Recently, I watched the movie Keith, starring Jesse McCartney. You know you're a KH fangirl when you don't even call the voice actors by their real names. Jesse was then to me and forever will be seen as Roxas now! I called him that during the entire thing…his personality was like Roxas and Axel fused! And the blonde girl that was the other main character…eh, she wasn't like Namine, but I called her that, just to make things more complete. Great movie, nice plot. Check it out if you guys haven't seen it.

But first, read this chapter, lol!

School of Nobodies

After the ranting Roxas did the day before, Xemnas kindly rescinded his plan to make him be the only one to work. There were other jobs to be done, and if he was collecting hearts the entire time, the other tasks couldn't be completed.

This is why Vexen, Riku, Xion and Larxene had been deployed to Atlantica to do a recon mission. None knew much about the location except Vexen, who had made everyone take a weird pill before leaving.

"Trust me, you'll be happy that you did," he had told them. Now that they were there, they knew why. The dry land they were standing on wasn't the real part of the world they were entering. Once they dived into the water, their bodies automatically began rearranging themselves, some limbs shortening, or lengthening, some disappearing altogether.

Riku looked down at himself and noticed he was now in the form of a great white shark. It wasn't his thing to give cheers and shouts of joy, but if it were, he would've. It didn't get anymore awesome than that.

Xion was a sea urchin. And she wasn't happy about it. "I look like a Koosh ball!" she said. "How the hell am I supposed to move around like this?"

It was then that they noticed two things. One, Vexen was a starfish. "I. Am so. Humiliated," he mumbled.

The second was that Larxene was now the next Little Mermaid. She sported a deep purple tail with glittering scales down the middle in varying shades of blue. This particular mermaid seemed to have been given a Wonder bra though, and Larx proudly turned herself this way and that in a showy fashion to show off the attributes she had with and perhaps even without the mermaid appearance.

"Yes, mirror, mirror on the wall, I already know I'm the prettiest of them all," she said, flipping her hair unnecessarily, considering the water made it constantly float anyways.

"We're only here to scout the area, so we might as well get a move on," Vexen said. "I'd really not like to have to stay in this form much longer…" He drifted over to Riku, then landed on his back.

Riku swiveled his body to look at him. "Um…yeah. Dude, you're sticking to me."

"Yes, I'm aware of that," Vexen said in a tired voice. He was really not enjoying being a starfish. "My natural movement is to glide only along the bottom of the ocean, and it's not very fast at that. You're the fastest swimmer here."

Xion had to admit that the man had a point. Unfortunately, she couldn't stick to Riku. With absolute reluctance, she looked to Larxene.

"Aww, does the koosh ball need transportation?" Larxene asked with a cruel smile.

Xion would've given anything to have hands at that moment to punch her with. Instead, she was forced to swallow her anger. "Yes. I do need transportation," she gritted out.

Larxene swam a circle around her, looking at her this way and that. "If you're poisonous or anything else, you're rolling across the bottom of the floor like your father should be doing." With that, she picked Xion up into her cupped palms and the group set off.

They explored random caves and coves, looking for long-forgotten valuables even. Upon crossing the first creature that could speak, Riku was the only one that didn't nearly have a heart attack. Vexen pulled out some sort of tablet and pen and began taking notes on the fish, asking it numerous questions until he got too personal. Then it huffed indignantly and swam off, leaving him helpless to follow after.

When they came to a fork in a tunnel, they debated on which direction to go toward. "I say right," Xion said. "We've taken mostly lefts this entire time. It's a miracle we haven't gone in a circle."

"Yes, but if we should go in a circle, from the starting point we can then start on making the lefts," Vexen said.

"Why the hell aren't there any mer-men here?" Larxene asked, upset that no one would see her fishy splendor. If that sounded weird, then I did my job.

"We're not to be spotted regardless," Vexen said matter of factly. "Now, all in favor of a left turn, raise your…er…fins? Um, Xion dear, I can't tell if you are or if you're not…"

Xion looked to the shark. "What are you vouching for?" she asked him.

Riku shrugged as much as a shark could. "Makes no difference to me. I suppose there's nothing wrong with a right turn."

Xion looked happy enough to do a backflip. Riku agreed with her! "Alright, well, two of four say take a right. Larxene doesn't count since she doesn't care one way or the other. So I guess we win." She stuck her tongue out at the scientist.

Vexen sighed. "You win this round, but only because daddy hasn't the means to really retaliate back."

Riku led the way and started down the tunnel, Larxene following after her. The farther they went, the darker it grew. Light shone ahead, but for the moment, their surroundings were pitch black. It was then that Xion found out that she could glow.

"Maybe I should lead," she teased Riku. The boy only gave a noncommittal grunt but didn't slow down his pace.

"You like him," Larxene hissed in what she could only hope was Xion's ear.

"Do not!" The urchin squeaked back.

"Please, the three blind mice could see it. You're flirting with him. Now, before you say anything else, I have a proposition to make. I'll try my best to hook you up with him. In return…you have to get me on a date with Axel."

If urchin couldn't cough before, Xion broke that record. She gave a gasping wheeze and violently shuddered. Her spines became harder and pricked Larxene, who with a yelp, dropped her. They had reached the other side of the tunnel by then, but the exit was a deep drop with seaweed at the bottom. Finding her again wasn't going to be easy.

"My baby!!!" Vexen screamed, staring with horror filled eyes at the patch where she fell in at. "Save my little girl! Please Larxene, I'll never ask you for anything else!"

The woman sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll find the damn urchin. But you owe me." She dived into the grass and began looking around. Riku on the other hand was exploring a sunken ship, ignoring the starfish's protests to stay with Larxene.

While each person was oblivious to their surroundings, they didn't notice the large shadow looming over them until it was too late. Slowly, Larxene was the first to see it. There was the option of yelling to Riku to look up, but…there was also the option to hide and let it ignore her, seeing as it hadn't spotted her amongst the seaweed.

She chose to save her own ass.

It was Vexen who noticed the other shark for Riku. "Oh no…oh no, no, no…"

"Look, I'm just waiting for Xion to be found, then we can continue on our way," Riku said, sighing. He rolled his eyes and that's when he also noticed the other shark. A much bigger shark at that. He was clearly out-ranked.

"Okay, and why didn't anyone see fit to warn me earlier?" He snorted. But now that the other shark had his attention, it went in for the kill.

"Eat him, he has more meat!" Vexen shouted. He detached himself from Riku and spun to the floor. Larxene saw him drifting closer to her spot and risked also being seen by the shark to reach out and grab him. In his fear, he latched on to her face.

"Aaagghh!! Get off me! Get him off me!" She screamed, clawing at the starfish. "It's like having his balls all in my face!" she yelled.

"Get back in the damn grass!" Vexen simultaneously howled. "Oh, I don't want to die! I so don't want to die!"

Larxene finally managed to rip him away from her skin and none too gently flung him into the seaweed. She looked up to see if the shark had noticed the commotion below, then froze. It was talking with Riku. Riku answered something it said with a shrug, who then also gave its own shrug before swimming off. The boy then floated down to join her.

"Okay, what was that?" She said

He shrugged yet again. "Thought I was someone he knew. Told him he got the wrong guy, we're just tourists passing through."

"Soo…he wasn't about to attack?" Larxene asked with disbelief.

"Guess not," Riku said, adding yet another shrug.

Larxene strangely didn't seem too happy about this though. "So I had Vexen's fishy privates all in my face for a threat that never existed?! This mission is over!"

She turned around and went back to the seaweed. Within a minute, she had located Vexen again, who was hiding under a black sea urchin that wasn't Xion. "Wrong urchin," she sneered at him. She raked her eyes over the area before reaching down and picking up the right one.

"Oh, I know that," Vexen said. "This one is bigger."

"Oh thanks, save your own ass while the rest of us die. And you wonder why I won't claim you," Xion sneered at him.

Larxene picked them both up. She simply flung Vexen back onto Riku, but had no choice but to continue holding the girl.

They continued their journey through other caves, trying to find the exit but instead coming across a tall structure made of rocks. The inside must've been hollow, for they could hear someone singing inside.

Up where they walk, up where they run. Up where they stay all day in the sun. Wandering free…wish I could be…part of that world.

"Okay, we're not doing the sing-along thing here," Larxene muttered. Without giving any form of announcement, she swam into the cove.

"Oh, wasn't aware I had company!" A red-haired teenage mermaid said. "I'm Ariel. And who are you?"

"I'm the one telling you to shut the hell up because the world doesn't want to hear your pity party," The blonde said with her cruel sneer turned up to its max level. "Oh, and just so you know, I can actually walk."

That did it for Ariel. She burst into tears and left the room, a large lobster and yellow and blue fish following after her.

"Wow…was that actually necessary?" Riku asked. He stared at the exit with a regretful expression…like he had just missed out on quite a rare treat.

Xion caught the look and cleared her throat. "Look at this place. Quite the collection of stuff, eh?" Ugh…talking about your surroundings was as bad as talking about the weather. Either it was quite annoyingly obvious or just totally lame. In this case, that was doubly enforced considering the trove was filled with junk. Maybe the other mermaid thought it was fascinating, but to them, it wasn't anything new.

"Alright, we've done our exploring. I'm leaving, whether the rest of you are or not," Vexen said. He held up the tip of one of his points and cast open a portal right there. He pushed off of Riku yet again and swam toward it.

Xion went in next. Riku started toward it, but stopped and looked back at Larxene. "Coming?"

"Yeah…but let me just…" She picked up a gold bowling trophy off of a shelf of the cove and took it with her. "Little miss sing-along will hopefully be missing this," she said as she entered the dark portal.

With a wet flop, she and Riku landed on top of Vexen and Xion on the other side, back in their normal forms. Vexen happened to make this portal in someone else's room. Xaldin's.

The man didn't even wait to fully see who they were. Before they could get their bearings, several lances came flying at them. Thankfully, they all missed, sticking dangerously into the wall behind them.

"Whoa! Chill!" Xion tried to placate him. "We come in peace."

"Oh man guys…you can't just warp into my room and expect me to be fine with it. Next time, do try to at least get close to the Grey Room." Xaldin blew his door open and with it, sent the four of them flying out, crashing unceremoniously into the wall on the other side of the hall.

"Well then!" Vexen snapped, but the door was slammed in his face.

"I guess I'll go tell Xemnas we made it back in one piece," Riku said and headed to the Superior's office.

Larxene headed to her room with her new treasure, leaving Xion to seek out the solace of her two best friends. After that hellish mission, she could use their senseless banter.

HA!! No Axel, Xigbar, Zexion, Xemnas, or Saix in this chapter! I'm proud of myself! I harp on them a tad too much (can't you tell I like them a lot?). I decided to not really make Roxas the sole mission person since that would put the story at a bit of a standstill.

Anywho! Reviews are like hearts for Kingdom Hearts. You can never have too many of 'em!