A/N: I'm so sorry about not updating in two weeks! Last week I was on vacation and didn't have my laptop with me, and yesterday my laptop was dead and my charger was in my lab :/ YOU DON'T KNOW THE AGONY I WENT THROUGH BECAUSE I COULDN'T UPDATE! Either way, sorry, it won't happen again! However, I gave you guys two treats :) one being an extra long chapter, and the other being some lemons!
Hope you guys enjoy, and don't forget to review :)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the VA characters
Without breaking the kiss, Dimitri quickly got to work on my shirt, something he couldn't get off me fast enough. He was making sure that with every button he undid, his fingers traced my bare skin, leaving goose bumps and fire in their wake. Once he had my shirt and shorts off, he quickly took his shirt and pants off before capturing my lips in a heated kiss. I was about to take off my undergarment when his hands caught mine and he stopped the kiss, pulling away and making me feel slightly empty.
"Are you sure?" he asked, trying to find something in my eyes that said otherwise. I couldn't help but smile at what bad timing he had.
Propping myself up on my elbows, I gave him a long look. "You finally get me in bed and you're stopping to make sure I'm ok with it? It's not like I'm drunk and don't know what I'm doing, or like I'm in high school and still a virgin, unsure if I'm really ready to do this. I'm sober and I don't have a virginity to defend, so of course I'm sure."
"It's just you've been shutting me down for weeks, and I just-" Dimitri stopped, willing me to understand his hesitance.
"Do you want me to say no?"
"No," he said quickly. "But you still have guest outside." He inclined his heads towards the bedroom door, where I could again faintly hear my guest talking.
Sighing, I leaned over and grabbed my phone from the nightstand drawer, where I put before I left my room the first time, and called Lissa. She would know what to do, and what I wanted. I just hoped she wouldn't tell everyone. But I suppose they could guess. Dimitri and I had just disappeared.
"Yes?" she said in a sing song voice.
"I'm not coming out for the rest of the night – "
"I figured as much when you went into your room with Dimitri." Her voice was a little flat, but it held some humor to it.
"Either way, you think you can lock the door after everyone leaves." My eyes drifted over to Dimitri and I couldn't help but lick my lips, he really did look sexy right now.
"Doing that now. You know you'd be surprised how quick people are to leave when the hostess disappears." She was teasing, but I knew as soon as I left that people would take that as an invite to leave.
"Thanks, Liss. For the party and for this." I was thankful for everything she had done for me, and I feared I hadn't told her enough.
"Anytime," she said before hanging up quickly..
Laying back down, I sighed as I look up at his eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck. "See? They're all gone, so unless you have some other worry, can we go back to where we left?" He eyed me once more and then shrugged as his own eyes raked over my almost naked body.
"Gladly," he said before crashing his lips down on mine, simultaneously taking off the rest of our clothes.
*** M-RATED SCENE***
Breaking away, he pushed himself off me, his eyes roaming down my body. Even though we had the lights off, the moonlight was shining through, casting enough light to see each other. It made me feel just a little more exposed, but the shadows were something I welcomed. Part of me felt a bit insecure, wanting to grab the blankets and pull them over me, but seeing the lust in his eyes boosted my confidence. The way he looked at me was something new. Not even Adrian had ever looked at me like that. Adrian had made me feel good and loved, but Dimitri looked at me like I was the eighth wonder of the world.
I won't lie and say I haven't had my fair shares of hook ups, but no one has looked at me with such intensity, not even Adrian. Adrian adored me and looked at me like I was a goddess, Dimitri looked at me like I was a forbidden treasure. I never would have ever thought Dimitri could look at me like that. It was a wonderful feeling that did things to my body.
Taking advantage of the situation, I let my eyes run down past Dimitri's face. I knew he worked out, but holy shit was he was fit. I couldn't, nor did I want to, stop myself from running my hands down his chest, splaying my fingers out as they dipped through the trenches of his perfectly formed pecs and abs. Biting my lip, a moan still came out. How could you not have an orgasm just by looking at, and feeling, his body? I was so caught up with it, that I didn't notice when Dimitri had positioned himself at my entrance and swiftly plunged himself me.
Gasping at his size and how well he fit inside me, I let out a small whimper when he pulled out, quickly silenced by his lips. Driving back inside me brought about another wave of moans muffled by his kisses. I never would have imagined sex with Dimitri feeling like this. Breaking away, he kept a hand on my hip while he picked up the pace, driving himself further inside me every time. My body was on fire, every time he was inside a new wave of pleasure coursed through me.
"Di-di-oh!" I moaned, so close to going over the edge. He seemed to realize this and picked up the pace, making me fill the room with screams of pleasure as I dug my hand into his back, trying to physically hold on until he was close, but I couldn't wait much longer.
But Dimitri wasn't done with me. Thought his breathing had become more labored, the look of determination on his face promised me more. He changed the angle by lifting my leg, hitting the spot deeper inside and quickly sending me over the edge. The hard rocking of his hips against mine did wonders to help me ride out the amazing wave of pleasure that filled me.
Dimitri more than knew what he was doing. He lifted my other leg up and placed it over his shoulders as he continued to drive himself deeper into me. I could no longer hold the loud screams of bliss that slipped through my lips. He felt so good working inside me, I couldn't tell where my pleasure ended and his began.
"Dimitri!" His name left my lips in a strangled scream as yet another orgasm hit me.
That seemed to be his undoing as released inside me shortly after I did. Collapsing next to me, he pulled up the blankets, covering my body.
*** END M-RATED SCENE ***
While I was catching my breath, I was surprised when I felt Dimitri's arms wrap around me and pulled me close to him. Being in his arms, I breathed in his familiar scent as he kissed the top of my head. Both our scents had mixed in together, and I was comforted by it, we smelled good. But the embrace didn't last long, and when he broke it he got up and started getting dressed. I didn't let him get anything more than his boxers on before I got on my knees and grabbed his arm. I needed to know what he was doing.
"Where do you think you're going?" My voice was husky as a result of exhaustion and lingering lust.
"I figured you'd want me to leave." He messed with the clothes he had in his hands, looking sheepish and adorable.
"Mm mm," I said, shaking my head as I pulled him closer. Straightening up, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him down to meet my lips. "Why would I want you to go?" I was a bit confused and everything was hazy, but I definitely didn't want him to go. Not after what we had just done.
"I don't know," he murmured against my lips as he slowly leaned me back down onto the bed. "I guess you'll just have to show me why I should stay." His voice teased me to now end and I couldn't hold the moan that left me.
"Oh really?" I said, giggling as I pressed my lower body against his, moaning when he growled. Taking a chance, I flipped us around and straddled, rubbing my core against him again. When I felt him harden underneath me, I spent the rest of the night showing him why I wanted him to stay.
Sometime in the early morning, we stopped and rested, embraced in each others arms. Turning around after catching my breath once again, I popped my head up and looked at Dimitri. When I saw the moonlight outlying his frame as he turned around to face me, my body wanted pounce on him and go for round five, or was it six? But at the same time I was kind of exhausted. A small smile crept along my face when Dimitri his hand to intertwine with mine, pulling me so I was flush against him. Turning around, I snuggled into him, revealing in how right this felt.
"Rose," he began, but I cut him off by planting a gentle kiss upon his lips.
"I know this probably shouldn't have happened, but we're adults and we both knew what we were doing. I know I've been saying I wanted time aloneand what not, but there's something about you. I feel safe and familiar around you and if I were completely honest with myself, I'd open up to the possibility of us," I said, getting up and pull the sheets with me. I walked towards the window and stared down at the sleepy city.
"But?" he asked, sitting up as well and putting on his boxers. He knew there was something else, I just hoped he would understand.
Looking out the window, I took a deep breath before continuing. "We just had sex and we haven't even resolved any of the issues between us nor have we gone on a date. And you're my best friend what if going past that ruins our relationship? I can't lose you, Dimitri. I'd rather squash whatever I feel and keep things as they are."
He didn't say anything for a bit, but I felt his lips on my bare back as he kissed a trail down my shoulder. the action was comforting, and I willed myself not to think he was trying to promise me something. I had a hard time trusting Dimitri with my feelings after what had happened before.
"I'm not saying we should figure things out now, but I can't keep acting like I still see you as a friend because then I'd be lying to myself. I don't know what I did to make you so against this, but I don't think going the next step is going to ruin our relationship." His words were honest, but how could he not know what he had done?
Taking a chance, I turned my head to see him resting on my shoulder, looking up at me. Letting out a deep breath slowly, I turned around so we were facing each other. It was now or never.
"Why?" I finally asked. From the moonlight, I saw his face contort in confusion. "Why now? Why not in medical school? Why…" I paused to calm myself, feeling my emotions get the better of me. "Why stand me up all those years ago?"
"Why now?" he asked, utterly perplexed. "Roza, it's not like from one day to another I magically had these feelings for you. I was fallingfor you the minute I met you, but right when I was going to act upon it you started distancing yourself and s-What's so funny?"
I hadn't meant to, but when he said that last part, I couldn't help but give a humorless laugh. How could he say I distanced myself without reason? He knew why. How could he still deny it?
"Are you seriously putting the blame on me?" I asked, my usual attitude seeping though. "Dimitri, I all but told you I was in love with you and you ignored it, threw it way, or did whatever else with it and went on like nothing."
"You what? And I what? I'm sorry, Rose, but that doesn't sound like me and you know it." It was true, if anyone told me Dimitri did what he did, I would laugh and say we were obviously talking about different people, but he had done it. He had broken me and my feelings for him. My mind flashed back to what had happened, tears already forming in my eyes.
"I'm tired, Dimitri," I said, blinking rapidly to hold back the tears. "And I seriously do want to talk about what happened, but not right now. I'm tired and quite frankly I don't want to argue after what we did."
He stared at me for a few minutes before nodding his head. Intertwining our fingers, he lead me back to the bed, covering us up as he pulled me back into his arms. I saw him lower his head and it looked like he was about to kiss my lips, but he decided against it and kissed my cheek.
"I hope you give me a chance."
I was almost lost to the world of dreams as the words left him. I wasn't sure what he meant, but I hoped there was a real reason as to why he had rejected me all those years ago.
I woke up the next morning to the sound of pounding. For a second, I thought it was a headache, but then I heard a click and someone called my name clearer, I knew it wasn't a headache. There was someone here, and I couldn't not move.
It wasn't just anyone.
Daniella.
Quickly getting up, I shook Dimitri to wake him up, throwing him his clothes while I searched for my shirt. I whispered for him to get in the closet while I grabbed the first white blouse I found. When he still didn't move, I pushed him off the bed and into my closet, which was almost impossible given the size difference. He didn't seem to know why I was panicking.
"Ro-" He didn't get much out before I slammed my closet shut and put my bra and underwear on before buttoning up the shirt. Too late I realized I had grabbed Dimitri's shirt and almost opened up the closet to switch, but when I heard Daniella's heels close to my door I decided to hell with it and lifted my head as I walked out.
"Oh there you are," she said, her eyes catching the oversized shirt I had on. I flashed her a tentative smile while I grabbed my hair and put it in a messy bun.
"Here I am. Do you uh want some tea or coffee?" I asked, both of us walking to the kitchen.
"Some tea would be nice." Something about her voice was off, almost condescending. As I put some water to boil, I realized she's looking down on me. I've seen her do it to a lot of other people, and I never thought much of it since I wasn't them, but now it was pissing me off.
"So you seem to have had a busy night," she said when I brought her the cup of tea.
"Daniella it's not-" I cut myself off. I wasn't about to say it's not what it seemed, but isn't it? I had sex last night. Really, really good, mind blowing even, sex. What was I going to say next? That it was a mistake and it'll never happen again? No that's another lie. While I don't know if it'll happen again or even what's going to happen after she leaves, I do know last night wasn't a mistake. Taking a deep breath, I went a different route. "It's not what you came for, is it?"
"No it's not," she said, mindlessly running her fingers around the rim of the cup. "I thought you weren't feeling well, that maybe seeing so much of Adrian still around the apartment got a bit overwhelming and that was why you left the party first, but I see you're fine."
"Daniella…" My heart broke at her words.
"No it's fine, Rose. You're young and you deserve to move on, but answer me this. Is it serious or is it just a fling or something so you get your needs met?"
"Woah, uh, the thing is I don't know what this is. It just happened." She gave me a look like she didn't believe it for one second. "I'm serious! It just happened."
"Rose nothing just happens," she said, air quoting the last two words. "Something had to lead up to it. Wait, is he that doctor friend of yours?"
"Uhhh I have a lot of doctor friends," I said evasively. She had once said something about Dimitri, and I thought it was her trying to be nice, to comfort me.
She slit her eyes before letting it go. "Well whoever he is, he must be special."
"Why do you say that?" I asked, collecting our now empty cups and putting them in the sink. This was getting slightly awkward.
"Because I've seen how you've changed since meeting Adrian and whoever is locked away in your room means something to you, even if you don't know what that is. And trying to deny or downplay what he means to you will only make you miss out on a second chance on love."
"Woah love? A little premature don't you think?" I was in shock, not only shock but I had no idea where she was going with this. She was so hot and cold.
"There's only one way to find out don't you think?" When I didn't say anything, she moved on to another topic. "Although, I was kind of hoping you had waited a few more months so I could introduce you to some of Adrian's friends at the memorial service."
"As much as I love the idea of being pimped out by my dead boyfriend's mother, I've met his friends and they're not my type." She studied me closer before she shrugged, something about it look off on her delicate body.
"If you say so. Well I must be going," she said, grabbing her purse. When we got to the door, she turned and looked at me. "Just be careful, wouldn't want to get an unexpected surprise in a few months."
With that said, she left me standing there with my jaw dropped. All these months, I've been regretting having protected sex with Adrian, but without a thought, I had sex with Dimitri without using anything. In a zombie state, I went back to the kitchen and started making French toast. I needed a distraction from the hell of a morning I was having.
"I thought you couldn't cook," Dimitri whispered into my ear, making me jump.
"I still can't," I said as I put the last slice on the griddle before looking at him. "But I can make French Toast."
"Mmmm well it smells amazing. Actually you smell amazing," he said before leaning down and kissing me. I'll admit, I responded to the kiss quickly, but then Daniella came to mind and I started wondering if I was going to fast and making this more than what it actually was.
"Um do you want to eat outside? Or in the living room?" I asked after I pulled away, keeping my head down.
"Or we could eat breakfast in bed," he said, dipping his head down for another kiss, but I turned away.
"Sounds good," I said, looking up and giving him a quick smile. "Can you make some mimosa with the leftover champagne and then I'll bring the French toast and bacon?"
"Ok." He looked at me for a moment longer before he left to get the glasses while I put a few slices of bacon on to cook.
I tried to keep my focus on what I was making, but Dimitri always found a reason to walk past me, always making sure his body brushed mine. When he finished and left for my room, I let out a deep breath as I grabbed two plates and put the finished toast and bacon on the top one, carrying the syrup in my other hand.
"Here let me help you," he said while he grabbed the plates in my hand, taking it to the seats by the window.
"Thanks." I took the first seat, tucking my feet under me while he distributed the food. Taking a sip of my mimosa, I had the syrup ready so when he placed my plate in front of me I doused the toast in syrup, only stopping when I heard Dimitri laugh.
"You know, I think you've laughed more this past night and today than you have in your whole life collected," I said, making him laugh once more before he leaned over.
"Maybe because of the company." I looked down, blushing, as I took a bite of my bacon. Nothing else was said while we ate, the only sound being Dimitri moaning about how good the food was. Not going to lie, I had a smile the whole time, happy he liked the food.
"So," Dimitri said, drawing it out while he placed my plate on top of his. "I'm guessing we need to talk."
Taking a deep breath, I nodded my head before meeting his eyes. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry? Roza, you have nothing to be sorry for, last night was-"
"Don't say a dream come true or anything like that," I said, cutting him off. "It shouldn't have happened. I'm not saying it was a mistake or that I regret it, but we should have taken things slower."
"You mean like going on a date?" He quirked an eyebrow up and watched me, waiting for something.
"Among other things," I said before catching my breath again.
"Rose, just tell me what's on your mind. If you want a date, we can go on one right now." He reached over and put both my hands in his. "Rose, I don't know what that woman told you, but I'm not going anywhere. I agree we may have done things out of order, but we can backtrack and take things slow if that's what you want. Just don't give up before we have a chance to see where this can go."
Giving a lifeless laugh, I said, "That's what Daniella said before she left. But it's not about me giving up too soon. It's about me not wanting to get hurt. Not again. Not by you."
Pulling his hand away, he gave me a confused look. "What do you mean not by me? I've never hurt you."
"Really? I thought you were playing ignorant before to salvage our friendship, but now? Dimitri, cut the bullshit and just admit it and we can talk about taking the next step." How could he still act as if it never happened?
"Admit to what? To having the craziest crush on you our first year, but you made it your mission to rub it in my face that you never saw me as anything more than your friend? And now I have the chance to show you I'm the perfect guy for you and you're ruining it with your pointless insecurities?" I could tell he was starting get angry, but his anger was nothing compared to mine right now.
"Pointless insecurities? You rejected me, remember? And then went on like nothing happen. Do you know how shitty I felt? How stupid? I thought you liked me, I thought you might have been the one to make me see that I had a chance at having the fairytale life Lissa kept telling me I was worthy of, but you didn't. You showed me exactly why I never opened my heart up to anyone."
"Rose, I don't know what it is that you think I did, but I swear I would have never done anything to make you feel that." He leaned in closer and I hook him in as a whole.
I could tell in his eyes that he was sincere, and part of me believed him, but the rest of me was screaming that he was lying, that he knew exactly what it was that he did and he was just hoping I'd let it go. But I wouldn't, I couldn't. He ridiculed me in the worst way possible and I couldn't forgive him, not until he admitted to it. Without an apology, I can't trust him enough to get romantically involved, to offer up my heart again. I know love is about risks, about giving your everything to the person you love, hoping that they'd treasure it and wouldn't throw it away, but I can't take that risk with Dimtri.
Not yet.
"Go," I said in a low voice, looking out the window. He was still in my peripheral vision, so I saw when he anger left, pure shock taking over.
"Rose we can talk about this."
"No we can't," I said in a clipped, foreign tone, not recognizing my own voice. "Not until you admit what you did wrong. So please just go. I don't want to fight. Last night was amazing, I won't lie, but it can never happen again."
I got up and went into my closet, taking off his shirt and putting on a black silk robe. Then I walked over and opened my door, holding out his shirt and looking up at the ceiling. I felt when he grabbed his shirt, but when he pulled me into his arms, I couldn't stop myself from looking at him, surprise showing in my eyes.
"I'll leave, but on one condition." Pursing my lips I waited for him to continue. "Can you at least tell me when I supposedly rejected you?"
"Memorial Day weekend, our first year in med school," I croaked, feeling an immediate loss of warmth when he let me go, nodding his head before promising that this wasn't over and walking out. Wrapping my robe tighter, I wanted to curl up in bed and try to picture the Dimitri I've come to know and care for over the past ten years, and recently slept with, being the same man that left me high and dry, but I knew my bed would just bring memories of last night, so instead I went to the place I always thought of as my sanctuary.
Adrian's studio.
I didn't know what I expected Lia to do with it, since it must have been scarce with all his paintings on display, but I wasn't expecting how bare and lifeless it looked with all his unfinished artwork and easel lined up in one corner, his pallet and paint tubes neatly placed on top, with a collection of paint buckets and rollers and other painting equipment huddled in another corner. The walls still had the random vines and flowers Adrian seemed to paint whenever he wanted to work but didn't have a project in mind, but for some reason they didn't hold the same beauty and life they once held. Noticing how the small window was covered, probably so nothing they had stored in here would damage it, I quickly took off the paper and opened it up before going to the living room and grabbing the blanket and a pillow.
Once I settled myself in, I let my mind wander to the memory I've tried burying for so many years.
"Rose I'm home," Lissa called out as she closed the door. I heard her walk towards my room but I didn't hear when the door opened. "What are you working on?"
Quickly, I turned around and leaned over the paper on my desk. "Nothing. Just working on a question the professor gave us in class today. How was your date?"
"It was fine. If that's just a school assignment, why can't I see it?" she asked, leaning over my shoulder to try and see it.
"Because," I said, overcommitting to that side to block her. "It's boring and I'm probably wrong."
All too late I realized her ploy, and I didn't notice when she reached around the other side and grabbed the note until I felt it slip from under my elbow. Wide-eyed, I saw her read the note I had been working on. I had spent all day writing the same thing in different format, and at the end I couldn't decide between this one and other one, but reading both of them over I picked this one. I was practically finished with it, I just didn't know how to sign it, but now I want to rip it up and wash it from her mind. Of course, with Lissa reading it wasn't enough.
"Dear Comrade," she began, pausing to giggle. Groaning, I slammed my head down on my desk, knowing that this torture wouldn't end until she finished the letter. "I just wanted to thank you for stopping me for beating Jesse's ass. I know you were seconds away from knocking me out yourself, but I really appreciate you taking me to that cabin to cool down. Actually, I'm just thankful for having you in my life, for having you as my friend. Well more than that. Dimitri, you've turned on something inside me that I never knew I had off, and I don't know what it is, but I know that when I was being a pain in the ass in the cabin and you kissed me, whatever it was intensified like a blazing fire. I know this letter is stupid, but for the first time I'm embarrassed to say this to your face and I'm more embarrassed about what I'm about to say. I'm falling in love with you, Dimitri Belikov, and if you feel the same about me, I'll be waiting at the same cabin you took me to."
The giddy smile she had on the whole time fell as she read the last sentence. This whole school year she's been making jokes about me liking Dimitri, but she never knew how close to the truth she was. She was my best friend, and I told her everything, but for some reason I couldn't open up about Dimitri. It wasn't because I didn't trust her, or I didn't want her input, because in all honesty I needed all the input I could get. I just didn't want to burden her with my emotional storm while she was having a wonderful relationship with Aaron.
Pursing her lips, she read the letter again before saying anything.
"Sealed with a kiss and spray it with that perfume you always wear."
"What?" I looked up at her, completely appalled that she was helping me with what I was stuck on instead of chastising me for not telling her or ridiculing me for my method of telling him how I felt.
"I mean you could say 'Love, Rose' or you could put on some lipstick and lipgloss, pucker up and kiss the bottom of the page, let it dry and then sign it that fancy way you sometimes write you name, with the curvy R, and before you put in the envelope, you spritz some of the perfume."
"Is that how you sign all your love letters to Aaron?" I decided to roll iwht it, wondering where she had seen that before.
"Let's focus on you right now," she said, her tone telling me something was going on with Aaron. Storing that info for later, I did what she said before turning around where she was sitting on my bed, checking her nails.
"You're not mad?"
"Mad? About you not telling me you actually had feelings for him? I mean I wish you had, I wish you came to me for advice so you wouldn't be doing it through a letter, although it's cute and romantic, and I wish you didn't hide things, but I know you have your reasons. And why waste time being mad when right now I just want to squeal and help pick an outfit for you to wear when you go give it to him."
"Who said I'm giving it to him? If I was going to do that I was better off just telling him. I have a key to his mailbox, so I'm going to slip it in before he gets the mail tomorrow."
"Wow, Rose. Do I even want to know why you have the key?" She waggled her eyebrows, making me laugh as I signed my name.
"No you don't," I joked, writing 'Comrade' on the front of the envelope in the same writing I signed the letter with.
The weekend came sooner than I expected, and before I knew it, I was packing for spending Memorial Day weekend at the cabin. Lissa packed a couple risqué outfits, while I packed some comfortable clothes to be safe. I got to the cabin earlier than I expected so I went to the local market and bought a few candles on impulse, snagging some oils while I was there. The next three days came and went, and by Sunday I was pretty certain he wasn't coming, but I stayed through Monday night just to be safe. When he didn't show up, I felt like my heart crumbled to ash, but I still held on to hope that he had a perfectly good excuse for why he couldn't come and would explain it the next day in class.
Of course, that never happened.
When he saw me in class, he gave me the same broad smile he always did, greeting me like everything was normal, but not once did he mention the letter or the weekend and by the end of the day the ashes of my heart disintegrated into disillusion. He might as well have blown my heart, rather than letting it die slowly.
The first guy I admit to having feelings for not only rejects me but goes on like it was nothing.
That day I swore to myself that I would never let any other guy ridicule me like that, and I would never let Dimitri Belikov or any other man get that close to my heart ever again.
A/N: Woo they hooked up! But obviously, I wasn't going to make this easy! At least you guys finally know what he did...or do you? But fret not! I promised not to drag out them not getting together, and I won't, but I love writing Romitri moments when he's trying to win her over...so I have a few I want to put in before they finally get together.
How many think Dimitri did what Rose thinks he did? Leave a review, and tell me what you think, and I might just update early!
Next chapter, I'll give you Dimitri's POV on that dreadful weekend.