Chapter 8

Buffy was already at the library doors

She looked inside and saw Giles there, just as her Master had predicted: He was sitting at the main table with piles of books and almost as many plastic coffee cups from the school dispenser all around him.

As she watched, Giles stood up and removed his glasses to rub his eyes tiredly. He was muttering to himself. Straining her new, improved hearing she managed to hear what he was saying.

"Giles, you are a fool!" he said, "You allowed Buffy to be turned into a half vampire. Now you are searching for spells and castings that might help her back. As if there are any!"

Giles sat down; "I failed her!"

He picked up the nearest book and sighed. "I can not stop until I find something to save her!"

Buffy's mind was reeling. She didn't know what to do, she felt so strange and confused. Angel came round the corner and saw her sink to the ground, holding her head. Siobhan shot round the corner a few seconds later.

"What is happening to her?" Angel asked.

"She saw Giles upset. Worried about her. The Master's hypnotism is crumbling. She's starting to break free," Siobhan said proudly, "I wasn't sure if she'd have the strength. This is a good sign. Maybe she can fully break free and soon. Hopefully very soon"

She muttered a few words under her breath, tracing runes in the air with her finger. The air between Buffy and the library doors shimmered.

"What are you doing?" he demanded.

"Sound screening."

Buffy screamed in pain, at the top of her lungs and sagged back against the wall, her eyes closed.

"Can you help her?" he asked.

There was no answer. Siobhan had left as silently as she'd arrived.

She looked a little better now. She dragged herself up to her feet by leaning on a rubbish bin. Swaying a little she walked back to the library doors and looked through. Giles was there, still reading.

"I nearly killed him. I can't believe that I nearly killed Giles! I mean, Giles! How could I!"

Buffy leaned against the wall with her eyes closed, thinking about what she'd nearly done. She was shaking and couldn't stop.

"Lost your appetite?" Angel asked.

She looked at him, but her mind was else where. "I can't hurt him, Angel. Giles is my friend. I can't kill him for my Master. If he stakes me, then it will be a welcome relief!" Buffy whispered, still thinking about what Giles had said.

Her legs buckled and she slid weakly down the wall, still shaking uncontrollably. Angel sat by her side and hugged her gently. "What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"Something Giles said. Spells and things," Buffy muttered. Then a big smiled crossed her face. "Of course!" she yelled.

The adrenaline made her feel instantly better, she jumped up and checked Giles through the window. He hadn't heard a thing. He was writing in a leather bound book, but every few seconds his head was nodding as he dozed. Much longer and he'd be asleep.

She turned back to the vampire, very excited. "Could you do me a big favour?"

He shrugged and waited to hear her plan.

"I need you to take Giles away from the library and keep him away for as long as possible. I don't care where you take him, or what you tell Giles to get him to go with you. Something like you've seen me and I need his help might work. Please Angel, this is very important!" Buffy begged.

Angel pretended to think about it, but when he saw Buffy's worried look, he nodded.

"Oh, Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!" she gushed, hugging him. Then ran around the nearest corner to hide.

"Wait! What are you going to do?" he asked.

Buffy popped her head round the corner and said, "Major studying".

Angel didn't pretend to understand what on earth she meant, but did as he was asked. Modern teenage girls are too confusing! He thought.

Buffy waited impatiently. Silently wishing that Giles would take the bate. She couldn't do anything if he stayed in the library. After what seemed like an eternity to her, but was in reality only a few minutes Angel came out the library with Giles following close behind.

"What is wrong with Buffy? Is she hurt? Sick? Has the Master done something to her?" she could hear Giles demanding.

Angel glanced over at her and answered "I don't know. All she told me, was I had to fetch you. It was very important." Not completely a lie, colouring the truth a little.

She waited even more impatiently for Angel and Giles to turn the corner. And disappear from her sight.

At last they did and she ran across into the library. Giles's books were lying in massive piles everywhere. There were also about 50 plastic coffee cups from the vending machine scattered around.

She looked around trying to work out where to start. This was Giles's field of knowledge, not hers. All she had to know was how to fight and kill monsters. She wasn't even sure what she was looking for.

Buffy was very hungry. She needed to feed, but she couldn't bring herself to hurt anyone. Sweat dripped off of her body. She was developing a fever and was starting to feel very ill. She didn't know why.

If she'd asked Angel or Giles they could have told her the answer. She was in the limbo area between life and death. No longer totally human, but not yet a vampire.

Blood would make her well again, but it would also make her a vampire. If she held out through this feverish sickness she might be saved, but of course Giles couldn't tell her that. She'd sent him away, not realizing how much she needed his help.

Buffy tried to ignore how ill she felt and started to sort through the nearest pile of books. She found some Watcher diaries. Searching further, she was amazed at how many Slayers there had been over the ages. Even if she didn't count all the ones that hadn't been able to fight off Lothos like she had, there had still been hundreds.

It suddenly made Buffy feel very small and mortal. She couldn't suppress a shudder as she thought about the long line of faithful Slayers, and Buffy Summers, the only Slayer to renounce her destiny many times and then do the worst thing possible. Become the enemy she had fought and killed for so long.

She found an unfinished diary. It was one of Giles's about her. He had left it open at the last few entries. She didn't mean to, but something made her read it.

The first entry was for the day before:

My Slayer, Miss Buffy Anne Summers, has been turned into a vampire. The signs were there for the last few weeks, but I missed them some how. I have no idea how I did so.

This is all my fault, if only I had noticed what was happening to her sooner. Instead of worrying about the lack of Hellmouth activity. I should have been thinking of Buffy's personal problems. It has not been so very long since her troubles at the start of term. Her issues over dying and the Master. I had hoped that once Buffy had destroyed the bones, her troubles would be over.

I have failed in my job as Watcher. Looking back the signs were so clear. Why did I not notice them sooner and saved Buffy from being turned?

At the very least I should have known what was troubling my Slayer so much. I never even knew she was upset until it was too late. I should have known. How can I continue in my role as Watcher, if she does not tell me these things?

Actually being turned into a vampire does not seem like her style though. I wonder why she decided on that future? If I can find Buffy, I must ask her.

Not that this changes the fact that I should have been far more alert. She did mention something about not being able to continue with her destiny as Slayer. It was too much to cope with. As a vampire she hoped that one of her friends would finish her off.

Some how that doesn't seem like the Buffy I know either. More like a distraction to keep me from learning the truth. What could be so terrible she couldn't tell me?

Last night, Buffy had the chance to prove herself to the Master. Some how he has returned in a new body. I know not how. There were comments about cross body mind transference. I must study to discover how this was possible. Anyway, she had the chance to prove herself to the Master by killing her two best friends and me. Alexander Harris and Willow Rosenberg. She couldn't bring herself to harm any of us.

With the help of Angel (Angelus the souled vampire) and some capsules of blood Buffy pretended to kill each one of us. She did this to keep us all safe from the other vampires. Who would have killed us if she hadn't?

One thing I do know is that I can never give up on my Slayer. There is still too much of my friend left in that vampire infested soul. When I look at her I do not see a vampire. Just Buffy, my Slayer in grave danger. Maybe I am just grasping at straws, but I need to find some way of helping her. I care too much about Buffy to just leave her to this horrible fate. I have to get to her before the Council does!

The entry finished there and the one for today started. Buffy didn't read the next entry. She was crying too much. It had finally hit her what she had done, become evil, lost her friends and given up her own destiny. She couldn't think of staking one of her 'own' kind. Her mind was now firmly made up; she had to find a way back no matter the risks. Nothing could change her mind.

She started sifting through another pile of books, totally ignoring the Watcher Diaries.

If only she'd read today's' entry she would have learnt of Giles's and Angel's plan. Would have learnt a lot of things that would have helped her search. Discovered more about the people hunting her.

Buffy carefully made sure she placed the books back right so Giles wouldn't suspect she'd been there. Finally she found the books on vampire myth and legends. She chose three that looked the right sort and sat by the computer to read them

Absent-mindedly she thought about her friends: how they used to sit around the table getting pep talks and weirdness information from Giles. She was sitting in Willow's normal seat.

Buffy pushed the memory of what used to be away. If she was to have any hope of living through another pep talk she needed to study hard.

It could only be a short time before Giles returned. Angel couldn't keep him away forever. If she wasn't finished by then, she'd be in serious trouble.

She forced herself to concentrate more, although her sickness was making it hard. The first two books were useless. Buffy replaced them and started on the third. She heard a noise outside and ran to hide in the stacks, taking the last book with her.

Just as she ducked out of sight, the library doors flew open. Giles was muttering angrily. There was no sign of Angel. She wondered what had happened.

(Giles had been taken by Angel to a ruined house. But when he got there Buffy (of course) wasn't there. Angel pretended to be worried about her running off. They'd checked a few places, but hadn't found her. Giles anger was covering his deep worrying about Buffy's safety)

As she watched, Giles sat down and returned to his books.

Buffy sighed quietly and curled up behind her stack to read the final book. "At last!" she whispered as she found what she had been searching for.

It was a small section written by a person, later admitted to a Mental Hospital, about the cure for a vampire. Buffy had remembered it from a previous study time. It had a lot of complex magic.

She was tired and the words swam in front of her eyes. At least she knew it was the right section, she could read it when she felt better.

Buffy peered around her stack. There was no sign of Giles.

She crept towards the table as quietly as she could wondering where Giles had gone. There was no sign of him anywhere.

Buffy looked at the pile of books on the table for the heavy witchcraft volume she'd seen earlier. Smiling she reached out and picked up the book.

As she drew her hand back with the book someone grabbed her wrist tightly, making her drop her books.

Instinct kicked in along with her 'party' face. Buffy turned sharply and high kicked her attacker in the ribs, with all the strength she could find. Unluckily, being so weak, it wasn't very much. The man who'd grabbed her grunted in pain and staggered away from her.

It was only as Buffy's adrenaline levels rocketed and she readied herself for a second attack, she realized who it was.

"Oh God, Giles! I'm so sorry. I had no idea it was you, I thought my Master had come to check up on me" she said and offered him a hand up.

Giles ignored her hand and dragged himself up. Making sure he kept a good distance from her.

"So that was your plan. Get Angel to lie to me about you and worry me. What were you doing, trying to lead me into a trap?" he demanded.

"I was trying to keep you alive!" Buffy growled. Her vampiric features making her look very scary

Giles glared at her and stormed over to the table. "May I ask your reason for visiting MY library, after school hours Miss Summers?" he demanded.

"Oh, come on Giles! This is me you are talking to. Buffy, you remember. Your chosen gal saves the world every weekend and slays vampires every night. Your pupil in all things weird and wacky!" she said.

Giles just stared at her suspiciously.

Buffy sighed dropping her vampire face, "Look, I know things can never be like they were before after what I did. I'm sorry, but I had little choice in the matter of my turning. I'm not here to feed or anything like that. I'm only here to collect some books so I can do my homework, okay? I've got them now, so I'll leave." She picked up the books from where they'd dropped on the table.

As she turned to walk away, Giles plucked the books from her hands.

He looked at the titles. "The big book of easy spells for white witches and Vampire myths and legends volume one. A little too heavy reading for homework surely, Miss Summers? Also I have not heard of a class on this subject."

Buffy was getting pissed off with Giles now. He was treating her like a complete stranger. She knew it was dangerous for her to lose her temper. The angrier she got, the less control she'd have over her vamp side.

Part of her didn't care.

Part of her wanted to take Giles right there and drink from him until the body was totally dry. Then start on the rest of the humans. Not stopping until the last person in Sunnydale was dead.

"You should know about the class Mr. Giles, you were the teacher!" Buffy shouted, "Let me refresh your memory with a little story. It's about three teenage children at a CA school. Willow, Xander and a young girl called Miss Buffy Summers, who's life got turned upside down and inside out when you, Watcher guys, decided she was the chosen girl.

"Since then she has risked her life nightly, lost all of her friends, got kicked out of school and moved to the back of beyond that just happened to turn out to be a Hellmouth!

"Fought to keep her second Watcher and her friends alive this time, after failing badly in LA. Her schooling has been ruined as she's out almost every night hunting vampires so she can't do her homework.

"She has died and come back to life, lost all form of a social life and become a member of the undead herself. Her Watcher is treating her like a complete stranger and her friends don't trust her any more. Have I missed out anything?" she yelled.

Giles looked shocked at her outburst. He opened his mouth, but shut it again. He didn't know what to say to her.

"What's the matter Mr. Giles? Didn't you think that the undead have feelings too? For God's sake, I did this for you .I become what I feared most so that I could protect you. Like this I would be strong enough to never fail you.

"I'd never have to worry when I'm going to make a stupid mistake and get my friends killed, again. You have no idea how hard it is to be me. To know that if my concentration slips for just one second, I could lose all of you! I couldn't live with that.

"I was better off fighting alone, just like I was after Merrick's death. No Watcher and no one to get hurt, its just a matter of time before I mess up and lose all of you. Just leave me alone." She was close to tears. Snatching the books back, she ran off.

"Now that is my slayer," he said proudly, "Maybe there is hope for her yet."

Then he thought about her visit. "What was so important in those books that she needed Angel to distract me? What would be in those books that she'd need?" he mused.

Then Giles realized, "That cure for vampires I saw earlier, but that is too risky. Surely she would not be stupid enough to try that... Would she?" he muttered.

He thought about it for a moment longer and than ran out of the library after her.

Buffy was feeling exhausted as she ran through the school corridors? She needed to feed, but she couldn't. She stopped to get her breath back.

Suddenly Buffy realized she was breathing. "But vampires don't breath, they are dead. Maybe I'm not a full vampire yet," she thought.

Hearing someone running down a corridor and her name being called.

"I'm over here."

She saw Giles turn a corner, catch sight of her and run over. Politely she waited for him to get his breath back.

"Been following me long?" she asked, "You are supposed to be super fit!"

"You can't use that cure. It's too risky. Angel says that if you don't feed you might revert. I have been looking for castings to help you, but that one is too dangerous. It would kill you," Giles gasped, still trying to get his breath back.

"Oh, its Buffy now, is it? You maybe talking to me, but I'm not talking to you Mr. Giles. I know nothing about a risky cure, so kindly leave me alone," she ordered, "And what makes you think that I want to revert!"

She took a few seconds to calm down and then sighed. "I give up, you won't stop following me will you?" Buffy asked.

Giles shook his head and started coughing badly.

She stared at him, "Are you feeling alright Giles?"

"Fine, thank you. Just a little out of breath. You are fitter as a vampire."

Buffy smiled sweetly. "That's a pity" she said and punched him in the face.

He collapsed unconscious.

Buffy looked down at him, sadly. This was only the second time she'd had to punch her Watcher out in all the time she'd known him and that had been quite a while.

(The first time had been to stop him taking her place when the Master was going to rise.)

"I'm sorry, Giles. You left me no choice. I can't have you following me all the time. You'd stop me from doing what I have to do. The vampires think you are dead now. It would be dangerous for both of us if they find out otherwise. I have to tell my Master I killed you tonight. I'm sorry!" Buffy said and ran outside leaving Giles in the corridor.

It was very near sunrise outside, the vampire part of her panicked. She had no idea what to do.

"I'm gonna die" she muttered to herself, "All this, everything I've been through and I'm going to die from sunlight!"