Chapter 10

For the longest time they just stayed where they were and stared at each other. Neither of them spoke. But finally Derek did say something. "So, how far along are you, do you think?"

She didn't say anything for the longest time. . Then she did. "Well, symptoms don't start till at least two to six weeks in so…"

"So, you can't be sure."

"Not without an ultrasound no. But…"

"I know. It's his. It had been awhile for us so that night was the only sex you'd had in the timeframe. Talk about irony and shit."

"I'll abort, Derek."

"What? Are you serious?"

"Yes. I mean, nothing is more important to me than our marriage. I don't want this to jeopardize it any more than it already was."

"I don't know what to say to that." It was true. While he was just as pro-choice as Addison and of course, knew she performed abortions that was one thing. To actually have someone in his life actually have one was a whole different thing.

Truthfully, it was very scary that she had piped up and offered to abort right away. To be loved was one thing, to have someone so dependent on him that they would terminate a pregnancy, to end a potential life for him made him feel….Well, he wasn't sure how it made him feel, to be honest.

"Derek, say something"

"I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. Although, I guess I'm not the one to do anything about this, really, I guess."

"Can you really see yourself raising Mark's child as your own?"

"I don't know."

"And that's why I should probably abort. It wouldn't be fair to this child to be raised with resentment."

He looked away. She really didn't expect much of him, did she? And yet, the question that was still there was valid. Could he really do this? Because it he couldn't then she was right. It really wouldn't be fair to the potential child who was innocent in all this.

"All right, look, we're both in shock. This isn't the time to make major decisions. You should at least have an ultrasound to confirm your guess."

"I can give one to myself."

"True, but you should probably not doctor yourself in this situation. It's probably not a good idea to ever doctor yourself but—"

"You think I should go to Nancy?"

"Well, she is your doctor."

"I know, but…"

"She loves you. All my sisters do. I'm pretty sure they love you more than me." That was a family joke. That Addison had really married Derek in order to get herself four sisters because she had always wanted a sister and four was a good deal more than she was expecting. But all five of the women had always had a good bond.

I don't know."

"Well, you've got to see someone and I'm pretty sure Nancy won't judge you. At least think about it."

"I'll give it a day and sleep on it tonight."

"That's all I can ask."

And so it was that the two of them did find themselves at Nancy's practice after hours. It was quite an awkward conversation but full disclosure was always best.

"So, that's the story. I know you must hate me now."

"I don't."

"What?"

Nancy shrugged. "It's Mark. Sleeping with him seems to be a rite of passage. Not to mention that while this is a pretty bad mistake to make, I've made some colossal ones in my life. Everybody has. I mean, it could have ended the marriage and I will admit to being surprised that Derek is still trying but I'm really proud of him for it. I think our dad would be proud as well."

Derek couldn't deny a feeling of warmth that spread through him at Nancy's words. How often were any of his sisters proud of him? Mostly the Shepherd children tolerated each other and not always even that. But her being sure that their father would be proud of him meant something got him since he always wanted to be a man his father would be proud of.

"Anyway, you want to see how far along you are." Addison nodded. "Then let's find out." Nancy led them to the room with the ultrasound and motioned Addie to get up on the table, which she did. Then Nancy got her ready.

It wasn't that long before they were both able to see the image because both of them were old hands at this. Well, Addison, unlike Nancy didn't have children as of yet, but it was still her field and so she knew what was up.

"I'd say based on the size, you are about six weeks in." Addison let out a strangled cry. Derek looked sick. "So, it is Mark's then." They both nodded. "So, you'll need to decide what you're going to do." Again Addison nodded and this time Derek joined her. "All right. You still have time to decide. I can tell this is a huge shock to you both. You need to go home and take at least a few days to absorb this and then decide. You should know, though, that whatever you decide to do I will support you both one hundred per cent."

"Thank you, Nancy. That really means a lot to us." Addison was deeply touched.

"Not a problem. You're family. I stick by family."

Which was all very well and good but they were still faced with the problem of what to do.

"If I abort then this problem goes away."

And if you don't."

"Then we are faced with raising Mark's child together. He'd be back in our lives for good."

"Not if you don't tell him."

"And if the child comes out looking like a mini Mark? What then?"

"I don't know."

"Neither do I but it does seem to me that secrets and lies just lead to trouble. Like if I had only been able to be honest with you about how lonely and isolated I was feeling I might never have turned to Mark."

That was a good point. Still. "I guess we should sleep on it. Like Nancy said, we have time so we don't have to decide anything tonight."

They might not have to decide anything tonight but the situation they were in was certainly casting a pale shadow over their lives. And it wasn't at all certain that they could or would survive this.

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And now you see why I was nervous that people would bail on me. Apologies to those who wanted it to be Derek's baby. Normally I'm all about Addek babies but hearing about the whole abortion story line made me wonder some things. Never mind how much it pissed me off since I am aware that in the show she aborts and later gets punished for it with infertility. What? That sounds like the prolife bull shit I was brought up with as a Roman Catholic. I though Shonda was supposed to be pro-choice. Abortions don't cause infertility. And when I told my husband about the story line he (also brought up in the same church I was) said it sounded like a God will get you if you do something wrong. Not that abortion is wrong but I think you can get what I'm saying. So, the thing was she aborted because Derek would never accept Mark's baby. And I wondered, really? So I wanted to challenge myself to see if I could make it work. I'm giving it my best shot so I guess we'll see.