Oh, Artemis's hair gets cut, how fun! By the way, this story jumps all over the place in terms of timing, so if I say any character is a different age than in reality, assume that you're just reading in a different time period.
Disclaimer- Eoin Colfer owns Artemis Fowl. I am not Eoin Colfer. Therefore, I do not own Artemis Fowl.
IF YOU GIVE A GENIUS A HAIRCUT
Artemis felt that it was around time to get a haircut, for no matter how his mother protested, he absolutely hated his now long, unruly locks. Unfortunately, he knew not where to get it, or what kind of cut to get. He eventually decided upon a salon Juliet recommended, a hip and trendy place called "Coiffer des Personnes Folles". Of course, he had not truly trusted all of Juliet's recommendations since the disastrous do rag incident of '01. Artemis went to see the place for himself, just in case Juliet's talk of the place was false. It was a nice place; he could see teens like himself going in to get haircuts and beautiful beauticians making people's hair look much better than it naturally did. Artemis decided that he would in fact get his hair cut at the establishment. And, he decided, that he might even try out a new hairstyle. Something cool, wild, and exotic, three things that he was not but wouldn't mind being. Calling them from a phone booth across the street, he scheduled the appointment.
It was a Tuesday afternoon when Artemis marched into the barber's shop. "Reservations for Fowl." He said, in his most suave and sophisticated voice. The girl behind the counter smiled at him, revealing perfectly shaped, bright white teeth. It contrasted with her bright yellow and green hair. Her silver nose piercing glinted in the fluorescent lights of the shop, and the sun streaming in through the large bay window out front made it clear that she had absolutely no pores in her skin whatsoever.
She was not the only good-looking person, however. As she lead him back to a small sitting area, he saw at least a dozen other would-be supermodels. There was a fair haired girl snipping at the locks of an Abercrombie sporting, ginger-haired male, whose muscle shown through his stylish polo. Brunettes frenzied about the shop, carrying conditioners and towels from place to place. Washwomen with eccentric styles and colours on the top of their heads' splashed water onto eager, gorgeous customers. The whole place was bustling with super-human beauty.
The receptionist told him to go and sit at a sink; he was early, but they could squeeze him in a good washing before a stylist went to work on him. He bent his head back and waited for perhaps thirty seconds before all of a sudden warm water showered over his head and hair. He immediately shut his eyes, though the water was nowhere near his ranger of sight. He felt a towel being placed over his forehead and shampoo being rubbed into his scalp. Then, the person washing him began to talk.
"Gee, your hair smells terrific! What do you use?" The voice was masculine, with a slight mocking sound about it.
"Shut up!" Came a more feminine voice, and the first began laughing. Artemis could smell the light, floral scent of the shampoo, and it did wonders to calm his nerves.
"Sorry Crystal, you know I couldn't just stand here and not openly make fun of you. It would be a break in contract.
The feminine voice start laughing as Artemis felt someone rinsing the shampoo and applying conditioner. He took a deep breath; maybe this wouldn't be so hard after all. The boy had been anxious about fitting in at the salon, but he had never considered that they would simply treat him like everyone else. He liked that, for it made him much calmer.
When the towel was removed from his visage and he sat up, he could only gape open mouthed at the man who had done his hair. He had dyed platinum locks down to his shoulders, but on his face there was a large amount of dark brown scruff.
"You're to go to Audrey next." The man simply said, pointing to an empty barbers chair. Artemis rose, trying to shake off his surprised expression at the man's ridiculous appearance.
"Oh, don't pay any attention to him. Scott dyed his hair and now that he's growing his play off beard he's too lazy to dye it back." Came the voice of the hairdresser walking over to him. Artemis estimated that she was slightly shorter than him, and had long black hair, dye pink and blue in certain places. Her square, black glasses made her look extremely intelligent, and Artemis felt at ease. "So," She said, "What kind of style do you want?"
"I'm not sure; you can decide what would look… cool on me." Kids still said cool, didn't they? It must not have been taboo, for Audrey smiled and went to work. Artemis leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes, anxious and excited to be looking cool for the one of the first times in his life.
About twenty minutes later, Artemis awoke with a jolt. He had fallen asleep in the barber's chair. "You woke up just in time!" Said Audrey, excitedly. "Check out your new look!"
Artemis was now sporting a bright purple faux-hawk, gelled into place with what felt like the world's supply of lard. Audrey was smiling brightly at him, watching his expression, which was a state of shock. Taking a deep breath, he calmly told her that he loved it, paid, left the salon, and promised himself to never again fall asleep while getting a haircut.
For those of you bilingual buccaneers, I'm sure you enjoyed the salon's title. Yes, Artemis probably would have gotten it, and he probably would not have fallen asleep in a barber's chair, but oh well, at least you now have a mental picture of Artemis Fowl with a faux-hawk!