Ch. 10- All Hail the Heartbreaker

I heard it through the grapevine
Not much longer would you be mine.
Oh I heard it through the grapevine,
Oh and I'm just about to lose my mind.
Honey, honey yeah.

I Heard It Through the Grapevine- Marvin Gaye

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Sirius and I were better than ever after we talked everything out. I didn't pick any fights mostly because I didn't want to. I was happy with how things were and sometimes I almost forgot about the plan. But it was always there, nagging at the back of my mind and leaving me with a perpetual feeling of guilt. I tried to push it away, but it just wouldn't leave me alone.

"Hey, Addi, are you okay?" I looked up to Lily Evans standing there. "It's just, you look stressed out about more than tests."

"Yeah, well, I'm having some personal issues with myself," I said wondering if I should tell her about the plan and get some advice or just keep quiet about it. I chose the latter. "There's some things that I need to sort out and it's just harder than I thought it would be."

"Oh, I see," She said with a slight nod. "Is there anything I can do to help?" She asked and I shook my head.

"No, I think this is something I need to get through by myself. But thanks," I said smiling at her.

"Yeah, no problem," She replied smiling back. "And my offer stands if you decide you need help." With that she went up to the dorm.

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"So, love, are you going back home after school?" Sirius asked out of the blue one day in April as we were in the library studying for our N.E.W.T.s- well I was studying, he was messing around.

"Er, well, yeah I was planning to until I find a flat of my own," I replied looking up at him. "Why?"

"Well, I was thinking- I've found a flat in London that I'm going to buy and I guess if you wanted to get out from under your parents you could…move in with me?" He said fiddling with the quill in his hands.

"You're serious?" I asked and before he could say it: "Yes, yes, I know you're Sirius." I said rolling my eyes as he smiled broadly.

"Yes, I am- on both accounts," He said and I smiled at him.

"That sounds fantastic." I said. "Really, I'd love to get away from my family. And I can just imagine the look on their faces when I tell them."

"Yeah, but at least I'm semi-acceptable, right?" He asked and I frowned at him. "You know, I'm pure blood, good looking, and incredibly smart. Your parents couldn't ask for a better suitor, now could they?" He explained and I rolled my eyes.

"And you're oh-so modest, too. Actually, my parents will probably be even more furious that I'm with you," I said smirking. "You see, after you got disowned your worth was immediately shot."

"That makes sense, I mean, a disowned pureblood is as a bad as a blood traitor, right?" He said bitterly. "Oh well, screw 'em all, that's what I say!" He added loudly and Madame Pince glared at us.

"Hear, hear," I said mock joyfully in a low voice. "Now, shut up so I can study." I added.

"Wait, you actually study?" He asked and I threw him a look.

"Yes, for those of us not blessed to be geniuses like you we have to study to pass." I replied sarcastically. "Now go!"

"You're no fun," He said sulkily, getting up and leaving the library. I shook my head, smiling to myself.

I had been studying for about an hour and half when Zoey joined me. I marked my place and looked up at her. She had this sort of troubled look on her face, as though she were trying to make a decision about something.

"Addi, I need to talk to you," She said. "But not here, it's too open- let's go to the back."

"Alright," I said confused.

I followed her through shelves and shelves of books until we ended up in the back of the library, between the History of Magic and Muggle Studies sections. The only time anybody ever came back here for books was when they had assignments due, otherwise it was used for secret meetings or snogging couples. I looked at Zoey expectantly, but she seemed to be choosing her words carefully.

"Addi, I think it's time to execute the last phase of the plan," She said looking at me.

"Why? We've got plenty of time," I said, wondering why this was the big deal. "What's the hurry?"

"Well, it's nearly the end of April and it won't make much of an impact if we wait much longer." She said slowly. "And besides Sirius is totally in love with you, now would be the perfect time to crush him."

"I suppose," I said thoughtfully. As much I wanted this whole charade to just be over, I didn't want it to be at Sirius' expense. I would die before admitting it to her, though.

"C'mon, Addi, this is what we've worked up to. It's finally time for all of it to pay off." She said almost pleadingly.

"Yeah," I said absentmindedly.

"Wait- you…you fell for him didn't you?" She asked and I looked up at her. "Oh Merlin, Addi!"

"Hang on just a second," I said defensively. "I did not fall for him- that's impossible. I don't believe in love, so how I could I?" I asked crossing my arms.

"He charmed you just like he charmed every other girl." She said in disbelief.

"He did not!" I said firmly.

My mind was working fast- if I admitted that I had, in fact, fallen for Sirius then Zoey would be pissed at me and there was no guarantee that Sirius would understand either. If I followed through with the plan I would at least have one less person mad at me. I sighed; all hell was about to break loose and I had no idea how to get out of this without hurting Sirius.

"Listen, I'll do it tomorrow," I said and she looked up at me. "At breakfast we'll crush him."

"Alright," She said nodding. "Merlin, you had me scared there for a second, Addi," She added with a laugh.

"Yeah," I said smiling.

I didn't see Sirius for the rest of the day and I was thankful for that. I was avoiding him because I didn't think I could trust myself around him. I knew I couldn't let Zoey down and in a way if I didn't go through with it I'd be letting myself down too. But it didn't change the fact that tomorrow I was not only going to break Sirius' heart, I'd be breaking mine too. I hated myself already for planning this and I could only imagine what I'd feel like afterwards. But, I made a promise and damn it I was going to keep it.

And as much as I wanted to use that excuse, I knew I couldn't. I could have gone back on my word, but I wasn't going to. It was something I could hide behind. If I got down to the core of the problem it wasn't that I had to go through with plan- it was that I was scared of love. I was completely scared that if I didn't hurt Sirius first he would hurt me. In the rational part of my mind I knew that it was completely ridiculous to think that way, but I did. My experiences contradicted the rational and so that was what I had to go on. I was terrified of letting another person in close enough to hurt me like that and I had let Sirius in too far. It was time to put a stop to everything.

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"Okay, so you know what you're going to say?" Zoey asked that night before we went to bed.

"Sort of," I said shrugging. "I thought I'd start by telling him that it just isn't working out for me- he's kept too many secrets and I just don't think he's the one for me. Maybe throw in that he isn't my type."

"You know, I think it would be brilliant if you exposed the plan." She said thoughtfully.

"What?"

"You know, stand up and tell him it's all been a charade. That would show the school that Sirius Black has finally fallen from his throne of using girls. He fell for a complete phony!" She said gleefully.

"Alright, I suppose that could work." I said nodding. "But you know we should probably get some sleep."

"Yeah, tomorrow's a big day!" She agreed smiling.

I went to bed that night restless and antsy. I had this weird feeling that something was going to go horribly wrong, but I didn't know how he could know anything about the plan. I tossed and turned, dreading morning, which seemed to come faster than normal. I woke up with a headache and no will to move, but Zoey, who had slept just fine, drew back my curtains and let the sun and the chirping birds fill my bed. The weather seemed to be mocking me and I wasn't in the mood for it. I scowled into my pillow, pulling my covers over my head.

"C'mon, Addi, the sun is shining, it's a glorious morning!" Zoey practically sang, shoving the covers off my bed.

"Alright, alright, I'm up," I grumbled sitting up.

"Good, go get ready- we have things to do!" She said glancing around at the other girls in the dorm. There were only two of them- Lily had already gone down to breakfast.

I took a quick shower and got ready. I picked up my school bag and met Zoey in the Common Room. She was excited and bouncing on the balls of her feet. I forced a smile and we headed out of the portrait hole. With each step my feet felt more and more like lead and soon it seemed to take all of my strength just to move forward. More than anything I wanted to turn around and run away…forget the past few months and go back to hating Sirius. But I knew I couldn't and that fact was what kept pushing me forward.

"Hey, look, there he is," She said nudging me. I looked up to see Sirius standing outside the doors to the Great Hall. "Wonder why he's waiting out here for you," She added frowning slightly.

"Hey, Addi, can I talk to you?" He asked and without waiting for a reply grabbed me by the arm, glared at Zoey, and pulled me a little ways away. Zoey took the hint and ducked into the Great Hall.

"Okay, what?" I asked breaking free of his strong grip.

"You've been messing with me," He accused anger lighting up his intense grey eyes. "You've just been playing with my emotions this whole time, haven't you?"

"Sirius, I-"

"Just tell me the bloody truth!" He shouted and I winced. His eyes were pleading for me to tell him it wasn't true and I couldn't lie, not now.

"I have," I said holding my head up high. Better to act an ice queen than show weakness. "The entire time, it's just been a sham."

"Why?" He asked in disbelief. "Just for your own sick amusement?"

"Look, I was trying to get back at Roger and you," I said shaking my head. "Zoey and I came up with this plan just after he broke up with me. I was to catch your eye, become your dream girl and all of that, and date you so that Roger would be jealous. And then, after a certain time I was to break up with you in front of everyone and humiliate you to show everyone who had the upper hand. How did you find out?"

"Lily overheard you yesterday in the library and she told me." He said with a shrug. "So, you've been pretending to be someone you're not to get revenge on an old boyfriend and me?" He added and I nodded. "I don't understand how I factor into this."

"We needed someone that I could make fall for me that I didn't feel guilty about hurting. And, well, you and I weren't exactly on the best terms then and you used girls all the time and that made you the perfect candidate." I explained with a sigh. "Think about it, dating the god of the school and taking him down- I'd be a legend. But it didn't exactly work out the way it should have."

"Well, brilliant," He said slowly nodding and I thought that he was taking this rather well. Then, "How the bloody hell could you do this?" He yelled.

"Sirius, let me-" I started but he cut me off again.

"Let you what? Let you explain? Oh, don't worry, I get it, I understand. You are a cold-hearted bitch who just likes to mess with people! I can't believe that I actually thought what we had was real," He said with a hollow laugh. "What a joke! I bet you and Zoey just laughed it up, huh? None of it was true- everything you told me…ha! I bet you had fun coming up with those sob stories to tell me."

I didn't say anything; I knew I was getting what I deserved. And as much as I wanted to throw myself at his feet and beg for his forgiveness I knew that I needed to cut him free. I couldn't leave any shadow of doubt in his mind- he deserved to find someone worthy of his love. Besides, he wouldn't listen to what I had to say, he hated me now. So, I changed my tactics and with a final breath and silent curse I faced him.

"You're right," I said drawing myself up to my full height, which was still a head shorter than him. "None of it was real, I was just pretending the entire time. And you know what, Sirius? It worked. Our plan worked- you fell for me. And now it's over."

"That's it? That's all you have to say for yourself?" He asked incredulously.

"Yes."

"You know what, I was wrong about you- you're not just a bitch and a heartless one at that." He said a calm fury in his words. "You're a heartbreaker and that's all you'll ever be. You wouldn't know how to love if someone was ever stupid enough to try and teach you." And with that he turned on his heel and walked away. Funny, I thought that it would be me walking away from him.

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A/N: And there it is- he knows about almost everything now...let me know what you thought- love it, hate it- constructive criticism is always welcome and flamers make me laugh. ;p