Red Sails, Blue Sails
A Thousand Problems I

"Latias has...issues with male humans. None of us quite understand her attraction to them." - Latios, to the Sealord of Braavos

"That's what you call indestructible steel? You people are pathetic." - Mewtwo, to the smiths of Norvos

"I told you! My cave keeps getting cold at night and this is the solution!" - Azelf to Mewtwo, during the Great Carpet Theft

"I refuse to perform midwifery again. If she doesn't want to have kids, then she should learn how to use birth control!"
"Landy, you can't say that."
"Why? Deoxys knows how it works."
"...Deoxys did what?!"
- Landorus and Lugia, on Latias

"By the light of the Sun! Sacred Sword fly from me! Destroy the evil of my enemies!"
"...um, nightmares, nightmares, wooooo..."
- Keldeo and Darkrai, while fighting off Black Goat Priests.

At the beginning of 299AC, life continued as normal for the residents of the northern Free Cities - Lorath, Pentos, Norvos and of course, Braavos. Surprisingly peaceful even. None of them were involved in any wars, the Dothraki had been payed off recently (plus delightful rumours of chaos in the grass sea) and trade was proceeding quite happily. The whispers of a war in Westeros were regarded by most of the population as a mild curiosity, with only a few bankers worried about debts bothering to look any closer. Most merchants laughed, joking about the 'silly' Westerosi acting up again. Much of the populace barely spent a minute thinking about the news. And to be fair, at the moment the war did not seem poised to cause trouble in Essos at all.

'The Arrival', contrary to its effect in many areas (throughout Westeros, in Volantis, on the Dothraki Plains, etc.) did very little to dispel this mood. People were naturally confused when they spotted sights such as Mewtwo standing on a rooftop, but relatively few large, city smashing issues occurred. However (proving that our lands really could never be peaceful in 'the Chivalry Age') a thousand other problems arose to take their place.

The first and most well known of these is the seduction of the beast Latias by the First Sword of Braavos, while the former was disguised as a Braavosi courtesan (apparently out shopping for milk). The man's name has since been lost to history - possibly due to being chucked face first into the Distortion World - but the result was that Latias was pregnant with a human child (again, according to several other of the beings) and therefore stuck in human form. Her brother Latios was most infuriated by this and demanded that the Sealord allow them houseroom until the child was born. Faced with a hyper beam to the face, the man agreed.

Perhaps everything would have been fine if the situation hadn't been misinterpreted by several religious groups. As seemed to be happening everywhere in those times.

Meanwhile in Norvos, the many craftsmen of the city were being bothered by a floating blue fairy and a tall pink cat/fetus/thing (Azelf and Mewtwo), both of whom had decided to investigate this new world they had ended up in. This 'investigation' would have gone on slightly better if they hadn't felt the need to insult and question everything they saw; including some highly valued craftsmanship, literature and architecture. Neither of them was the being of wisdom however and so the knives quickly started appearing from people's belts.

The two of them could had sorted that problem out easily if the other beasts hadn't forced them into a vow not to hurt anymore humans. Mewtwo had willingly taken the vow with the provision that he could intervene if there was a legitimate threat. Azelf however had been forced to take it (as the being of Willpower) after he had beaten up most of the population of a land called Orre. A few other of the beings had also taken the vow, though Kyogre, Kyurem and Arceus had deliberately gone into hibernation whenever the topic came up. And Rayquaza just mysteriously vanished into space.

So all too soon, Mewtwo and Azelf were on the run - though they had stretched the vow to an extent allowing them to conjure walls and mess around with people's minds. And for that matter, steal most of the carpets in the city for whatever reason. This - naturally - just further upset the people of Norvos.

To the north, the City of Lorath was suffering from its own problems following the arrival of the great beast Lugia. Unintentionally, the giant bird had summoned several giant storms that plagued the city and the surroundings - including the sea providing most of Lorath's food. Slowly the population was starving, unable to fish or trade due to the sea's anger. And no one had yet managed to get close enough to Lugia to ask him to stop. With the addition of the attacks of a small group of Ironborn (led by Euron Greyjoy) and another entity deep inside the maze...well, as the title says 'a thousand problems'.

Pentos and Qohor on the other hand were fine for the most part, with the former being spared from the arrival of any beasts and the latter only having to deal with a small skirmish. Granted that skirmish had involved a sentient black shadow and a blue unicorn fighting off a horde of the Black Goat's priests, but for now the cities themselves were peaceful. For now, of course being the important word.

Omake: At the Tourney of Harrenhal (Non-canon)

Aerys: Because my kingsguard are apparently useless, Rhaegar has won the tournament! (Whispering) Shithead. Ahem...Champion, you may crown your queen of love and beauty.

'The Crowd cheers, only to immediately stop when Rhaegar's horse trots by his wife'

Aerys: Wait! What are you doing?

'The Crowd gasps as Rhaegar forces his horse to jump through a flaming hoop held up by the kingsguard'

Robert: (Bellowing) Show off!

Rhaegar: Fire cannot kill a dragon! Now to crown my Queen of Love and Beauty...

'Loud giggling echoes down from above'

Rhaegar:...I have chosen Ly - wait, what's that noise?

'Rhaegar looks up to see a horde of Chandelures approaching him from above'

Rhaegar: Oh crap, it's happening again! Ahhhhhhhhh!

'The Crowd looks on in horror as Rhaegar is turned into kindling'

Aerys: Hahahaha! So my son was no true Dragon after all to so easily burn! That means his...

'Chandelures turn to look at Aerys'

Aerys: Oh shit.