Chapter 10

Pulling into the driveway, Parker saw Gwen's car and let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

He was surprised that Gwen was waiting for him on the couch as he entered.

"Hiparker." Gwen was so anxious that her greeting blurred into one word instead of two.

"Hi, sweetheart."

Parker could see how tense Gwen was. Her fingers were locked into place in her lap, and he was sure that if she squeezed them any tighter, they would soon be white.

"I…um…" Gwen's thoughts trailed off.

"Sweetheart, let me put my firearm away, and then maybe we can talk? Does that sound okay to you?"

"That would be great. Yup. Great."

Parker didn't take too long putting his firearm away. He wanted to get Gwen talking so that they could work through their issues.

Gwen was still sitting on the couch when Parker returned. He sat down just far enough away to give Gwen some space without over crowding her, but close enough that he could touch her if he so chose.

"Parker, I probably should have called you last night, but I fell asleep-"

Parker held up his hand in an effort to stop Gwen from feeling guilty. Making her feel guilty was not Parker's objective. He wanted Gwen thinking clearly and not thinking emotionally. "It's okay. Alfred called. I knew you were safe."

"Um…about yesterday at the station…maybe we could talk some more about…that."

Parker was relieved that Gwen wanted to talk. "Yeah, we can do that."

"I don't want to be married to a drunk."

Parker was getting a better picture of where his wife's head was now. Training and life experience made Parker a patient man, and he knew better than to get angry, jump to conclusions, or to argue until he heard all that needed to be said. Negotiating had taught him to be patient and to connect with the subject. Life experience had taught him that people can change.

"I…I know that you're not a drunk, and I really don't like using that word, but I really don't know what other kind of word to use. I know that you are sober and that you have been for ten years. I did listen when you explained it to me. I just worry."

"What do you worry about?"

"What if you start drinking again? What if something sets you off and…"

"I worry about that too."

"You do?"

"It's on my mind a lot of the time. Gwendolyn, I think you should go to a meeting. It might help with these concerns you are having."

"What meeting?"

"There are meetings for people who are involved with recovering alcoholics. They offer support and a safe place to express your feelings."

"Right, I knew that. Oh course I knew that. I just never thought it would be me attending one of those things. Meetings, I mean."

"No one ever does."

"Okay. A meeting. Maybe a few meetings might be good. That sounds productive. I can do that."

"Good."

Parker could feel the tension in the room lift a little. Gwendolyn wasn't clutching her hands as much, and seemed to be a little more relaxed.

"It frightens me, you know, you being a recovering alcoholic. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do with that information. I…I had a talk with Alfred today."

Parker was surprised that Gwen would volunteer that much. He thought she would have kept her conversation with Alfred private.

"Oh?"

"We talked mostly about you. About what you are like. About you being a police officer. Alfred likes you. A lot. He thinks you're good for me. He told me as much."

Parker's smile lasted a few seconds. "I like him to."

"Alfred had a calming effect on me. Not that I'm a raving lunatic, but I did yell a bit at this whole situation."

"It's good to yell sometimes, you can get everything out."

"Yeah, I guess. Do we ever yell at each other?"

Parker nodded his head. "We've had our moments. But we have managed to work through them."

"Like?"

Parker immediately thought of the worst fight the two of them had had. It was strange that it was the strongest memory, but he felt that Gwen needed to know a little bit more about how they managed to work through things.

"Soon after we were married you kept throwing up each morning for about 3 days in a row. I thought you might be pregnant."

"But I can't get pregnant. I mean, I can, but in all likelihood I can't. I did…tell you this right? This isn't new?"

"You did tell me. Sweetheart, about a month into our physical relationship the condom broke. I was concerned about your reaction. You told me then about your condition."

"It's not really a condition. I have 1/8 of one ovary. The chances of me getting pregnant are about 1 in a 6 million. Add that to the fact that I've only had two menstrual periods my entire life and…"

"I know, but I thought, for a second, that you might be pregnant."

Gwen understood then. "You want to have another child?"

"Yes."

"Why? You've got one already."

Parker had forgotten Gwen's views on children. Gwen had already accepted in life that it would be near to impossible to conceive a baby, so while her response might seem cold, it was her way of dealing with things.

"I would have welcomed another child, if you were the mother Gwendolyn."

"Parker, it's not going to happen," Gwen said gently.

"I know, and I accept that. I just didn't realize at the time how much I was hurting you though."

"What happened?"

Parker was hesitant to continue, but he knew he couldn't hold back now.

"I bought a home pregnancy test for you to take."

Gwen's eyes widened. "Oh. I can see why you did that, but that was…cruel."

"It was, but at the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. I asked you to take the test. You took the box from me and went into the bathroom. You came out and put the timer on. You told me that you loved me, but that you couldn't look at me. You told me you were going for a walk, but you got in the car and drove to Ed's house."

Parker waited for Gwen to soak things in. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I didn't start this conversation with the intention of making you feel bad, or even angry. I honestly don't know why I picked that memory out of all the others. I'm sorry."

"So I didn't yell at you?"

"No, you yelled. I went to Ed's house when he called me. Sophie yelled at me for being an insensitive ass. You came out and asked about the test. I could see that for a split second you were hoping it was positive, but I had to tell you that the test was negative. You...yelled."

"What did I say?"

Parker could tell that Gwen was curious about how she handled the situation.

"You yelled that there was nothing you wanted more than to gift me with a baby, my baby. You yelled that you wanted to be pregnant and that you loved me. You yelled that I gave you the greatest gift in being a step mom to Dean."

Parker waited for Gwen's brain to catch up. She kept looking at him with sad eyes, and Parker wanted to do anything to get rid of them.

"I'm a step-mom?"

"Yes."

"To Dean?"

"Yes."

"Do I love Dean?"

"Yes, very much."

"Does he…does he love me?"

"Yes, sweetheart, he does."

"Parker, how did we fix things between us that day?"

"We talked, much like we are doing now. You came home with me, and we talked about what we wanted in life and what we wanted our future to hold."

"And what did you want?"

"I wanted you."

"That's a good answer."

"It's the only one."

"How do we fix what's between us now? I don't remember you Parker and it's been almost 2 weeks. I'm not going to regain my memory."

"You don't know that."

Gwen sighed. "Fine. You might as well tell me some more about 'us' Parker."

"Would you like me to tell you about our first date?"

Gwen half smiled at that.

"Okay."

"I was…apprehensive. I knew I was taking a big risk, dating Ed's sister, but I felt that there was something there. Ed asked me where I was taking you."

"Where did you take me?"

"I made reservations at a Mediterranean restaurant Sam mentioned taking one of his lady friends to. Sam said the food was incredible. I dressed at work, much to the amusement of Ed, and called you from the car. I was running a bit late and it was starting to snow. By the time I got to your house, there was a snow storm."

"Oh no."

Parker smiled. "It was not a good start to the date. You said we should cancel the reservations and make something at your home. I was alright with that."

"I made you dinner on our first date?"

"Yes. You made some kind of salmon." As good as Parker was, he couldn't keep the aversion to fish out of his voice.

"Did you like it?"

Parker hesitated, but answered truthfully. "No."

Gwen chuckled. "Okay, so you're not a fish guy."

Parker smiled. "I ate it because I was hungry. But, no, I'm not a fish guy. The fish was my least favourite part of the evening."

Parker knew he had Gwen's interest now.

"Well, what was your favourite?"

"Meeting Alfred."

Gwen was shocked. "Meeting Alfred was the best part of the evening?"

"Not 'best', favourite. You had mentioned Alfred to me before, but for some reason I thought he was going to be a…younger man, and one not dressed in a bright yellow tracksuit."

Gwen chuckled. "Most people are surprised when they meet Alfred. But he's amazing, so everyone usually just falls in love with him."

Parker nodded at Gwen's accurate description. "Alfred was just as surprised to meet me, but he was the impeccable gentleman he always is, and welcomed me."

Gwen chuckled. "So what was the 'best' part of the evening?"

Parker scoffed. "The best part was seeing you dance."

"I danced for you?"

"Yeah. You were amazing. So…untouchable."

"Do…do we dance…together?"

Parker nodded. "Sometimes. I'm not a good dancer. You tend to lead."

"I'm good at that. Leading."

Parker's lips twitched.

"Yeah, you're good at leading," Parker said, giving Gwen a goofy smile.

"Parker, you're kind of nerdy, you know that?"

BTW: yes, I do know of someone who has 1/8 of an ovary, and yes the doctor told her she would NEVER get pregnant...but she did, and the baby was fine. The chances of that happening again are very low.