Note: Next installment is up! Hope you like it.

Voting is open for the Children of time- award but unfortunately, because there were so many nominations in my category "WIP" the story has to be carried over to the next round. That one will start on march the 5th. Even though I am a bit sad that it was taken from the nominees, I still would like to wish the nominated authors all the best and I would like to urge you to vote anyway. Support Torchwood Fanfiction!

And also a little thank you to whoever nominated me. I don't know who or what, but still, a huge thank you.

Jack saw Ianto's frame stiffen as the Captain strode towards the coffee machine, his footsteps sounding louder with every step he took. "It's just me."

"A-a-are you rested sir? I didn't get a chance to ask before…" Ianto stammered.

Jack could hear the tears in his words but glancing at his profile he could not see a trace of them. He was not so much holding them back but rather not allowing them through, biting his lower lip until it bled to help him restrain himself.

Jack sat on a little table behind Ianto, observing the young archivist as he washed up some dirty cups. "Slept like a baby." he responded.

"Good. And Gwen sir? How is she?"

"She's fine. The wound is healing nicely. She has to stay off her feet for a few weeks but she'll be fine. Already screaming for coffee. How about you. You ok? Owen sure knows how to blow up. You feeling better now that you're out of those wet clothes?"

"I'm fine sir. Besides it's not like I didn't have it coming."

What a laugh. I deserve that and far more. Owen was holding back, I know he was.

A punch for attempted murder. Yeah, sounds about right.

Jack approached Ianto, sensing the boy was about to break. He ran his hands from the small of his back to his shoulders, rubbing them until the tension left. He trailed his fingers over his arms and snaked around his waist. Ianto leant back into the touch, relishing the comforting motion of Jack's hands.

Jack brought his hands up to Ianto's chest and rested them in the middle, his palms softly pressing just above Ianto's heart. In the silence of the moment, he could feel the rhythmic beating of the heart against the sensitive skin of his palm.

Oh god, he's so close. I can feel him all around, all that Jack-ness. Why is he doing this? Why isn't he yelling and screaming?

"Ianto, go easy on yourself. It's hard enough mourning a loved one. No need to add guilt. And thank you."

Jack felt Ianto tremble under his touch and his heart was beating furiously underneath his palms.

"Thanks? For nearly killing you? Betraying you? For what sir?" Ianto replied, his voice getting higher with every question he asked.

"For today Ianto. You stepped in without anyone asking you and basically ran the hub."

"Part of my job sir."

"Maybe, you didn't HAVE to, did you? You didn't have to come in or help Owen … you didn't have to help me bathe or sleep."

"Least I could do sir."

"Jack" the Captain whispered.

"What?"

"Least I could do, Jack. No one else calls me sir. So why should you? And I've told you this so many times before!"

The coffee machine hissed, warning them that the coffee was done brewing.

Ianto jumped at the sound and walked away from Jack. He let the coffee simmer for a second before pouring in the cups.

"Stop, Ianto. Just for a second stop."

"Sir, the coffee."

"Let the damn coffee wait, this is important." He walked up to the man and cupped his face with his hand, forcing Ianto into eye contact.

"Please Jack." Ianto breathed as tears were running down his face.

"Hey," Jack soothingly said. "Talk to me kid. Tell me what's on your mind."

"I can't"

"Sure, you can. A burden shared is a burden halved …Go on, I'll listen. Help me understand."

"I don't want that burden to be yours. Not after …"

"Kid, come on. I'm here for you. Just like I am every single time Owen or anyone else fucks up. I'm here and I'm listening. So go on … you'll feel better and so will I."

"I find it hard … to do anything. I keep replaying everything in my head. What I should've done, what could've happened …"

" 'If's' aren't going to help you deal with this …"

"I realize that … but I just can't help it. I can't stop thinking about it. It's haunting me every second. Everything is just so confusing. I don't even know how I'm feeling. Or what it is. And everyone here hates me. They'll never forgive me."

"It's going to take some time … the wounds are still very fresh. And remember, people can always surprise you."

Ianto suddenly began laughing through his tears, causing Jack to frown. "She was a lot like you, you know."

"In what way?"

"She was also firm and strict. But also kind. Very kind. And she was funny. She always could make me laugh with her silly jokes. She was charming as well. She could charm the pants off everyone if she wanted."

"Sounds like someone I know!" Jack responded, a little sly smile crossing his face.

"Yeah … she … she never took advantage of that. Oh well, that is a lie. She did when she needed money for her charities. See, she worked for two charities … one for neglected and disadvantaged kids and one helped pets with no homes. That's the kind of person she was. She worked so hard to help others and never asked anything in return."

"I think I would've liked her, you're right."

"You know what's the worst?"

"Tell me."

"We joined Torchwood to help other. And those things … they stripped her from everything that made her so beautiful … from everything that I loved about her and they turned her into a shell, a murdering machine. And I … I didn't even notice. I protected that thing. How could I not have noticed that my beautiful girl was empty and so dark? What sort of a person doesn't even notice that the woman he loves has changed that much?"

"Okay, listen to me Ianto. I need you to hear me. I know those things. And as horrible as it may sound, those creatures had her memories … it knew who you were and what you meant for each other. It knew how to work you. And it used every inch of information it could find to get what it wanted. And you protected it because you thought it was her. I believe you when you say that."

"Sir … even after she had killed that poor doctor … I still defended her. What does that say about me?"

"Nothing. You hear me? It says nothing about you. That thing never acted out like that before. I bet she was acting just like your girl, wasn't it?"

"No, not until …"

"Ianto, She threw you across the hub … Lisa would never have done that. She wouldn't leave you unconscious face down in water for you to drown!"

"I did nearly drown," he said between sobs … "And you gave me the kiss of life."

"Yes I did."

"You revived me, I was in a bad shape."

"Yes you were."

"Why? Why did you help me? I was doing my best to stop you, even though I realized what the consequences would be. I punched you. I called you a monster. Even after what I did. You could have left me there to die but you didn't."

Jack held him that little bit tighter and Ianto hugged right back, desperate for any kind of human contact.

"Do you wish I had?" As he said those words Jack pulled away from the hug, but stayed close to the younger man and entwined his fingers with Ianto's .

The young man averted his eyes.

I can't even look at you. I really can't. How can you? I don't deserve your understanding, support and kindness. Why aren't you shouting at me? Why would you even care what happens to me? I failed you and I failed Lisa! I'm nothing but a grim shadow of what I used to be. Of what I planned to be. And yet you're here helping me through this dreadful day. Why? Why are you being so kind when it hurts? Of all people, why is it you? Why can you be so nice to me when you're still so angry?

"Yes … no … maybe. I don't know. I just want it to stop." He rubbed his forehead forcefully. His brain was throbbing painfully against his head.

"Too many people have lost their loves because of Canary Wharf and I will not let this destroy you. You hear me? You'll get better. You'll get there, just take your time."

"I'm the monster, not you." Ianto suddenly snapped.

"Don't talk like that kid. Come on. This isn't doing you any good. It'll get better I promise. Remember it's only been two days. Everything is still very fresh in the mind."

"There's one other thing you have in common with her." Ianto proclaimed, a sad smile dancing on his lips as a single tear rolled down his flushed cheek.

"What's that?"

"Like you, she never stopped hoping. Even when things were really bad, she was still smiling. That day … we lead a group of ten people outside. And she was a rock. Telling everyone it was going to be okay. Telling us to keep our heads up and eyes low. Even when we were amongst screaming colleagues, burnt flesh and corpses building up in the corridor, she never lost faith. We were almost out and then … that thing … just grabbed her. As if she was nothing. The others pulled me away and got me outside… but I had to go back in. I knew the fight was over so there could be a chance that she made it through. That's when I found her … I walked through the door and saw her, bleeding and screaming. I'll never forget the terrified look in her eyes. And the hopeful smile when she saw me. She must've thought I could save her…"

"Ianto … I'm so sorry."

"I still remember every detail of the day. Everything, I play it over and over in my head. I dream about it, every night. It won't leave me."

"There's a pretty scientific term for that … it's called post traumatic stress disorder."

"You think I have that?"

"I don't think it, I know it. Let's see … nightmares, almost night terrors, flashbacks, avoidance of places and topics, physical symptoms like insomnia, irritability and anger, excessive reaction to fear … sound familiar? I've been to war Ianto. I've seen my friends die in front of me, I know what it's like. So everything you're going through … is normal for someone who's been traumatized. But I can help you okay? I just need you to talk to me. Now dry your tears. Gwen was asking about you, wanting to know how you were, and she'd really like her coffee. Besides, you need to ice Owen's handprint …"

Ianto sniveled and blew his nose with a napkin. He looked up in Jack's blue eyes and gave him a nod. "Time to bite that bullet as well then."

"You can do this. You're stronger than you think. And for the record, I am sorry for your loss."

"Thank you." Ianto whispered, blinking through his unshed tears.

"From the way you described her, she sounded really lovely. I'm not surprised you fell for her."

Ianto snorted fondly. "Like a brick."

Jack gently wiped away a lingering tear with his thumb. "Every person should be mourned. So take your time to grieve her."

Ianto looked up and for the first time, he met Jack's gaze and truly connected.

"But now, off you go to do your job." Jack ordered in his typical 'bossy' voice. "Gwen needs looking after and she did request to see her, undoubtedly, favorite Welshman. After Rhys of course."

Jack was lost in thoughts for a second. Suddenly he turned on his Harkness-charm and winked obscenely at Ianto, who stood nailed to the ground. With a flirtatious tone he added: 'Rhys and maybe Gethin Jones'.