuuga the pop star.
"But enough about me;" Light said abruptly, "Is the room to your liking? It's not much but I've tried to keep it clean..."
L surveyed the room as Light continued to talk about rent and utilities (and Ryuuga surprised him by producing the money upfront). It looked like a typical college dorm room... save that it was immaculately tidy—everything was very neat and orderly, well except for one thing that caught the detective's attention and caused the corner of his mouth to quirk upward. From the way the controller was haphazardly put away L deduced that the top student in Japan had been playing video games right before L knocked on the door. L made another deduction as he glanced at the trashcan that neatly held a collection of cheap plastic takeout food trays.
"Does your family know you've become a Hikikomori?" L blurted out.
What? Light glared at the other man. "I am NOT a hikikomori!" How had Ryuuga come to that conclusion? He was very careful to not look like a hikikomori. He just couldn't be around people too often or they would want to have sex with him. It was inevitable. He saw people as much as he dared and he even dated the idiot of the week to assure his father he was straight...
L watched fascinated at the subtle display of emotion that flashed across Light's face. He himself gave a rare smile at the thought that he could get such a rise out of him "No need to be so serious."
L watched again at the subtle inclinations of irritation and amusement and then Light was laughing good-naturedly at L's "joke" and L found himself wondering—perhaps Light wasn't Kira and was just a bored, lonely college student... Of course L didn't really believe that for a moment but for some strange reason, (probably related to the problem he was developing in his pants) he found that he really wanted to believe it...
L continued to watch and listen to his most fascinating suspect when, as planned L's cellphone rang as Watari called him.
"That was my grandfather," L told Light. "He's downstairs. He said he brought me a few things. My bags and a mini-fridge. I hope that's okay."
Light remembered that the elevator was out of service.
"That's a lot of stairs..." Light couldn't imagine an elderly gentleman trying to haul a mini-fridge up some sixty flights of stairs. Well he could and it wasn't pretty. It would result in a heart attack that would totally not be his fault this time...
"I know..." Ryuuga sighed dejectedly "But he gets upset when I try to help him. He's a veteran. He fought in WWII. It hurts his pride that his grandson is now stronger than he is."
"I'll go help him. You go ahead and get settled here."
"Thank you so much." L worked to put some feeling into those words.
Light smiled at him and exited the room.
That worked out better than L had hoped. Things had been so much harder than it should have been for the detective. The apartment building was under management by a Yakuza controlled company, The Bloodfangs, a rival gang to the Black Dragons, the one that contacted "Deneuve." Someone in the Black Dragons had carelessly bragged that now that they had hired Deneuve they were sure to find Tatsuya Kosanage (naturally violating their confidentiality agreement). After that the Bloodfangs had done everything in their power to obstruct his investigation out of sheer spite.
Wedy was the best infiltrator that L knew but not even she could get past all the lookout thugs that were stationed strategically around the building. L was slightly amused by the irony that Kira was living next door to so many criminals. (It would be more amusing if there weren't so many deaths.) L sent Aiber to smooth things over but with the constant changes in leadership (turn-over rates in mob management were typically high but even more so when Kira kept killing them) it was difficult for even L to discover who to bribe. Aiber had finally managed to work out a deal that very morning. Now he just had to get Light to leave his room for an extended period of time later he could get Wedy to install the cameras until then he had just the ones in his laptop that would record a panoramic view of the room (L placed it so it sat innocuously on Light's desk.) Light helping Watari with the bags shouldn't take too long, so there wouldn't be enough time to install the cameras now but there was plenty of time for L to do a preliminary search of the room which he did as soon as Light was out of earshot.
L had noticed the pleasant smell of incense when he first entered the room. L peaked up at the kitschy incense burner. The ashes were still smoldering—Light must have only set them alight a few minutes ago... in the middle of the day? On a day this hot? It occurred to L that Light was disposing of evidence. The detective sifted through the ashes but failed to find anything of interest—only a burning shred of notebook paper. Nonetheless L pulled it out and studied it but could only conclude that either Light was burning blank pages of notebook paper or the relevant part had already burned away.
L scanned the room until his eyes lit on the desk drawer—Light left the key in the lock? That seemed very out of character for someone like Light. It was just too obvious … unless it was a double bluff…? Perhaps it was booby trapped? But would Kira really go so far as to keep something so dangerous in his room? Most likely—his Kira didn't know any limits. Ready to spring away at the slightest inclination L carefully worked the drawer open with his toes and peered inside. All that was inside was a simple brown book—a diary. L's suspicions deepened. That seemed unlike the Light Yagami he knew to be that sentimental. L shamelessly thumbed through it but only found bland descriptions of what Light did every day and wondered: what's the point of keeping a diary if you don't use it to express your thoughts and feelings? Perhaps these entries might be some form of code?
"L, do you know...?" But then maybe that's what Kira wants me to think. It's more likely the diary is just a decoy meaning...
L focused on the drawer and deduced it was much too shallow. He pulled the drawer out and tipped it on its side. The fake bottom tilted up just a little bit. He could just see inside. A rare look of surprise and a light dusting of pink graced the detective's face as he realized he had just discovered where Kira kept his toys—and it appeared to be a vast assortment too: lotion, lube, leather collars and whips, gates of hell, fuzzy handcuffs, chains, vibrators, and several other devices that he didn't even recognize...
Kira is a pervert. L thought as he began to imagine in vivid detail how such devices might be put to use.
Does that make me a pervert too? No, of course not. I'm only making observations for the sake of the case. Yeah... keep telling yourself that. But what if the source of Kira's power IS a magic dildo or something? Light took this much effort to hide these... I can't afford not to look. There are too many lives riding on this... heh. Riding on this indeed. Focus!
Just then L heard the door opening behind him and the sound of his minifridge being dropped on the ground.
Back already? L was sure he had more time! It should have taken Light at least thirty-three minutes to lug that fridge up the stairs!
"What the FUCK are you doing?" Light shrieked. L turned around to see Light standing in the doorway, a horrorstruck expression on his face as 'Hideki Ryuuga' shook that drawer around. L was so surprised by Light's reappearance that he dropped the drawer. Right before it hit the ground Light tackled "Ryuuga" and was pushing his face into the ground. L tried to kick him off but he was so strong! A split second later the drawer hit the floor and instantly exploded in a massive fireball and the flames went up all around them. Just before the fire hit them some strange tent-like thing spread out around them and seemed to shield them from the blast but L couldn't see what it was, seeing as Light had currently forced his face down into the floor, and then it was over and Light seemed to produce a fire extinguisher from nowhere.
L looked bewilderedly around the room. Remarkably there were only a few scorch marks. (Light had fireproofed the room pretty well since his last argument with Ryuk.) L breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that, miraculously, his laptop was outside the blast range. He could review the footage later. He really wanted to know what that "tent-thing" was that shielded them. As Light continued to scream at him, and got in his face L mused how it didn't make any sense—by all rights they should be dead and though Light took the brunt of it he didn't have a mark on him. The only thing that was burned was his clothes. L realized he should probably be listening to what his enraged suspect was screaming but he was having an even harder time focusing now that Light had crawled ontop of him ... Naked.
Don't look, don't look...
L's eye-line naturally gravitated towards that region as Light hung above him and then he could only stare in awe as it seemed his brain had short-circuited again as he realized that right now at this particular moment he would have absolutely no problem with Kira ravishing him.
Seemingly oblivious to L's current problem Light continued to scream at him. "You could have died! You IDIOT!"
L's eyes narrowed. He was NOT an idiot and did not take well to being called such. "How the hell was I supposed to know about your unhealthy little hobbies?" L spat venomously.
Light instantly shut up and looked suspiciously down on the other man.
Crap! He's probably wondering how much I know! When he saw he had overdone it L quickly fell back into playing the role of 'Hideki Ryuuga, college student.' "I was just looking around! You said I could!"He whined. L watched in fascination as the other's features softened considerably as he played naïve and innocent. That had worked far better than expected. Well, he has a younger sibling... L felt quite a rush that he could play the world's most notorious killer like a piano. Caught up in the thrill of it, L ventured to push again. "What kind of PSYCHO keeps a bomb in their desk? Are you freakin' insane?" L knew it was dangerous baiting the suspect, especially after he was caught out like this, but he needed to "play innocent" in order to keep his cover. L fully intended to drop the bombshell of his true identity on Light but on his terms, when the time was right. Now, in this position of weakness, was not that time. Not when Light looked like he might murder him with his bare hands for almost dying… Wait, what? L ran that thought again and concluded that that was not a logical reaction.
A purely emotional response... Wait, does this mean that Light, KIRA, is concerned about my well-being?
L wasn't very good at expressing emotions but he was an expert at reading them. Light wouldn't get this angry for just blowing up his room or looking through his stuff. It could only mean he cared... (He cared deeply?) Well Light only knew him as Hideki Ryuuga the student. Perhaps for some unfathomable reason he found "Ryuuga" to be instantly likeable. L had no doubt that would change once he told him his true identity.
When Ryuuga spoke Light winced as if struck. "I'm not insane!" Light seethed, glowering at the other man. L held his stare. After a tense moment that seemed to stretch on forever Light looked away.
Light was still very angry with Ryuuga for pulling this but mostly he was angry with himself. He knew he should have defused that trap but he really didn't want anyone (namely his father) finding any of that stuff. Ryuuga almost… He… He'll never be safe around me...
"Look, I'm sorry about all this. If you want the deposit back..."
Crap! L couldn't move out! He needed to stay here if he wanted to continue his investigation.
"No, that's... that's okay." L assured him.
Light looked surprised. "You still want to stay here... after the room exploded? Are you insane?"
L smiled cutely. "Probably. Look your chemistry experiment almost killed me but you also saved my life so, I mean, I guess we're even..."
Honestly, it was irksome that Light, Kira, had just saved his life. True Light was the one who put him in danger in the first place but for some reason as Light hung above him L was feeling very conflicted and almost... grateful. "I-I mean, no one has ever done so much for me before," That was a lie but it was very effective if the look Light was giving him were any indication. L didn't know what compelled him to reach up and trail his fingers down Light's bare chest.
Light seemed to just notice their position and then Light wanted to dominate over the other male. Fuck his brains out, drain him dry!
It took all of his self-control not to.
"Don't!" Light snarled through gritted teeth and swiftly got off of Ryuuga.
L was kicking himself; feeling utterly dejected at Light's rejection. Too much too fast. No, wait, since when did "seduce Light" become part of the plan? I shouldn't be thinking of the SUSPECT that way!
L began to reluctantly pick up his things. "I'm sorry. It's just… I feel as if I already know you. You know, I feel as if you're the first friend I've ever had." Alright, maybe he laid it on a bit thick there because Light was looking at him with absolute pity... L hated it.
Light sighed and walked across the room, facing away from the other man. But L could tell from his posture he was in deep thought. L figured that Light must be either very trusting that he wouldn't try anything or very confident that he could maintain control of the situation as he turned his back on "Ryuuga" in his current state of undress. L had noticed before during his surveillance and he noticed again that Light had a very fine ass. L suppressed a groan. Light showed absolutely no shame about his nakedness. L could tell just by the way he moved that Light was very comfortable about his body and had no problem with L's staring. But then why did Light freak out when he touched him? L bit his thumb until it bled.
"You can stay," Light said abruptly.
L gaped at the other man. He could swear that Light was giving him a sultry, "come-hither" look. It had to be his (currently overactive) imagination.
"You know; if you want..." The God of the New World added gruffly. He turned around to glare at the beautiful nuisance that would be taking up residence with him and added in a very severe tone. "Just... don't touch my stuff..." But even as he said it the other was already picking up a slightly charred dildo with the tips of his thumb and index finger. Light gave out a great sigh of resignation.
L stared at the dildo and began to giggle at the sheer absurdity of it all. Not just a drawer full of sex toys but an exploding drawer full of sex toys. Was Light that desperate to stay in the closet? He could use this.
"Light-kun... is a pervert." L muttered out loud. The detective realized he probably should have been processing the probability that Light was Kira. After all Light had just displayed superhuman abilities, considering that he didn't get burned and they weren't dead, but he found he still couldn't move past how glorious Light looked with his clothes off.
Light arched an eyebrow as he saw where Ryuuga was looking. "Who's the pervert?"
L held up the dildo. "The physical evidence points to you, Light-kun."
Light leered. "You're the one touching it."
How childish... And Kira-like. "I'm not the one parading around naked."
"And whose fault is that?" Light said icily as he snatched up another pair of jeans and swiftly got dressed.
L flopped back down on the charred floor, and stared at the ceiling, for some reason feeling very disappointed.