CHAPTER TEN
Kathryn noted the back door was open and slowly crept towards it, not wanting to startle Seven, but afraid of intruding if she needed a moment to herself. Hesitantly, she peered out onto the porch. Her eyes scanned the area until she looked down at the steps leading to the beach, where Seven sat, gazing out at the waves. The bottle of Bordeaux Kathryn bought in Boston and had stored in the pantry sat next to her. Seven held a full glass.
Janeway swallowed before proceeding out onto the deck.
"That was supposed to be my wallowing wine," Kathryn admonished softly. "What the hell are you doing?"
Seven looked up at her, tears clearly painted down her cheeks, which she attempted to wipe away quickly.
"I am able to have one," she breathed.
"You lied?" Kathryn smirked, lowering herself onto the step.
"No," Seven sniffed back her remaining tears. "I simply did not communicate the entire truth."
"Same difference," Kathryn rolled her eyes, though she continued to speak softly. "Perhaps it's not such a great idea to…"
"Are you going to resume telling me what I should and should not do?" Seven looked at her sharply.
Janeway noted her eyes were already beginning to dilate.
"You're a grown woman," she shook her head. "You can deal with your emotions as you please."
Seven continued to glare, though the sparkle in her eye seemed to denote more than anger. She lifted the bottle and handed it to the Admiral.
For the first time in ages, Kathryn seriously considered refusing a drink. She stared at the bottle, searching for the willpower she knew she lacked, before grasping it from the blonde's hand and taking a swig.
"Not bad," she sighed.
Seven continued to watch the ocean, her breath lining up with the waves.
"I take it you read the letter?" Kathryn finally continued.
Seven's knees shook as she rested her elbows on them, rocking just barely, before taking another sip from her glass. She did not respond.
Kathryn took another deep breath and very slowly reached out, bringing her hand to the blonde's back, rubbing gently along the invisible line between her shoulders. She watched Seven close her eyes and continued to rub, trailing her hand to the blonde's arm, squeezing gently. She let go only as Seven reached into her pocket, removing the pad before handing it over to the Admiral. Kathryn looked down at it in her hands, then back up at the blonde.
"Are you sure you want me to…"
Seven nodded, and Kathryn clicked open the document.
Dearest Seven,
I am not sure where to begin. Next to my letter to Martin, this is without a doubt the most difficult one I have had to write. I suppose I could start by saying how much I appreciate your unflinching support of my decision to end my life, just as you have supported me through Jennifer's illness, through my fight for sovereignty over my program, to be recognized as sentient, to be taken seriously among our colleagues. None of it, however, comes close to what I really must tell you.
Before I met Jennifer- who I loved and adored for nearly twenty years, whose partnership I would not have traded for anything in the universe- you, Seven of Nine, were the love of my life. Your beauty, in every sense of the word, captured my imagination and ignited my spirit in a way that no other individual ever had. If you had not come into my life, I am not sure I would have garnered the same amount of hope and determination necessary to develop my program as far as I have, nor would I have been confident enough to pursue a relationship with another flesh and blood being, marrying her and having a family together.
What I mean to say is, serving as your doctor and the tutor for your social development was no less than an honor and a blessing, but you have changed and shaped the course of my life just as much. I know that you did not return my romantic overtures, and while it pained me at the time, I am thankful that instead we have shared an incredible friendship.
You are a marvel, Seven, not only for your brilliance, nor simply for your strength through the changes you were forced to endure, but because beneath that Borg exterior, there has always been a most noble and compassionate woman. Both Admiral Janeway and I saw it from the very beginning, and it was one of the greatest gifts of my life to get to know you as you unfolded before my very eyes.
My final wish for you is that you will continue to open yourself to the world around you, to your humanity, embracing the experiences and the people who make your heart sing.
Love forever,
Joe
Kathryn shook off the tears welling up, feeling her throat constrict, but knowing she needed to be strong for the woman sitting next to her. She reminded herself to breath, realizing she'd stopped as she read the Doctor's final wish to Seven, so undeniably similar to the one he had given to her.
Nevertheless, this letter was far more personal and revealing. She knew the Doctor loved Seven, recognized the look in his eyes whenever the ex-drone entered the room. Seven had clearly been aware as well, but not likely to the depth of those feelings or how they had morphed through the years.
She returned the pad to Seven, then resumed gliding her hand over the thin yellow fabric.
"Maybe we can still talk him out of it," Janeway whispered.
"No," Seven replied, tilting her glass against her lips and finishing off the contents.
"Alright," Kathryn spoke slowly.
Seven stood abruptly, wobbling a bit before finding her feet. Kathryn tensed, afraid she wouldn't be able to catch her should she fall.
"I am hungry," Seven revealed, the timbre of her voice slightly higher than usual.
Janeway stood, shaking her head and taking another ill-advised sip from the bottle as she followed the blonde into the house.
"What should I make?" Seven asked from the kitchen, holding open the door to the cooler.
"How about something simple?" Kathryn replied.
Seven leaned against the counter with both hands, smirking as she narrowed her eyes at the older woman.
"Are you questioning my ability to cook a sufficient meal?" she asked.
"Not at all," Janeway insisted. "I just thought…"
"Join me," Seven demanded before returning to the cooler.
After a series of negotiations rivaling those she had made with Cardassians, Kathryn got Seven to agree to sandwiches. The two sat on the couch as they ate.
"This dinner is inferior to the one you prepared for us last night," Seven lamented. "I wished to reciprocate."
"No worries," Kathryn assured her. "I've always loved PB&J."
"It is meant for children," Seven sneered as she took another bite.
"That's right," Kathryn continued. "Growing up in Indiana, I ate them all the time. I have fond memories of my mother sending us off to school with a lunchbox full of delicious treats, plebeian as they may be."
Seven wiped her mouth with her napkin before taking another sip from her second glass of wine.
"Do you return to Indiana frequently?"
"Not as often as I'd like," Kathryn admitted. "Though I plan to stay through the holidays this year, weather permitting."
Seven looked at Janeway pensively as she leaned back against the sofa.
"You promised you would take me there."
Janeway looked up at her quizzically.
"I did?"
"On Voyager," Seven reminded. "When we began receiving data from Starfleet, images of Earth. You said you would show me where you came from."
"So I did," Kathryn marveled. "My apologies for not remembering."
Seven shrugged.
"One of several promises forgotten."
"Seven…"
"'No worries,'" Seven mimicked. "Perhaps you will make up for it in time."
She handed the bottle back to Kathryn, who took it again slowly.
"I should stop," she sighed. "One of us needs keep their wits about them in case there's an emergency."
"We are several hundred miles from other humanoids," Seven insisted. "There is no imminent danger."
Janeway raised an eyebrow.
"Your logic seems to be impaired."
Seven glared as she put her glass down on the coffee table, pushing it away.
"Very well," Seven sighed. "Perhaps you were correct."
"Regarding?"
"My ability to refrain from saying things I may regret."
Kathryn swallowed.
"I don't think you've said anything incriminating," she told her, leaning back against the opposite arm of the couch. "Not yet, anyhow."
Seven breathed steadily as she held Kathryn's gaze. She stretched out her legs along the length of the couch, stopping just short of where Janeway sat. Janeway looked down at the blonde's toes, pale and painted blue to match the color of her eyes.
"Admiral…"
"Kathryn," Janeway whispered.
Seven paused, looking very unsure, before continuing.
"Kathryn," she proceeded awkwardly. "Why do you believe Admiral Janeway returned to save us?"
Kathryn figured the query was inevitable.
"That's a good question," she sighed. "One I don't believe I can ever fully answer, considering my future self was not exactly the same as my self in the present."
"I am certain you have enough information to form a significant hypothesis," Seven continued.
Kathryn felt like she was about to implode. The answer was right there, on the tip of her tongue, but she could not bring herself to come forth with it.
"I don't think this is the right..." she shook her head, beginning to stand.
Seven lunged forward, grabbing Kathryn's wrist, not firmly, but enough to stop her in her tracks.
"Seven," Kathryn groaned, her heart pounding in her ears.
"I have waited many years," the blonde insisted, breathing heavily.
Kathryn looked back at Seven, her face less than an arm's length away. She could smell the wine on her breath, her large eyes fixed upon Kathryn's own blue-gray orbs. They appeared to be in a stand-off once again, only this time, twenty years and thousands of miles weren't standing between them. Their guards were crumbling, and Kathryn knew if she didn't give her something now, it would cut even deeper than it had before.
She looked down at Seven's hand, still holding her wrist tightly, as if she were afraid Kathryn would run out the door and hop on the transporter back to San Francisco. She returned her gaze to the blonde's face and tried to convey with her eyes that she could trust her to stay.
Finally, Seven relinquished her grip and sat back a few inches, ready to pounce again if necessary.
"I believe…" Kathryn swallowed. "She wanted to bring her entire crew...everyone...home safely."
Seven's eyes began to soften.
Kathryn took a deep breath before continuing.
"She said that if I didn't do exactly as she instructed... the consequences would be dire...that I would be filled with immeasurable regret."
Seven's chest heaved as she exhaled sharply through her nose, her cheeks growing more red by the second.
"Proceed," she urged.
"She told me," Kathryn went on, her eyelids growing heavy, drunk on the exchange. "That if I did not act...you would not survive."
"Did she say how I would die?" Seven interjected.
Kathryn wasn't sure she should tell her, but given that the temporal Prime Directive was no longer at stake, figured there was no real harm, at least not to the timeline.
"She said you would be injured on an away mission," Kathryn paused, taking another deep breath. "That you would die...in the arms of your husband...Chakotay."
Seven appeared to stop breathing.
"Seven?" Kathryn asked.
"Would you have gone through with the plan had the Admiral not shared that information?"
She was determined, Kathryn could tell. It was almost as if she were manually extracting the information from her, bit by bit, attempting to piece together the puzzle that had no doubt sat with her for two decades.
Kathryn wanted to lie, but again found herself compelled towards honesty by Seven's incredibly beautiful, incredibly close eyes.
She shook her head no.
Seven nodded slowly. She took a few moments to process, configuring the options and weighing them before moving forward with the interrogation.
"Your former self traveled back in time to save us," the blonde spoke clearly, despite her inebriation. "To save me?"
Kathryn nodded yes.
"So that I could marry Chakotay?"
Kathryn suddenly felt a wave of nausea hit her, not from the alcohol, but from the same place it had come that night she approached the two lovers in the Mess Hall. She remained motionless, unable to confirm or deny anything.
"Why, then," Seven continued. "Were you so vehemently opposed to my relationship with him?"
Janeway shook her head once again.
"I told you," she tried, looking exhausted, defeated. "I thought you could do better."
Seven continued to breathe. Kathryn knew that if she pushed any further, the truth would come out.
"I wanted you…" she continued. "To be free."
Seven visibly sighed. Kathryn dared to look back into her eyes once again, fearing the blonde had become completely disgusted with her inability to express how she really felt. The risk was still too great.
"I'm sorry," Kathryn sighed, chastising herself for being a coward.
She watched as Seven sat back against the couch, her legs pulled up beneath her, still inches away.
"Don't be," Seven whispered, looking anywhere but at Kathryn, her eyes glued to an indeterminate spot on the floor.
"What?" Kathryn needed to ask.
"Do not apologize," Seven swallowed. "If you had not done as you describe, I would not be alive today. I should have thanked you long ago."
Kathryn released her legs, sitting back against the sofa, next to Seven, staring at the same spot in space, feeling lighter than she had in years.
"Why didn't you?"
Seven did not respond for what felt like minutes.
"I was...confused," she swallowed. "I did not understand why you would go to such great lengths to save me, given that you had distanced yourself from me for several months before the Admiral arrived."
Kathryn shook her head, overwhelmed by the misunderstanding.
"I thought it best to give you space," the older woman explained. "Allow you to develop your own friendships, the kind of companionship I, as Captain...was unable to provide. How could you think..."
Seven looked at the Admiral again, searching her face. Kathryn allowed the blonde to scrutinize her, undoubtedly perplexed by her ambiguity.
Moments later, Kathryn felt a weight fall softly against her side. She looked down at the blonde head resting on her shoulder, afraid she had passed out from the effects of the alcohol on her cortical implant.
"Seven?"
"I am dizzy," the blonde whispered.
Kathryn grabbed her shoulders and attempted to pull her up so she could look into her eyes.
"No," the blonde resisted. "I will be fine, please. Allow me to rest for a moment."
Kathryn could not deny her that. She reminded herself to breathe, the fear that Seven was ill trumping all other emotions surging through her brain and trickling down into her body.
"You need water."
"I will get it momentarily," Seven argued.
They continued to sit for what felt like forever. Kathryn monitored the rise and fall of Seven's breath, worrying all the while.
"You're falling asleep," she warned, her own eyes beginning to droop.
"I prefer to sleep alone," Seven told her firmly, but did not move. "Another sore point between myself and Chakotay."
Janeway could almost feel Seven smirk against her shoulder. She cursed herself.
"Really?" Kathryn bit her lip. "Doesn't sound like much fun."
"It is my preference," Seven insisted, shifting against Kathryn's body. "Though I assure you, we did have 'fun.'"
"Spare me the details," Kathryn swallowed, heart racing, breathing against the crown of Seven's head, several hairs grazing her lips. "Although... it's been so long... I might not mind."
Seven became very still. Kathryn was afraid she'd crossed the line.
"Perhaps if you show me Indiana..." Seven murmured.
She did not finish the sentence.
Kathryn looked down to confirm Seven had indeed fallen asleep. Careful not to wake the blonde, she slowly lowered herself onto the couch more fully, allowing them both to recline. She kept her eyes fixed on Seven for awhile, making sure she was alright, stunned and beyond nervous at the prospect of them waking up together in this position. But despite her racing mind, within a matter of minutes she was also sound asleep.