Chapter 10

Not Easily Broken

As Olivia dialed Fitz's phone number a fresh wave of tears gushed forth. She loosened her grip on her Blackberry and balled up in the fetal position on floor beside the sofa. How many minutes had passed since Ian left? Ten? Twenty? She didn't know, but the pain was still fresh. It was the pain borne of the knowledge that she had lost two very important people in her life, Ian and Anna. Mingled with that loss was the bitter feeling of betrayal. Loss and betrayal were bitter pills.

"Olivia? Baby where are you?" Maya said, rushing into the kitchen.

Olivia lifted her head from the floor. "M-mom?"

Maya rushed over to her and helped Olivia to the sofa. Reaching into her purse, she pulled out a handkerchief and wiped the tears from her daughter's eyes.

"Baby, what happened? He didn't hurt you did he? I shouldn't have left you here," she said.

Olivia sighed and hugged her mother. She pulled back and took the handkerchief from Maya's hand, dabbing her own eyes. "No, Mom…I'm just...he already suspected I was going to break up with him because Anna…Anna…she must have found out about Fitz calling off his engagement…she told Ian, which means they are talking to each other, Mom! Still talking! I don't understand their relationship. Are they lovers? It hurts to think they were…behind my back all these years. Did you notice anything?"

"No…not really. I did know she and Harrison were having problems, real problems. Her mother told me—" Maya explained before Olivia interjected.

"Why didn't you say anything to me? Why didn't she say anything to me? I knew they argued but she and Harrison have always been like that since high school," Olivia said, "It seemed like she'd start an argument just to make up. It's just what they did…"

"Far be it from me to try to figure out someone else's marriage, but as for Ian…he loves you, baby, really loves you. He wants to marry you and has for a very long time. I think you love him, too, but it took a long time for you to love him and an even longer time for you to agree to be his wife. Now that you have changed your mind and have told him you don't want to marry him, I question whether you wanted to marry him in the first place or if you were just trying to move on. Now that I know what I know about how you have felt about Fitzgerald all these years, I thank God for the explosion," Maya said, shaking her head, "I know it sounds all kinds of wrong to rejoice over something that could have killed…but, honey it brought you and him back together and you came to your senses before you made a mistake, marrying a man you are settling for no matter how good he is."

"Mom, I didn't break up with Ian because of Fitz," Olivia said, standing to her feet, "well, I did in a way, but not because I think Fitz and I can just pick up where we left off and be high school sweethearts or something. I realized how much I'd been performing, pretending…mustering up the enthusiasm that I should have about the man I was deciding to be with forever. But you're right, Mom, that explosion changed everything. It not only blew up the school but my life, my friendship with Anna. She's turned into someone I don't even know. I thought she was my sister."

Maya stood, extending her arm, beckoning to her daughter. "Baby, you haven't eaten. Let me make you a plate. You are going to work yourself up into a frenzy about this. We need to talk about Ian and…"

They both looked at her ringing Blackberry. Olivia could see the caller ID. It was Ian calling.

"If it is him don't answer," Maya said.

"Mom, I got this," she said, bending down and grabbing it. She connected the line and placed it to her ear. "Hello." Her voice was scratchy. She cleared her throat.

"I have a room at The Twelve Oaks Bed & Breakfast in Covington," Ian said.

Olivia glanced at Maya who was looking at her like she was being held hostage. She turned away to get her bearings. Massaging the strain out of her neck, she said. "Okay."

"I'm sorry for my behavior earlier. I want to talk to you face to face. Please see me tonight so we can discuss this calmly. I'll come and get you," he said.

Olivia caught sight of her mother's Curio cabinet not really seeing all the figurines glistening on the shelf through the glass. Part of her wanted to go to explain, to reason, and to force him to admit what was really going on between him and Anna.

"I think we should sleep on it and talk tomorrow. Our emotions are high—" she tried to explain.

"How are your emotions high? You are leaving me! I deserve an explanation now, today. I am not convinced this is something you want. You are letting him manipulate you into breaking up with me—"

"Why would he do that, Ian? What would he have to gain? I made this decision all on—" Olivia explained before her mother stepped up to face her.

"Olivia, hang up the phone," Maya whispered.

Olivia held up her hand and walked to the den, her mother trailing behind her.

"Ian, this has nothing to do with Fitz—"

"The hell it doesn't! Everything was fine, perfect between us until that damned explosion and you started talking to him again. I want to see you so we can talk about this," he pressed.

"Anna. Talk to Anna. You have been cheating on me with her. Whether you slept with her or not, what you did with her was inappropriate. You had to know she was falling for you, but you didn't stop it. I think you used her as some sick stand in for me. I don't know. But at this point it doesn't matter," Olivia said.

"It does matter. Anna loves Harrison. They have some complicated issues that have nothing to do with me. I was only trying to help her because she is your friend. Was it a lapse in judgment for me to talk to her behind your back? Yes. Period. I take complete responsibility for that. I think she is going through a hard time and she doesn't know how to deal with it. I've told her to get counseling…" Ian said.

Olivia removed the phone from her ear. She didn't want to hear anything else about Anna.

Her mother had left the room. Due to the smells wafting around her nose, she knew her mom was warming a plate for her.

She placed the phone back to her ear to find him still talking. "Ian, I'll talk to you tomorrow morning," she said before disconnecting the line.

Olivia joined Maya in the kitchen and walked to the fridge for a bottled water. She knew the lemonade on the table would be sugary sweet. Her phone rang again. It was Ian.

"Olivia, don't answer the phone. He might stop if you don't answer it. I already know this is going to be a difficult break up," said Maya, placing a plate of food in front of Olivia, "I got a call from him a little earlier before I got home. He asked me why you are leaving him and before I could answer, asked me to convince you to change your mind. I told him I couldn't. You are a grown woman, but he wouldn't listen."

"Mom, I can't eat this. I'm not hungry…" she said. She put her phone on silent.

Maya sat down and gave her a level gaze. "Baby, what are you going to do about going home with him? I just…this is all happening so fast. I know you weren't planning to leave him before coming down here, but I wish we could have thought this through so we could have had a plan... so you could have moved out first or something…but I know from experience. It is not possible to have a clean break. They are hard, messy, and illogical," Maya said.

"Mom, I know Ian. He's going to keep trying to convince me. He loves debate. It's sport to him. But he is harmless. He would never hurt me. When I we get home, I'm going to find an apartment, move out and that will be that. If Mr. Obama wins his bid for Senate next month, I'm in serious contention for a job on his staff. If not, maybe I'll take that PR job at Walker Sands Communications. They gave me until the election to decide. I'll either be in DC or Chicago. Ian really wanted me to take the PR job," Olivia explained, taking a sip of her mother's lemonade. The more she drank the thirstier she became.

"What he wants...wanted doesn't matter anymore. I insist on flying up with you…" Maya said. The house phone rang. Maya rose to answer it while Olivia picked at her food.

"Hi Brenda," Maya said, turning to Olivia, she mouthed, Brenda McCormack.

Olivia bowed her head, resting it on her hands.

"Yes, Brenda. It is unfortunate. They are both hurting right now and…well, yes, of course...I don't think that it is right for us to make anyone do anything, Brenda. They are both adults…How is that relevant? She is very serious. Okay, let me see if she is available," Maya said. She pushed the mute button.

"Baby, you don't have to talk to her. I can tell her you are asleep," Maya whispered as if Ian's mother could hear her.

"How does she sound?" Olivia said. Her voice wavered a little. Olivia had always liked Ian's mother, but she did have an authoritarian side that could be overwhelming at times.

"She's a judge on the 9th circuit court. Her youngest son has called to say that his fiancé has called off the engagement. She sounds like she's ready to grill you. That is why I should tell her you are sleep or busy. Call her back when this has settled," Maya argued.

Olivia walked to her mother. "Mom, I can handle this. I've made this decision. I can't cower away. I have to face this," she said, her hand outraised.

Maya shook her head and placed the phone in her daughter's hand.

"Hello, Mrs. McCormack," Olivia said. She could never bring herself to call her, "Brenda," despite her continued pleas for Olivia to be less formal with there future mother-in-law. It had taken awhile for Olivia to stop calling her Judge McCormack.

"Olivia, I really appreciate you taking my call. Is it true? Have you broken your engagement to my son? Are you no longer in love with him? What happened?" Brenda asked.

Olivia wished she would have listened to her mother. She may as well be sitting on a hard wooden chair in court. "I…I…yes, I did. I will always love Ian," Olivia said, weighing each word, "I don't want to get married. He deserves better than me."

Olivia saw her mother frown at her self-deprecating words. She didn't know why she framed it that way.

"What do you mean better than you? Is there someone else?" Brenda said.

"Mrs. McCormack, I wish I could minimize Ian's pain. I'd do anything, but I can't give him what he wants. I won't change my mind," Olivia said.

"I'm happy to hear you say that. Since you are willing to do anything, then please talk to him. Don't shut him out. My son loves you. His heart is broken. You can minimize that pain by talking to him, not pushing him out. Give him some time. When are you going back to Chicago?" Brenda said.

"Sunday," Olivia said.

"Douglas can fly down and talk to you two on Monday. I would come but I have court all next week. Douglas can reschedule his clients. How is that?" Brenda said.

"That's, um…That's fine," Olivia agreed, resting her forehead against the wall.

"Olivia, thank you so much. We are family, no matter what. We can get through anything that blocks our way. Tell Maya I said, goodbye and I'll talk to her soon," Brenda said.

"Okay, Mrs. McCormack," Olivia said.

Olivia gave a loud sigh. "I just agreed to talk to Mr. McCormack, Mom, and she told me to tell you she'd talk to you soon."

"We were supposed to talk about the wedding which is off now. The woman is delusional. I've never said anything bad about his family, Olivia. Never had a reason to, really. I don't see them often...once a year at Christmas. But they just think they can do anything they want. It never phased me before I guess because I thought you two were going to be married. No drama. But now I just don't know. How can Douglas counsel his own son without a conflict of interest? I am going with you to Chicago. That is a promise," said Maya, with a determined look in her eyes.

Ian: Thanks for agreeing to talk to Dad with me. I'll see you in the morning. I love you.

"So now you want to text me?" Olivia said aloud. She was angry at Ian. He'd called his mother. She punched her pillow.

It seemed later than it was. She was in bed at 8, something she never did unless she was sick.

She dialed Fitz.

"Tell me you didn't go to Savannah," he said.

"No, I'm home," she said.

He exhaled audibly. "Thank God. I didn't think I was going to hear from you tonight. I didn't want to call because I knew you needed some distance to talk to Ian. How are you, Livy?"

She fell back on the bed and covered herself in his voice. "So much better now that I am talking to you. It feels like I'm never going to see you again…like what we have is something I've dreamed up. I wish I could see you," she said, too weary to be anything but totally transparent.

"I could be there in an hour, Livy," he said, quickly.

"Don't say that, Fitz. I don't have the strength to be reasonable," she said.

"I've been looking at law firms in Chicago…apartments too so I am the definition of unreasonable," he said, with a sad chuckle.

"No. You have work tomorrow," she said.

"Yes, but I don't have court. As long as I have my laptop, Blackberry, and this briefcase, I'm a mobile office," he explained.

"I give you permission to kidnap me, Fitz," she whispered, "I'm yours."

"You sound so sad. Tell me about it or better yet. You can tell me about it in exactly 65 minutes," he said, hanging up the phone.

Realizing what she had just agreed to, she popped out of bed, stubbed her toe and hobbled to the bathroom with a grin on her face.

A kiss is complex, its language universal, yet personal and intimate. Lips pucker and widen. Tongues dip and dive. Olivia couldn't translate the language of the multitude of kisses she and Fitz were sharing on the bank of Jackson Lake, but it had removed the weighty weariness she had felt earlier. She could kiss him all night, but she knew it was time to stop. Despite all the insect repellant they'd used, she knew the mosquitos were having their fill too.

She pulled back and hugged him. "I could kiss you all night," she breathed.

"I can't agree because all night is a long time. I could name a few other things I'd like to do with you all night," he said, leaning in.

More kissing ensued until they heard a honk from a boat and cries of, "Get a room!" followed by laughter.

They left the bank and moved to a bench beside some trees. They held hands and looked at the moon.

"I don't want to let you go back to Chicago with Ian. He is going to spend every waking moment trying to convince you to change your mind. I know it because I'd do the same thing. When that doesn't work, he is going to call in reinforcements, which he has already done. Then there is a big possibility he is going to make your life a living hell," Fitz said.

She squeezed his hand. "I don't think so. In all the years I've known him, he has never been controlling or the least bit abusive," she said.

"But he called his mother. She's a judge, Livy. He is sending is dad, a psychiatrist, no less to talk to you, two. If that is not controlling, I don't know what is. I'm concerned for you and not just because I want you for myself," he said.

"So Mellie hasn't done anything irrational?" she said, "You all have been together a lot longer."

"Yes. It's been less than a week since I told her, but she's told everyone I cheated on her... so mostof our mutual friends despise me. I've had an increase in callers who hang up on me. She refuses to return the key to my condo so I'm in the process of changing the locks. My parents are not happy with me so I've been keeping a low profile. It will blow over," he said.

"Exactly," she said, "It will blow over with me as well. You can rest assured, though, I'm taking my mother up on her offer to come to Chicago with me. She's bringing someone with her. I think they are seeing each other and I am interested to get the story on that," Olivia said.

"I'm interested to know when you are going to remove your engagement ring," Fitz said, grasping her hand and watching it flicker in the moonlight.

Olivia glanced at it as if she'd forgotten it was there. "Honestly, I hadn't even thought about it," she said, smiling at him. She stood and moved to sit on his lap.

"You have nothing to worry about, my love. I might be wearing Ian's ring, but you have my heart. You've always had it," she said, bending down for another kiss.