Previously on Dance Academy: Last Chapter: Seeing Tara in pain brought back a lot of heartache, but Christian faced his demons and went back to see her. How long will he be able to distract her from the fact that he wants to say no to what she wanted so much that has been snatched right from under her feet?

Tight Rope

Tara isn't speaking either. It's like we have become mute. Or like strangers that so happen to be in the same room but have nothing to say to each other. The problem is that there is plenty to say, and none of it is safe.

Tara sighs and is about to speak. She looks determined, so much braver than me. No surprise there. She's always been braver. I'm a chicken.

'How about Miss Raine, did she come? Or Zach?' I blurt out.

Tara squint her eyes as if she sees right through my defences. She reaches out her side for a sippy cup, a funny thing with a straw that flicks out. She slurps on it for a second then puts it back down. 'I should be able to drink properly by now,' she lifts the arm that is furthest away from me along with the long tube attached to her forearm, 'but for some reason I'm still super queasy so I'm still on IV. Helps with the meds too I guess. That,' she indicates the pink cup with her chin, 'is because my mouth gets too dry with the air con.'

She gives me a defiant look, as if she is saying: ''if delaying tactics is what we're going for, two can play that game''. Maybe Tara is growing a lot faster than me. The Tara of old would have jumped at my throat by now.

'It's cute but I would have picked butterflies, not flowers,' I say with a gentle mocking tone that convinces no one.

'Rebecca came.'

My jaw drops. I can feel it dangling and I can't quite shut it back. There goes my attempt at aloofness.

'Hmm hmm.'

Tara just stares at me, so I scramble. 'That was kind.'

She shakes her head. Her eyes are closed, like I am so not worth her time that she is going to go back to sleep.

'Was that weird?'

'What, for her to come here? Of course not. Blimey, I fell during what was my audition for the Company, I worked with her for months, one would hope she would come and see me!' Tara is getting all hot and red, but I just can't track back now, my stomach is all twisted in knots. Maybe she already knows my decision, maybe she's just playing a cruel little game with me. 'What did she say?' I ask through tensed up jaws.

'Well, she didn't well give me a place, if that's what you're asking. And neither did she talk about anyone else's, for that matter.' She throws me a pointed glare that makes me gulp. 'Actually, she didn't say much at all, I was barely conscious.'

'Barely conscious! Why?'

'It's nothing.' She waves her hand as if to brush to whole subject away.

'Ah no, Tara, not again, don't shut me out.'

'You dare say that!' Tara takes in a sharp breath, then some fast shallow ones. Her back must be hurting her like mad and this tension isn't helping.

'Do you want me to call the nurse?'

'I want you to cut to the chase and tell me.'

I lean back in my chair, buying myself some time. A huge part of me just wants to joke, the other part wants to get out, and a minuscule little dredge pleads with the rest to just be strong and bite the bullet. It's like when Zach was challenging me to walk the tight rope and I was finding it so tough. I could give up, I could find excuses, or I could just get on with it.

'The interview went okay, I hated it, of course, but you've prepared me well.'

A bit of kindness emerges through the way she looks at me, but there is still so much weariness. Those steps I've got the take, I'm gonna have to take them very slow.

'And?'

'And she did offer me a place.'

The smile spreads on her face, but I can tell by the twitch in her cheeks that she is trying to hold it back. 'That's hardly surprising.'

'You were surprised Ben didn't get in.' Here I am again, one step back, procrastinating around the inevitable.

Tara nodded. 'Yes, but if she took Abi and Ollie in, I can see how you would fit too.'

And that rubs me the wrong way, I'm not even sure why. They are amazing dancers, but the comparison still grates me. Maybe Rebecca was simply going for ethnic quota to equal out the pale faces, maybe that was all there was to it. And I'm losing my balance.

She stretches for my hand. She is the one in the hospital bed, the one I should be comforting and she is the one reaching out to get me out of my funk. What is wrong with me?

'You have that depth, that intensity, Ben's not quite there yet, although I think he's growing.'

My teeth grate against each other and look for an innocent bystander to aim my unwarranted anger at. I hadn't noticed the cards now littering the short cupboard. They won't do: too much pink, too much fluff. I settle for the monitor behind Tara's face, the green line of her heart beat, the consistency of her oxygen levels. It becomes my spot, my focus, my life line. The constant beeping soothe me somehow, forcing my own heart and breathing to follow its patterns, two beats in, two beats out, till I calm down.

Tara waits for me to look at her again to speak. 'What are you going to do?' she asks with great caution.

I wobble. It's my choice again: I can step back, I can jump off, or I can stay there wobbling till I'm stable enough to carry on forward: blunt truth, lie, or something in between. 'I'm not completely decided yet.'

Tara shakes her head. The beep accelerates, so does my heart rate. I could do with a sippy cup too right now, my mouth's parched. Maybe I should lick my palms; it's like a swimming pool in there. I quickly wipe them on my jeans and take her hand back in mine. 'Tara, can you really see me, me, stuck in the corps?'

She gives me the darkest death stare she can muster. 'And what about our dream?'

I try to smooth my brow, but my eyebrows are not obeying, they are staying stuck up there in defiance. In the end, the Company was never my dream, it was everyone else's, never mine. 'How was it, for you, when you were there?'

Her eyes blink so quickly, for a moment I think her eyes are dry too, and hurting, but then she just stares at the ceiling and sighs. 'I hated it.'

'That's what I thought.'

And then she is crying, fat tears rolling down her cheeks, her chest heaving as if in spasms. And it looks like agony, probably is. No more tottering, I run across to press the buzzer at the side of her bed, then I caress her forehead, pushing her hair gently aside. 'Shhh, Shhh, ' I say, just like my mother had when Drew or I were sick and unable to sleep. 'Shhh, shhh.'

A nurse rushes in. 'Tara, are you alright?'

'Pain, my back, pain,' she sobs.

'It's time for your meds anyway,' the nurse reassures, pushing the dial on one of the IV bags.

Tara's eyes flutter, then rest, sending the last tears rolling down to her neck.

'She is going to sleep now,' the nurse tells me, and there's suspicion in her eyes. She's right to be suspicious; I've hurt her, again. Guilty as charged.

'I'll get her mother.'

I grab my stuff but, before I escape, I leave a kiss on her forehead.

I find Jan in the nearby waiting area. She gets up the moment I'm near. Her smile disappears into a frown; my expression must be that bleak.

'They've given her more medicine.'

She nods, just like Tara does, with her lips slightly pinched. 'She's fallen asleep then?'

'Yes.' She looks so exhausted. 'Is there anything I can do?'

'Actually, yes there is. She's going to be sleeping for a few hours now, and she's given me a list of things to pick up from her room. I've got the key but I would still prefer going in with someone from there, if that's okay? And I could do with some company.'

My turn to nod. 'Sure thing.'

But my mind is whirring like crazy. Her mum might be just picking things up but soon it would be packing, right? Eventually, Tara's going to have to go home, in the outback, out of my reach, out of my care. In a few days, that's what she said. My heart pumps in my chest just as if there's imminent danger in the vicinity. My heart's right to prepare itself, whenever that move will be, it will be too soon.

My life's been a nasty horror ride trying to knock me sideways for these last forty-eight hours, but it looks like the worst drop is lurking just round the corner, and there won't be any safety net.