[trigger warning: mentions of suicide]

"Thomas?"

It was three days after the accident, and this was the first time Thomas was allowed visitors. Even though John had been released yesterday morning, I was the first one to see Thomas. But maybe it would have been better if John had come, too.

"Jem?" Thomas turned his face away from the window and faced me. He was pale, thin, and sad. He looked so, so sad. And he didn't even know-

"I'm right here," I said softly, stepping forward. He looked so scared. I sat in one of the hard plastic chairs by the hospital bed. "How are you?"

He shook his head and looked away, and I knew that he was trying not to cry. He never let anyone see him cry. Not when his dad died, not when his mom went crazy, not even when he found his sister hanging from the rafters in their garage. My heart broke looking at him.

"Where's John?" His voice was barely over a whisper, and despite the fact that he was asking for someone else, I couldn't help wanting to reach out and hug him.

"He's with Alex. At his apartment. Resting." When Thomas turned back to look at me, I swear my heart shattered. He looked so, so broken. And scared. Thomas was never scared, and that worried me more than anything.

Thomas had always been the strong one, ever since we were little. He'd had to be. His dad had died when he was five, and since then, his mother had sunk into a permanent drunken state, unable to care for her children. He was the man of his family. And ever since his sister Mary had committed suicide when he was fifteen, his other sister, Jane, hadn't been able to care for their younger siblings, and Thomas had been forced to take on the role of a parent. He never let anyone see him scared, because he never let himself be scared.

I alone knew how much he hurt inside. I alone knew what his home life was like, how he had struggled with school, how he had tried so hard to get into college and to care for his siblings and his mother, how he worried about them constantly. And I knew that he wouldn't want them knowing he was hurt. I also knew that this injury was something he couldn't hide forever.

"Thomas-"

"I know." His shoulders hunched, and I knew he wanted to curl up, but the cast over his left leg stopped him. "I can't ever walk again, can I?"

I didn't say anything. I didn't have to. I just grabbed his hand and held on as he let out all of the tears he had been holding in.

"Alex! Can you help me with the groceries?"

I groaned as Lafayette yelled at me from where he stood at the front door. Hercules and I had been staying with him since the accident, and now John was there too. It was easier on all of us, being able to be together and being able to keep an eye on John together.

Speaking of John... I glanced over at him. We had been sitting up here together watching Netflix when I had noticed John falling asleep on my shoulder. I'd tucked him into my bed, which is where he was now. If he didn't wake up soon, I would probably have to use his bed for the night. Oh well.

We shared a room here, too. John still needed help with his bandages and things, and Hercules was trying to steal Laf away from Peggy, or so it seemed. He had tried stealing Peggy's place in Lafayette's room, but Peg had just laughed and pushed him out. I didn't think Herc liked Peggy much, but he never said anything.

As I sat there thinking about the weird relationships between my new friends, I heard a cough from behind me and sighed.

"Sorry Laf. I got... distracted."

I heard him snort and turned around. "Distracted by ton amour?" He teased, and I rolled my eyes.

"He has a boyfriend," I muttered, but it sounded like a weak excuse, even to me.

Laf just rolled his eyes. "Mhm. Anyway, help?"

"Right, sorry." I stood up as Lafayette walked out, muttering to himself in French. As I walked away, I glanced back at John and hoped no one woke him up for a while. He looked more peaceful there than he had in days, and I didn't want to see that end.

"Alexander!"

I must have been staring longer than I thought.

"Coming!"