Friday morning, Spencer packed his bag to stay at Garcia's for the weekend. He put in his clothes, along with several books.
"Derek, do you have my pills?" he asked, stuffing his journal in.
"I already gave them to Garcia, I didn't think you'd mind."
He shrugged. "I don't, I guess."
"Are you still going for a run while I'm gone?" Derek asked, zipping up his own bag.
He nodded. "I'm not sure there are many places around Garcia's apartment for it, but it's part of my schedule. I can't just stop doing it now."
"If you need me at all this weekend, you can call me."
"I'll try not to need you." He shouldered his bag and satchel. "I promise. Enjoy the time with your mom. Garcia said we'll pick up Clooney on the way home from work, so I'll have him to keep me company."
"Are you sure-"
"Derek, you need to get away from all of this. You deserve an opportunity to enjoy yourself. Please stop doubting yourself and go."
Derek sighed, grabbing his keys off the counter. "Do you need anything else?"
He shook his head. "I have it all."
When Derek pulled into the garage at work, Garcia was waiting at her car. Spencer took a deep breath, shouldering his bags and getting out.
"Ready for our slumber party, Boy Wonder?"
He smiled slightly, walking over as she opened her trunk. "You know me. I'm a party animal." He threw his duffle bag in. "Do you want to walk in together?"
"I just need to bid farewell to my sweet prince. Meet me at the front door?"
He nodded, giving her a quick wave before walking toward the stairs.
Garcia turned to Derek. "What, no goodbye? No hugs? Nothing for your roomie?"
He shook his head. "He doesn't want to say it, and I'm not forcing it. Now, his pills?"
"One of each in the morning after his run, and one of each at night before bed."
"Knives?"
"All locked away in a cabinet, along with medications, spare keys, and kitchen utensils."
"Where's he going to sleep?"
She closed her trunk. "I have the pull-out already made up for him with extra pillows."
"And when he's in the shower?"
"Check in every ten minutes."
"Anywhere to run around your apartment?"
"Already put together his route. Now will you stop acting like a paranoid boyfriend? I'm totally going to start spreading rumors."
He smiled, kissing her forehead. "If anything happens, give me a call."
"I promise. Now go enjoy your time home. It sure as hell beats anything here."
"Just don't leave him alone too long, okay?"
"You have my word."
He nodded, walking over to his car and getting back in.
That night, after picking up Clooney from the apartment, Spencer set him down at Garcia's. "He doesn't require much. He just loves attention and needs to go out for walks on occasion. He doesn't have any accidents or cause any problems-"
She put up her hand. "It's fine, really. He's more than welcome anytime, as are you."
He smiled slightly, setting his bags down and taking out some of Clooney's toys.
Garcia opened the bag with take-out boxes. "Come on. We're going to eat and enjoy some good old Ten."
He sat on the couch, tucking his legs under himself and taking one of the boxes she offered to him.
"I know you're not chopsticks savvy, so here." She dug through the bag, handing him a plastic fork.
He smirked. "You know me so well."
After watching several episodes of Doctor Who with Garcia, Spencer decided to turn in. He laid back on the pull-out, patting it so Clooney would jump up with him.
"Do you want me to leave the light on in here, 187?"
He nodded slightly, running his hand through Clooney's fur. "Please."
She turned on the lamp before turning toward him. "Do you need anything else."
"I'm fine, thanks," he mumbled. Once she was in her room, he pulled the blanket over his head, sighing. He pet Clooney, taking a deep breath and sighing. "We can do this, buddy," he whispered, before dozing off.
Spencer hadn't had a nightmare since the first night he was home after his attempt. Unfortunately, he woke up four times with nightmares that night, each one worse than the last. Each time, he sat up on the couch, burying his head in his hands and groaning. He was being ridiculous – Derek was just a friend, he shouldn't need him to keep the nightmares away for him all the time. When he finally caught his breath, he laid back down, attempting to get some sleep again.
His next nightmare was the worst of all. He had his mind yelling at him, telling him everything he's been doing wrong for the past month. Staying with Derek was only making him an inconvenience. Going to the team was good for him, but a bother to them. His therapist only cared about him because she had to, and worst of all, his tendencies were back. He whimpered, trying his best not to react to it.
Garcia got out of bed, walking to the living room and shaking his arm. "Reid, honey, wake up, you're okay."
He could hear someone saying his name, but it wasn't pulling him out. He only woke up with a start, panting, when he'd put a knife to his wrist again. He sat up, whimpering and crying softly.
Garcia sat in front of him. "Reid, sweetie, you're safe. It wasn't real, it was just a dream." She took his hand, squeezing it. "Honey, I'm here. You're here. Wherever that dream took you doesn't matter. You're safe. Come on, take a deep breath for me."
He leaned over, burying his head in her shoulder. She sighed, rubbing his back. "There you go, honey, let it out."
While she attempted to calm him down, Clooney rested his head in his lap, looking up at him.
"Do you need Derek?" she asked, running a hand through his hair.
He nodded against her shoulder, crying softly. Rather than acting aggravated like he expected, she was nurturing, just like Derek had been. She grabbed his phone off the coffee table, dialing Derek's number.
Derek reached over, checking the caller ID on his phone. Seeing that it was Spencer, he didn't hesitate to answer, even in his half asleep state.
"Hey, Pretty Boy," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes. "You doing okay?"
"He could really use your help, Derek," she said simply, rubbing Spencer's back and turning to him. "Sweetie, Derek's on the phone."
Spencer reached out, taking the phone. "I'm sorry," he said between breaths. "I'm really sorry."
"Don't sweat it." Derek sat up in bed, putting a pillow behind his back. "What's wrong?"
Spencer screwed his eyes shut, rubbing Clooney's back. "They came back, worse than they were before."
"Are you having a panic attack?"
"Mhm."
Garcia walked over, handing him a glass of ice water and putting a cold cloth around his neck.
"Take a deep breath for me, Pretty Boy. Can you do that?"
Spencer took a deep breath, exhaling. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. You have nothing to be apologizing for. Did you take your medication before bed?"
"Both pills, I promise."
"Do you have Clooney with you?"
Spencer swallowed, taking a sip of the water and sighing. "He's right here, thinking he's a tiny lap dog."
Derek smiled slightly. "He has a habit of that, you should be used to it by now. Do you need to talk about it?"
Spencer bit his lip. "I did it again. I'm sorry."
"No, you didn't. You dreamed you did, and those are two completely different things. Right now, do you have a desire to do it?"
He shook his head. "Of course not, I wouldn't do that again."
"Then stop apologizing."
"I'm sorry." He winced. "Sorry, last time."
"Is Garcia there?"
"Mhm, right here."
"She's going to calm you down, okay? She's going to help and I'll be back on Sunday."
Spencer sighed, wiping his eyes."Okay. Thank you."
"Anytime. Now put Garcia on."
He bit his lip, handing the phone to Garcia and curling up, wrapping an arm around Clooney.
She took the phone, sitting up. "Hey, what can I do?"
"I need you to talk to him. Let him know this isn't his fault. You just need to calm him down and get him in a mindset that everything's going to be okay. Remind him that he can go for a run in the morning, clear his head of all of this. After he gets back from his run, have him write down in his journal, get all of his feelings out. Don't interrupt him while he's doing it."
"Yeah, okay, no problem."
"After he does that, he's going to want to talk. He doesn't want you to respond, he just wants you to listen. If you see him looking at his scar, remind him of the progress he's made and that he's here for a reason. If he needs to cry, don't tell him it's okay and he'll be fine. Just let him cry it out, be there for him."
"Anything else?"
He thought for a minute. "If he doesn't go down easy, turn on some soft music. Usually humming calms him down, but it's a good alternative. Can you do all that for me, Baby Girl?"
"Of course. If you think of anything else, let me know."
"Will do. Give me an update tomorrow?"
"Long distance pinky swear."
She hung up, looking at Spencer. She sat beside him, rubbing his back and humming. "Do you need to talk about it, sweetie pie?"
He sighed, shaking his head. "I'm sorry for waking you."
"I wasn't sleeping, I was up on my laptop anyway." She ran a hand through his hair. "You're doing great, honey. How long has it been?"
"Thirty six days," he said, keeping his eyes on Clooney and sighing.
"That's a lot of progress. A lot of people aren't that lucky. You're doing a lot better than you're giving yourself credit for."
He shrugged, wiping his eyes. "I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for. How about in the morning, we go for a run? I think we could both use it."
He smiled slightly, nodding. "Thank you."
"Of course, Boy Wonder." She leaned down, placing a kiss on his forehead. She saw him finally let out a sigh of relief and fall asleep. Looking through her CDs, she put in her softest music and stuck it in the player on loop. Luckily, the rest of the night was silent for both of them.
The next morning, Spencer woke up early, taking Clooney outside. When he got back inside, he changed into his sweats, tying his shoes. Surprisingly, Garcia walked in a minute later with full jogging gear.
"Let's go, 187."
He raised an eyebrow. "You're awful awake for 6 a.m. on a Saturday."
She smirked. "It's a gift. Now let's go." She tucked her house key into her shoe, tying it. "I have the perfect route. It's not your usual one, but it never hurts to mix things up a bit, right?"
He nodded, standing up and walking outside.
They ran around the streets around her apartment. Rather than trying to beat her like he did with Derek, he kept his pace, running alongside her and keeping a conversation going.
"You're telling me you've done this daily for over thirty days?"
He nodded. "It helps me clear my head and get in a better mindset. Not to mention I get to put bruises on Derek's ego when I race him back to the apartment and win."
She smiled. "Oh, I bet. How's it feel to have your first roommate?"
He shrugged. "I don't know, it's different, but in a good way. I'm able to talk to someone when I need it and still get my private time. I always have somebody to confide in and it feels good."
"Sounds like you've got it made. What's going on with the two of you?"
"What do you mean? We're roommates and he keeps my nightmares away. That's all there is to it."
"Is it?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Garcia, even if he were interested in men, I highly doubt that he'd go for somebody like me, having seen some of the women he's slept with."
"So, what, you go that way?"
He stopped, sitting on a park bench and sighing. "Can I tell you something I haven't even told Derek?"
"Of course. Your secrets are always safe with me, 187."
He sighed, choosing his words carefully. "Before I joined the FBI, I was in a serious relationship with someone who was a close friend of mine. We'd been friends for years before and figured why not." He bit down on his lip. "And it didn't exactly end well."
She wanted to interrupt, wrapping her arms around him but never letting go, but as Derek had told her, she couldn't say anything when he started talking or he'd shut himself in.
"The first few years were good, honestly the happiest I ever was before I joined the BAU. But then one day, a switch went off and he changed. In terms everyone else uses? The honeymoon period was over. He would drink and when he was drunk, I'd try hiding, but it never worked. He'd always find me. Throw me around a little bit." He looked down at his hands. "And I stayed until I had to leave for FBI training. That's why I don't want to try anything with Derek."
"You know, not every guy is like him. Give me his name."
He smiled. "Why, so you can research him and make his life a living hell? No thank you."
She reached over, squeezing his hand. "Derek is really one in a million. Don't let one bad experience ruin everything for you."
He squeezed her hand back, wiping his eyes with his other hand. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"…Listening."
She ran a hand through his hair. "My ears are always open for you, 187."
Spencer spent a lot of the weekend writing in his journals. He ended up having another nightmare on Saturday night, and needed to call Derek to calm him down. He also had Garcia's help during the day when he just needed to talk about his emotions. Something about talking to her about his problems was different than doing it with Derek, but it was a good kind of different. He knew he could call her anytime he needed it, and it felt good. Not only did she go on his run with him both days, but she also kept him preoccupied with Doctor Who marathons and had him attempt some yoga. He made her promise that it would never leave her apartment.
He packed his bag, putting in his clothes and journals, and zipped it up. "Thanks again for letting Clooney and I stay for the weekend. I really appreciate it."
She smiled, ruffling his hair. "You are always more than welcome at my apartment. You're definitely great company – I don't think anybody else on the team would appreciate several hours of Doctor Who and a game of Go."
He walked around the apartment, gathering Clooney's toys and throwing them into a bag and whistled. "Here, Clooney."
When Clooney ran in and sat at his feet, Garcia smiled. "Only been with him a little over a month and you're already his master. That's impressive."
He shrugged, sitting on the couch and letting Clooney jump up, putting his head in his lap. "Are you ready to go home to your master soon? I'm sure he missed you." Spencer said, rubbing behind his ears.
Garcia smirked. "Well I think he missed both of you."
He ignored her, looking down at Clooney. "Please don't tell him what I told you."
"Sweetie, your secrets are always safe with me, but don't you wonder what could be?"
"I've had what could be, and I really don't want to go there again."
She sighed, looking over at him. "Not every guy is going to be like that asshole, you know. It took me a lot of douchebags to finally find Kevin. Derek's a great guy-"
"And he can stay my co-worker and roommate," he finished, rubbing Clooney's back and sighing.
Derek walked up to Garcia's apartment, knocking. He heard Clooney barking on the other side of the door and couldn't help but feel happy.
Spencer whistled. "Clooney, come here."
He heard the dog run away and Garcia walked to the door, opening it. "Welcome back, tall, dark, and gorgeous."
He smiled, kissing her forehead. "Nice to see you too, Baby Girl." He peeked in the apartment. "Where's Spencer?"
"He ended up going for a second run today, so he's taking a quick shower."
He raised his eyebrow. "Second run? Everything okay?"
She lowered her voice, leaning against the wall. "He talked a lot this weekend. Much more than I expected. I think he just needs to relax a little bit."
"But he's okay?"
She nodded. "He was really open and seemed genuinely happy most of the time. He wrote in his journals a bit and the nightmares came back. I think having you back is just what he needs right now."
"But he hasn't gotten worse?"
"On the contrary, I think talking and running so much was a huge help. He's definitely not ready to sleep on his own, but this morning? I was able to leave him alone in the apartment for 20 minutes when I needed to take a run to the corner store, and he only called once to ask when I'd be back. I'd say that's a step in the right direction."
"Considering I couldn't even leave him alone before I left? You're a miracle worker, Baby Girl."
She smirked. "Well, I try."
When she heard the shower stop, Garcia turned to him. "Be careful with him, okay? He's more fragile than you think."
He raised an eyebrow. "Did he tell you something?"
"He did, but I'm sworn to secrecy. If he wants you to know, I'm sure he'll tell you. Can you just trust me on this one?"'
"Yeah, no problem. Is it something I should be worried about?"
She quickly shook her head. "Nothing that sticks up a red flag, no. Just be gentle."
"I promise."
Spencer walked out of the bathroom, running a towel through his hair. "Garcia, I used some of your shampoo, I hope you don't mind."
"Not at all."
He grabbed the brush out of his bag, brushing through his hair, wincing when it got caught. "Who was at the door?"
"Hey, Pretty Boy," Derek said, grabbing his pills off the counter and putting the bottles in his pocket.
He tried to hide his excitement at hearing Derek's voice. "How was Chicago?" He asked, throwing his brush back in the bag.
"Good… my mom sends her well wishes your way, and my sisters want to know if you're still wearing that jacket with the elbow pads that makes you look like a college professor."
Spencer rolled his eyes. "Tell your sisters that jacket doesn't exist anymore, and tell your mother thank you. You didn't-"
He shook his head. "She just knows you were going through a tough time and wants the best for you."
He smiled slightly, shouldering his bags. "Like I said, thank her for me."
"So what's in the plans for you two today?" Garcia asked, turning toward Derek.
"I'm probably going home and crashing on my bed for a while, and I'll see you at work tomorrow."
Garcia walked over, wrapping her arms around Spencer, hugging him. "Enjoy having your cuddle buddy back tonight. I'm here if you need to talk."
He rested his chin on her shoulder. "Thank you for everything."
She patted his back. "Anytime."