I woke up to find Gil's arms around me and my head on his chest. I was pretty sure we didn't fall asleep like this. Maybe I moved around in my sleep. But that only happened when I had nightmares... weird A shiver went through Gil's body. Then I realised something: we didn't have a blanket...
"You up, Birdie?"
"O-oui... why d-don't we have a blanket?"
"Ah... bruder stole it when he found out about the puppy I gave away. Then he dragged the awesome me upstairs and we got into this huge argument. I don't know how you didn't wake up, the old lady from across the street came over and yelled at us to, and I quote, 'Shut up or she'd beat us over the head with her cane, fall on the ground, call the cops and say it was one of us'. Not an awesome way to start the day"
"Oh no... I-I don't know how I didn't wake up either... s-so, after you came down... I b-became your blanket?"
"Ja. And it works because I like cuddling with you"
"Why?"
That question hug in the air. Even in the darkness I could tell Gil was frowning and trying to formulate an answer. I snuggled closer, silently telling him to not stop with the cuddling. It was... nice (but maybe a little selfish of me... maybe) to get the attention from him, even though he'd kind of payed attention to me since we met. I felt the albino shrug and I lifted my head.
"I-I... well, in the last relationship I had, the person I was with didn't like to cuddle... they just wanted sex and that was pretty much it. They thought I was in it for that too, but... I fell in love with them, told them and they left the awesome me. So, I don't know, it's nice to cuddle with someone... and it'll help me figure out what the fuck my sexuality is..."
"A-are you confused about th-that?"
"Ja... but that's not important. What is important is it's awesome pancake day and the awesome you should go up there and make some! Kesese!"
I rolled my eyes and smiled goodnaturedly as I got of him. He rolled out of bed and went to his drawers for something. There was an article of clothing thrown at my face. It fell into my hands and I made a surprised sound of joy at how soft it was... n-no, I wasn't rubbing it against my face...
"Birdie... what are you doing?"
"N-nothing! Maple..."
...I didn't even realise the lights had been turned on. I looked at Gil kind of a lot like a deer caught in the headlights (with the sweater against my face) and he just rolled his eyes.
"If you want, the awesome me can go get duck tape and tape that to your face..."
I quickly put on the sweater and wiggled around a little in it. It was so soft... like wearing a cloud. Wait... clouds are water, so that probably wouldn't be fun... plus in the sunlight they evaporate... aaaaand here come the mental images.
"You really like that sweater, huh?"
"O-oui... i-it's really warm"
"Ja, I know. Did you even look at what it says on the front?"
"Oh, non..."
"It's for the Walking Dead and it's got an awesome picture of a zombie horde trying to get on top a building"
"Cool... th-this isn't another attempt to scare me, i-is it?"
"...Nein, why would I try to do that? That's just unawesome! I-"
"Y-you failed again"
Gil smirked and leaned against the wall.
"What the hell will it take to scare you?! The classics don't scare you, zombies don't scare you, hell not even the awesome me in the morning scares you! What. Will. It. Taaaaake?!"
"Um... I-I don't know... something worse than w-what I saw while on the road?"
"Which would be what?"
"...I'm going to say a lot of things and leave i-it there..."
"Fiiiiiine... pancake time"
I nodded and we went upstairs to find Ludwig reading a newspaper. And holding it in a way that clearly indicated he was in a bad mood. Feli not being his usual bubbly self was also a major indicator that the tall German was very upset. That was probably not good... Gil and I first walked to the living room and turned on the TV. The Prussian immediately turned the station to Wipeout Canada and looked like he'd claimed a fort or something. No one was saying anything, and I didn't want to break the silence so I just sat there, laughing quietly at the ridiculous obstacles and people's failed attempts at getting over them. Gil kept giving me sideways glances whenever I laughed. I didn't look over to catch him doing that, because... I-I don't know, it would feel weird and make the atmosphere more awkward then it already was from everyone not talking. Gil ventured into the kitchen and got some things from the fridge. He came back a few minutes later and handed me a sandwich while eating another. I took it and smiled.
"Merc-ci beaucoup, Gil"
"Ja, no problem. It's not safe to go in there for now, so pancakes for lunch or something... oh! I gotta finish editing your video. The awesome me'll be right ba-... actually, your legs look freezing so come down with me"
"I-it's okay to eat down there?"
"Why wouldn't it be? It's our room after all"
We walked downstairs while eating. As we walked past Ludwig I gave him a small wave. He nodded and continued reading. Once we were downstairs Gil pulled up a chair beside his computer chair. I quickly finished my food and grabbed my violin.
"You gonna play, Birdie?"
"O-oui... th-that's okay, right?"
"Ja, that's fine with the awesome me... just play a little quieter than normal, lest the unawesome drachen upstairs come down here"
I chuckled and dragged the bow across the strings absentmindedly, trying to think of a song. I ended up playing an interesting mix of Fireflies and Vanilla Twilight, with a little Green Day mixed in there... just... don't ask. It was something I did when I was actually playing for fun. Mashing random songs and trying to make them sound good together was an interesting challenge. I looked up in the middle of my playing to see Gil bouncing in his seat while doing his.. computer-y stuff. I was... heh, kind of technologically challenged... so I had no idea what he was doing. He tried explaining it to me but I don't think he knew how, exactly. He just used the word awesome a bunch of times and I nodded while still playing.
"And that is how you awesomely edit a video! Think you could do it, birdie?"
"N-non... I-I'm not good with computers..."
"Either that or you weren't listening"
"O-oui. T-take your pick"
"Both, kesesese! Oh, Birdie! You think you could play this song? it's one of the awesome me's favourites"
He clicked Youtube and showed me a song by Metallica. I'd heard this one before, though i'd never played it. It was called Battery, and it was pretty high tempo. I liked those kinds of songs because they were fun to play! It took me only seven minutes to find all the notes in the song. Gil looked pretty impressed.
"Birdie, how do you do that?"
I blushed and set the violin on the bed.
"I-I don't know... A-as long as I f-find the first note, everything else comes n-naturally"
"Huh... The awesome me used to be able to do that untillllnevermind."
I tilted my head to the side and looked at him confused.
"Non, y-you can tell me. What stopped you from b-being able to do that?"
"Nothing Birdie, don't worry. The awesome me'll tell you sometime, okay? As for right now... I think fresh air would be awesome. You wanna take Kuma for a walk?"
I nodded and we went upstairs to get Kuma. As soon as Gilbert and Ludwig layed eyes on each other, it felt like a war zone. Slightly scared, I shrunk into Gil's side. The glaring was... k-kind of frightening. I looked up at Gil and got a sense of deja-vu. It was like that day when we were at the shoe store. I swear recognition flashed in the ruby eyes and the scarlet orbs softened a little. But when he looked back at the tall German, Gilbert's glare was so intense Ludwig actually looked away. The Prussian grabbed my hand and gently led me into the puppy room, where he breathed a sigh of relief.
"Sorry about that Birdie... just... that damned argument was the worst we've had in a while"
"I-I understand..."
It was silent for a few moments. I looked over at Gil and he appeared to be thinking about something. I gave him a small smile, and he looked at me without returning it.
"Mattie... the awesome me has a question"
This took me by surprise. The only questions he'd asked was where I came from and things about my musical skills.
"S-sure, I guess"
"You... you don't mind that we cuddle and shit, even though we're not awesomely dating, ja?"
He looked at me with worried, large eyes. I crossed the room and stood in front of him, smiling a little.
"Gil... i-if I minded it, I'd a-already be gone. It feels... n-nice to get attention, I guess... since you know... I didn't get much as a k-kid..."
"Ja... the reason I asked is that's part of what the argument was about... bruder... well, he thinks some things that are completely untrue and unawesome. I don't need to get into details. Kuma!"
The white dog-bear came running over from his resting spot on Aster. The Golden Retriever looked up, then looked back down. He probably missed the warmth on his side. Gil got a leash from one of the hooks on the wall and put it on the animal's collar.
"Birdie, just stay on my right side and don't look back at bruder. That way you won't get scared again"
"Y-you noticed...?"
"Ja, of course. Why wouldn't I? It's been more than a week since you came here, I can at least read the awesome you a little"
I couldn't stop the warm feeling from coursing through my body. We walked out and I did as I was told. We got on our shoes and grabbed some small black bags, then the Prussian opened the door. We heard footsteps behind us and we turned.
"Gilbert, wait-"
The albino fired back a in German that was seething in anger, and the shocked expression on Ludwig's face, coupled with the fact that I was nearly dragged out the door proved that this argument had been very serious. Obviously Ludwig had said something that really hurt Gil. Otherwise he wouldn't be this angry. I had to jog to keep up with his swift strides.
"He fucking knows not to bring that up. Gottverdamn, Ludwig! You are the most unawesome person on this earth, go live with the damned fucking aristocrat for fuck's sake!"
He was muttering under his breath, though I'm pretty sure he knew I could hear him. I simply remained silent and watched the random curl sticking out of my forehead bob as I jogged. We turned onto a street I wasn't familiar with, though that was probably most of the town. I looked at Gil's eyes and immediately looked away. The red in them was the colour of blood and anger, and anger in someone's eyes was one of the few things that scared me.
While Gil was trying to calm down, I ended up working myself up over something... kind of important. To me, at least. Gil's question and the reasoning behind it worried me. What if... what if my affection for him was just one-sided? What if he was only cuddling with me out of pity? What if he was only using me for some reason? What if, what if, what if. That was the only thing I could think about. But... the unknown 'what ifs' terrified me. I'd been extremely careful with my heart since... him... so it'd been a long time since the emotion of 'love' had been activated. So long that I'd forgotten what it felt like. It was... scary. Even though I hadn't actually given myself the go-ahead to be in love again, my heart apparently had other ideas. I snuck another look at the albino and caught him doing the same. He gave me a quick smile and turned on another unfamiliar street. This time it ended in gravel that almost blended in with the snow. I felt the combination of material crunch under my light steps as I further immersed myself in my thoughts.
I looked up again and we were in a white-coverd field. it extended so far that though it was a clear day, I couldn't see where it ended. There were no trees close by, just a few off in the distance and one lonely bush about ten metres to my right. I looked to my left and saw Gil taking off his coat.
"Birdie, let Kuma off the leash... the awesome me wants to race him. Otherwise I'm gonna punch a tree"
I did as I was told again, and let the hybrid off the leash. Gil counted down from... probably three in German, then took off running. Kuma looked at me with hesitation, like he wanted me to go too. I told him to go attack Gil and he sprinted off.
That left me, alone in the snow. I didn't know how good of an idea that was, considering the things going through my head, but at least now I could get them out of my head. Usually, venting through my violin was the best option. But I didn't have it with me. So instead, I just grabbed a stick from the bush and sat down on Gil's coat. I doubted he would mind. I started writing in the snow.
Gil. What if the cuddling is something he just does with his friends? He doesn't cuddle with Feli, but then again that would probably be a bad idea considering Feli is married to Ludwig. But, Feli appears to like hugs... that night with twister, Gil didn't return the hug. So I guess that rules out that possibility. What if the cuddling was just because he felt bad? It's been... probably twelve days since I came to the house, and in the first few days he didn't cuddle with me that much. It was only after the singing on the roof. Wait... why was he worried about me? Probably because... well, he at least considers me a so far, the only people to come in the house from the family are Roderich and Elizaveta, and I don't think Gil has anything to prove to them. So, he has nothing to gain, really. But still, what if.. the fact I like him more than a friend is one-sided? I don't know about that... it's been so long... but. I guess he's cuddling with me because he wants to...
After I was done writing all that in the snow, I swept my hand across it to erase my thoughts. Just in time, too because Gil and Kuma came running back from wherever. I sighed quietly and looked up at Gil. Though my thoughts were a little clearer, I was still driving myself insane. My chin was lifted by a pale finger and I was forced to look into the swirling , now-ruby orbs.
"Birdie... what's wrong. The awesome me noticed you looked scared even while we were walking, and now you're unawesomely sad. What's up?"
"N-nothing... don't worry about it, Gil. Just... flashbacks"
I hated lying to him, and I hated it so much I felt my stomache get ill. But I couldn't tell him what I was actually thinking about. Besides, my lye was really a half truth. The flashbacks I was getting from the angry looks did normally make me sad. I just hoped Gil couldn't see through me... hopefully he couldn't read me that well just yet.
"Okay... but, that isn't the entire truth, is it? Ja, the flashbacks might have scared you... but something triggered them. I know, I... I get them too"
...How... how did he know I was lying?! I winced slightly as my head got bombarded by more questions without answers. Trying to get my mind off of that, I realised was the perfect opportunity to ask the other question I wanted to today. Just maybe in a different form. I had wanted to ask about his childhood, but I figured I would probably hear about that.
"W-why?"
Gil sat in the snow and pulled me in his lap, hugging me close to him. I immediately returned the hug and looked into his now sad, very dark red eyes. Hm... I wonder if his story was something like mine...?