Hopes and Dreams
Chapter Ten: Sleepless Nights
Eowyn was restless, longing for free air to blow through her hair, across her skin. Sleep would not come as she could not shut off her mind; Faramir was in her thoughts, she dwelled on his words to her, the softness of his eyes…could it be..? No! Stay this foolishness Eowyn, She said to herself. And with that she donned her thin robe and made her to the gardens once again.
When she was nearly there she heard a voice singing and her footsteps halted for a moment in wonder. It was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard. She crept closer timidly. It was Faramir who stood upon the walls with that deep voice ringing out warm and true and ethereal. She did not know what he sang, for it was in elvish, and Eowyn thought he looked like a mighty king of old; strong yet burdened with sorrow. She watched him pace slowly up and down beside the walls, the silver light of stars lining his leanly muscled outline. A sigh escaped her.
After a time his singing stopped.
"That was beautiful," Eowyn said, stepping out of the shadows to meet him. He turned about, startled, clearly embarrassed, though a smile graced his handsome face when his eyes lit upon her. He thought she looked wonderful in her flowing robe of creamy silk; a vision of loveliness, perfection. A yearning ache pounded within him.
Eowyn seemed not to notice.
"What were you singing?" she asked curiously.
"The Lay of Luthien," he answered, averting his eyes from her beauty, to gaze instead upon the stars, finding that they little compared to her, "Do you know the story?"
"Yes, Luthien, most beautiful of the elves gives up her immortality to be with the man Beren…it is lovely." She admitted, and a touch of sadness crept over her features as she was reminded of Aragorn and his lady.
Faramir said nothing for a moment as Eowyn became more pensive, unsure of her mood, but he found he was unable to hold his silence. "Why so sad, my Lady?" he asked softly.
"I am merely thinking Lord Faramir," replied the blonde haired Rohirrim, averting her gaze. She elaborated, "The story reminds me of the Lord Aragorn and his elven queen Arwen…they say she too is as beautiful as Luthien."
The young Gondorian stilled as he saw the sadness in Eowyn's blue eyes, and the final piece of the riddle of her unhappiness fell into place. She yearned for the love of the king, and was denied.
Then I shall never make her happy…I cannot compare to the king…
Eowyn looked up when Faramir did not reply, and she noticed his grey eyes were shining, sorrowful. She did not understand. Then, suddenly, she realized he knew about her desire for Aragorn. Shame burned her cheeks and she said cooly, turning away, "I do not want your pity."
"I do not offer you my pity Eowyn," Faramir said gently. His gaze was locked on her slender figure with longing. I would offer you my love if you would have it…
He knew not what comfort to offer the White Lady and so simply laid a hand over her shoulder, surprised when she reached round to hold it back. He waited silently, but he knew not why.
After a short time however she spoke again.
"You must think me foolish…"
"It is not foolish to love, Eowyn," Faramir said, reaching out to move the veil of golden locks over her shoulder. A tiny, breathless sigh escaped him causing shivers to run up Eowyn's spine. She turned around swiftly, searching his face.
"But a fool I am," she returned, almost defiant, "How could I have hoped for love?"
She did not expect an answer to her question, was merely thinking aloud, but Faramir's deep, musical voice startled her a moment later, an unreadable expression of tenderness mingled with pain painted over his features.
"You need not hope for love Eowyn, for there are those who love you."
"It is but a shadow and a thought that you love…" she whispered, eyes distant with memory, "I think perhaps he knew me better than I knew myself."
Eowyn smiled inwardly at the confusion she now saw plainly on Faramir's face, and reached up a hand to smooth away his frown.
"Do not worry yourself my friend, I think I begin to understand at least…"
…I fell in love with the idea of the freedom his love would have brought me. But I need it not, I have made my own freedom, She thought passionately, hoping she was not fooling herself.
"I need not the love of any man," she continued proudly and sternly a moment later, eyes sparking as if daring Faramir to defy her.
"There are those that would love you endlessly, if you would but let them," Faramir whispered, taking her cold hands. Her hardened expression wavered and her mouth fell open as she looked into his eyes, and they seemed to say to her I would love you endlessly, if you would but let me.
The dark haired Captain knew by the shock on her lovely face, that he had said too much, that she was beginning to suspect his love for her. A sadness stole over him and he dropped his gaze from the gently parted lips he longed to kiss.
"Forgive me if I have spoken too freely," he said hesitantly, letting go her hands. He leaned upon the walls with a deep breath, the cool stone beneath his palms as white as Eowyn's smooth skin. He closed his eyes against the thought and ran a hand through his raven locks as if trying to dispel it.
In astonishment the shieldmaiden of the north watched the tall Captain of the south. Her heart sang under her breast and she tried vainly not to listen to the whispers it spoke of. It cannot be…
"I did not know you could speak elvish…" Eowyn said, attempting to break their silence.
Faramir turned to her with a tiny smile, his dark grey eyes twinkling as if the stars above, and her heart fluttered.
"I am descended from Numenor on my mother's side, it is from her that I acquired love of the elves and for the gentle arts in life; music, art…" He said, and now a tiny rueful chuckle as he continued, "…my father was never too pleased that I did not take to the sword or the bow with similar enthusiasm, but I have never found joy in slaying or destruction. I have not the strength for it."
Eowyn looked at him thoughtfully and Faramir gazed back questioningly.
"You are so different to the other warriors I know…" she said.
Faramir dropped his head, expelling a breath of air, "You are not the first person to tell me that," he said darkly, recalling the judgment his father had made of his person. Weak… Cowardly… So different from your brother…
"I find it refreshing; you have a different sort of strength, and yet when called upon you still have the skill to defend your lands and peoples."
Eowyn earnestly gazed at the tall ranger before her, her respect and admiration for him growing with each moment she spent in his company. She smiled warmly as colour suffused his cheeks, glad she had told him his true worth.
"Thank you," he replied quietly, "It was never easy living in Boromir's shadow…the expectations…"
Eowyn nodded her understanding, she knew only too well the difficulties of trying and failing to live up to expectations.
"I sometimes wish…"
Faramir trailed off with a shake of his head, staring thoughtfully out at the stars as a gentle breeze stirred his hair about his shoulders. Eowyn drew closer to him, forcing his eyes back upon her.
"Tell me what you would wish Faramir," she asked, eyes filled.
"I would wish to be free…free from duty, and pain, this Darkness," he whispered.
Eowyn blinked at him, a tear let loose, surprised by his admission yet not knowing why, for she felt the same herself.
"Do you think we will ever be free?" Eowyn wondered quietly.
"I do not know what to think," he answered slowly, truthfully, "And yet, you and I have been given a second chance at living… I must believe in hope. If anyone can rid this world of Darkness, I would believe it of Frodo."
The White Lady felt more tears pricking at her eyes and travelling down her cheeks at Faramir's words. His eyes shone with passion and belief and for a moment she was caught up with him in the bittersweet.
"Why do you weep?" he asked feelingly, a benevolent smile playing about his full lips as he dried up her tears.
She sniffled, looking out at the Pelennor Field in desolation, "How can you still hold on to hope? There is so much evil…"
The young lord followed her gaze and turned back to her slowly, his hands reaching up to caress either side of her face, "There is also good Eowyn. There is beauty and wonder and light. Sauron's reach has grown indeed, but he has not yet conquered! Not while there are those of us left who will fight!"
Eowyn gazed at the young Steward in something like awe, nodding her golden head and giving a watery yet determined smile in answer. A small light of hope was kindled in her heart.
"Fighting would be so much easier than this waiting! But at least I do not wait alone," She said.
Faramir smiled at that and dropped his hands to Eowyn's shoulders. She trembled.
"Perhaps we should sit by the fire inside?" Faramir suggested, suddenly aware of how cold Eowyn must be. She agreed readily and allowed him to steer her indoors.
They came to a small chamber where logs blazed and crackled merrily behind an iron grate. A rug was laid out before the fire and Eowyn settled down before it, feeling warmth return to her chilled flesh as Faramir closed the door behind them, barring the cool breeze. She felt rather than heard his return and was not surprised by the addition of a warm cloak draped carefully about her shoulders. She breathed deeply and burrowed into his cloak with a smile as he knelt beside her, stirring up the embers before them, humming softly to himself. A smile crept over Eowyn's face as she watched him.
"Do not stop," she beseeched a while later when he ceased humming and settled back on his haunches. "You have a wonderful voice…"
"I am no minstrel," Faramir laughed, though he continued obligingly, only falling quiet when Eowyn's eyes drooped shut and her breathing evened out, the melodious lilting sending her into a slumber. He pulled his cloak higher over her slender shoulder with a gentle suppressed sigh, his eyes fastened upon her peaceful face as he brushed a tendril of hair from her unblemished cheek. Unconsciously she leaned into his palm, mumbling.
"Be at peace," the young Captain whispered, "You are safe here. No evil will befall you whilst I am near."
He smiled as she settled, soothed by his words.
Faramir stifled a shiver and stoked the fire further, content to remain by its warmth and to watch over Eowyn's slumbering form. Thus he sat for some time, gradually becoming lulled by the heat emanating from before him, wrapping him in its inviting embrace, the dancing flames entrancing and hypnotizing him. Dark eyes slid shut as weariness made itself known once more and Faramir fell victim to its insistence.
The Lady of Rohan gave a languid stretch as the last vestiges of sleep were banished from her mind, Faramir's thick green cloak falling from her body as she sat up. She grabbed it closer against the chill in the air, somewhat surprised at how rested she felt. A smile played over her lips as her eyes lit upon the handsome Captain's prostrate form lying at her feet, though it faded as he let out a whimpering moan and thrashed against whatever specters haunted his dreams.
Empathy washed over the face of Eowyn. She crept closer, noting the sheen of sweat clinging to his paled face.
"Awake," she said softly, hand touching his shoulder. He trembled. "Faramir!" she called more urgently as he groaned again. Suddenly he sat up, his fine eyes wide with panic, dismay, fear. Pain shadowed their depths. He clutched at his leg with unsteady hands, his shallow breaths slowly evening out.
"Be calm, it was but a dream," Eowyn soothed, her hand finding its way back onto his strong shoulder in an attempt to still its shaking whilst imparting a measure of comfort.
"Yes, it was but a dream," Faramir returned in a husky whisper, his eyes locked onto the burning embers before him in consternation and lingering horror, questioning the truth of his own words as fragments of memory assaulted him.
He is already burning, already burning…bring wood and oil! Why do the fools flee…burn we must…bring wood and oil!
The young Captain's mind cleared as he felt a cool hand upon his cheeks, a waft of roses calming him.
"Eowyn," he mumbled, shutting his eyes against the sight of the fire.
"I am here…" she returned gently, brushing away tears that he did not know he had shed. "I am here," she repeated, a mantra of comfort falling from her lips as her hands fell to the broad shoulders before her.
"Thank you," Faramir's deep voice sounded a time later, as he looked up to face her. A picture of empathy gazed back at him and the young ranger of Ithilien smiled a little bashfully, though his eyes remained troubled and deep in thought.
Eowyn bit her lip in worry, knowing not how to help him. Still he trembled. She moved to the fire, prodding it to life.
Alarmed, Faramir caught up her hand, crying out.
"No!"
The White Lady looked upon him in shock, gaze falling to the tight grip he held her in. He hastily dropped her hand seeing the imprint he had left on her lily white skin.
"Forgive me," he said, filled with disgust at himself, "I did not mean to hurt you, though it seems foretold that I must."
"Faramir!" Eowyn exclaimed rising to her feet in mirror of her dark haired companion. "Why do you say such things?"
He took a step back from her in obvious distress, shaking his head. She stilled, face falling sadly.
"Why do you recoil?"
"If you but knew the truth…" he said, his voice laced with pain. You should not be here…you should have perished…
Eowyn blinked, "About what?"
Faramir turned away, leaning heavily on the marbled fireplace, gazing into the flames sightlessly, tantalizing echoes whispering of a secret truth, shrouding him in loathing. "It should have been I that perished…Mirthrandir made a mistake in saving me over your king…even my own father willed it…"
The blond Rohirrim's pace paled at his words, denial rising to her silent lips. It cannot be.
Silence lengthened between them.
Eowyn sank to the floor in shock, her eyes locked onto Faramir's back. Tension was evident in his posture, grief in the melancholic sigh that rattled through him. Yet she could not speak, her lips and throat refused to move, frozen in disbelief.
"There has not been a day gone past in which I have not wondered why it is that I have been spared at the cost of those more great than I…" Faramir whispered his confession, hands fisting through his raven hair. "I am sorry that it was not so."
With that he turned about and Eowyn saw devastation bright in his eyes as he strode beyond her to the door. She remained mute until his hand fell upon the handle when her voice suddenly broke free.
"I am not sorry," she stated softly. Faramir stilled and she repeated her words. He turned to face her then and his expression was one she could not fathom for the mix of emotions it held staggered her. Before she even realized she had moved she found herself standing before him, gazing into sea-grey eyes stormy with unshed tears, her hand tentatively reaching out to cup his cheek.
"Why should you have died in another's stead?" Eowyn said in disbelief.
"You would not wish our places had been exchanged?" Faramir returned.
The golden head before him shook sadly, "I should have gone in his stead. I had wished it."
"But you do not wish it now…?"
Eowyn's mouth dropped open and her face creased in something like pain as she dropped her eyes, "I do not know…" she admitted. I would have gone in his stead without question…why now do I cling to hope and life?
She looked up and realised the answer stood before her.
"No…You have returned hope to me…I would not wish your places exchanged though I miss my Uncle sorely."
Grey eyes bored into blue and a wordless understanding seemed to pass between them. A tiny smile banished the utter despair clouding the young Captain's features, and the White Lady felt something yet unnamed within her stir to life secretly. Love.
A/N: Masive thanks Aas always to those of you who are reading this and especially to those of you who are reviewing, your feedback has been most welcome! I really appreciate it. Sorry for the long absence before this update, I've been on a fieldtrip, have lots of exams coming up, and to top it all off my laptop has decided to become riddled with viruses so I am having to rewrite on my sister's computer instead. Please bear with me...
Aliyssa x