Those Few Months

Chapter 10

Everything fell into place, perfectly. Eli get sponsored, …he dies. …He dies, Auden comes into his life. Auden comes into his life, Jake sleeps with her. Jake sleeps with her, Eli loves her. Eli loves her, Eli takes care of her younger sister. Eli takes care of her younger sister, Auden loves him more. Auden loves him more, Eli gets her pregnant. Eli gets her pregnant, Auden loses Clayton. Auden loses Clayton, Eli loses Auden.

Now he's alone. He's really alone.

Auden broke up with him. After all they had gone through, she was just going to leave him. Leave him to the wolves. Did she know that he would get torn to bits? Didn't she care? His blood was on her hands, but she seemed to think she could just wash it off later.

It was a rainy, almost snowy, February. Clayton's due date, or old due date, was coming up. Maybe then Auden would change her mind. Maybe.

Clyde gave Eli some time off and he went ahead and quit his job as the tiger. He was only taking it for his baby anyways. Both his babies. Now one of his babies was dead and his other one hated his guts.

Sometimes, when he was walking along the beach, Eli wanted to run into the ocean and drown himself. Would Auden care then? Would she realize what she'd done to him then? Would she come back to Colby then?

That's where Eli was headed. The boardwalk, not the beach. No, today wasn't that bad. He didn't want to die nearly as much. He was there, headed to work, when he ran into his brother.

"What are you doing, Jake?"

The other man was passed out on the bench in front of the bike shop. "Sleeping."

"Come inside."

"I'm fine."

"Are you drunk?"

"Duh."

Eli took off his jacket and laid it over his brother before walking into the shop. Johnny was there, manning the counter. He was slowly filling up the space Adam once held. Adam was in Jackson now with no plans of ever coming back. Eli wanted to do that so bad now, just leave and never look back. He had nothing holding him to Colby anymore. Not Auden, not Thisbe, not Clayton, not anybody. Not …him.

Work was mostly silent. After that was done, he headed out to his apartment. It was dead in there. Eli didn't have a television and Jake had spilt beer on his radio. That's the same thing that happened to the old TV he had in his garage apartment about a month after he and Auden got together. Jake spills beer all the time. It was a wonder that he ever got enough in him to get drunk off.

Eli went into his bathroom and washed his face, which for some reason was sweaty. He then stared into the mirror for awhile, watching the dark features in front of him, trying to figure out how they belonged to him. He felt so…sleep deprived. Just like he would have been if they hadn't lost Clayton. Ha.

Walking out of the bathroom after taking a quick piss, Eli stopped short in the hallway, staring at the guest bedroom door. The door was ajar. He hadn't left it open. …Auden! Auden must have come to see him. Rushing over to the door, he pushed it all the way open to reveal…

Nothing. No, really, nothing. The room, which had held his daughter's stuff was bare. What? What happened to Clayton's crib and carrier and the little pink trashcan he bought even though he knew Dr. Victoria West would yell at him because he wanted to take care of his little daughter and treat her like the baby she was?

Embarrassment overflowed his body at the thought of Auden actually coming back, though it was quickly was chased away by anger. Someone had been in his apartment. In Clayton's room. They had taken Clayton's stuff. Who would take Clayton's stuff?

"Jake," Eli mumbled. His stupid brother must have had some sort of debt and taken the stuff to pay it off. But no, Eli had seen Jake. He was passed out drunk. No way could he carry Clayton's stuff very far. Who else had a key to his place? Adam was gone and Wallace was afraid of Eli after that fight they had back in December. Who else…His mother!

Rushing out of his apartment, Eli went out to his truck. Getting in, he immediately took off for his parents' house. When he pulled up, he saw both of their cars were there. Good. They were home.

"Mom!" Eli opened the door without knocking. It had been unlocked. "Mom, where-"

"In here."

He went into the kitchen. "Did you go into my apartment and take Clayton's stuff?"

Karen didn't turn around from the stove, where she was boiling water for some reason. Joseph, who was chopping vegetables at the table, frowned.

"Yes," Karen said. "We thought that it would be easier for you to-"

"Where is it?"

"The stuff? We put it into storage for you, if you ever need it again."

"You just freaking came in there and took Clayton's stuff? Without even asking?" That was like selling someone's shoes because their soles were worn out.

"Eli, you kept stalling and we both thought that it was best to speed things up for you." Karen looked at her son with sympathetic eyes. "I just figured that you would…feel better if I had your father do it for you."

"You can't just fucking take Clayton's stuff!"

Joseph stood. "You will not talk her like that, Eli. She was trying to help. That's all anyone is doing is trying to help you, but you continue to act like your life is over. It's not, Eli. I'm tired of your self pity."

"Joseph, stop it," Karen said, frowning. "Eli, you can get the stuff back out if you-"

"You guys shouldn't have touched it. It's not yours to take."

"I know. I'm sorry."

Eli turned and walked out of the house, heading back to his truck. When he got back home, he went and shut Clayton's bedroom door. After that, he went to bed with no dinner, ignoring his stomach which growled in response. Like a tiger.

Maybe it was because his parents had came into his home and messed with Clayton's things. Or maybe he was just an idiot. Either way, after months of avoiding her, Eli finally screwed up.

"Eli?"

He winced at the sound of her voice. Not turning around, he thought about walking faster, but just like that, her arms were around his leg, hanging on for dear life.

"Hey, uh," he cleared his throat. "Thisbe."

Looking down at the little girl, he saw that she had gotten her hair cut. And was sporting a brand new winter coat. She looked very cute…except for the fact that she was crying huge, hot tears.

"Eli!" She rubbed her face against his thigh. "Eli!"

He had been walking to work and accidentally passed too close to Heidi's shop. It was around five, so she must have been closing up. How could he have been so stupid?

"Thisbe?" Heidi hung back, hardly even looking at Eli. "Thisbe, let him go. Eli doesn't want-"

"Eli! Eli hate Thisbe!"

What? "No, no, no." Eli turned, getting down on her level. Her arms went to her sides, but her face was still smudged up as she cried. "No, Thisbe. I don't."

"No see Thisbe. No like me." She sniffled loudly. "Love Eli!"

"Hey, I love you too." Eli wrapped his arms around her.

"Thisbe bad. Thisbe make Eli mad."

"No, no," he mumbled, holding her head against his shoulder. "No, Thisbe. No one was bad. I'm not mad. I needed time. This is my fault. I'm sorry."

She wrapped her arms around his neck. Slowly, Eli stood up, holding the little girl in his arms. She was so tiny… Clayton had been tiny… Looking to Heidi, he moved to hand off the little girl, but she wouldn't let go.

"No!" She held fast to his neck. "No, Eli! No, Mommy!"

"Thisbe, Eli has to work," Heidi said, still watching him. This was the first time that she had seen him since Clayton was taken from them. She didn't want to scare him off. "You have to let him go."

"No!" She buried her head in Eli's neck. "No, Mommy. Stay Eli."

He sighed a little. "Is it okay? If I keep her?"

"Eli, you really don't have to."

"I know. I want to."

When they got over to the bike shop, Thisbe still didn't want to be put down. Eli sat down on his stool.

"You comfy?"

"No let go, Eli," the little girl whined, afraid that if he sat her down, he would leave her again.

"I'll never put you down again if that's what you want."

Eli spent a lot of time with Thisbe in the next week, making up for the fact that they hadn't seen each other in so long. That helped get his mind off the fact that he wasn't going to get Clayton's stuff out of storage. He couldn't. As much as it hurt to have it gone from his apartment, it would hurt more to move it back in.

So far, Thisbe hadn't mentioned Clayton at all. He figured this was because Heidi had told her not to. Though Thisbe had a tendency to ignore her mother, for some reason that order must have stuck.

Well, for awhile anyways.

Eli was laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, as Thisbe took her nap next to him. His bed was covered with her stuffed animals, which slowly had come to claim his apartment as she began spending more and more time with him again. Eli glanced to his right and saw a Shaggy doll staring back at him. Shiver.

"Eli?"

She was up. He turned his head to the right. "Hmmm?"

Thisbe picked up her Tigger doll and set it on his chest. "Mommy say no talk 'bout Clay'on."

His breath caught for a moment and he had to settle his breathing. "Thisbe-"

She whined, cuddling against him more, a teddy bear in her arms. "Me sorry."

"Hey, now, don't be sorry." Eli patted her on the back. "It's okay. We can talk about…Clayton."

She stared up into his eyes for a moment before nodding. Eli smiled at her.

"You can talk about anything with me, Thisbe. Alright?"

"Yeah."

"Good." He patted her stomach. "You know what's coming up?"

"Wha'?"

"Easter."

"Yes!"

"And you know what that means?"

"Wha'?"

"Vinny."

She giggled, cuddling her teddy bear to her. "I like Vinny."

He smiled at her improving vocabulary. "I know. Hey, let me give you something. I got it back in December, but was really busy then. In fact, I forgot about it until now."

Thisbe sat up, watching the man as he went around the room, looking for something. Finally, he pulled an envelope out of one of his dresser drawers.

"See, Steven sent me a letter and in it, Vinny sent you a picture he drew."

And Eli kept this from her? The horror!

"For me?"

"For you." Eli pulled out the picture from the envelope and handed it to her. It was torn out of a coloring book and, seeing as it came around December, it was of Santa. Thisbe made a noise, looking at it.

"He wrote something on the back, but I can't read it," Eli said, flipping it over and showing it to her. "He has bad handwriting, 'cause he's a boy."

She took the picture from him. "Me?"

"What about you?"

"Me send him a picture?"

Again, her the way her vocabulary flows still confused him. Maybe she could talk like a big kid now and just pretended to still baby talk for attention. Probably.

"You can. I have the address."

She gasped. "You know where Vinny lives?"

"Oh yeah, sure."

"Go see, go see, go see?"

"We can't. Today anyways. One day though, when my brother already knows that we're coming, sure." Eli sat down on the bed. "I don't know if I approve of your relationship, little girl."

Thisbe giggled, moving to go sit in his lap. "Love Vinny."

"What?" Eli exclaimed in mock surprise. "You love him?"

Smiling, she said yes.

"How do you know?" Eli laid his head on top of hers. "I don't think you do. I think that you're lying."

"No!"

"Yes. What about me, Thisbe? Don't you love me?"

"Love Eli lots." She wrapped her arms around his stomach. "Eli no me boyfriend."

"Vinny's your boyfriend now? Huh?" Eli took the picture back, staring at the writing on the back. "I can't read what it says, but I sure don't see boyfriend anywhere."

"Yes!"

"Does Vinny know he's your boyfriend?"

"Mmmm…no."

"Then he's not your boyfriend," Eli told her, giving her a pat on the head. "It's just that simple."

"No."

"Yes, it is."

"No!"

"Thisbe," he sighed, shaking his head. "Anyways, what do you want to do now?"

"I hungry."

"You are?"

"Yes. Hungry."

His stomach growled right on time. "You want me to make you some hotdogs? Huh? Hotdogs?"

"I no baby, Eli."

"What?"

"Eli talk like I baby. I not."

"If you're not a baby, then you need to learn to use the word am."

She just jumped out of his lap. "Hotdogs!"

Eli sighed, going to follow her. "Alright, but all I have is hot links."

"Wha'?"

"They're like big hotdogs. They're good." They were also slightly cheaper, which he needed. Without his second job, Eli was having struggles financially. Sometimes, he wondered what he would be able to do if Clayton was living with him. He'd surely have to be taking loans from his family and, more than likely, Heidi. Auden too. Not that that meant that he wouldn't have wanted her. Eli patted his chest as he headed to his kitchen. He'd give up everything for Clayton.

Sighing a little, he saw that Thisbe had found the Oreos. She had scaled the drawers that led up to the counter, where the pack had set. Jake had given them to him for some reason. It was such a random gift, Eli still hadn't touched it. He wasn't big on sweets, really.

"Thisbe," Eli scolded gently, pulling her off the counter. "You're bad."

"Eli bad," she said, mouth full of cookie goodness. "Eli buy choc'chip next time."

He nodded. "Well, duh. Everyone likes Chips Ahoy better. Come on, Thisbe. What kind of a man do you take me for?"

Giggling, she wiggled until he sat her down. "Food, Eli."

"I'm getting to it, I'm getting to it."

After putting the hot links on, Eli took Thisbe to the living room to wait.

"Eli?" She picked up one of his hands as she sat in his lap. Popping one of his fingers, she leaned back against him. "Miss."

"I know you missed me, but I'm back now. I've been back for awhile now."

"No!" She frowned up at him. "Miss Auden."

Eli wanted to tell her that it was okay to miss someone or that Auden would come back to them when she found herself or some other bull that had been shoved down his throat recently. Instead, he just kissed her head gently.

"Me too."

"What's your favorite color? Mine's blue."

"Mmmm…Pink."

Eli nodded, throwing a football in the air. "I like red too."

"Yeah," Thisbe agreed, still laying on her back on the ground. It was a few days later and they were over at Karen's house. She had invited them over for dinner, but they were waiting outside until it was done. "Eli?"

"What?"

"Here."

Eli watched as the little girl pulled some coins out of her pocket. Then came the dollar bills. "Wha-"

"For you."

Eli sat up. "Thisbe, where did you get this money? Did you steal it? We've talked about stealing before, you know. I'll have to tell-"

"My money, Eli."

"How?"

"Work." She stared up at him. "I work for baby. Here. Now can we get Clay'on?"

Eli just sat there for awhile. At some point, his mother called into the backyard that it was time to eat. He felt himself stand and carry Thisbe inside. He knew that somehow he listened as his father blessed the food and thanked God for everything that had happened recently. He managed to shovel food into his mouth, not listening as anyone at the table spoke. Then he took Thisbe home, where Heidi wanted to know what was wrong, but Eli just shook his head, handing her back the money that Thisbe tried to buy his daughter with.

After leaving them, Eli went out walking. Once again he found himself at the ocean, wishing that he had the courage to just end it all. He couldn't though. He was coward. He was no one's father and that was for the better. He was hardly keeping himself alive. It would have just been inhuman to put a child in the same house as him. Yes, God made the right choice. Eli just wished that his and Auden's feelings could have been spared in all of this.

Sitting down in the sand, he watched the tide go out, into the ocean once more. It seemed to cleanse itself out there, washing away all that was bad. When it came back, it was like the water had been baptized, fresh, new, pure. Like a baby.

For a few months there, Eli really thought he could do it. He could take care of Thisbe and Auden and Clayton and actually survive this world. Someone, the universe, God, someone, was playing a sick trick on him and now he was paying the price.

Those few months, Eli was going to be happy. He was. He was going to force himself to be. He would rake in money for his family, support them, and take care of them. The three of them together would be their own family. Now he was alone again.

Eli sat out there on the beach for so long that the tide came back, the new, pure, fresh water flooding him. His jeans became soaked, but he still didn't move. The sun came up, also new, though it was really the same one that he had seen since he was born. Born. Something Clayton never would be.

Really, when he thought about it, Eli was more like the water than he realized. The water would recede, some of it getting a chance to break away, be free. Inevitably though, eventually the water would be pulled back to a coast, new, but not different at all. Old, but not the same.

For a few months, he was new, but now he was back to square one. Auden broke up with him, he was childless, and was going nowhere. Not to mention...Abe was still dead. His life was just a steady decline into nothingness. Why had he ever thought otherwise?

"Bro?"

He didn't turn around to see his brother, presumably though it would be shocking, sober, standing behind him. He must have come in for work and seen his brother out there, once again getting washed away.

"Come on, Eli. It's time for work."

Slowly, he stood up, his jeans threatening to fall back down under the added weight that water gave them. He just followed his brother, like the good little sheep he had become.

No matter how much something changes, good or bad, it always goes back. Character, morals, judgment…life, it always turns back to what it used to be. His life was meant to be full of longing and despair. For a minute there, sure, he had been fooled. Who wouldn't be?

Next time though, Eli Stock would not be so easily deceived.

That's it for Those Few Months. I'll probably do a follow up, but right now I want to work on some of my other stuff. There's a Truth About Forever story I've been working on that I would like to do before I start another Along for the Ride fic.