Standard Disclaimer

Well I guess this story has been neglected long enough. I've good reasons for not writing lately, sickness, back pain, and ACEN but I'm sure you're more interested in the actual chapter and not why I haven't been writing it. Right? Well worry no more as here it is.

X-X

Divergence

Chapter - 10

It Hurts so Good

X-X

Makoto wasn't exactly happy with his life at the moment. He had a good job yes, had a few good friends, namely Shigeru who was listening to his head phones at the moment, and had few worries in life. What was the problem though was his love life was abysmal as the woman of his dreams seemed out of reach. Misato was everything he wanted in a woman, charming, funny, and her body didn't do anything but add to his angst. And as the purple haired woman literally danced into the command bridge it drove a spike in his chest. Letting out a sigh he over heard the source of his work ask.

"So you think its ok to come in late for your shift with that look on your face?" Ritsuko scolded. Sitting at her desk she had seen Misato prancing into the bridge with a Cheshire grin on her face. Tapping her pencil on her consol as Misato approached her, Ritsuko had one thought. She took my advice faster than anticipated. "Care to explain yourself?"

Hoping that the look on her face wasn't what he expected it to be, Makoto squeaked out. "You really look happy today Katsuragi-san," his smile was fake but nobody cared or even noticed. From the corner of his eye, Makoto saw the source of his fear, Ryohji Kaji, was standing in the corner watching with a look of contemplation.

Locking eyes with Makoto for a split second, long enough for his heart to lurch, Misato smiled. "Do I, well maybe I am really happy. As for you Rits-chan," Misato turned to the faux blond, her smiling widening threatening to split her head in two. "I don't care that I'm late and I'll explain to you later in private, it's not something that's…work appropriate."

A few hushed murmurs erupted from the crew that heard the near scandalous comment from the head of Nerv tactical. Makoto's heart crushed in his chest, imploded on the sudden evaporation of hope. Turning away from the still bubbling Captain, Makoto saw Kaji's face twist into a scowl and then walk out of the room. Not what you were expecting either was it? But the moment of bonding was lost as both men heard Misato giggle over by Ritsuko.

As he rounded the corner, the air-hiss of the door closing behind him, Kaji's hand clenched tightly. Misato was his, not anybody else. Sure he liked to screw around but in the end Misato was his. He was going to find out who was stealing his time in Misato's bed, she couldn't love that man, no her heart was his, and maybe just maybe she needed to be reminded. "Just a set back, all it is," Kaji said softly to himself as he headed off to plan his

Back in the command bridge, Misato's exuberance overtook her sense of work, she never had anything really to do unless an Angel attacked, finally dragged Ritsuko off to her office. Shutting the door, Misato let out a shrill yelp of victory startling the doctor. "Sorry, sorry Rits but I just have to tell somebody and well since you know about this already I figured you'd be best to talk to." And the fewer people that knew of her boyfriend the better, if it was discovered to be Shinji shit would hit the fan fast.

Rubbing her ringing ears with her hands, Ritsuko's smile was thin. "So you opted to let him poke you huh? You're the only woman that I know that would want her man to be fixated on her body." Where Ritsuko wasn't adverse to the joys of physical intimacy, she wouldn't want a relationship based on it. "And you do know I have work to do, the Eva's won't calibrate or the tests plan write themselves." Her tone, light and cheerful, undermined the barb.

Falling into her chair and rubbing her back against the material, Misato cooed. She didn't know why she was feeling so good about it, she just was. Shinji wasn't the best lover she'd had by a long shot, but the emotional connection of being with him like that was mind bending. "I can't explain it Rits, I just can't. Yes we did and it was totally unexpected. I was by him when he woke and the look on his face…it was just so adoring and one thing led to the next and…wow." Misato's face blushed red at her own candidness.

"So you've a real Adonis then, by the look on your face I'm surprised you came in at all," Ritsuko drawled out as she set her chin on her palm. How long would this last, another man that Misato would screw until it wasn't as good and then toss him? Misato had a few lovers and always went back to Kaji, Ritsuko just hoped the poor man would be let down easy. "Why did you come in then, leave him comatose in his bed, Kami-sama I hope you had the tact to do it away from where the children could hear you."

The smile on Misato's face faded in an instant and replaced by a fierce frown. Her good mood was bludgeoned by Ritsuko's comments, beat to death. Was it the fact that her lover was one of the children, or was it that Ritsuko had such poor opinion of her? "Gee Ritsuko I didn't think you were so callow about things. No he wasn't an Adonis, he was a virgin until this morning, it's just with him it's different. It's not the sex it's the feelings…being one with him. Not something you would understand, no science book has a listing on it. I can't explain how it was different from the times with Kaji and…the others." Misato's tone was laced with shame, her mind hazing over black with regret.

Grinding her teeth for a moment, Ritsuko was contemplating just getting up and walking out. But something in Misato's tone, her statement about feelings locked her legs, incased them in ice. She actually loves this guy. It was inconceivable for Misato to find a strong love where she couldn't. Lighting up a cigarette in Misato's office, not caring for the disgusted look on Misato's face, Ritsuko owed up to keep listening. "Sorry, just you have to admit that you've had a lot of boyfriends since I've known you, but to hear this. I guess it's the real deal. Congratulations."

"Thanks," though Ritsuko knew Misato didn't mean it, thought she probably had it coming. "As for the children, no worries about that, I'm not going to do anything to hurt them with this," and she meant that. An uncomfortable silence fell over the room, as both women felt the need to be away from the other but not wanting to be the one that set things into action. So they sat that way until Ritsuko's cigarette burnt away. Watching the smoke lazily drift across the room Misato wondered if she was doing the right thing with Shinji, what he was doing, and praying that things turned out well.

X-X

What Shinji was doing while Misato and Ritsuko stared uneasily at one another, was playing host to his friends. Kensuke and Touji, in a show of concern, chose to bring Kensuke's gamestation over to Shinji's in an impromptu video game marathon. Shinji for his part stayed mostly in a state of quiet contemplation. Handing Touji a can, "Here's your soda, so how are things with Hikari?"

Holding the controller in one hand, Touji moved the can to his mouth, bit down on the pull tab, and opened the can by pulling it down. Downing a quarter in of the can in one drink, Touji grinned. "Great man, glad you finally got me to make a move. So when you going to make your play with the Ice Queen?"

Finishing Touji's character off while the boy talked Kensuke set his controller down and rubbed his finger under his nose. "Yeah Touji won't have anybody to compare himself too unless you finally get yourself a woman. And we've both seen how you two have been looking at each other lately." He handed Shinji his controller as he stood up to stretch.

Shaking his head slowly, Shinji thought back on what he knew of the strange albino. "I've told you guys before, Ayanami and me aren't like that. I want to be her friend I think but she's distant you see?" Ichigo's face popped into his mind as fast as he said the words. She's not distant she just doesn't know how to interact. His mind said to him, the part he didn't want to accept. It was the part of his mind that was Kei Kusinagi. "What about you Kensuke, nobody in your eyes?" Again as the words left his mind his mind answered for him, Misato. It made sense Kensuke was Matagu.

Missing the pained expression on Shinji's face, Kensuke chuckled. "Misato's the woman for me. Just have to prove myself to her, you getting me in as a pilot would help that, and she'll be mine." Touji's mouth opened wide as he howled with laughter, much to Kensuke's irritation. "What you don't think she'd ever fall for a dashing pilot, saving the world from the villainous angels?"

The controller fell out of Touji's hands as the laughter increased in pitch, his body wracked with convulsions. "Dude she'd take you as serious as a plush toy! Shinji's got a better chance at her than you do!" His side started to ache as he fought to contain himself. Nudging Shinji's side playfully, Touji continued, "Right man, she'd never even consider him."

His head felt like a rotten pumpkin, soft and mushy. Lanced with pain Shinji rubbed his temples in small circles, "Wha? Oh yeah Kensuke…I think she's seeing somebody actually." He wasn't going to take even a slightest chance in Kensuke trying for Misato. He wasn't confident enough in himself try and play along with Touji. Best to defuse the situation well before it could explode. His confidence should have been boosted from the need to wash his sheets before, but he just wasn't. If she had said something maybe… But Misato hadn't said anything leaving Shinji feeling he let her down with his inexperience.

Eyes wide as saucers, Kensuke fell heavily into the couch cushions, "Man that sucks! Bet it's that Kaji guy we saw on the boat wasn't it. It looked like they had a past," Kensuke took the controller back from Shinji still not seeing the heavy breathing and sweating boy. "Guess I'll just have to live vicariously through you guys until I find somebody," his voice was more childlike than every, a sad and betrayed child.

Finally taking his eyes off the screen and looking at Shinji while Kensuke chose his fighter, Touji squinted his eyes. "You ok Shin-man, you look a little sick." Shinji just smiled and waved it off, the nausea had passed and his head was clearing. Suppressing the memories of Mizuho and the others helped him immensely. Oh but how he missed her though, her sweet smile, her pink hair, cheery disposition, her.

"Guys hungry? Its getting later I can make something to eat for supper if you want?" Anything to get out of the room where his friends names and faces where being jumbled in his mind. The real ones or the fake ones, he hated them as much as he liked them. They were his friends or they were dreams keeping him away from his real friends. "I'm going to have to make something soon for Asuka anyway," she'd be back of that he knew without a doubt.

Snorting indignantly Touji shook his head, "You still being the slave to the devil man? Why don't you just tell the bitch off, seriously man she's just using you?" Hikari's opinion that Asuka liked Shinji was preposterous, the bitch couldn't like anybody. About to tell Shinji to not make anything just to piss Asuka off and that they'd have his back, his stomach rumbled. "I uh…yeah man I am kinda hungry."

Kensuke laughed as he again used the diversion to annihilate Touji's character. Shinji stood up and headed to the kitchen, his temperament greatly lightened, "Sure thing Hyo…hope you like western food," Shinji covered for his near slip in calling Touji Hyosuke. To immersed in there game to notice the slip, Touji just commented that anything was fine as Shinji ran to the kitchen, his lungs unable to supply the air his brain needed, his body pins and needles of confusion.

Touji's real, Kensuke's real, and I'm here that's all there is too it. His love of Mizuho was nothing but an erotic dream, it had to be! Cheers and challenges continued to erupt from the living room while he cooked his meal for his friends. It helped to have something to focus on, to keep his mind from going down avenues of thought that he didn't want to walk. Dark and dangerous roads. Misato being unsatisfied with him or comparing him to Kaji, Mizuho's existence, and his own sanity. Things he didn't want to think about now. Hearing a knock at the door, Shinji called out, "Can one of you get that I can't leave the stove right now."

Kensuke called out, "Sure, I'm tired of kicking Touji's ass right now anyway." Shinji heard Touji yell out a denial and Kensuke running off to the door. Wondering who would be visiting at this point of the day, Shinji poked at the noodles with his spoon, maybe Misato had more friends than she let on? Kensuke let out his answer in a sing-songy voice, "Hey Shin-man Ayanami's here to see you."

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Her emotional high was defiantly destroyed as her shift neared its midpoint. The talk with Ritsuko did a number on it, but it wasn't until Kaji made his appearance did it officially die, shot down by an old flame. "Kaji don't you have work to do besides following me around the base?"

Shrugging his shoulders, Kaji just smiled his best smile at her and moved in closer. "Nothing that's more important than catching up with you Misa-chan, been awhile since we had a night out hasn't it?" Play on her alcoholism and she'd be right back where she was supposed to be, with him. Cheap tricks are the best tricks after all. Hell maybe I'll send a thank-you card to the 'ex' for getting us back together.

Stepping out of his arms reach, Misato found her shoulder to the wall as she walked to the galley for her mid-shift meal. Shinji hadn't been very capable of cooking it as she'd kept him occupied so she'd have to buy it, small price to pay. "Kaji I'm serious leave me alone alright, I'm not going out drinking with you, I'm not humoring you anymore, we're finished." She cursed her previous candidness more than ever now as it had set Kaji into defensive mode.

With no room to escape him, Kaji casually brushed up against her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Is that anyway to talk to me Misato. We've played this game before in college and I'm tired of it. Let's just cut the shit and make it official ok? Tell that guy of yours it was a mistake and we can be like we used to be, like we're supposed to be." He cursed for a moment choosing not to wear aftershave today, it always drove Misato wild.

Drawing her arm to her side, Misato shoved Kaji away and into the opposite wall. "Fuck off Kaji. You're right we have played this before, I wanted to be a serious couple and you wanted sex. Isn't that how we broke up two no make that three times? Me finding you in somebody else's bed?" Misato now wondered what she'd saw in the man that made her forgive him so many times. As he neared her again, so casual about touching her side, her hip, she remembered. He was just so good at it.

"You can't be serious Misa-chan, you and me were made for one another. He can't please you the way I can and you know it," his face had all the smugness of politician. She was caving in he could tell. "Lets just bail out of here early, hit a bar, and see where things go?"

The temptation that was usually there wasn't, Misato was mystified if not a little sickened at how blind she had been to her faults before. Hearing him continually bring up beer and sex made her ill as she looked back on her life. All it had been was drinking, sex, and maybe work. "Is that how you see me Kaji, is that all you see when you look at me?" her voice was hallow, weak, and in her ears dirty. Is that how he sees me? She hoped not.

Tilting his head back and grinning in believed success, Kaji leaned in close to Misato's ear. Breathing hot and softly into it, "Misa-chan that's what you are, nothing to be ashamed of. You and I are the same, and he won't understand that or you." Misato quivered under his touch, a good sign indeed.

Forward momentum stopped, Misato's head dipped low as she shut her eyes. Drawing in several deep breaths she tried to steady herself, compose herself. A drunken whore. That's what Kaji was saying she was and she didn't want that. She liked having fun yes, but didn't want him, Shinji, to see her as some boozed up floozy. She wanted to be better for him. He was fighting a war for her, keeping her alive, loving her, and giving her what he thought she wanted. Kaji however…

Balling her hand into a fist, Misato let loose her pent up anger and sadness into the side of Kaji's head. Her fist ached as she crashed it into him. "ASSHOLE!" She shouted as tears started streaming down her face, tears of shame. "Don't talk like you know me you pompous ass! A drunk fuck is that what you want from me? You don't love me you just want to have me under foot. The moment someone tries to 'steal' me from you and you jump into action, my knight in latex armor." Her whole body trembled with rage and regret, a maelstrom of unpleasantness.

Shocked, Kaji looked at Misato in a type of wonder. She wasn't caving in like he thought, nor was she going to calm down it seemed. Trapped in her gaze like a small animal before a wolf, Kaji swallowed hard. "Misato, I didn't mean it that way honestly," how he had meant it was debatable.

"I don't care how you meant it. I don't care about you anymore Kaji. He cares for me! The drunk bitch that you want to pump, he doesn't see that! Hell I had to almost jump him to get him to finally accept me! And it was better than anything we had because I love him!" Misato was now bent over and screaming in Kaji's face as he slide further down the wall. Slowly the hall began to fill with spectators. "He doesn't want me just to have his way with me! And I…I…don't deserve it. Not me the alcoholic bimbo." The last words were said so low that nobody but Misato heard them. Turning on the balls of her feet, Misato started running only to crash into Ritsuko.

In a show of compassion, Ritsuko hugged her friend, having heard the whole thing. People can change, and love is often a driving force in that. Ritsuko ran her hand up and down Misato's back slowly as Misato cried in her arms, bucking and convulsing with each sob. "Hush now Misato…I'll cover the rest of the day. Go home or to him this man of yours." Misato looked dumbly at Ritsuko, knowing that both locations were the same, and the kindness in Ritsuko's eyes wouldn't be there if she knew it. Without any other words Misato headed home.

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When Kensuke said that Rei was over to see Shinji he had no idea how correct he was. From the moment she entered the apartment she said nothing but 'I am here to see Ikari-kun.' She said nothing else and sat on the couch while the other two boys attempted to make conversation. They ranged from trying to egg her on to admit liking Shinji, make jokes, and even talk about her job but met with nothing but silence. Even after Shinji called them all to eat she did nothing but sit quietly and wait for her chance to talk to Shinji.

Once the food was eaten, Touji stood up and patted his stomach, "Well Shin-man we know when we're not wanted so we're taking off. Right Kensuke?" Touji latch his hand on Kensuke's shoulders and started leading him to the door just in the case the be-speckled boy had any other opinion. Before the door shut giving the two pilots the privacy the female wanted Touji stated, "Now you two play nice and I'll want details at school tomorrow."

Gathering the plates from the table, Shinji headed to the kitchen, "Ayanami-san I have to start cleaning these now or it'll be really hard later, and we can talk in the kitchen right?" Seeing all these people for the first time in weeks was all too much for him. Was it weeks as he knew it or only hours in reality? To many questions, to many possibilities, and all of them made his head literally pound. "Shall we?"

Nodding briefly, Rei got to her feet and followed the weary Ikari into the kitchen. "That was the second time somebody has commented on the two of us being intimate, why is that Ikari-kun?" Rei asked offhandedly as she followed. A rosy blush adorned her cheeks at the implications but she couldn't fathom why.

Fighting back his own hormonal surge Shinji started filling the sink with warm water. "I think they're confused because they only see you talking to me. If you talked to more people I doubt they'd make that assumption. Did you want some tea while I did the dishes?" He asked as more a formality than any real thought Rei would want some, she had business to attend to and she'd see to it before anything else. Just like Ichigo. And with the thought came the needle of pain in his head.

Her complexion finally settling back into the pale alabaster white it often was, Rei shook off Shinji's offer. Standing close to him to gauge his physical as well as vocal reactions to her questions, reading Shinji's body language often gave her more information than his uneasy answers. Well that was true up until a month or so ago. "That will be of no need. I have some questions for you Ikari-kun if you'd answer them."

Chuckling softly to himself, Shinji looked over his shoulder at Rei, "Before that Rei," Shinji noticed Rei's shocked expression at the use of her name. He continued, "Rei, I like to think of us as friends. I've known you ever since I came to this town, and even though we've had some rough spots, I like you as a friend. Can you call me Shinji then, a show of friendship?"

A churning warmth spread in Rei's stomach, it spread outward and eventually filled her whole body. Friends? Did she ever have somebody claim to be her friend, and where they even needed? According to the commander they weren't, but the pleasant feeling in her made her doubt. "If you say so Shinji-kun. May we begin with my questions now?" She couldn't be allowed to be confused now.

His hands working on auto-pilot, a trait that he was comfortable with, Shinji gave Rei his full attention. "What did you want to ask me Rei?" Her red eyes were so similar to Ichigo's. Attentive, intelligent, and calculating. "I'll try to answer as best I can."

Rei debated for a moment how to breach the subject. Shinji usually was adverse to some questions from her observations at school, but again his actions had changed suitably. "Are you and Captain Katsuragi in a physical relationship?"

The plate in Shinji's hand fell from his deft fingers. His heart stopped for a moment only to explode in his chest. Blood thundered through his body so hard his fingers tingled. "What! Me…Misato…how…?" It was impossible for her to have seen them, they've been so secret.

"The Second Child visited me yesterday and inquired into my relationship with you so it was clear she wasn't the one which you've been with. I have noted that Suzuhara and Hokari have formed a bond so it was unlikely that she was either. From your actions I have predicted that you've engaged in a relationship with somebody and they are responsible for you change in behavior. By the process of elimination I have narrowed your likely candidates down to Captain Katsuragi, and gauging from your reaction I am correct." Rei coughed softly and took the extended glass of water from Shinji, it hurt her throat to talk to much so quickly.

Just like Ichigo. Shinji didn't know if he was proud of Rei or resented her for her ability to so easily deduce his lover. As Rei tended to her parched throat, Shinji sat down visibly nervous. "You're right, no point in lying to you about it. Wouldn't want to anyway." Just looking at Rei filled Shinji with a sense of nostalgia that he couldn't place. "Will you…"

Setting the empty glass in the sink, Rei walked over to Shinji. Setting a delicate hand on his shoulder she did something that always set Shinji's heart aflutter, she smiled warmly at him. "I said I would protect you did I not, that extends into this. I will keep this knowledge a secret as it is what a…friend would do." The word tumbled out of her lips like a foreign entity. Feeling stranger than before, Rei squeezed Shinji's shoulder unconsciously. "Now that I have my question answered I will take my leave."

As Rei headed for the door, Shinji followed, "Rei you should come over more often. We don't get to talk as much as I'd like. Take care." Rei nodded and left as quietly as she came. Shutting the door as his borrowed confidence fled his body, Shinji laid down on the couch and absently turned the television on. Asuka still hasn't come home yet. Not that he was ready for that yet anyway.

Rei, talking to her had send more doubts in his mind as to reality. He couldn't fight the feeling he had around her, she was somehow so important but not in a romantic way. Asuka was. He knew he had feelings for her, less than for Misato, but they were there. Living with both of them was going to be hell. "Is this just a dream though?"

"I didn't now I had that effect on you Shin-chan," Misato cooed from over the ridge of the couch. Shinji's eyes popped open at the sound, pitch, in her voice. It was a mix of playful and sadness. "I just saw Ayanami walking out of here, cheating on me already are you?"

The mock scowl was easily seen through as Misato rolled over the cushions and landed on Shinji. Looking down at him, she still felt dirty about this. "No, she had a question and as I'm sure you know she knows about us." Misato's face mimicked his when Rei had said it. "Don't worry though its not that she seen us, she just proceeded with eliminating the others until only you were left. She promised not to tell anybody too."

Letting out the breath she held unknown, Misato collapsed on top of Shinji, enjoying the warmth from his body. Feeling him tense slightly, and something else stir which she doubted was intentional, Misato sighed. They had to talk and now was the best time for it as Asuka was gone. "Shin-chan we need to talk about us…are you ok with that?" She had to know if he regretted it, being with such an ugly and sick woman. He could be ruining his life.

Expecting and experiencing are two different things. Shinji had been expecting Misato to nail the coffin that was their relationship closed, but facing it now was something else. His eyes misting over, "I know what you're going to say. And I'm ok with it. I'm just glad that it lasted as long as it did." His dialogue was broken with sudden 'hics' and pauses.

Seeing him start to break down, hearing his words, and knowing him as she did Misato's plan discussion was cut down. It was his first time this morning and I didn't say anything…just like I was with Kaji except Kaji knew better. Lowing herself slowly, Misato kissed Shinji's eyelids. "Shin-chan, you think I'm unhappy don't you, that I want to break this off?" How easy it would have been just to say that he was right, but that feeling of connection, of love from him FOR him stopped her. Seeing him nod and look away from her made her want to laugh and cry at the same time. He was so innocent yet at the same time not.

"Shinji, I won't lie to you and say it was the best I've ever had," she saw him about to speak but kissed him quickly to stop him. "Physically. But emotionally it was something I've never experienced. You're young Shinji don't worry about how you 'measure' up to others. I was happy that you'd have me…a dirty whore whose life is seen through the lenses of beer bottles." It was Misato's turn to look away, unable to bear Shinji's eyes on her.

Stunned at her admission, his expectations blown away by the truth that he wasn't going to be denied the feelings he had for her. He was equally astonished to hear her degrade herself as she had. Cupping her chin as best he could from his prone position, Shinji smiled, "You're beautiful Mis…Misa-chan" he caught himself again almost calling her the wrong name. Her tear laden eyes so similar to Mizuho's. "If you think you've a drinking problem we can work on it together. I wouldn't mind if you drank less for your health, and you're not a whore." The words where hard for him, he'd never experienced this before.

Misato just crumpled on him, feeling him wrap his arms around her and hold her. The child acting more the adult than the real adult. But it felt so wonderful to hear him say that, even if he was lying she wouldn't have cared. Just knowing, believing, he didn't see her as she feared, as she saw herself, was enough. "I love you Shinji Ikari," she said softly as she closed her eyes and just let herself be held.

"I love you to Misato, I do," and at that moment in time Mizuho was furthest from his mind. He was glad to be in Tokyo-3 with the angels attacking and not in the quiet town with an alien teacher. He loved the woman that was already snoring on his chest, he cared for his friends here, and would deal with the problems. But a slow drowning pain in his head started to build. He pushed it away as being stress and chose to follow Misato's lead and take a nap.

Luckily for the two of them Asuka didn't show up that night, staying at Hikari's again. Making her plans to capture the heart of the boy she hadn't expected to be as suited to her as she first believed. But for this night it was a peaceful night sleep.

X-X

Author notes

Sorry if Rei came off as OOC, but I think it works and fits her. Hope you enjoyed this the latest chapter, and remember that I've only a few other stories going right now, and my novel (horror story that I hope to finish and get published) so you'll be seeing updates more frequently

Ja Mata

Zentrodie (zentrodie-at-secondimpact-dot-com)

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