And the fun continues, thought Mason as he got ready for his next witness.
"I would like to call Wilhelm Klink to the stand."
"Me?"
"Yes, you Kommandant." Mason looked at Klink and motioned him towards the front of the courtroom.
Klink was almost shaking as he took his seat.
"Kommandant Klink. You've had quite an interesting reign as the warden of Stalag 13, haven't you?"
"Um, I don't know what you're referring to, Mr. Mason." Klink glanced over at Hogan with a look that read, "Help." Hogan looked back at Klink and shrugged.
"Kommandant. You've been described in unflattering terms as being an egotist, vain, a mediocre student, an opportunist, scared of his own shadow, and a bureaucrat."
"Sounds about right," Hogan said. Schultz snickered.
"Hogan!" Klink flashed an admonishing look.
Mason chuckled and then got back to work. "That's not entirely true, is it Kommandant? Let's go over some things, shall we?"
"I'm taking the fifth." Klink took his riding crop and pounded it on the floor.
Harry shook his head. "You haven't been asked any questions yet. And besides, I don't believe you guys followed our constitution."
Klink whimpered.
"You appear to be quite adept at handling medical emergencies, Kommandant. I have evidence that shows you administering first aid, morphine, and support to Colonel Hogan when he was severely injured. In fact, you kept a level head during that time, didn't you?"
Klink nodded.
"I also see here, that you did not hesitate to call in a doctor, your own personal physician, I believe, when the Colonel was left virtually dead on your doorstep after a long run-in with the Gestapo."
"Yes," said Klink, "that's correct, but I'm just being humane."
"You also know how to fire a weapon, don't you Kommandant? Seems to me that you were actually able to shoot the gun out of Major Hochstetter's hand, before he had a chance to execute Hogan. Oh, then once again, you called a doctor." Mason stared right into Klink's face. "Do you deny that happened?"
"No, I do not deny that happened." Klink began to sit up a little straighter in his seat.
Hochstetter growled. He remembered that humiliation. How could the writer have cut him off so abruptly, and then have the nerve to kill him off?
"You received Hogan as a prisoner, and were instructed to continue with his interrogations, Kommandant. I understand your interrogations were rather mild. They did not progress and you ended up playing, let's see, a great deal of chess."
"I thought I could gain his trust?" Klink was now furiously thinking about bolting.
"You made a personal visit to another prison camp, specifically to check on Colonel Hogan's condition after he was held and interrogated by the Gestapo, and then arranged for his transfer back to Stalag 13."
"He was not himself, and the treatment at that Stalag was not humane." Tears formed in Klink's eyes as he recalled Hogan's condition.
Hogan shuddered. He didn't think he would ever recover from that experience.
"I have evidence here that shows that you lied or withheld crucial information to serve your own purpose and, ultimately, the greater good." Mason took out a long list.
"Let's see here. You observed Colonel Hogan speaking fluent German in the Hofbrau outside of camp but did not turn him in."
Oh lord. Hogan grabbed Carter and gave him orders to return to camp and begin to wire the tunnels.
Mason just read on. "You lied to the staff at the hospital in Hammelburg to get Hogan urgent treatment when he was shot in your office. You told them Hogan was of special interest to the Reich, didn't you? Also, you did not follow specific orders to continue an attempt at brainwashing the Colonel, when you actually did not spike Hogan's drink with a special sedative."
Brainwashing? Hogan was now developing a migraine.
"You altered records to make it appear that Colonel Hogan was recovering from severe injuries at the time of a bridge explosion, and you've surrendered Stalag 13 prior to actual liberation, several times."
Burkhalter and Hochstetter were now beside themselves. "I told you he was a traitor," Hochstetter growled. "He probably blew up those trains." (1)
"I'm beginning to agree with you." Burkhalter hated Hochstetter, but if Klink was a traitor…
"I wanted to avoid unnecessary bloodshed." Klink's response was slightly calmer.
"Yes, Kommandant, there is definitely another side to your personality. Care to discuss it?" Mason stepped up to the chair and waited for Klink's response.
"I said, Mr. Mason, I have nothing to say." Klink removed his monocle and placed it in his pocket, sat up straight, and stared back at the attorney.
What the hell is going on here? Burkhalter noticed the change in Klink's demeanor. He looked over at Hochstetter, who was frankly stunned.
Did I actually say that? Klink thought. What is going on here?
"Colonel, if this goes much further, we and Klink could be in a lot of hot water." This statement of the obvious came from Olsen.
Newkirk attempted to agree with Olsen, but all he managed to do was spit some dirt and dust out of his mouth. "Sorry, Guv'nor. Don't know where that came from." He then stared intently at Hogan. Hogan stared intently back. Strange thoughts began to appear in Newkirk's head. He quickly shook them off. I'm losing my mind. They're messing with canon, they are!
"Don't panic yet," said Hogan, who by now was panicking internally; what with his premonition, the strange appearance of dirt, and Klink's testimony. Klink has a brain in there somewhere, I hope. Let's see where this goes.
"Kommandant Klink. Do you admit that you stood up to a Gestapo officer who wanted to remove Colonel Hogan and his men for questioning, after another Gestapo officer was killed? You convinced him that you would handle their punishment."(2)
Not too bad. "Yes," Klink answered.
"I have proof here, Kommandant, that while trapped in a cave-in, you were the one that calmed your prisoner down, kept him talking, gave him hope, while you were suffering from a severe injury. That's quite an accomplishment, Kommandant. Very courageous."
"Well, I wouldn't call it courageous. I did what I had to do."
Bull stepped over to Harry and whispered, "That doesn't look like the same man."
Harry whispered back. "I can see that."
"It's like Bruce Wayne turning into Batman."
"Peter Parker and Spiderman," Harry replied.
"No, more like Bruce Banner and The Incredible Hulk."
"No," Harry shook his head. "Can't, he's not angry. Clark Kent into Superman. That's it."
"Good one, sir." Bull stepped down. "Oops." The entire courtroom was staring at the Judge and his bailiff.
Sheepishly, Harry apologized. "Sorry folks, got distracted. Please continue, Mr. Mason."
"Oh, there are more examples here, Kommandant. You've realized for a long time that Hogan was manipulating you and the other Germans, and taking advantage of General Burkhalter's stupidity, or complicity…" Mason threw Burkhalter a smile. "And you neither assisted nor hindered the Colonel with his plans. But, you also understood that sometimes, Colonel Hogan's antics, as I'd like to call them, went too far, and you attempted to teach him a lesson didn't you? That these exploits were dangerous, and people were dying."
Hogan shivered. He recalled that incident. Klink scared the dickens out of me. Pulling me out of that car while I was handcuffed and holding that gun against my neck.
"It had to be done," Klink replied. "Escaped prisoners from other Stalags were murdered in cold blood when they were recaptured. I didn't want that to happen to my prisoners."
How touching, thought Hochstetter.
"Kommandant, I'm not done. You've shown tremendous valor over the years. You deliberately snuck in a vial of your own blood, in order to hide the fact that Hogan was poisoned. Do you recall that incident?"
"Hogan would have been outed as an agent if the poison had shown up in his blood sample. I felt that the best recourse was to prevent this from happening." Klink answered this as calmly as if he had been reciting a shopping list.
Mason nodded. He mulled over whether or not he should offer up the next bit of evidence. Yes, he would.
"Kommandant," he said softly. "You hid the identity of a Jewish prisoner, didn't you?"
Klink responded in anger. "How dare you bring that up, Mason! How far are you willing to go to prove a point? You are walking down a path that leads to danger. I suggest you think carefully before continuing this interrogation!"
Mason was incensed. "Judge, I would like to have it noted in the record that we are dealing with a hostile witness!"
"Noted, counselor." Harry was beginning to get concerned. What had gotten into Klink? What was he hiding?
Hogan had an epiphany and now remembered what Klink had been up to. He had already ordered Carter back to camp to wire the tunnels. He now wished he could use those cell phones. Unfortunately, the Stalag had no coverage.
"Olsen, head back to camp and get those prisoners out through the emergency tunnels. You know who." Olsen nodded. "Get them to a safe house until we can make contact with the sub. And then get back here with my cane! I think I'm about to have trouble walking."
"Yes, sir." Olsen snuck out. The route between the courthouse and Stalag 13 was now beginning to resemble Grand Central Station.
Riker was furiously attempting to get the Judge's attention. Klink was still in a stare-down with Mason. Hochstetter was reading a note given to him by an aide about threats to his life. Hogan was chewing aspirin. Burkhalter was thinking about sending the whole lot, including himself, to the Russian front, and Schultz was hoping that LeBeau would be out of the hospital in time to make him some strudel.
Harry had seen enough. The gavel got everyone's attention. "I'm calling a recess. Counselors, both of you in my chambers, now!"
Kinch calmly watched the chaos from his seat next to the Colonel, and issued this observation. "Well, doesn't that beat all?"
Olsen had left the courthouse and was on his way to the Stalag, when he ran into Hammond heading the other way. He briefly stopped and filled him in. "It's bedlam in there, be careful."
"Baker sent me over. I've got news from London."
"Better be good," said Olsen, "Or else we may all be on the run."
Harry sat as his desk while Riker and Mason stood in front of him. Riker spoke first.
"This attorney is in the process of destroying the Allied war effort. He's in the process of getting these characters put in front of a firing squad! He doesn't care, as long as he gets his clients off. You have to stop the testimony. I don't care if this is just a hearing. Even if it doesn't go to trial, this will get out!"
Harry was willing to hear his side, although, like Riker, he was wary of where Klink's testimony was heading.
"First of all, my clients are innocent." Of course. "And I will get them off." I always do. "Judge, I'm attempting to prove that my clients have taken a character that has been ridiculed, made fun of, manipulated, stereotyped…"
"Yeah, we get the idea," Harry said. "Make your point."
"He's been redeemed, your honor." Mason choked back his tears.
"Oh, for God's sake, Mason." Riker couldn't believe that the defense attorney would stoop so low as to bring on fake water-works.
Harry gave it some thought. "Let me hear what else you have on Klink before I let this circus continue."
While Riker and Mason were undergoing their own interrogation in Harry's chambers, Hogan was reading the message delivered to him by Hammond.
"Good news, sir?" Kinch tried to sound hopeful. This day was not going well.
"I think so. It seems London has had a breakthrough with the codes."
Newkirk proudly exclaimed, "That's my people! We break codes! " (3)
"It's like this, gentlemen." All of the prisoners began to gather around Hogan. "They've discovered the addresses."
"Addresses?" asked a private. "Like 221B Baker Street?"
"No," said Hogan. "The special addresses the writers use to help them sign on to the computer. Here, eat this." He crumpled up the piece of paper, handed it to the private, who promptly chewed and swallowed the note. "If I remember correctly, they call them e-mail addresses. But don't get too excited yet; we're missing the rest of the puzzle."
Burkhalter and Hochstetter were observing this meeting of the minds, while Klink still sat stiffly and proudly in the witness chair.
"Break them up, Hochstetter, but not before you find out what they are discussing."
"Yes, General." Hochstetter grabbed Schultz. "Break them up, Schultz. That's your job."
Schultz obediently obeyed the Gestapo agent and walked over to the prisoners. "Colonel Hogan, the Major asks that you break up this meeting and return to your seats."
The crowd scattered and sat down. Hochstetter walked over to Hogan. "Something you wish to share with us, Colonel Hogan?"
"Nope. We were just discussing the Yankees and the Red Sox. Passing the time."
"I don't believe you."
"Sorry, Major. Suit yourself." Hogan put on his most innocent expression. Wait for it!
"Bah!" Hochstetter stomped off. Burkhalter shook his head. How useless could one Gestapo agent be?
Harry, Riker, and Mason returned to the courtroom. Riker was distressed. The judge had agreed with Mason, and had decided to let his questioning continue.
Harry warned Klink that he would be in contempt if he refused to answer the questions.
Mason had one more ace in the hole.
"Kommandant Klink. You're not really that pathetic, whiney, character, are you?"
"You must know that I'm not Mason, otherwise you wouldn't be asking me that question." Klink glared at the attorney.
"No, Kommandant. These writers have redeemed your character, haven't they? You, Klink, have been shown as courageous, cunning, supportive, helpful, and brave; and in addition, you have been portrayed as a major player in the German underground movement! Yes, Klink, you have been redeemed by a group of writers who did not take pity on you, but saw promise. Commander Riker, your witness!" Mason triumphantly sat down.
Riker dejectedly stood up.
Klink pleaded with Riker with his eyes. I'm not afraid of being shot. Dying doesn't bother me, but all the rest; I can't have this on my conscience.
Riker had one point to make. "Kommandant Klink. Mr. Mason graciously entertained the court with all of your various exploits. But he forgot to mention one thing; you never stopped these things from happening in the first place! How many times did you let the Gestapo remove prisoners from camp? How come you let Hochstetter torture Hogan, over and over again? If you had just learned to stick up for yourself and your charges, you wouldn't have had to play nursemaid, or go to Gestapo headquarters, or rescue Hogan from another prison camp, would you? You never said no."
Shocked prisoners started heckling the witness. Their respect had now turned into disdain.
"Yeah, Klink! They made you partially responsible for what they did to our Colonel!"
"Underground leader? That didn't help me when some lunatic took me away with all the other English prisoners!"
"First, Hitler decides to kill the officers, and then you allowed that monster," the soldier pointed to Hochstetter, "To drag the Colonel into a cell and beat him to a pulp."
"That's enough! Knock it off! That's an order!" Hogan felt like he was about to have a heart attack. So much for the reboot.
The prisoners' tirade had an interesting effect on Klink's personality. The spectators and the Judge observed Klink's regression from superhero back to milquetoast. Klink had no answer. All he could do was vow to get some therapy when this whole thing ended.
(1) "Will the Real Colonel Klink Please Stand up Against the Wall"
(2) "Diamonds in the Rough"
(3) Britain's Government Code and Cipher School at Bletchley Park broke the code on Germany's enigma machine