Adam
In Etheria, when I held Adora in my arms after it was revealed to both of us that we were twins, there was a completeness we felt that both of us had dimly missed on some level without even realizing it. It was at that time I felt truly grateful for the gift of being He-Man and the fact that I was finally reunited with my twin sister whom I had missed all my life, by virtue of that very gift. Everything I had lost, all those years of deception trying to keep my two lives separate, the loss of love from my father-everything seemed worth the moment I realized I had a twin-a mirror image of me. I could not wait to get her home, back where she belonged.
Adora was sadly, but understandably, apprehensive about the kind of reception she would get . Nothing I said to her made her feel better.
The look on my mother's face when she saw Adora standing in front of her, and Father's happiness when he finally held both the women in his arms for the first time in over twenty years, is a memory I will cherish until the last moment of my life. All of my twin's doubts were resolved when she saw and heard the heart-felt unmistakable love that my parents had for her. Father's words to me, "Son, I want you to know that today you have made me the happiest man in all Eternia," gave me the approval that I had unconsciously sought for a life time.
Adora's subsequent abduction that day was a nightmare-I had never seen my mother cry openly . On that fateful day, she sat on the throne, crying from the loss of her child again, and as I watched her, I burned with fury and swore to myself that I would wipe off the face of Eternia, and wherever else I had to, anything that tried to keep my sister from her rightful place as the daughter of our house. It turned out, of course, that She-Ra was more than capable of taking care of herself, and we hadn't been exactly necessary. However, the memory of acute loss until we found her remained and for the first time, I understood, at some level, what my parents had been going through for the last two decades, every day of their lives.
We brought Adora back home, and spent the next few months with just her, getting to know her. I did not fully condone, though I could completely understand, her just view that she had to go back to Etheria to help the Rebellion set it free. I also determined, though I did not tell anyone just yet, that I would accompany her when she went back to give the rebels a hand.
We had such good times together, in spite of the fact that there was a war on and all four of us were so busy. When she wasn't fighting by my side, or independently as She-Ra, she spent every minute of her time with my mother-many times just sitting on a chair next to her or standing by the window while Mother went on with her work. Often, I would watch them both- how Mother's eyes would dart up to make sure Adora was still with her as if she was scared she would vanish before her eyes. Meal times were fun too, with all of us trying to make up for each moment we had lost together. At night, we all slept in Father and Mother's room, Adora and Mother on the bed, cuddled together tightly, and Father and me on mattresses on the floor. We would talk and laugh into the early hours of the morning, and we especially delighted in hearing Adora's hearty laugh ringing in the room. It was the sweetest music to hear before we fell asleep.
Mother seemed to enjoy doing the girly stuff for Adora-buying new dresses for her, seeing to the fits herself no matter how simple they were. (Except for the barest minimum people, the rest of the palace staff had joined the Army or the auxiliary forces, and grand dresses and gowns were the farthest things on anyone's mind.) I fought to hide a smile many times as my sister, the former Horde Force Captain, was made to stand like a mannequin for who knows how many dresses and then wear one that she did not find appreciably different from all the rest. I chuckled when she paraded ear-rings and stuff in front of Mother and me, knowing that bare politeness was the only thing keeping her from gnashing her teeth and throwing the stuff out of the window. This part of being a princess, she definitely did NOT like!
But gradually, we saw how the anxiety in her gentle blue eyes was replaced by a serenity that was heartwarming to see, how her movements and reactions became more natural and gentle. She always seemed on edge the first few months she was there with us, and her responses always seemed studied to what we wanted from her rather than natural, the way we wanted her to be. It took love, lots of it, and patience and forbearance, until the real Adora began to express herself, and was at peace with herself among us, just the way we wanted her to be.
He-Man and She-Ra's arrival did change the course of the war on Eternia. The general morale received a tremendous boost and the people were happy to see two champions instead of one. With both of us in the fray, things got tied up pretty fast. The city of Eternos, followed by the province of Agraria and Desera were the first to get liberated, Correlia and the Snow Kingdom came next. Finally it was the Evergreen Forest and last of all, the Sands of Time. The last took a lot out of us because of the rugged terrain and the terrible heat.
We really could not celebrate though. More than two million Eternians had been killed, and all over the planet, once-prosperous cities were now smoking skeletons of their former selves. Thousands had been orphaned. The coffers of all the provinces were almost depleted. Where once great swathes of lush crops flourished as far as the eyes could see, horizon to horizon, now there were barren lands, red with blood and scattered with dead bodies and broken pieces of artillery. The numbers of the widowed and wounded were not yet completely known. We would have a tough time rebuilding the planet.
I have never gained more respect for the Masters than in those terrible years. Relentlessly, forgoing every thought of food and rest and sleep and health, they pushed themselves beyond limits they never even knew existed, all for love of their homeland. I salute all of them. They saved their own freedom and the full credit for the victory goes to them.
As this story is primarily about Teela and me, I must admit that I did not make her a priority in my life after I returned to Eternia with Adora. Quite simply, there was too much to do, and integrating Adora with the rest of the family and making the people accept her was more important than all else. Add to those efforts the constant presence required of both of us on the battlefield, and we hardly had any private time for ourselves. I do regret that now-maybe, it would have been easier for us and avoided the separation she eventually chose to undergo from me, believing that I no longer cared.
The love I could not show her as Adam, I tried to show her as He-Man-a stupid thing to do, I admit, but I was so tired and fed up that I just used every occasion I could to show her I cared. Unfortunately, she began to kind of reciprocate –and I belatedly realized it was He-Man she was responding to, not Adam. And then I had to withdraw. There was no way He-Man could have any kind of a relationship with anyone, considering he did not exist in the first place. It took a few months before she was back to her usual friendly but dignified demeanor with He-Man, before he started showing a more than friendly interest in her.
On the day that the last Horde troopers were captured in the Sands of Time, we stood, all of us, watching them being transported to the jails. The wind blew over the desert and the sand brushed our cheeks. We had fought for nearly two weeks, relentlessly, trying to flush out the rats from their holes.
The Eternian sky was blood red, strangely symbolic of all the lives lost, and the sand dunes an enchanting mix of dark hues and blazing copper. As the silence fell, a few of the Masters sank to the ground, tired. I leaned against Battle Cat, waiting for the trembling in my arms to cease. Teela stood out further than any of us, her back to us, and her red hair halfway down her back and wildly blowing about her face.
She-Ra broke the silence in her soft voice, her heels squishing the sand under her feet as she walked up to me. "Brother, it is over. Eternia is finally free of the Horde."
I took her offered hand and pulled her to me for a hug. Then it hit.
A huge roar of victory resounded from the Royal Guard who had fought with us. The Masters just raised their heads and smiled at one another. Duncan pulled off his helmet and breastplate on the battlefield for the first time as far as I remember and hugged both She-Ra and me. We held him tightly, this man who was a second father to both of us and whose love we could never be thankful enough for. We watched him then congratulate each of the other Masters in turn, hugging each one with a never- before-seen emotion in his eyes. He went to each unit of the Royal Guard that had fought with us. For once, the men broke their ranks and clustered around him and cheered.
Lastly, he called the King. "Sire, the Horde on Eternia is now completely defeated .We are a free world, once more."
He walked over to his daughter, who was still watching the skyline in silence. Placing an arm on her shoulder, he turned her to face him, tears of relief running down his face as he looked at her. Then he hugged her with all his might, kissing the red head and holding her tight even as she sought to disengage herself from him. No matter what the occasion, Teela was never comfortable with public displays of affection between herself and her father, especially in front of the Guard she commanded. She finally stopped trying and just rested her head against his shoulder and stood with her arms around him, as he wept silently and held her tight.
I took a step forward, wanting to go to both of them and hold them too. But my sister stopped me with a gesture. I looked at her and she shook her head, gently. I followed her gaze as she watched Teela intently. Then I frowned. Knowing Teela as I did…something was not quite right, and I could sense my sister felt it too.
The other Masters had interlocked hands and begun to dance with some of the guard. Many of the villagers slowly came out of the cordoned areas we had instructed them to stay in when the battle began and joined in. They quickly set up a campfire and the celebrations continued. We really could not refuse their simple meal of hard bread and some gravy which was all they had to offer.
She-Ra stood with her back leaning against Swift Wind. She was still looking towards Duncan and Teela. Those two had their arms around each other and Duncan was saying something to her, in all earnestness. I started to walk towards them, raising my eyebrow as I passed my sister that she should join us too. She however, shook her head, and waved me on. I reached my two dearest friends and stood with them. Duncan gave me a smile and wiped his cheeks with the back of his hands and his daughter stood free of him. She looked at me and said nothing. I laughed, and extended my hand, indicating that she should join me in the dance. She smiled, shook her head lightly and moved on. I dropped my hand slowly, feeling as if I had been burned. What on Eternia was wrong?
Duncan did not seem to notice anything, however, and he said to me, "Lad, today is one of the happiest days in my life. Our country is free once more, and all you children are safe and together and happy. What more do we as parents want?"
I mumbled something appropriate as I kept watching his daughter walk straight to the circles of dancing Eternians. He followed my gaze, a fond smile on his lips. "I am proud of all three of you, Adam-you and Adora and Teela. All of you. You've done us proud."
Bile rose in my throat as I watched Teela walk up to the sky sled after speaking a few words to the villagers and other soldiers. She kick started it and rose into the sky, her red hair flowing behind her. Two of the Guard accompanied her.
I turned my eyes to my sister. She, too, watched Teela fly away. Then she slowly placed her head between her knees.
We reached home fairly late, and found signs of jubilation everywhere. People came out into the streets with their families and there was joy and relief on every face. Our convoy was stopped so often, when we reached the capital, we just decided to mingle with the guard and the people and walk home. Apparently, within an hour of Duncan's call, Father had broadcast to the nation that we were now free.
In the palace courtyard, people were arranging tables and benches around the entire perimeter of the same. Buntings and banners were being put up, flowers put in impromptu vases and arranged, and a huge campfire made ready in the centre. I saw guardsmen pull off their helmets and tune their band instruments, usually used only for their parades and march-pasts, and practice lively dance numbers in the corner. An appetizing aroma was wafting from the kitchen, which made my sister sniff deeply, with appreciation. I wondered vaguely what had happened to the rationing we all had been subjected to.
We walked into the throne room, which had been one of the first to be restored as soon as the news broke –and both our hearts warmed at the sight of our parents sitting on the thrones again. My father and mother stood up as we entered and a loud "Hail" resounded at the sight of He-Man and She-Ra. Father first went to Duncan and hugged him, then me, and then She-Ra .The gratitude and pride in his eyes was more than we could bear.
"There is a huge celebration tonight, albeit a simple one," Mother said, "and you both are welcome-in fact I insist you attend."
I bowed. "My sister and I are honored, Your Highness. But we request permission to leave early, for we too, have to go home."
"And where is that, young man?" the king asked. "I would like to meet the parents of two such wonderful children and honor them too."
She-Ra spoke in her gentle voice. "I am afraid that is impossible to disclose, Your Highness. With the number of enemies my brother and I have made, for security reasons, complete anonymity has been our best protection for them, as of now."
"I understand," Father said. "Please go to the royal suite and freshen yourselves for the celebrations today. You will need some rest after your work."
As we dispersed, Adora and I moved into the now-familiar suite with Duncan. He said to She-Ra. "Use Teela's room dear." I, of course, went into my own room.
Teela
That last battle was completely draining. I was too tired even to feel happy. Every muscle ached and screamed in my body and my head felt so fuzzy I couldn't see straight. My eyes kept blurring. But I must say it was a relief to be able to simply stand and stare at the sunset over the sand dunes, knowing that no attack was coming. Just that-stare endlessly at the play of color on the sand and the sky.
I heard the roars of celebration around me through a pounding head, and felt nausea creep up my throat. The wind caressing my face and neck made me feel better, but the smell of gravy made me want to throw up. I decided against my own wishes to visit the healer as soon as I got home. Something was wrong with me.
I saw Father cry for the first time over me in public-and though it embarrassed me no end, I knew it was the relief of seeing me alive and in one piece after a war none of us thought we would survive. After an appropriate interval, I excused myself and returned home to the palace.
Signs of victory and celebrations were on everywhere. I took a peek in the throne room-it was full of the top army brass, the king and queen and other allies who had gathered as soon as the news of the victory went out. What struck me was the sense of elation they all were feeling, and justifiably so. Both of Adam's parents had relaxed and happy faces, as did all the others. I withdrew slowly and made no attempt to join them. The pounding was getting worse and my body was starting to tremble. The last thing I wanted to do was fall flat on the floor and draw attention to myself.
I walked away from the throne room down the hallway keeping close to the walls, giving the necessary smile and grin, as needed, to people who enthusiastically greeted me. It took all my effort to reach the infirmary. The nausea was so bad by this time I hoped I wasn't going to be really sick. And strangely, I felt tears beginning to prick the back of my eyelids. What on Eternia was wrong with me?
I sat on one of the unoccupied benches near the door, watching the healers move deftly and efficiently among the wounded, their aprons spattered with blood. The pounding was so terrible now that I leaned back against the wall and screwed my eyes shut, hoping to shut out the light. Suddenly, all I wanted was a pitch-black room, a couple of ice-cold cloths over my forehead, and utter peace. And if possible, a soft mattress with a warm snuggly eiderdown to sleep under-but that would be after I first threw up every morsel of whatever was making me this sick. I never wanted to see solid food again. My heart longed to wake up back in my room at the military academy happy and secure –without having met Adam or He-Man or anyone else…..just my grandmother and me…
Helion's gentle voice and soft touch brought me back to my senses. I must have, incredibly fallen asleep in spite of all the pain. It was a standing joke between us whenever I went to the infirmary, for both of us knew how much I hated it. But I saw no teasing look in his eyes as he stood over me this evening, just a kindness and compassion that needed no words for expression.
"Can you walk?" His voice was so soft and kind, and I blame it for the first traitorous tear that subsequently fell on his hand straight away. "Or do you want me to take you in a wheel chair?"
I did the unthinkable-he was old enough to be my father and had seen Adam and me through every childhood sickness we had passed through. I put my arms around his waist and cried.
I could hear snatches of hushed conversation as he carried me in his arms to his own room which was still, thankfully, private. "Reactionary physical and mental fatigue." "She's been through a lot –still so young." "Better this than a full –fledged breakdown." And more vehemently, with bitterness I had never heard before, "Damn the Horde and Skeletor and all their allies to the depths of Blazes for all they are doing to our children." "Triage the patients as they come. Call me in any emergency. This one needs me for now."
In his room he took me to the sink in the corner and made me sit on a chair by it. I leaned my head against the cool marble basin, still crying. He closed the curtain and darkened the room. Mara, our nurse, was now there with a couple of towels on her arm, her eyes anxious as she watched me. She gently held my head over the sink as I began to retch and throw up-I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten, so there was only plenty of bilious fluid and water coming out. I was crying desperately by this time.
It eventually stopped, the retching, I mean, and vaguely, I felt better. I raised my swollen face to both of them and mumbled, "My head! Oh my head Helion-it's bursting!"
"Ah!"he said, still in that hushed voice which made me long for my grandparents and home and childhood….though why I ever thought of them at this point was something I would not understand…."Lie down here dear. We are out of beds in the ward, but I want you to remain here Teela . No going to your room until I say so." To Mara, he said, "Keep an eye on her often…I know you are busy, but still. Keep this room off limits to anyone else. I am going to sedate her-she needs a good deep sleep more than anything else." Turning back to me, he asked, "Do you want anything else, dear heart?"
I watched him peel off the adhesive on the sedative patch and move to fix it on my arm. Mara had put a cushion under my head and a warm thick rug over me and I was lying on what was his examination table in the old days when we had a life of our own. And the words came from the depth of my soul as the tears brimmed over again. "I want to go home."
The last words I heard from Mara, unmistakably sincere were, "You will, dear-if it's the last thing he does. Sleep well, Teela darling." Then I knew nothing.
My eyelids struggled against the weight over them, and it took some effort before I could open my eyes . When I finally did open them, I actually heard the roosters crowing in the palace yard. Chirps of birds came through, too, in the silence that seemed to be all around, hesitant, like a couple of naughty school children who were trying to push their luck with a strict teacher. I got accustomed to the dimness in the room, and moved my legs, stretching myself to the full. It was then that I realized that I was no longer in the infirmary but in my own room, that I was wearing a nightgown and not the uniform I had slept in, that my hair was loose and smelt sweet and fresh, and lastly, someone else was sleeping in the bed opposite mine-from the gentle snores, I knew it was Father.
I felt fully awake and refreshed by now. Gently, I pulled the covers off myself and walked barefoot to the window. Someone had closed the curtains to keep the room absolutely dark. I turned to see Father-he was asleep on his abdomen, buried under blankets with a pillow half covering his head. I did not think he would wake up just because I let some light into the room. Still…I slipped behind the curtains and stood with my arms on the window sill, drinking in the fresh air and delighting in the soft dawn light shining on my face, and the slowly-brightening horizon ahead. The palace lay in deep slumber and looking down I could see the remains of the bonfire-some of the ashes swirled up to my window. The tables and benches were all askew, now empty of the myriads of people who had filled them the last night. In a way, nothing had changed, and yet, how much had. It was hard to realize we had been through such an upheaval in our lives barely half a day after victory had been declared-my mind began getting fuzzy and I realized that the sedative had not fully worn off as yet. Replacing the curtains, I walked back to bed, with a thankful sigh when my head hit the pillow, for I was getting giddy and sleepy again.
It must have been much later that I awoke, fully awake this time. The door to the restroom was closed and I heard the sounds of water running-Father bathing before he went back to his day's routine. I idly stared at the nails of my hands, remembering incongruously that my grandmother liked me to paint them in any shade of red –the darker, the better-and I longingly thought of home.
"Teela, you're awake, sweetheart." Father had come out and was drying his hair. The stress lines on his face had faded completely, and there was a peace in his eyes I remembered seeing many years ago. He sat on my bed next to me and placed his hand on my forehead. Assured that I did not have a temperature, he took one of my hands in his and continued in a soft voice, "Are you better, dear?"
I yawned-a huge yawn- and smiled back at him. He stroked my hair and replaced a few stray strands that had wandered over my face, and looked at me expectantly.
"Better," I muttered. "How did I get here?"
"Helion informed me when I returned yesterday," he said, still looking at me intently. "Once you were stable, I was able to persuade him to let you sleep here with me in our room. I told him I would call him in a trice if anything happened to you . You were out like a light."
"I remember the headache….and the retching…."and, as embarrassment hit me, "oh by the Ancients, Daddy…I remember crying like a fool…."
"Hush…." my father said, now stroking my forehead, "you are in your early twenties, Teela. You have seen more death and bloodshed than most people do in a whole lifetime. Daughter, the kind of responsibility you carry, and have executed so impeccably does have its drawbacks you know- and this is one of them. I have seen all of you young things push yourself again and again in this battle, and while it was necessary and unavoidable, the pain you suffered was equally unavoidable."
I hesitated, and looked at him. Drat those blasted tears! They were on the flow again….. "What is it, dear?" he asked again, and the tenderness in his voice nearly broke my heart. "Tell me."
"I want to go home-to Grandma and Grandpa." I was crying into the pillow now, and he was trying to see my face. "I've had enough. I just want to go to my own people. I don't want the palace or the guard or Adam or He-Man. I just want HOME!"
"Teela," he said, the anxiety in his voice strong. He had never seen me near hysterical or in this crying jag. "Teela! Please-stop! Don't dear. Mara-" as the door opened and she looked in worriedly, "call Helion."
Helion was there in a trice. He held my shoulder tight and lifted me even as my sobs got wilder. Mara stood against the door, biting her lips.
He applied an ice-cold cloth suddenly over my face, and with a gasp, I stopped crying. Father held me tightly around my shoulders, worry etched on his face in every line.
"Sorry," I said, temporarily in my senses, "what is that all about?" Then I felt myself beginning to black out and cried, "Daddy-Helion-I can't see."
The last thing I remembered hearing were my father's broken words. "Helion, what is wrong with her?"
It was a week later that I sat with my father in his room-our old quarters where we stayed before the war began. He was watching me as I played around with a few spoons of porridge which were supposed to finish off my breakfast. The plate next to the porridge bowl still held an almost full slice of meat, and toasted slices of fresh baked bread. I did not even want to look at the fruits I was supposed to eat next.
They'd sedated me for forty-eight hours and kept me on IV fluids, I had been told. Then I had been sent back to our old sleeping quarters which were far more comfortable and private than the ones we had lived in during the war. I had met no one, except Helion, Mara and Daddy. All I remember of that one week was that I had been lying horizontal all the time. This was the first time I was actually sitting up-bathed, dressed in comfortable sweats and a tee-shirt and my hair in a single thick braid down my back.
Daddy raised his eyebrow severely as I pushed the bowl away.
"I still feel sick," I told him. "I can't eat it."
He looked as if he was going to argue, but then apparently thought the better of it. He rose with a sigh from the table, and lifted his helmet to wear it.
"I have to go," he said. "Mara will be along soon. Do you think I can leave you sweetheart? There is so much to do."
"That's alright, Daddy," I said, as he kissed me goodbye. I avoided his eye as I forced out the next words. "Sorry for being such a nut! I don't know what went wrong with me….Dad?" I glanced up at him but couldn't hold his gaze as I asked the next all-important question.
"Yes, dear?"
"Does everyone know? About my…madness, I mean?" I dreaded his answer.
"Don't talk nonsense, young lady," my father's voice was stern. "You just went through a period in which you could not handle the constant stress you have been under, for a short period of time. It could happen to anyone, and you would be surprised how many of the soldiers you know go in for counseling and psychotherapy in the course of their lives. What do you think you are-a machine?"
I kept quiet. He hadn't answered my question yet. He must have seen the misery on my face, because he continued in a gentler voice, "To answer your question-no, no one does. Helion was extremely understanding. I did not want any lies to be told but he insisted that you were too young to be that mature and would find it hard to handle any comments if all and sundry came to know of your…well, breakdown is the only word for it. So I agreed to at least a partial truth-that you had been physically fatigued to the maximum point possible (which was also the truth) and needed some rest . No one except Mara and Helion and me know."
I nodded, biting my lip-the problem went far deeper and I could not tell him. I needed to talk to someone.
"Daddy?" I called just as he reached the door, "I …uh…"
"What, dear?"
"Do you-would it be possible to see Grandma? I want her."
He paused, his hand on the door handle. "Oh-well, I see. Alright dear. I'll get her for you."
Queen Marlena
I stood by my husband as he broadcast the long-awaited and hard-fought-for news of Eternia's freedom. We heard the roars and shouts of victory as we made our way back to the throne room outwardly composed and calm, but inwardly dazed. It was, finally, all over.
I then realized the beautiful truth-we were all alive-our lives had been spared, to live and love and cherish one other, to spend many more years in happiness and peace. And while my heart went out to the millions who had died that their country be free, I felt immensely grateful that my children would come back home to me at the end of the day.
When we reached the throne room it was filled with the top army, navy and air force personnel, and whichever of the allies had managed to reach us. We heard the sounds of jubilation out in the courtyard and saw the preparations for a huge celebration going on. There would be very few who would sleep in Eternia tonight.
The day flew by so fast, and then my son and daughter came home as their alter-egos . Seeing them stand before me, alive and in the flesh was an exquisitely blissful feeling, so much so it actually hurt . After they took leave to go rest, Randor and I went back to our quarters.
There was so much to do, to restore Eternia to her former glory. This victory was just the beginning . From a correct census of just how many were left alive and how many died, the exact numbers of orphaned and widows, providing temporary shelters to displaced and homeless , basic nutritious food and clothing and other amenities, clearing up the rabble left in the war, rebuilding homes in each province , seeing to their rehabilitation , handling the captured prisoners and assuring they had swift justice meted out to them (the courts were going to be worked overtime)…..the list was endless .The first step, I thought wryly, was to clean up the vast land of Agraria that we could sow the next season's crops to ensure we would all eat good, filling meals next season!
Before we knew it, it was nightfall and we were standing on the balcony of the Royal Palace, smiling at the crowds milling below. Adora wore a simple violet colored frock, not a single frill or tuck in it, with the lightest and least visible tiara on her golden head. Adam stood beside her, tanned and regal, in a white crisp shirt and black trousers, looking so handsome that almost all the young women, and many of the older ones kept turning to see him. He'd refused to wear his crown. My heart almost burst with pride when I looked at them both.
As the national anthem was sung from the hearts of a million people all over the planet, I knew everyone alive was thinking of those no longer among them and the debt owed to the survivors of those heroes. Soon after a minute's silence honoring the deceased heroes, lively traditional tunes filled the air and one and all, nobility and commoners, Masters and palace staff, joined in the dancing that began around the huge bonfire roaring in the palace courtyard. My eyes widened at the amount of food the kitchen staff had produced that night-few dishes, but plentiful, that all would have a hearty meal that day. And ,from God knows where, the night sky was lit up with a thousand fireworks and night turned into day.
Randor and I went down and mingled freely with the crowds, always together. I saw Adam and Adora do so too, and smiled to myself as the usual nobility daughters fought for his attention. Adora looked stunned as the young lords requested her permission to dance with them and freely took her hand, conveniently taking her surprise for approval. My daughter still did not know what it was to be a princess.
Duncan joined us late, and though he did not dance with us, he stood looking over the crowds and I thought he did not seem as carefree as he sounded on the com-link when he had called to tell us the news of the victory, nor yet when we met him in the courtroom later before the celebrations started. Actually, he looked worried. But we had no time to speak, what with the innumerable people who wanted to bow and curtsey and shake our hands on that wonderful night when all barriers were down and happiness flowed deep and true.
Randor and I did not stay up for the entire celebrations. About midnight, we retired to our original quarters, miraculously refitted as original within the few hours we spent in the courtyard. A small sign that life was going to be normal again for us, and as fast as possible. The children stayed till the wee hours of the morning with the people and then they, too retired to bed.
We heard the music going on till we finally fell into a deep, blessed sleep after a long, long time.
Duncan was not at the breakfast table next morning, nor yet at lunch either. I wondered what happened to him. When we were leaving the table that night after dinner, he came hurriedly into the room, spoke a few words to the chef and filled a plate. He bade us good night and we left.
In my room I realized just what had been troubling me all along, and the only possible reason for Duncan's pre-occupation. Teela. We hadn't seen her since she left with the Masters for the last final battle against the Horde. I sat up in bed, realizing that I hadn't seen her during the victory celebrations either. And she wasn't around the whole day, today either.
In a trice, I was out of bed, dressing up, with my coronet on my head. Any other woman could have wrapped a dressing gown around her and walked the corridors of the palace, gone to his room and study and asked him blankly what was wrong. Such privileges were not, alas, for the Queen.
I went to my own study and told the page to summon Duncan. He came as soon as he was called.
When we were alone, he said,"I thought you had retired for the day, Marlena.'
I ignored his comment. "Where is Teela, Duncan? I haven't seen her last three days."
I was right-I saw it in the way his face stiffened. Duncan's way of dealing with stress was to become more pokerfaced and machine-like as possible-only people like us who had spent a lifetime with him could spot it.
I forgot my Queen airs and wanted to slug him on his head-was it possible that child was injured or sick and he did not tell us to 'spoil the joy of victory 'for us? It was the just the kind of thing he was capable of doing, all with the best intentions, of course.
"Is she hurt or sick?" I almost yelled, and then lowered my voice as he glanced apprehensively at the door. The Queen meeting her husband's best friend at night, without her spouse then yelling at him-I knew exactly what interpretation the gossips would put on that one….
He nodded, somewhat nervously. "I …"
I did not let him finish but lit right into him. "How dare you! How dare you not tell us! Just who do you think you are? Do you think none of us love her, that she means nothing to us-that only you need to share her troubles and we are around only when everything is going good?"
"Marlena," he said wearily, "stop yelling and listen to me. She is sick. -Helion told me it is 'reactionary physical and mental fatigue,' which I suspect is another polite phrase for a breakdown. I was strictly told not to tell anyone unless absolutely necessary. Firstly, to spare any spiraling downwards of the morale of the Guard especially on this happy occasion, and secondly, so that Teela herself would have less to contend with after she improves. You of all people know how people talk, Marlena. I don't have to tell you."
I felt tears of rage and sorrow and –yes-guilt-prick behind my eyes as I glared at him…..men were such absolute dumb heads sometimes-as for Helion, he and I were going to have a very long talk in the morning which was going to be unpleasantly memorable-for him.
"Where is she? I want to see her," I said, getting up.
"In my room," he said, "and you are not going to see her.'
I looked at him, speechless…..of all the nerve….
"Helion, Mara and I are the ONLY ones who are going to see her until she is better! Please, Marlena-don't make a fuss. And don't tell anyone except Randor, if you absolutely have to. You know Teela-it's going to be terrible for her to accept that she was not strong enough to withstand a breakdown –though Ancients know it was long overdue after all this stress. I am going to have a horrible time convincing her that there is nothing wrong in being unable to bear stress and responsibility, especially of this magnitude and that it is not due to some defect in her that she could not do it-" Then he muttered, more to himself than me, "though why that child feels anything short of perfection in herself is a sin, I don't know." (I wanted to tell him, nicely, "Look in the mirror Duncan and you'll know exactly whom she looks up to," but I refrained.)-"Marlena, I'll need you more then. Helion sedated her quite heavily. We-we were not able to control her…"
I felt a chill around my heart…Teela…young, broken-sedated….hurt and in pain-AND I was not able to see her due to two dunderheads who thought they knew everything….
I stood up and told Duncan, "I want to see her-now."
He looked at me and tried another old well worn track. "Think what the gossips will say when they see you going into my room at this time of the night…."
I looked at him with murder in my eyes. He sighed. Anymore stupid excuses and I would kill him…and I think he figured that out.
"All right but with Mara as chaperone," he agreed reluctantly. "And I will be with Helion well outside the room in full view of whichever dirty mind chooses to roam the halls at this time of the night."
We walked the halls to his quarters. Helion raised his eyebrows but I gave him a look which shut him up.
Both men stood outside while Mara and I gently closed the door and I approached the bed. Mara stood by the door, respectfully. At least she had enough sense to know I would never ever hurt Teela in any way.
The room was dark, only a small night lamp on, and even its rays were directed away from the pale face on the bed.
I quietly sat on the chair next to the bed, a sudden lump rising in my throat.
This was the child who had tried to fill Adora's place in Adam's life, who had been the daughter in her own way, at least to both of us, when we lost ours. I had sincerely hoped that she would yet become so, as Adam's wife someday….and it had looked like that had a good chance to happen. If only the blasted Horde had not attacked when it did…..
Seeing her pale and unconscious face was more than I could bear…yes, I was the queen and all that….but our own family had also borne the brunt of the war like so many others….this…..
Fighting hard the urge to cry, I beckoned Mara closer. "How is she? Tell me the truth."
Mara shook her head. "Bad, Your Highness-it s going to take a while…."
I gently kissed the face on the pillow and stood up, unable to bear anymore.
I was my usual composed self when I walked up to Helion in the hallway. "I understand the need for secrecy, but I want reports on that child every day, is that clear?" Both nodded.
I went back to my room and woke my sleeping husband. I told him the about Teela-and then he held me close as I wept.