As you probably all already guessed, it's Elliot's turn now. It won't be as angsty as the rest, I'm afraid, and she's not so scared of entering his room either. According to my calculations, she's been in there loads of times and loves visiting her boyfriend. So just expect a few tears and strong words instead... enjoy! xxxNTxxx

Chapter 10 – Dr Elliot Reid

There was nothing unusual or scary about walking straight into that ICU room, closing the blinds around the glass windows and taking a seat beside the bed. Elliot had done this one thousand times before, but she had never actually spoken about anything specific as she had come to do today. She had done her best to look nice as she always did, brushing her bangs back into a ponytail to hide the mess and smearing some eyeliner across her lids in a bid to look beautiful for her broken man. She knew he couldn't see her, but it made her feel better about herself.

Lately, she hadn't even been trying to make herself feel better. Today was the day that she would admit her problems and worries to JD and hope that talking to someone would relieve the tension in her body. She felt so tight and wound up all day long, and coming back into this place where Cox had told her she couldn't work from now on was just too much. She had been banned from working, stuck on sick-pay until she could stop herself from cracking up. It wasn't her fault that every patient reminded her of him. Every time she stepped on the cancer ward, it wasn't her fault that she collapsed into tears and ran away to the closet room, only to be found by the Janitor.

He was watching over her now from the corridor, and she knew it. He was pretending to drill at a counter but she could feel him glance at her every so often. He was trying to take care of her.

Elliot didn't need his frickin' help. She'd done this before! She could handle seeing JD. She'd done this... she'd done this before. Just not like this.

"Hey, JD," She started, cheerily as she could, fluffing his pillows. "I got some stuff I really need to tell you about because I think you should know this kinda stuff and no one else knows, I need to get it all off my chest! I just can't tell Carla because she'll tell Turk and then everyone will know and they'll think I can't be trusted to live by myself – which I can! Honest."

She stopped, taking a deep breath and trying to talk slower the second time round. "I've not been doing very well at home, JD. Okay, basically this is how my day is. I get up every morning from the sofa because I can't bear to be in that empty bed alone. I don't eat anything because I already feel sick to the pit of my stomach, and food would make it worse, right? I watch TV but I'm not really paying attention, I'm thinking of you. I still don't eat by lunchtime 'cause I still feel sick and then I walk – that's right, walk – from there to the hospital to see you at the same time every day, and then I talk hollowly about nothing and hope you don't notice I'm looking thinner. I'm wearing the same clothes as last week."

She gulped and continued, the words now falling out of her mouth and a dramatic rate that she couldn't stop.

"I get home from the hospital, and the sickness has gone because I've seen you and you're okay. So I eat a microwave meal, but only half because it's about then that I realize I haven't spoken to anyone all day. I feel a shallow emptiness and aloneness that brings me hurtling back down into reality and I think about if you'd die all night until I fall asleep where I sit and then the cycle begins again."

It was no use; when she looked up at JD again, his eyes weren't open and he didn't jump right up off the bed to hug her better and tell her that everything would be okay. In fact, he just laid there, probably dreaming about that lesbian cloud he and Turk went on about so much. Elliot chuckled at that thought. "I hope whatever you're dreaming about is good."

She patted his legs and stood up, leaning down to kiss his forehead and then biting her lips to stop herself from crying. She didn't want to leave, though, because her fears hadn't been comforted yet. If she did leave, she'd go right back to that empty flat and just die. She knew that what she was doing to herself wasn't healthy, but she would rather die too than live another second without JD by her side.

"I've been thinking." She started, not ready to go. "About what you asked me before. And my answer is yes – yes, of course I'll marry you! I understand that you asked me because you were under a lot of pressure to do things before you died, and that's perfectly reasonable. Most people go through that. But the thing is, I would marry you even if you weren't... and I want to have your children and everything. We could be happy, me and you, if you'd just wake up."

No, not even a flutter of eyelids. Wherever the subconscious JD was, he couldn't hear a word she was saying. There was no point to this – if he couldn't hear her then why was she nattering about nothing every day! Why pour her heart out to a lifeless thing? There was so much she couldn't get her head around right now, and everything she thought of was contradicted by something else in her mind. It was like her brain wouldn't allow her to see sense in anything now.

"I'll come back tomorrow, anyway." She admitted defeat, feeling deflated and tired. "Same time, same place, huh? Yeah... I just hope you're eyes open next time. I miss those things."

The Janitor wasn't pretended to not notice now, having stepped into the room and put an arm around her shoulder. She would've screamed but all of her energy filtered out into a small outtake of air that made her feel like her lungs might collapse.

"Hey," She tried instead, softly.

"You need to get outta here." The Janitor pointed out. "C'mon, have a burger with me. Scooter will be fine on his own for a while, yeah? Eat something."

"I'm not hungry."

"I know what you said to him. I know what you're doing to yourself. It's not good, Blonde Doctor, and I won't allow it."

"But JD doesn't understand how much I need him to wake up yet!" She persisted.

"Everyone's been in and outta here for weeks telling him to wake up, I'm sure he gets the picture. And if you're still worried after that burger, I'll get Ted's band to sing him a song. How about that?"