Chapter 9

I know I promised a double update, and I'm so sorry, but school is...a lot right now. Plus my sister isn't helping me write this anymore, so that's another thing that's difficult. Instead, I have a super angsty Percabeth chapter for you! Enjoy.

Ever since that fateful day when her life fell apart, Annabeth has tried to hide from the truth. She has balled it up like an old pair of socks and shoved it into the deep recesses of her mind. Annabeth has been pretending. She has been pretending that she is fine, that she is okay, even when the nightmares are too much and she can't sleep because she's back in Tartarus, or when she thinks she sees a glimpse of those sea green eyes staring at her underneath the blanket of stars on the Argo II.

(Even she knows that she's lying to herself.)

So when someone that looks exactly like him shows up on the beach, she can't help but let herself hope that one day, everything will be okay, and she can get her happy ending. And even though she has learned over and over again that hope only leads to despair, even though she knows that helping him will make her hurt, even though she knows it can only end up worse, she does it anyways.

(For him.)

And when she shows him the camp, she can't help but feel as she's reliving the past, when she was twelve and things like this didn't matter and her heart wasn't broken and everything was okay.

Pretending is almost routine at this point. So she pretends. She pretends that she is twelve again. She pretends that he is Percy. (She pretends that everything is all right.)

(She knows she's lying to herself.)

She knows that one day, she will have to accept the truth, have to learn to live with the past, and move on. She knows that that's what he would want. However, Annabeth never knew that the truth would be coming from his lips.

(Those lips she had kissed so many times underwater in the lake with sunshine streaming through the water and in Tartarus beneath darkness and muggy air and at camp within laughter and joy and everything that felt like home…)

She never knew that all the pain she had shoved away for a year could ever come back. She never knew that hearing the truth from him could be so much worse than the nightmares she lives through each and every night. She never knew it could hurt this much.

As Annabeth watches Owen stride away in the middle of the night, she can't help the tears streaming down her face as she remembers you drool when you sleep and always and I love you.

She had always thought that their love would last an eternity.

(But what if their love isn't forever?)

The next morning, Annabeth wakes up after barely sleeping. She had her usual slew of nightmares in Tartarus.

Visions plague her sleep, eat away at her health. Everytime she closes her eyes, all Annabeth can see is Tartarus's dark landscape, it lava rivers and hot muggy air, its ground squishy and soft, the very pit shifting and evolving like it is alive, like it is one creature, like it can squash two insignificant demigods by simply thinking about it -

And in the silence of the Athena cabin, she can hear is Tartarus's laughter, his mockery of their pain, his skepticism because he is the very landscape that surrounds them, and he can kill them in a thousand painful ways, can make Annabeth watch as Percy dies in front of her eyes, again and again and again…

...and when her stormy eyes open, she realizes that he really is gone, that Tartarus didn't kill him but Gaea did, and he's not ever coming back.

(And all she can think about is how everyone says that happily ever after exists, that wishes can be granted, that dreams can come true, and how everyone seems to forget that nightmares are dreams, too.)

At breakfast, Annabeth's brother Malcolm tells her that Chiron has requested a meeting with her. She thinks she knows exactly what the meeting will be about, and normally, she would have skipped it, but she has a feeling that Chiron will not let this one slip.

So she walks, alone, to the Big House and opens the door to Chiron's office.

"Hello, Annabeth," Chiron says quietly. "I think you know what I wanted to talk to you about."

Annabeth nods. "Perc-Owen, right?" she asks, correcting herself.

(She wonders how many times she will make the mistake, will slip because everything about him is like Percy, like her boyfriend, like her life - )

"That's precisely what I mean."

"I-it can't be a coincidence, right?" Annabeth asks. "It has to be him." For a second, she lets herself hope.

Chiron pauses, contemplating his answer. "Even if it is him, Annabeth, it's not him anymore."

It feels like Annabeth's been punched in the gut. A tiny part of her was waiting for Chiron to have a plan, to tell her that Owen is Percy, that they can make him get his memories back, can talk to the Fates, because her Percy can't be gone, can't be dead, when he's right here, right in front of her, closer to her than he has been in a year and still so far away, with a different mind that doesn't remember Wise Girl and always and I love you and never again.

She doesn't realize she's sobbing until Chiron pats her shoulder.

"It's not fair!" she screams, suddenly angry, angry at the Fates for ruining her life, angry at Aphrodite for thinking of her as some sort of story, angry at herself for letting herself hope.

(And most of all, angry at Percy, angry at Percy for dying, for abandoning her, for leaving her alone.)

"I wanted...I thought after all we'd been through...after hell and back that we could finally live happily ever after. But no. He has to go a-and get himself killed. And now he's gone…"

Annabeth presses the heels of her hands into her eyes and waits for her own cries to subside.

"Annabeth, dear. It does my heart no good to see you in such distress. Losing our loved ones is the deepest pain we can feel. Allow yourself time to grieve. It is okay to feel like this. But know one thing - Percy is gone, and not even the power of the Fates can bring him back."

Annabeth bites her lip and nods, sniffling. She opens the door and leaves the office. With heavy footsteps, Annabeth exits the Big House.

She meets Piper, on the lawn outside, who doesn't look at all surprised to see her. "Annabeth?" she asks, concerned. "Are you okay?"

"No, but I-I will be," Annabeth whispers (not sure if she believes it), heading to the only place she's felt safe in since Percy's death.

The beach.

. . .

Annabeth walks along the coastline, her gray eyes gazing at the water.

It smells like saltwater and sand and Percy, and the ocean looks like his eyes sparkling in amusement, and the warmth from the sun feels like his arms wrapping around her, making her feel safe, making her happy, making her feel like she's home.

(Because don't they say that home is where the heart is?)

Annabeth doesn't notice that Owen has joined her stroll until he speaks.

"Look, Annabeth," Annabeth jerks her head to the side where the oh-so-familiar voice is coming from. "I'm - I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have been such a jerk to you." His sea green eyes are so innocent and sincere.

Annabeth shakes her head with a sad smile (and it hurts because his apology is exactly what he would do). "I know you've probably heard this, but you're exactly like him. You look the same, you have the same voice, the same personality, you even do things like he did," she says softly.

Owen doesn't reply.

"I know - I know it's not fair of me to treat you like you're Percy…" She turns her head to look at Owen, at those familiar sea green eyes, and a tear slides down her cheek. "It's just that I pushed away all that pain of losing him...and I was finally beginning to heal and then you show up and you're him, but you're not. You don't know how much it hurts."

"I'm sorry," he whispers, stopping to look at her - really look at her for the first time since he's has arrived at Camp Half-Blood.

Annabeth halts, wondering where all this has come from. Then she realizes. It was always easy to talk to Percy.

"It's not your fault," Annabeth whispers, and he gives her a lopsided grin. (The same grin she had seen on his face a million times.)

"I'll see you at lunch, Annabeth," Owen says.

"See you," Annabeth replies softly, and he walks away, the sea breeze making his dark hair ruffle.

(His feet leave footprints in the sand, a trail falling away into the horizon, and it feels like goodbye all over again.)

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