The Buttowski Wears Red Stilettos

The mall is considered the only place in the world that all females, old and young and tall and short have ever been in more than they have been in other buildings. Aunt Sally, the mother of Phyllis, Kyle and Avery is spending one day at the mall, far apart from her kids. They're driving her nuts with Phyllis' gossiping, Kyle's chatterbox and Avery's quiet and firm attitude. When Honey saw this on her own sister, she had advised her to spend some quality time at the mall shopping and getting herself a man for once in her life.

Speaking about getting a man, Aunt Sally was as always a single mother. Ever since her first husband (who fathered Phyllis, Kyle and Avery) died from cancer, Sally had been trying to get herself remarried in hopes of giving her children a father. But her second husband can't stand Kyle's chatterbox so he left her. Her third husband was able to stand Kyle's chatterbox but he can't stand Avery's cold behavior towards him as if she knew that he's hiding something and won't reveal it. Shortly, Sally filed a divorce after discovering that her third husband is cheating on her with another woman. Afterwards, she had three more husbands whom all cannot stand Kyle's chatterbox and Phyllis' nosiness, but had nothing to do with Avery as she is always away from home. After that, Sally is unable to get remarried.

"You need to spend one day away from your kids," Honey said to Sally. "That way, you can get yourself another man and your kids can finally have a father."

"But what if he can't stand my kids like my previous ones?" Sally asked nervously.

"Don't worry sis. I'm sure things will work out perfectly.

This was the advice that Honey had told her one Saturday morning. She was lucky that the mall is quite busy and crowded, but unfortunately for her, all the attractive men that she saw are already with other women. Sally had been spending almost half of her money on things she needed for the house and as she was about to leave, something caught her eyes.

At the display window of the shoe store, crimson flows through her eyes like fire. A dainty staircase in the form of a curved wave. What Sally had seen is the exclusive and beautiful red stilettos.

"Oh my god," Sally cried. "Those stilettos are beautiful. I must have it!"

Sally ran inside the store and picks up the red stilettos. She didn't notice that the clerk is approaching her.

"Can I help you m'am?" said the clerk.

"How much are this lovely pair of red stilettos?" Sally asked.

"They're very expensive m'am. They're eighty dollars."

"Eighty dollars? I'll take it."

"Are you sure m'am? It's very expensive and women can't seem to afford them nowadays."

"I'm not kidding. I'll take it, even if I don't have enough money with me,"

"Okay you asked for it."

()()()()()

Meanwhile, Avery and Kick are visiting Grandpa Archie while their parents are out. Grandpa Archie really wanted to show Kick and Avery Grandma Mona's stuff in the attic that Mona herself had left behind when forced to go into hiding. Avery and Kick could see a lot of 60s and 70s stuff in the attic. Most of them are hippie-related.

"Grandma's a hippie?" Avery asked Grandpa Archie as she puts on hippie clothes.

"She was a rebellious woman fighting for women rights," Grandpa Archie replied. "That's what all hippies do back in the old days."

"I didn't know hippies were so ... awesome," Kick said as he too tries on hippie clothes.

But before the excitement can go any further, Grandpa Archie and Kick spotted Avery trying the hookah used for smoking flavored tobacco.

"Don't do it!" Grandpa Archie warned Avery.

"It's not safe for your health!" Kick cried as well.

But it was too late as Avery already took a sip and then, her vision went crazy. She could see flowers and peace symbols flying across her and colorful scenery. Her world had become the dream a hippie herself had always dreamed.

"Avery," Kick spoke.

Avery turns around and instead of seeing her hardcore cousin; she could see Kick dressed in hippie clothes.

"Back off!" Avery hissed at Kick, still in a trance. "That hookah's mine!"

"We don't want to hurt you," Kick spoke softly.

"We just want the hookah," Grandpa Archie replied.

But this made Avery angry as she dashes out of the attic and out of the house. Kick and Grandpa Archie give chase after her.

"Wait!" Kick cried as he and Grandpa Archie chased Avery through town.

Avery manages to dash across the busy highway and actually made it to the other side. Grandpa Archie stayed put for fear that he'll get run over, but Kick, being determined, made a dash to the busy highway without looking both ways before crossing. Avery grins menacing at Kick but that is when all of a sudden, Grandpa Archie spots a truck heading towards Kick's direction.

"KICK!" Grandpa Archie cried. "LOOK OUT!"

Kick turns around to see the truck...

...but he is too late.

Grandpa Archie watched in horror as the truck hits Kick real hard which causes Kick to fell on the pavement, not breathing. Avery went back to reality for a moment to see Kick's body. A few seconds before reverting back to her 'world'.

"Kick?"

()()()()()

Sally is walking home in her new red stilettos that she didn't notice a group of guys following her as if they have interest in her.

"Looking good babe," said one of the men.

"Are you talking to me?" Sally asked while blushing madly.

"Who else? Listen, I'm Mr. Pinter, a photographer working at the Photo Shop and I'd like to hire you as a model for this year's calendar. What do you say?"

"I don't mind at all. I'll do it."

"Splendid."

Mr. Pinter gives Sally his business card.

"Call me. We'll talk."

()()()()()

"So is my grandson okay Nurse?" Grandpa Archie asked the nurse in the hospital.

"He's," the nurse spoke but lost her words. "He's…"

Grandpa Archie grew impatient.

"Well?"

"He's in the ICU," the nurse said sadly. "He suffered a lot of damage after being hit by a truck."

"Is he going to be okay? Will he be alive again?"

"We don't know sir. He's in a coma as of now."

This made Grandpa Archie lost his words this time. He couldn't believe that Kick, his hardcore grandson is in the ICU and is in a coma. Will Kick be alive? And what about Avery? Will she get over her addiction to the hookah that they've found in the attic?

()()()()()

As for Avery, she hides behind the fence and happily smokes from the hookah until all of a sudden; her best friend Annabelle caught her.

"Avery?" Annabelle asked once she saw the hookah. "What are you doing?"

"Sweet hookah," Avery replied.

"Oh no. You're addicted to that hippie hookah!"

"What? No I'm not!"

"Yes you are and you need help. And I know who."

And with that, Annabelle drags Avery (who is still holding the hookah) to where Avery needs help the most.

()()()()()

Sally had thought about the deal Mr. Pinter made earlier so she called a babysitter to babysit Kyle and Phyllis (and an addicted Avery) and went to Photo Shop. There she saw Mr. Pinter taking pictures of a styled gentleman. It's a good thing Sally is still wearing her red stilettos.

"Why hello my dear," Mr. Pinter said once he saw Sally and her red stilettos. "I see you came to your end of the deal."

Sally only nodded while blushing.

"Speechless eh? Here's your costumes and try them on in the dressing room eh? We'll start in a few minutes. No more and no less."

Sally again nods as Mr. Pinter gives her a bag full of costumes and sends her to the dressing room. In the dressing room, Sally was at first surprised to see that some of her costumes are those used for pin-ups but Sally had the courage to do so to try one on while still wearing her red stilettos. As she exits the dressing room, Mr. Pinter is the first to go gaga over Sally who is wearing a sexy, red dress which matches her red stilettos.

"WOWEE!" Mr. Pinter cried like a wolf. "You're more than just a model my dear."

"Oh just call me Sally," Sally said while blushing. "Everyone calls me that y'know."

"Well it's time for the shooting. Have your poses ready!"

Sally obeyed Mr. Pinter and for the rest of the day, Sally did a lot of sexy poses which caught Mr. Pinter's attention. Eventually, Sally's fun had just begun.

()()()()()

"I hate to do this Avery but it's for your own good," Annabelle said as she still drags Avery to a military school.

"Oh no," Avery hissed evilly. "Not…military school!"

"It's for your own good Avery. Trust me."

As Annabelle and Avery went inside, they are greeted by Colonel Payload (author's note: He's the same one who makes his only appearance in the Kick Buttowski episode "Kick the Habit")

"Well, well, well what do we have here?" Colonel Payload sneered at Avery and Annabelle. "Two girls in military school."

"Actually I'm not planning to go to military school sir," Annabelle corrected Colonel Payload.

"Oh really? What about little brunette here?"

"But she is sir."

"No." Avery hissed while still holding the hookah. "Avery does not like military school!"

"Well this school is for boys only," Colonel Payload replied to Annabelle. "But I can place a side bet on her."

"We're listening," Annabelle replied.

"Have you heard of the kid called Kick Buttowski?"

"Yeah I know him. He's my cousin's best friend."

"Well last year, his stunts went out of control and we had a little bet to see if he can go 24 hours without stunts or else go to reformed school. He won actually. But tell me this; is he still getting out of control since the bet?"

"Nope. Last time I saw him, he was meditating peacefully in the meadows."

"Since when did he meditate?"

"Since his Grandma came to town two weeks ago."

"I see. Now about the side bet I'm going to put on your friend here…"

"Yeah, the bet."

"Listen carefully. If your friend doesn't want to go to reformed school for girls which are a few roads away from here, she must go 24 hours without smoking from any kind and not use drugs. They're very bad for your health!"

"And if she fails…"

"Then, she'll have to go to reformed school for girls for one year."

"Ya hear that Avery?"

Avery only nods before going back to the hookah.

"We're gonna do 24 hours of no smoke or drugs…"

Annabelle grabs the hookah and gives it to Colonel Payload.

"…starting now."

()()()()()

As Sally walks home, she notices a group of guys looking at the calendars. Out of curiosity, Sally took a peak and was surprised that she was on the calendar, every single month of the year. One of the guys noticed her and whistles at her which caused her to blush madly.

"Hey cutie," said one of the guys. "How 'bout going out sometimes and we'll, y'know, talk?"

"Not so fast wolfie!" yelled another guy. "I saw her first and she's going with me!"

"Nun-uh! She's going with me!"

"No me!"

"ME!"

"In your dreams asshole."

"In your dreams chubby!"

As two guys continue on fighting, Sally casually walks home and minds her own business until she decided to stop at her sister's house. What's weird is that her hardcore nephew Kick isn't home.

"Why hi Sally," Honey said as she lets Sally in. "How's the mall?"

"It's really nice sis and I just brought myself a pair of red stilettos," Sally replied. "Like them?"

"Like them? I love them! How much does it really cost you?"

"About eighty bucks. By the way, where's Kick?"

"Didn't dad called you?"

"Nope. Why?"

"He just called and said that Kick's in the ICU."

"The ICU? You don't mean intensive-care unit?"

"Dad means it. He said Kick got hit by a truck while trying to cross the road."

"Well he should next time look both ways before crossing."

"I don't think that's the cause Sally. Your daughter Avery had found this … hippie hookah in Dad's attic and somehow got very high on it."

"Is my daughter taking drugs?"

"That's what Dad told me. When he and Kick tried to take the hookah away from Avery, she went insane and crossed the busy highway. Kick tried to catch her, butt…"

Honey is at the urge to cry as Sally sadly watches her sister cry.

"…He got run over, is in the ICU and is now in a coma."

Honey then started crying as Sally comforts her by hugging her.

"There, there sis," Sally comforted Honey. "I'm sure Kick will be alright."

"But what if he dies during the coma? I can't bear to lose him."

"Now don't say that sis. It'll make things worse."

()()()()()

8 hours out of 24 at Annabelle's house, Annabelle and an insane Avery are in the basement. Annabelle is trying new ways to get Avery back to normal and not use the hippie hookah … ever.

"If I remember what cousin Gunther did to Kick when he's high on stunts," Annabelle spoke to herself as Avery looks at her insanely. "The first thing to do is to get rid of all hippie drugs in the house."

"Hippie drugs?" Avery muttered.

"It's a good thing Ma never allows hippie drugs in the house. Otherwise, my little bro DJ would most likely to get high on it."

"Was he a hippie?"

"Yeah since he's half Norse and half Jamaican."

"Half Jamaican?"

"Ma's Jamaican and Pa's Norse."

"Sweet."

"Anyway, let's get back to work and get you out of those hippie drugs for a maximum of 24 hours alright?"

Avery only nods in agreement. But Annabelle can tell that Avery won't cooperate.

I don't think this'll work out well.

()()()()()

Meanwhile at January's mansion, the entire Test family (and Selena) are having dinner and I gotta say that this is a normal dinnertime. When the family are still citizens of Porkbelly, they have to eat Hugh's disgusting meatloaf. It was horrible. It makes you want to vomit on the carpet and drink five glasses of water.

But today, Lila had some important news as she was the English teacher of Mellowbrook Elementary.

"Principal Henry had just granted me a few weeks of vacation in Paris," Lila told her family.

"Well that's wonderful news dear," Hugh said proudly. "When do we start packing?"

Lila gives Hugh a confused look. There's always a catch.

"Um dear," Lila spoke. "He only wanted me to go to Paris alone to teach a group of French children schoolwork."

"Oh and what can we do while you're away?" Johnny spoke gleefully.

"Try not to burn down the mansion for once honey."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Suck the house into another dimension one time, and you just can't let it go, can you?"

"Well I guess I'm off." Lila said as she looks at her watch.

"You're leaving Aunt Lila?" January spoke.

"Yes dear. Make sure everyone else behaves will you dear."

"Eh, okay."

()()()()()

16 hours out of 24, Avery had calmed down but is still in her insane self. Annabelle does whatever she can to keep Avery away from hippie drugs and more specifically, the hippie hookah. All's going well until they saw the Delightful Children from Down the Lane holding a hippie hookah in front of Avery.

"Oh Numbuh 12," the Delightful Children spoke to Avery. "We've noticed that you have a side bet wth Colonel Payrol of the military school. We just wanted to give you this hippie hookah as a gift to you from us. Care to take a sip? You can't resist."

"Don't do it Avery," Annabelle warned Avery.

Avery steps closer to reach for the hookah but at the last second, she held back.

"Not this time," Avery spoke in a low voice. "You Delightful Dorks can just go back to where you came from and leave me to suffer without the hookah."

"How disappointing," the Delightful Children said as they walked away, leaving Avery and a surprised Annabelle alone.

()()()()()

Next day, Sally, wearing her finest to match with her red stilettos is walking around town as all the males and the jealous females watch her go by.

"I can't believe all the guys liked me," Sally said in a happy tone. "But can they stand my children's behaviour?"

As Sally continues on walking, she accidentally bumps into Hugh who is planning to do some shopping.

"Sorry if I ruined your clothes Sally," Hugh said as he helped Sally up.

"The fault's mine really," Sally replied. "I wasn't looking where I was going that's all."

"Nah it was mine actually. If it makes it up for you, I can invite you and your kids to dinner with my kids."

"Why that's sweet. When will I be there?"

"Around 5PM."

"Sounds wonderful. I'll be there."

As Sally and Hugh depart, their brains are telling them that they will soon fall in love with each other.

Man Sally's so beautiful, Hugh thought. But I can never mention this to my kids or my wife. Ever.

Hugh's a nice guy, but he already has kids and a wife, Sally thought as well. But it can't be fair for Lila if Hugh cheated on her just because I'm prettier than her.

()()()()()

23 hours out of 24, Avery is doing well without the hookah or other drugs. That is until the Delightful Children came back with an even better hippie hookah.

"Look what we have for you Numbuh 12," the Delightful Children said to Avery. "We've got you a better hippie hookah. Wanna try?"

"Nice try Delightful Dorks," Avery said while still calm. "I've been a living wreck in the past 23 hours. I've caused my cousin to get injured and I went out of control. All because of that stupid hookah."

"Hmph," the Delightful Children grumbled in disappointment. "Another attempt to get Numbuh 12 to reformed school backfired."

()()()()()

At the hospital, Grandpa Archie is waiting for signs of Kick's recovering, but to no avail. Unfortunately for him, visiting hours are over. As Grandpa Archie sadly leaves the room, there was a slight but weak groan coming from Kick.

"What the biscuits hit me?" Kick groaned.

"A truck hit you real hard yesterday and you were sent to the ICU," Grandpa Archie replied. "But visiting hours are over for me."

"It's okay. I won't be out for a while since I kinda suffered major damages."

"But it's a good thing you're a fast healer."

Grandpa Archie and Kick laughed at that last sentence.

"You're always a good joker Grandpa," Kick said. "So I guess that means that I'll have to wait till I get a discharge right?"

"Oh big time," Grandpa Archie replied.

()()()()()

At January's mansion, Johnny, Susan and Mary are trying to bail out of the mansion until Hugh stops them.

"Now where do you kids think you're going?" Hugh asked them. "We have dinner with Sally and her kids at 5 y'know."

"We're going out," Johnny said.

"To help out Mr. Vickle with his rose bushes," Susan and Mary replied.

"I see. Does Mr. Vickle knows about this?" Hugh questioned the kids.

"Well we need 40 hours of community services to graduate Dad and helping Mr. Vickle with his flowers is the only way we could think of," Mary replied.

"Well okay. But don't try to cause trouble."

Then Johnny, Susan and Mary left the mansion. At the same time, Sally alone arrived at the mansion.

"Where are your kids?" Hugh asked.

"Phyllis had to do a school report, Kyle's at the puppet show and Avery's at a friend's house," Sally replied. "Yours?"

"They're helping Mr. Vickle with his rose bushes. It may be fun if we cook dinner together."

"Sure. That sounds fun."

As Sally and Hugh went to the kitchen to cook dinner, Hugh accidentally spilled some of the water on Sally's shirt and on his shirt as well.

"Oh dear what a mess," Sally said as she tries to clean Hugh's shirt.

But all of a sudden, Hugh and Sally stop at their tracks as they exchange looks on each other. They find each other oddly attractive despite their appearances. And above all what had happened in the last few days, it was because of Sally's red stilettos.

My god he's attractive. Sally thought as she leans closer to Hugh.

By god she's sexy. Hugh thought also as he too leans closer to Sally.

They were about to kiss however, until Hugh saw a picture of him and Lila just behind Sally.

"This isn't right for us," Hugh said sadly.

"It isn't right for the both of us Hugh," Sally replied. "You have a wife and kids."

"I know and it wouldn't be fair for Lila if I cheated on her."

"We'l it's been nice knowing you Hugh."

"Yeah. Despite our dinner was rather short."

Then Sally left.

()()()()()

Three minutes before 24 hours is complete, Avery is once again comfronted by the Delightful Children.

"We have a bigger and better hippie hookah for you Numbuh 12," the Delightful Children said as they seized Avery. "This time, you cannot resist."

Avery tries to pull away, but the Delightful Children's grips are too strong. It looks like Avery will have to go to reformed school...

...but someone is quick enough to pull Avery away from the hookah. And no it's not Annabelle this time. This time, it's Kick.

"How utterly rude Clarence Buttowski," the Delightful Children sneered at Kick. "We thought you were in the hospital."

"I just got a discharge an hour ago," Kick replied. "And I'm not letting you sent my cousin to reformed school all because of that stupid hookah."

"How disappointing Clarence. But she still has a minute left."

"Actually, she doesn't."

"What do you mean?"

"Her 24 hours is up about three minutes ago."

"So techinally she won the bet thank you very much." Colonel Payroll spoke as he walks towards the group.

"Colonel Payroll?" Kick spoke in confusion.

"Glad to see you again Kick. As for those Delightful Kids..."

Colonel Payroll handcuffs the Delightful Children and had them go to his van.

"...they're coming with me for 2 years of disciplent. Hope they like crew cuts by the way."

As the van rode away, Kick and Avery exchanged looks.

"How does he know?"

()()()()()

"My it was such a nice and romantic dinner," Sally told Phyllis, Avery and Kyle back home.

"Who was your date Ma?" Kyle asked.

"The nice man, Hugh Test."

"Isn't he the husband of Lila and the father of Johnny, Susan and Mary?" Phyllis asked.

"Why yes dear he is."

"Did his wife know about this? She could get really mad." Avery warned.

"Oh she wasn't home Avery. She wasn't home."

()()()()()

Extra Scene:

All's quiet in the house of Sally Buttowski. But then, Avery's there as she secretly enters the attic room and closes it tight. In the attic, Avery pulls out a hippie hookah and took a few sips of it, but is careful to not get too insane.

"I love the hippies," Avery spoke as the music by the Beatles play.