Death Can Be A Kindness

Summary: On Halloween Buffy wears the dress of someone who truly knows what Hell is.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Buffy looks through the Halloween costume store, searching for something like a noble woman's dress...something from Angel's time...back when he was alive. You know the 18th century or whenever he was born.

She can't see anything...oh hello. What's this?

Buffy must admit to not knowing anything much about fashions of the past but this gown looks great. She grabs it, takes it to the counter and pays the English sounding guy who runs the shop. She leaves with a smile on her face.

Ethan watches the Slayer leave with a smile on his face. His spell will turn her into a normal girl. That should bring a good deal of chaos.

Ethan notices a frayed piece of white fabric sitting on the counter. Must have fallen off the dress. He picks it and sees it is a name tag.

For some odd reason he can't help but think it sounds vaguely familiar.

I. Rasputin.

Ethan shrugs. He's sure it's nothing.

Later that night...

Buffy grabs her head as a wave of dizziness overwhelms her. She blinks and looks around and spots all the demons around her. It was almost like home yet it's not. She can sense it instantly...and something else. Chaos magic all around her, all around everywhere.

Well that explains how she's in a body not of her own. She had been able to tell instantly. More than that her...teacher, tormentor, bastard who took her and twisted her into a monster, worshipped Gods of Chaos so she is very familiar with the magic.

A few small demons approach her and she growls, her eyes flashing red. They instantly falter, some stop, some bow down in her presence. All seem to be able to sense she is something to obey or fear.

"Buffy!" a voice calls out.

Buffy turns her head as a boy dressed as a soldier and the ghost of a teenager red-haired girl come towards her.

"Um...you're not Buffy are you," the red-haired girl guesses.

"No...but you are...Willow, yes?" she queries.

Willow blinks, taken by surprise at the fact 'Buffy' knows her name and by the thick Russian accent she is speaking with. "H-How did you know that?"

"I can access my host's memories. It's a simple piece of magic. Now tell me what is going on?"

"I-I don't know. It's just everyone seems to have become their costumes. I dressed up as a ghost and now I'm a ghost. Xander dressed up as a soldier and now he's a soldier and you're..."

"Someone whose name you don't need to know," 'Buffy' dismisses the inquiry coldly.

"Uh...ok," Willow says off put by that. "Do you know what's going on?"

"It's a spell. From the signature it feels like Janus' work. He loves chaos...and whores."

"Look lady, let us stay focussed on the mission," the solider reprimands her, pointing at her.

"Take that finger out of my face before I rip it off, boy," 'Buffy' snarls, not angrily, but with dead seriousness as if she can and will do exactly what she says.

"Uh, lets not fight with each other. Fix this, first?" Willow suggests.

'Buffy' looks at Willow and smiles lightly. "You know you remind me of a friend of mine. Kitty is so going to laugh her ass off about this," she grumbles about that. "But you're right. Now everyone is their costume you said?"

Willow nods.

'Buffy' looks down at herself. "I wondered what had happened to this dress. It fell into a portal last time someone tried to usurp my throne."

"Throne?" Willow queries. Who did Buffy dress up as? It's obviously not some 18th century noblewoman...or at least not a normal one.

'Buffy' taps her chin. "Must have fallen into this world," she speculates as she searches her host's memories, all the time gaining knowledge and understanding of this world. "Costume shop. You all went to the same one, right?" she queries about the common thread she seems to have picked up.

Willow nods. "The new one in town. Ethan's..." She gasps as she realises what 'Buffy' is hinting at. "You think it's him?"

'Buffy' nods. "Seems a good place to start at least."

The soldier that was Xander Harris starts laying down one of those tedious military plans about moving from cover to cover, protecting each other...seriously he reminds 'Buffy' of Cyclops. She never listens to him either.

With a gesture of her hands 3 small circular portals appear beneath the 3 people and swallow them up. It then deposits them outside of Ethan's.

"What was that?" Willow asks.

"Stepping discs," 'Buffy' explains simply. "Luckily Limbo is a dimension that has to exist in every world as it is a focal point for all dimensions."

Willow's mouth moves but she's got nothing. Neither does 'Xander'.

"That and the dimensional barriers around this town are so weak a drunk 2 year old with a smidgen of power could break through them."

"Uh...I'm guessing that's the Hellmouth's doing," Willow says.

'Buffy' cocks her head. "Oh yes, this town sits on a gateway between the worlds," she accesses Buffy's memories once more. "You should really look into sealing that up. Trust me Hellmouth's always cause trouble" she advises.

"I'll, uh, speak to Giles about that."

"You do that."

'Buffy' turns her attention to the shop when someone calls out her name.

"Buffy!" a man with spiky black hair comes running

She turns her head and snorts in disgust. "When I break this spell tell you're friend to get better taste in men," she says to Willow.

"What?" Angel asks confused.

"Don't play the innocent with me vampire," she hisses hatefully.

"Uh, Buffy's not home at the minute," Willow explains before going on to tell Angel what is happening with the town and costumes.

"Then who are you?" Angel asks Buffy peering intently at her.

'Buffy' glares at him and Angel catches her eyes flash demonic red. "The question is who are you...Angelus."

Angel visibly flinches at hearing himself called that name. "H-How..." he stammers about how she knows who he is.

"I can see it, smell it, hear it, all those people who have killed and tortured. Their screams, their blood that stains you. It never leaves you and you will never redeem yourself. Don't fool yourself into thinking you can."

"But Angel's good!" Willow says in his defence. "Like a care bear with fangs."

Angel doesn't know whether to be insulted or touched about Willow's description of him.

"Don't be an idiot. He's still a vampire. A soul doesn't make him less a killer," 'Buffy' dismisses that defence out of hand. She looks at Angel. "Do you really think having a soul makes you who you were before you were turned? Does it make you human? Does it make you forget all those things you have done? Does it wipe away the stain of darkness inside you?"

Angel finds this person really disconcerting. It's like she is talking from personal experience. "No...but it helps me control it," he says in reply to her questions.

"For how long? I know one constant about vampires. In the end the thirst always wins. The darkness changes you. A snowflake can't survive in hell."

"What does that mean?" Willow asks as Xander looks out, being all soldier boy.

"Something my brother refuses to see," 'Buffy' murmurs softly. She then shakes her head as if refocussing herself.

"Well now isn't this interesting!" a new voice breaks into proceedings.

"Spike!" Angel spits out.

The blond Billy Idol wannabe smirks as a gang of kids now turned vampires encircle the small group.

"Ah the ensouled poof. Really you're hair is still awful."

Angel rolls his eyes. "Like yours wasn't...William," he says it with the Irish lilt he rarely uses any more.

Spike snarls. "It's Spike! Spike!" he insists, no longer wishing to be called his old name.

'Buffy' groans. "Can you two take this bromance somewhere else," she complains.

Spike smiles as he focuses in on her. "Right. Yes. I know all about what happened to you. Scared, pathetic, normal."

'Buffy' looks mildly amused actually. When Angel makes a move to defend her she raises a hand to stop him and holds it there in the air. "Uh huh. Before you try and feed off me you know the advantage this body has over my own?"

Spike blinks in confusion. "Nope."

'Buffy' strides toward him. A stride Angel recognises of a practised warrior. "This one has her soul almost completely intact. Therefore I can create a much more powerful one than my own body is capable of."

"More powerful what?"

'Buffy' grins one of true evil. "Soulsword."

And in her outstretched right hand a weapons begins to manifest. A sword glowing and pulsing with white pure energy. On her left arm armour appears to cover it. The white energy of the sword pulses brighter, flaring up, so much so it actually hurts for the vampires to be this close to it. Spike is so taken by surprise he barely raises his arms in time as the sword is swung at him. It does no good. It easily cuts through his arms and his neck, turning him to dust. 'Buffy' turns to the rest of the vampires present. "Anyone else?" she asks them.

They all bolt for it.

'Buffy' smirks as she pulls the sword back into herself. "Now then, now that distraction is over, lets break the spell shall we?"

'Buffy' walks up to the door and kicks it in to find Ethan in chaos mage robes. "You!" she points at him. "You will undo this or know my wrath," she tells him.

"Well that's kinda clichéd," Ethan says disappointed. "And why would I undo this? I am simply serving my Lord Janus."

'Buffy' rolls her eyes. "I don't have time for this or for stupid suck-ups trying to garner favour with that prick. Some advice, it works better if you're a whore. He really likes them."

Ethan prepares himself. He can feel magic coming off this girl. He must have misjudged that costume.

'Buffy' turns to her group. "Give me a minute to get it out of him," she requests and then she and Ethan vanish into two portals.

A minute later they reappear in the same fashion, only with Ethan on the ground, curled up in a ball, crying, weeping really.

'Buffy' marches through a curtain into the back of the shop.

A wave of mystical energy hits. Willow vanishes. Xander grabs his head and stumbles. Angel catches him...which he instantly regrets because he doesn't like Xander.

'Buffy' returns holding the statue of Janus.

"What did you do?" Angel asks.

"I restricted the spell so it only works on the one holding the statue," 'Buffy' explains. "I'm not done here yet."

"I meant with him," Angel points at Ethan.

"Oh him. I merely took him home and gave him the right...motivation to tell me what I wanted to know."

Angel shivers. There was something really wrong with this woman, whoever she is. The demon in him can practically feel the evil. In fact the demon in him is kinda turned on by her.

"Now maybe he'll learn not to mess with powers beyond him," 'Buffy' remarks.

At this point Giles and Jenny arrive. Giles ready to save the day. "Oh you're here already," he says stupidly.

"Ah yes the Watcher," 'Buffy' says. "I wanted to talk to you," she says with a hint of dark intent.

"She's still her costume," Angel explains.

"And so I shall remain until I smash this idol."

"Where's Willow?" Xander asks, his mind groggily aware of what has happened.

"I would assume back in her body, wherever it was when the spell was cast. Lets hope it was somewhere safe or you may have to look out the wooden stakes."

Xander goes stiff.

"Angel can you please find Willow," Giles requests, knowing the vampire's enhances senses would be the most expedient way. "I promise I'll get Buffy back."

Angel is torn but he knows Buffy would want him to find Willow so he reluctantly leaves.

"Thank god he's gone. You know you're making a terrible mistake allowing your charge to date him. That curse holding his soul in place is tenuous at best."

"What do you know of it?"

"More than you and I don't even know the terms of the spell cast."

"Some kind of gypsy curse," Giles says all he knows about it.

"Ah yes. Gypsies. They sure love their curses," 'Buffy' remarks as if this is a rather well-known and annoying fact.

"Who are you?" Giles asks.

"We'll get to that but first off Rupert...can I call you Rupert?"

Giles nods.

"Well Rupert let me ask you this? Who the hell do you Watchers think you are?!" 'Buffy' practically screams with fury.

Giles is taken aback. "I-I don't know what you mean?"

"I can see it. The Slayer essence inside this body and I know how it was done. It was vile. You took a scared little girl, chained her to the ground and forced a demon essence into her to fight your wars you were too cowardly to."

"Giles?" Xander asks.

"It was thousands of years ago!" he protests.

"Oh no that's a lie. You can't just taint someone with a little darkness and expect nothing to happen! You can't just touch the darkness. One touch, one taint and it consumes you. That's why Slayers always die young. It varies depending on the strength of the person but eventually the darkness takes over, consumes their soul. They let themselves die before they become no better than the monsters they fight. Not consciously. Sub-consciously...and you know this!" 'Buffy' accuses Giles. "It's not happening in the past. It's happening now and you let it!"

"I can't undo what was done," Giles says. "This world needs a Slayer!"

"No it needs to stop living in self-denial. Something the Watchers make sure keeps happening. What does it say about you that you send little girls to fight your wars for you?"

"I do what I can to help her," Giles argues.

"I know you think that...and from what I can see inside me you're probably better than most Watchers. They're all connected you know. I can see every Slayer back down the line, century after century," she says in a tone that conveys the true scope of what she is seeing.

"Who are you?" Giles asks again.

'Buffy' smiles...coldly. "I'll tell you in a moment but before you need to promise me something?"

"What?"

"When I leave kill Buffy."

"What?!" Jenny, Xander and Giles exclaim together.

"When I leave she'll remember me, she'll have my memories and you don't want that. Trust me."

"How can we when we don't know you," Jenny says.

"And yeah, we're not killing Buffy!" Xander insists.

'Buffy' looks at him. "You like comics right?"

Xander nods.

"Then you should know my name and why I said what I have. I am Illyana Nikolievna Rasputin."

"Shit," Xander swears.

"What?" Giles and Jenny asks.

"She's Magik."

"Who?"

"The X-Men...a New Mutant. When she was a child she was..."

"Abducted and taken to a Hell dimension called Limbo where I was raised by its ruler to be his apprentice," Illyana fills in.

"It was worse than that," Xander says.

"Oh much, much worse."

"Xander?" Giles inquires.

"Belasco...his name was Belasco...he planned to use her in a ceremony to summon a group of crazy dark Gods. He needed...he needed a pure soul."

"So he ripped mine out, piece by piece," Illyana relays what happened. "Do you have any idea what it feels like to have pieces of your soul ripped out Rupert?"

Giles shakes his head.

"Well Buffy does now. She will know what it is like to be raised in Hell dimension full of things you can't imagine in your worst nightmares. She will remember all the things...the terrible things I have seen and that I have done. She will know what it is like to walk around when 3 fifths of your soul are gone. Do you know what a demon is Rupert? It's a being with no soul. I'm missing over half of mine. I'm more demon than human."

"That's why you were so angry about the Slayers," Jenny realises. "It reminded you of what was done to you."

"I hate Belasco. I killed him but what I hate the most is that no-one can ever understand what it is he did to me. They look at me like it can be fixed. Like I can be made whole again, like I was before. My brother is the worst and I indulge them. I walk around pretending I'm a teenage girl just like them. It makes them comfortable. They will never see the truth because they don't understand the darkness. I can't be fixed. Nothing can wipe out what was done to me. I am a monster who pretends she's a girl...just like your precious Slayers. That's why I am an authority in saying you should kill her because like me she will never be able to be fixed after tonight."

"Not going to happen," Xander says.

Illyana sighs, disappointed but not at all surprised. "You are so foolish. I gave you my warning. The consequences of not heeding me are on your own heads. You think sparing someone is a kindness. You're wrong. You will learn that sometimes death is the real kindness."

And with those final words Illyana throws the statue to the ground, smashing it.

Some time later...

After Illyana smashed the statue Buffy fell down to her knees and sobbed. Everyone thought, her included at first, that it was because of what she retained about Illyana's memories but they were wrong. Even Buffy hadn't realised why she was really crying.

It also didn't take long to realise Illyana's legacy was going to be a long one.

For days afterwards Buffy had felt this mysterious pull to be somewhere...somewhere else and then one day the urge got so strong, Buffy wished it so much, it happened. Buffy went there.

Limbo.

Like Illyana said it exists in every world, some version of it.

The thing about Limbo is that time is kind of fluid here. When Illyana vanished with Ethan for a minute, she brought him here and while here she overthrew this version's ruler and paved the way for Buffy's takeover before subjecting Ethan to horrors that reduced him to a sobbing wreck.

And Buffy has the memories required, the knowledge left by Illyana of dark magic, to control and rule this place.

Illyana knew exactly what would happen and she prepared the ground for it. Everything that followed comes from what she did during that time she was in Limbo.

But Illyana's true legacy...oh no-one saw that coming because no-one listened to her. No-one ever listens to her...not really.

You can't just touch the darkness and not expect it to consume you. It had taken months but slowly, bit by bit, the darkness consumed Buffy until what was left of her now sits, brooding on the throne of Limbo, looking dispassionately at those who use to be her friends, on their knees in front of her.

Giles, Willow, Xander, Cordelia too because Buffy was feeling particularly vindictive about it.

"Buffy!" Willow pleads to her.

"Buffy," she scoffs at her own name. "Buffy Summers is gone. You should have listened to Illyana and killed me."

"We would never give up on you, Buff. We never will," Xander insists.

Buffy throws her head back and laughs. "You are fools!" she hisses. "You have no idea what Illyana did. She told you. She's a monster. When she broke the statue and left she took it from me."

"Took what?" Giles asks.

"The 3 fifths of my soul she was missing from hers. She took mine to fill in the gaps and left me exactly like her." And that was why Buffy cried. She was crying for the soul that was ripped from her body. Illyana was once again right. None of them could imagine what it feels like to have pieces of your soul ripped out.

"Way to be over dramatic," Cordelia mutters.

Buffy grins evilly. "Oh you'll learn Cordy. You'll learn exactly what I am now. You'll learn that Illyana was right."

"Where's Jenny?!" Giles demands to know, because when Buffy abducted them and brought them here Jenny had originally been with him but now she was nowhere to be seen.

"Oh the gypsy traitor," Buffy says with an odd smile. She hops up from her throne and moves towards her 'friends' who are held down by her demon minions. She bends down and whispers into Giles ear. "I'm teaching her."

"Teaching her what?"

"Exactly what her clan did to Angel."

"How?"

"Isn't it obvious," Buffy says with a dark gleam in her eyes.

"Y-you didn't?" Giles says in horror, revulsion.

"Oh I did," Buffy confirms. "Right now a demon is walking around Earth with Jenny Calender's face and once she has had her fun, tormenting and killing like any good vampire, I'll stuff her soul back in there, stand back and watch the show!" she declares with merriment.

Giles can't believe this is the same Buffy he knew.

"A-And Angel?" Willow asks, tears rolling down her face at seeing this twisted version of her best friend. She asks because no-one has seen him for days before Buffy came for them.

"Oh lover boy!" Buffy calls him. "Man did I give him his perfect moment of happiness," she says with a smug smile. "Then he stopped being fun," she pouts. "So I cut his head off," she says casually with a shrug.

"How did he stop being fun?" Cordy dares to asks.

"His curse. One moment of perfect happiness, should he ever experience it, no guilt or remorse for his crimes, then the curse is broken and he becomes Angelus again and he's no fun like that. He feels nothing. Watching Angel suffer for what Angelus did, now that was entertainment!" Buffy calls it, the enjoyment she felt at seeing Angel's torment.

"You're mad," Xander finally finds the way to verbalise it.

"If I am mad then is because it is what you all allowed me to become," she says in reply. She walks back to her throne and stands in front of it. "You want to see it?" she asks in a childish tone. "You want to see what I am now?"

Buffy closes her eyes and allows her body to shift into its true form. Ram-like horns grow from her head, her legs become hairy, cloven goat legs, a red spaded tail appears and swishes through the air. Her mouth opens as she gasps in pain as her body shifts and it shows lengthened canines like fangs and a long forked tongue. Her eyes snaps open to reveal a demonic blood red colour to them. "Happy?" she queries, her voice deep, raspy and menacing.

How did she come to this point Buffy can only guess. With most of her soul gone it would have been easier for the demonic Slayer essence to consume her. Perhaps it was Illyana's own darkness that got left behind. It doesn't matter. Like Illyana she understands now. "A snowflake can't survive in hell," she repeats the words Illyana spoke. Anything good about you is destroyed.

Buffy summons one last piece of Illyana's legacy and pulls what remains of her soul into a single weapon that manifests in her right hand. A glowing white representation of the fragments of her soul. The soulsword.

She sits down on her throne, the soulsword point on the ground and she rests her chin on her hands holding it. "Now then time for why I brought you here," she decides.

"Buffy," Giles makes one final attempt to reach her.

"Buffy is dead," she hisses. "I am the Ruler of Limbo. Sorceress Supreme of this Hell. I am the Darkchylde and from now on you shall address me as Mistress. You are no longer my teacher Giles. I am yours. Time for your first lesson," she says with a malicious tone. "My minions take them away and do with them as you please," she permits before adding the caveat, "but they are to remain alive. If you kill them you shall answer to me!"

"Yes Mistress," the demons reply obediently but the evil delight in their eyes at what they have been permitted to do is clear.

"But why?!" Willow pleads, openly crying.

"So you understand what Illyana meant that day she told you to kill me. You should have listened to her and in about...ooh, 10 minutes I should think you will understand what it means that death can be a kindness."

And with that her friends are dragged away, pleading with her to stop, but the Slayer formerly known as Buffy Summers simply leans back in her throne, a sick smile on her face as their pleas fall on deaf ears. When the first screams start she smiles even more. Oh yes, they will soon be begging for death but she will not grant it. After all that would be a kindness and kindness is something she no longer possesses.

With her friends 'busy' Buffy turns her attention to her last link to Earth. The next person she has to teach a lesson. A person who called her names and didn't trust in her. Insane was she? Delusional was she? Well she'll show this person the truth of the world. She opens a portal and looks into Sunnydale. She taps her chin as she searches through the town. "Now where are you my dear mother..."

The End.

Author's Note: Illyana really hasn't had many moral scruples about stealing souls from people, ask Pixie. I might be exaggerating it a little for the story but she's been plenty evil over the years. You could argue Buffy is strong enough to resist it but I wanted a dark ending so I just decided she couldn't. I know it's been awhile since I added anything to this collection but thanks to everyone who has previously written reviews. I much appreciate them.