"Come on Lena, spill it." Kelly knew something was going on between her book club friends.
"Nothing to spill. I've told you." Lena shook her head in denial.
"I don't believe it. I've seen the way you two look at each other." Kelly was insistent.
Lena sighed. She couldn't deny that she felt something, but Stef was an enigma. "You know how straight women are. They become fascinated with a lesbian but it doesn't mean anything."
"Maybe, but what does she mean to you?"
'Everything,' Lena nearly came out with that word. "I like her. I am not going to deny it, but it's not going to happen. I probably should try to date someone else, get her off my mind."
"You know that Jenna and I have been trying to set you up for a while." Kelly started a conversation she'd had many times with Lena.
With a groan, Lena realized that it was probably a wise thing to do. "I suppose I should try. It can't hurt."
"It really can't." Actually, Kelly thought, it might give Stef an excuse to kick into gear. "I have some women in mind, but please don't blame me if they don't work out."
Lena laughed for the first time that evening, "Now I am worried about the kind of women we're talking about."
"They're gay, there's that. They're not married, that's another good thing." Kelly smiled, hoping she wasn't pushing Lena too far.
Lena sighed, thinking of the only woman she wanted to date. "Fine, fine." It was for the best.
Stef woke up in a panic. She had the most terrifying dream. Actually, it hadn't been a horrible dream, on the contrary, it had been the most sensuous moment of her life. She'd dreamed of Lena's soft lips on her own, her slight touch trailing down her naked body. She didn't know how they'd gotten there or what else they could do but she'd never felt anything like it. When she woke up, she could feel herself, wet and wanton and very scared. 'All this talk of lesbians has me confused,' Stef deduced. 'How am I supposed to face Lena after this dream?'
Stef went to her bathroom sink and splashed her face with cold water. She looked in the mirror and the woman in front of her was a stranger. She had never felt so out of control. She was discovering things about herself that were so buried, only someone like Lena could have unearthed them. Lena with her sweet temperament, her tender smile and endless patience had reached down into Stef's core and stirred her emotions. She had invaded her mind and overwhelmed her senses. Even now in her confusion and distraction, Stef could only think of seeing Lena. She needed to see her, talk to her, listen to her. Maybe they could hang out with Brandon again, see a movie.
She picked up the phone, unable to resist the temptation.
"Lena Adams," came the prompt reply.
"Hi, Lena, it's Stef."
Instead of the usual warm greeting, Lena offered hesitancy, "Oh… hi. Stef."
"Yeah… hi." Stef didn't know how to react to the sudden icy greeting. "Um, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight, watch a movie."
Lena wanted nothing more than to agree and spend every second she could with Stef, but she knew she shouldn't. "I can't." She decided to go for broke. "I am going out…" Lena sighed, "…on a date."
Stef was stunned into a silence. 'A date?' She thought. When her mind caught up, all she could manage was, "With a woman?"
Lena chuckled a bit at that, "Yes a woman. I am a lesbian. Remember?"
This time Stef let out quick laugh. How could she forget? It was all she thought about. "Yes, I remember. I am just. I didn't… um. I didn't know you were seeing anyone."
"I wasn't. It's something new." Lena wasn't about to admit that it was essentially a blind date.
It just hadn't occurred to her. Of course she would date, Lena was the most beautiful woman she'd ever met. Women would certainly be lined up to go out with her. Well, if lesbians had any sense. 'They must like women like this,' she mused. Who wouldn't find Lena attractive? "New…" The stab of pain in her heart was entirely unfamiliar.
"We'll have to do it another time then. Listen. I gotta go." Lena promptly got off the phone and leaned over her desk, resting her head over her own crossed arms. She felt like crying. Her heart was breaking for no reason. Stef didn't want her. She wasn't even gay. She needed to move on.
Later that day, Stef sat in her house with Brandon at her side. They were going to watch a video together. Stef tried to put herself in the mood but the truth was that her mind was somewhere else. Her mind was on Lena and her date, her woman. Would Lena be picking this woman up, would they kiss hello? Stef's imagination took hold of her and the images were flooding in, one after the other. This other woman would be extremely beautiful, educated and confident. She would bring out Lena's dazzling smile and shy looks. Would Lena take her home? Were they that close already? Stef thought she knew jealousy, but she'd never experienced anything like this. Her heart was burning an ache into her soul. She felt wounded and rejected. She had nothing to offer Lena.
"Mommy, are you going to turn on the movie?"
"Yes, baby, I am going to. I am sorry."
"Is Ms. Adams going to come? You said she might." Brandon was innocent and obviously as taken with Lena as she was.
"No baby. She's not. She had made other plans." And once again, visions of said plans invaded her senses. She saw it all so clearly, Lena holding this woman's hand. They would walk into the restaurant as if they owned it. It was all too painful to consider. She reached for the remote and started the animated torture. Hopefully, the story wouldn't include any romance. She didn't think she could take it today.
Lena was struggling in a very different way. Kelly and Jenna had set her up with a beautiful, lovely woman named Miriam. She was gorgeous, educated, everything she could want in a woman. Except, Lena wanted Stef. She tried very hard to keep up with the conversation. She smiled when appropriate and tried to ask questions. Miriam seemed unaware of Lena's turmoil.
Throughout the date, Miriam smiled and laughed at all the right things. She was enjoying every aspect of Lena's personality. She respected her choice in food and wine. She was reluctant to end the date and ended up gallantly paying for the bill, despite Lena's numerous objections.
When Miriam dropped her off, she walked Lena to her door, hoping to sneak a kiss goodnight. Lena was not one to kiss on the first date and deftly dodged any attempt to get close. The failure did not keep Miriam from wanting another shot at gaining Lena's affection. "Would you like to go out again sometime soon?"
Lena needed to be honest with herself. Tonight had been a disaster. Miriam was a great woman but she wasn't Stef. Lena could not date another woman at this point because her heart was with Stef. She needed to get her out of her mind and heart before involving another woman. "I am sorry. I thought I was ready to date, but I am not."
"Another woman?" Miriam could finally see what she'd been missing all night. Lena's faraway look, her distraction. It all made sense now. She'd been blinded by Lena's spirit and beauty.
Lena sighed, "You could say that."
"Well, I am sorry too. If you ever feel ready, give me a call." Miriam leaned in for a quick peck on the cheek and bid Lena farewell.
Lena wondered why she'd have to be so unlucky in love. She always fell for the wrong women and when the right women walked into her life, they always had terrible timing.
Stef was enjoying similar luck. She could not stop thinking of Lena and the strange woman who might be kissing her now. By the time she put Brandon to bed, she had to admit that she was jealous. The thought of Lena and someone else was enough to drive her insane. She never wanted Lena to touch anyone or to be touched by anyone. The strange possessiveness was not something she'd experienced before. Sleep evaded Stef's reach, images of Lena were floating in her mind. She felt on the cusp of something, as if she had to do something before she went crazy. Stef had felt this way before, when she left her home. She'd felt restless and desperate. When the police force held its recruitment at the high school, Stef had found her calling. Now, a different kind of calling haunted her. She needed Lena and that's something she couldn't deny any longer.
The early Sunday morning light ended Stef's torment. She needed to talk to Lena. She finally decided that 9 AM was a perfectly good time to call someone who was used to waking up early for school. She picked up the phone 10 times before finally dialing the numbers. She hadn't even been able to drink her coffee. Her stomach was awash with butterflies. Their huge wings wreaking havoc on her empty stomach.
"Hello," Lena was as wide awake as Stef.
"Lena, um… hi." Stef's nerves were betraying her bravado.
"Stef." The name alone had an immediate effect on Lena, her heart was thudding and her mouth had suddenly gone dry.
"Are you alone… I mean how are you? I don't want to disturb." In her nervousness, Stef had asked the one question that she had told herself not to ask.
"It's fine, I am alone." Lena couldn't help but chuckle at the question.
"Oh, I mean. I worried that I was interrupting your date or something." Sighing her frustration, Stef decided to just stop speaking.
"Ah no, it wasn't that kind of date. It just didn't work out." Lena could no more lie to Stef than to treat her badly. It just wasn't part of how she felt about the blonde.
"Oh good." Stef's relief escaped her mouth before she could stop it. "I mean bad. I mean, I am sorry for you."
Lena laughed, Stef had a way of just making everything better.
Suddenly relieved, Stef finally let the tension in her body go. She was emboldened once again, "Book club is tonight."
Lena shook her head. She had decided that maybe it was time to stop spending so much time with Stef. "I was thinking of not going."
"What? No, you can't leave me alone with them." Stef implored, desperate to hold on to any part of Lena.
"You were fine with them before." Lena pointed out.
"Yeah, but you are so wonderful in there that you've ruined it for me. Come on. I need you." Stef pouted.
Lena's conviction faded as soon as she heard the plea. "Ok, fine."
"Great, I'll pick you up at 6." Stef was soaring with her success.
"Pick me up?"
"Oh yeah, we're riding together, parking's tough at Megan's." Stef decided that a little white lie wouldn't hurt anyone.
"Stef, hmm…" Lena wasn't sure that it was a good idea but like most things involving the young cop, Lena was unable to deny her anything. "Ok, fine again."
Stef's euphoria could not be contained as she hung up with Lena. She wanted to buy a new outfit. She wanted a haircut, but it was too late for all that. She could head to the mall to see if she could at least find a nice sweater for the evening.
Lena spent the better part of an hour looking through her closet for just the right thing to wear. She felt comfortable in her professional clothes. She felt attractive and in charge. She also loved her most comfortable pair of jeans and a nice blouse. After trying out things she might wear on a date, she decided on jeans. This was not a date, would never be a date. She needed to tone down her expectations. By the time Stef knocked on her door, Lena was awash in regret. She shouldn't be anywhere near Stef. However, all that went out the window as soon as she saw Stef enter her house wearing tight jeans that showcased all her assets.
"Lena…" Stef was equally struck by the elegance the educator managed to carry in the most casual of clothes.
"Stef…" Lena sighed, she was so perfect.
"Are you ready to go, I mean, we could hang out for a bit. There's a little time." Stef was beginning to ramble.
Lena grabbed her purse before she changed her mind. "Yeah, let's go."
Stef felt on edge, every nerve in her body was alive. She'd never been aware of anyone as much as she'd been aware of Lena that evening. She noticed everything, her body was vibrating with the knowledge of Lena's body. She'd been staring at her all night, noticing each and every thing about her. Her hair was luscious, her skin luminous, her smile dazzling. She sat next to her and tried not to faint each time she smelled Lena's scent, a mixture of her shampoo, perfume and lotion. She was finally ready to acknowledge an attraction to a woman. Everything about Lena was so irresistible.
At the end of the evening, Lena found herself at her doorstep once again. For the second night in a row, Lena was struggling to keep a woman at arm's length. This time it was for very different reasons. She'd felt Stef's attention all night and it was intoxicating. Stef doted on her. She'd anticipated each and every one of Lena's needs. She'd gotten her wine before her mind had even registered the need. Stef had already noticed her favorite crackers and had made sure Lena's snack plate always had a few on it. But it was Stef's warm gaze that had been almost unbearable. She'd felt the slow caress of her eyes as they lingered on her features every second of the evening.
"Well, thanks for driving me." Lena stopped right at the front door and hoped Stef wouldn't ask for more.
"It was my pleasure." Stef replied, the tone of her voice on the word pleasure sent tingles down Lena's body. Stef had no idea how any of this might work, but she wanted to be invited inside.
"Um… yeah." Lena could not respond and couldn't react as her body unconsciously leaned towards Stef.
Stef didn't need much encouragement. She took a step towards Lena and found herself so close that she found it hard to focus on anything but her lips. Stef could smell her skin and the sweetness of her breath. She found herself reaching with one hand to softly caress the regal cheekbones that had been tempting her for months. She'd never given in to her desire to touch a woman before. Lena's skin was incredibly soft. Before she knew it, her thumb traveled down to pouty lips and Stef found herself stroking the corner of Lena's mouth. Lena's breath hitched and suddenly they leaned towards each other and found themselves lost in a gentle meeting of lips.
For Stef it was like coming home, a home she'd never known existed. Lena was new and different but also familiar and so welcoming. It was impossibly tender, unimaginably erotic. Lena was feeling a similar feeling of belonging, of finally understanding true affection. She feebly tried to push Stef away but it only made her press more firmly against her, essentially pinning her to the door. Lena instantly felt a familiar stirring deep within her. The woman of her dreams was kissing her and it was more exquisite than anything she could have conceived.
They kissed deeply, first feeling their lips gently press against each other, getting used to their rhythms. Then, slightly opening up to each other, exploring the intimate delicate touching of wet lips and the first taste of each other. Slowly their first kiss ended with a soft slow peck, then another. They were breathless, lost in the wonder of endless feelings.
"Lena." One word, sighed against lips, finally broke the enchantment of their joining. Stef's hand had never left Lena's face and she continued to caress Lena's features as their foreheads softly met.
"Stef." Lena's soul cried for this woman, this married woman, and the knowledge suddenly brought back the reality of their situation. Slowly, unwillingly, yet firmly, Lena pulled away from Stef's embrace.
Stef felt the loss immediately and was left with a feeling of emptiness she'd never known. "Lena…" She had never wanted that kiss to end.
"Stef… no. You're married." Lena stood there shaking her head, trying to make sense of all that had happened.
"Lena, I…" Stef didn't know what to say. How could she explain what she couldn't make sense of herself?
Lena sensed Stef's hesitation and that was enough to push her into action. She willed herself to move and quickly went into her place and closed the door. Stef was left there standing, wondering if she should knock. She decided to knock, calling out for Lena.
"Go home Stef." Lena yelled out from inside, leaning heavily against the front door. Stef wasn't hers, and she couldn't be second best. Not again.
Stef wanted to respect Lena and get some time to sort her own head. She also suddenly became aware that she'd kissed a woman out in public and that she was now yelling for said woman in the middle of the street. She decided to head home, but the feeling of Lena's lips still tingled on her own.