A/N: Strong warnings for self-harm, sexual abuse and so much angst that it's verging on the ridiculous. Writing has been slow lately so I apologize in advance if it's as long or longer before the next chapter.

Chapter Ten.

Zexion sat in his car outside of Axel's house and argued with himself, trying to decide how best to approach his friend with the maximum chance of receiving an answer to the questions that had been plaguing him for going on two weeks. Possessing an insightful and observant mind Zexion had watched Axel watching Roxas and the bluette had quickly twigged to the fact that there was something really wrong that the blonde and the redhead were trying to hide. Having known Roxas for less than a month Zexion knew that he couldn't exactly go to the blonde and demand answers, but even though he had known Axel for years he still didn't quite know how to ask what the hell was going on.

Finally Zexion decided that he would just have to wing it and he took a deep breath before getting out of the car. Arranging his face into the expression of calm indifference that usually came easy to him Zexion strolled up to Axel's front door and knocked firmly on the wood, stepping back and waiting for his friend to open up. What should have been a short wait stretched out for a couple of minutes before Zexion registered a muted thudding noise that seemed to be coming from the garage. Realizing that Axel was probably in the middle of training and thus wouldn't have heard the door, Zexion rolled his eyes and headed for the garage.

Upon opening the door to Axel's garage Zexion stood stock still and simply stared, momentarily thrown by the sight that greeted him. In the middle of the garage Axel stood facing away from the door, his feet firmly planted on the floor as he threw punch after vicious punch into his punching bag. As Zexion watched he saw that the bag was marred with a large patch of smeared blood and his heart lurched as a new spray of blood splattered with each impact of Axel's flayed knuckles. Broken out of his paralysis by the sickening sight of his friend's blood Zexion was moving before he had a clear idea of what he was about to do.

Arriving at Axel's side in three swift steps Zexion grabbed the redhead's shoulder and bodily dragged his friend away from the bloodstained punching bag. Luckily Zexion's reactions were almost as quick as Axel's, because the bluette was raising his hands into an instinctive guard even as Axel spun and blindly struck out at him. Wincing more at the feeling of Axel's blood splashing on him than at the pain of blow Zexion grabbed Axel's wrist and snapped out, 'Fuck, Ax, it's me! What the hell man? What's wrong with you?'

Axel had been totally unaware that there was someone else in the garage until he felt a hand fall on his shoulder and jerk him backwards. Mindless reflex drove him and before his thinking brain could intervene Axel was twisting around with the intent to do serious harm to the unexpected intruder. The fact that his strike was blocked stopped Axel for a split-second and then his mind registered that he was hearing Zexion's familiar and uncharacteristically perturbed voice. Guilt rising in his chest and threatening to choke him Axel stared at his friend and struggled for words.

After a brief silence that seemed to last forever Axel pulled his wrist away from Zexion's grip and averted his eyes whispering, 'I'm sorry Zex. I'm not… I'm not doing so good. Fuck I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit you.'

Axel's stuttering apology was cut short when Zexion shook his head and interrupted, 'Axel… I know you. When you say you're not doing good you mean that things have turned to shit in a critical way. Please talk to me man, I'm really worried about you.'

The genuine care and concern in Zexion's voice stopped the knee-jerk lie that sprung to Axel's lips from actually being voiced and he hesitated in a moment of painful indecision. Coming to the interim conclusion that the upcoming conversation didn't have to occur in the freezing garage Axel beckoned mutely to his worried friend and led the way back to the house and the comfort of the lounge. Axel waited until Zexion had taken a seat and was looking over at him with a calm stare before folding up onto the couch and trying to think of exactly what the fuck to say.

Apparently the wait was too and long and Zexion was more worried than Axel had realized because eventually the bluette lost some of his fabled self-possession and shoved himself off his chair to crouch next to the sofa. Distress written clearly on his face Zexion said in a taut voice, 'Dammit Axel talk to me. I remember what shit used to be like for you and I'm not just going to piss around and watch your life go to hell again.'

Hating the pain he was causing his friend and knowing that what he was about to say would do nothing to ease Zexion's worries Axel looked up and held the teen's gaze as he said quietly, 'I can't tell you Zex. Something is really, really wrong but… You just have to believe me when I say that I can't tell anyone. It's not mine to tell… I'm sorry…'

Zexion's response was much more like his normal self as he took a minute to consider Axel's words before grimacing and replying, 'Well shit Ax. I know if you don't want to tell me you won't… Doesn't mean I have to like it. I'm here if you need me for anything though, you know that right? I mean it Ax, even if you just need me to come over and distract you so that you're not beating yourself bloody… Got it?'

The sincerity and utter commitment in Zexion's words brought a lump to Axel's throat but he didn't have more than a second to turn maudlin before Zexion's stare turned penetrating and he said in a tone of forced calm, 'So if you can't tell me that then Ax, tell me this… Have you… Have you ever wanted to hurt or h-harm, yourself? Fuck man, your hands… You did that, punching until you bled, because it was hurting you not despite of it didn't you…?'

With Zexion's quiet words ringing in his ears Axel found himself totally incapable of drawing breath into his frozen lungs. Before Roxas Axel had never told anyone about the fucked up way he coped with the bad things in his world and now to be confronted about it by Zexion who he had hoped would never ever find out was just a little more than Axel could take. Then, as Axel's mind whirled in chaotic confusion, a thought burst to the fore of his brain, 'Tell him something small and he might lose track of the things you aren't telling him.'

Spurred on by his own thoughts and the distressed look on Zexion's face Axel closed his eyes and found the strength to murmur, 'I didn't want you to know Zex. I didn't want anyone to know, ever. I mean fuck, why would I want the people I give a shit about to look at me and know how fucking weak I am. Punching shit till I bleed is… Zex… That isn't as bad as it gets. Fuck, I… Fuck. Can you say something please?'

For a second Axel wasn't sure if the look on Zexion's face was one of sympathy or disgust, but then the blue haired boy let out a choked sigh and removed all doubt by reaching out a shaking hand and touching his knee saying unsteadily, 'Gaia's love Axel, how the hell do you do it? Until I literally saw you beating your fists raw I had no idea… How the fuck could I not know? You smile and joke and act like you have everything under control and you have everyone fooled… Ax… How do you have the strength to keep this shit up?'

Zexion's response was so alien to what Axel had been anticipating that his misfiring brain refused to accept that he had heard what he had just heard. Gradually the full impact of Zexion's reaction filtered into Axel's mind and he stared at his friend with confusion written all over his face as he said faintly, 'It's just what I do Zex, I don't have any other option. Look why, why aren't you disgusted or appalled or already out the door? I don't get it, you should be kicking my ass for being such a fucking dipshit…'

A wry smile crept across Zexion's face and he shook his head gently. The bluette was just about to say something further when his phone went off loudly and totally shattered the calm that had just started to fall. When Zexion dithered for a second Axel managed a real if small smile and waved at the other teen to just hurry up and answer his phone. Zexion gave him a grateful smile and while the bluette got up and wandered into the hall Axel sat back on the couch and tried, with a small amount of success, to get a grip.

By the time Zexion came back into the lounge Axel had pulled himself together a tiny bit, enough at least to steady his breathing and calm his thoughts down to a mild roar in his head. The smile Axel aimed at Zexion as he came back into the room quickly faded however when he saw the expression of fear and misery on the teen's face. Before Axel could even ask Zexion stuttered out, 'Gaia Axel I'm sorry I have to go… That was Kadaj, m-my mother's been taken to hospital. H-h-he said he f-found her passed out in the kitchen when he g-got home, fuck I have to go…'

Without the slightest hesitation Axel shot to his feet and hurried over to the trembling Zexion, wrapping a steadying arm around his shoulders. Taking charge as if the harrowing conversation of before hadn't happened at all Axel said firmly, 'Come on Zex, I'll drive you. I can tell you aren't going to be up to driving. Hurry up, we'll take my car and you can text for me to pick you up if you need it later.'

Steering the unresisting Zexion out of the house Axel only paused to grab his keys and a jacket before slamming the door and hustling them both to the car. The ride to the hospital was made in absolute silence with Zexion staring blankly ahead and Axel sneaking glances every chance he got to make sure his friend was still breathing. When they arrived at the hospital Axel had to muscle Zexion out of the car and in through the front doors, the effort tearing open a few of the newer wounds on his stomach, something he didn't even notice until he crashed into bed hours later.

Exhausted from the sustained effort it had taken to make sure that the distraught Zexion was reunited with his family at the hospital and wouldn't need a ride home, Axel barely had the strength to strip off his top and slap a new covering on his reopened cuts once he got home. Lying on his bed totally drained of any strength Axel found that his thoughts seemed to have slowed from their frantic racing and he mused as sleep crept up on him that he hadn't thought about Roxas' situation for almost four hours. Falling away from the world Axel sent a formless prayer to Gaia, more of a hope than a concrete plea, that somehow things would be better in the morning.

Two weeks after he had sent his cruel text to Axel Roxas was stretched to breaking point but still managing to avoid and ignore the redhead. The first Wednesday of training together had been spent intensely focusing on syllabus with only a few isolated words spoken in the whole two hours, but Roxas had been painfully aware that Axel was waiting the whole time for him to break the silence and the tension. Escaping from the Taekwon-do hall without being cornered and questioned by Axel had at first felt like a triumph to Roxas but once in his taxi the feeling had quickly turned to nausea in the pit of his stomach.

Halfway through the day on the second Wednesday, after a ghastly lunch hour spent with both Vexen and Saix, Roxas was hit by an idea in Biology and once out of class he called his taxi to make sure the car turned up earlier than usual. When the end of school bell finally rung, Roxas hurried as quickly as he could to get ready and thanks to his forward thinking he got to the hall before anyone except Xaldin had arrived. Taking a breath upon entering the hall Roxas put his plan into action before he could chicken out.

It only took a few quiet words with Instructor Arma to gain Roxas permission to watch class from the back of the hall and although he hated himself for lying and saying his concussion was still affecting him Roxas found it was a good cover to avoid the truth. The real reason that Roxas needed to sit out training that night was due to a nearly dislocated shoulder gifted to him by Saix and a barely concealable limp that was thanks to Vexen's sadistically overenthusiastic attentions and the blonde teen slumped onto the bench with a sigh of relief mixed with sadness. Slowly the Taekwon-do students began to trickle into the hall and Roxas glued his gaze to the floor to avoid any possible interaction.

Despite staring at the ground Roxas listened hard to keep tabs on who was arriving at training and his keen hearing caught Axel's distinctive voice before the redhead even entered the room. Acutely aware that green eyes were probably fixed on him from afar Roxas sent a thankful prayer to Gaia when Xaldin loudly called the start of class and he only raised his gaze when he was sure that Axel was up the front and facing the instructor. Roxas tuned out the traditional procedure that began each class but his ears pricked up when he heard Xaldin telling the class that they would be doing something different for a change.

A brief set of simple instructions later and Roxas watched with interest as the students split into groups with orders to create and perform a short self-defence skit using the techniques from their ranks. Having spent his trainings to date separated from the main class Roxas watched in fascination, drinking in the huge variety of self-defence strategies and moves that he had never seen before. To Roxas' relief Axel was part of a group confined to the front of the hall but try though he might he couldn't keep his eyes away from the redhead for more than a few minutes at a time.

Along with watching the skits take shape Roxas covertly observed Axel as much as possible while avoiding his gaze and his heart sank as he took in the teen's appearance. Roxas couldn't help but notice that Axel seemed to have lost weight from his already lean form and when the redhead turned to face him, gesturing emphatically to a groupmate, Roxas could clearly see the strain showing on his angular face. Averting his eyes before he was caught staring Roxas blinked back tears and tried to convince himself that he was doing what had to be done.

With so much to watch, even with the distraction of Axel, time passed quickly for Roxas and he jumped to hear Instructor Arma call for the groups to come together and present their performances. Indicative of the general type of person who attended the club every single team had chosen to do a comedy skit and Roxas was surprised when the antics of the first three groups all managed to make him smile. Nervousness rose in Roxas' chest however when Axel's group was called up and he struggled to watch everyone in the skit and not just Axel.

The first groups had done well enough with their routines and included funny moments, but the slapstick nature of Axel's team combined with their obvious skill dragged an uncontainable chuckle from Roxas. As soon as the sound left his lips Roxas regretted the moment of levity, the tensing of his stomach muscles sending a cramping pain through his lower half. Biting his lip hard Roxas wrapped his arms around his midriff and doggedly avoided Axel's piercing stare, the redhead having snapped his head up at the sound of Roxas' laugh.

Even though he had managed to push aside the real world for a short time Roxas spent the last few minutes of the training trying to collect himself enough to project an illusion of 'fine' that would last until he was out of sight. Down the front of the hall Xaldin declared Axel's group the winner and as such free from the duty of packing up the hall, but Roxas only heard the man's words as a droning buzz until the class broke up and the students dispersed. Caught in his own head Roxas unthinkingly pushed himself awkwardly up from his seat and thinking that everyone was busy he limped heavily from the room. What Roxas missed in his hasty departure was a pair of miserable green eyes that followed his exit with a look of wretched intensity.

Watching Roxas withdraw from the world and fade away before his eyes hurt Axel deeper than thought he was still capable of being hurt, but it wasn't until the third week after Roxas' rejection of him that he found the chance to do something. Axel had been in the process of packing up his coursework in preparation for getting ready for training on the Wednesday afternoon, when his phone had gone off and he answered it to hear Xaldin's voice sounding unusually strained. The instructor said perfunctorily, 'Axel, I'm sorry to do this but I need to ask an urgent favour. I've had a family emergency and I need you to do the ring round to let everyone know that training has been cancelled for tonight. I'd usually do it myself but I just don't have time…'

Breaking into Xaldin's rant and trusting that his instructor wouldn't kill him for being rude Axel said quickly, 'Sir, don't worry about it. I've got the phone list here and you should just hurry up and go instead of worrying about this. I hope everything's okay, let me know if I need to call for tomorrow too if things take longer than you think or anything.'

The way Xaldin thanked him profusely told Axel that the family emergency was definitely quite a dire sort of emergency and he firmly told his instructor to go and hung up with a sigh. Upset that his one chance of the week to see Roxas was being pulled from under his feet Axel was halfway through the calls he had to make to the Taekwon-do students before an underhandedly brilliant idea burst into his brain. Not taking a moment to second guess the wisdom of his idea Axel rushed through calling all of the students except Roxas and then he dashed out the door, heading for the Taekwon-do hall.

Arriving at the deserted hall a good hour before normal training would usually start Axel used his key to let himself in and he turned on all the lights to give the impression that training was on as usual. The instant Axel stopped moving however he was almost overwhelmed with nervousness and anxiety that his plan wouldn't work and he barely made it to the bench that ran down the side of the hall before his legs gave out from under him. Hunching over and resting his elbows on his knees, Axel stared at the floor between his feet and tried to work out what he would say when Roxas turned up and discovered his deception.

The hour passed slowly and given the time to stew in his own doubt and insecurity Axel grew more and more twitchy and panicky with every passing minute. It was almost six thirty when Axel abruptly decided that he had made a huge mistake and went to get up, but he only made it as far as to raise his head when he heard the door to the hall creak open. Heart suddenly hammering in his chest Axel swallowed a huge dry lump in his throat, trying with everything in him to prepare himself for the imminent confrontation.

Roxas hurried into the room and gifted Axel with a precious few seconds by turning to pull the door quietly closed behind him. In the tiny reprieve Axel stared at Roxas mutely, shocked at the awkward way the other teen was moving and all he could do was sit there as Roxas turned around and finally realized that he had walked into something much different than the bustling hall he was used to. Axel's guard and mental barriers were completely discarded in the moment that Roxas' gaze found his and he was powerless to hide the storm of emotions that was laid bare in his eyes.

Thick and tense silence filled the hall until Roxas went to step back towards the door and a glare of light from the overhead fluorescents fell squarely across his face, provoking a hoarse exclamation of dismay from the shocked Axel. What Axel hadn't been able to see until the harsh illumination revealed it was a livid purple and blue bruise that stretched from the corner of Roxas' right eye up over his temple and into his hairline, inadequately concealed by the unruly spikes of his hair. Without intervention from his brain Axel was on his feet and in front of Roxas in a heartbeat, the sound of his cry still ringing in the air.

The speed of Axel's movement was so fast that Roxas was still frozen to the spot as Axel lifted a shaking hand to his face. Axel's slender fingers ghosted around the edge of the large bruise on Roxas' face but when he gently brushed away a few strands of blonde hair Roxas' immobility was broken and the slight teen took a stumbling step backwards. In a plea that betrayed pure fear and desperation Roxas moaned, 'Why can't you fucking let it go Axel? There's nothing you can do so just fucking forget I ever told you anything! Please… Can't you just… Leave me alone…'

Axel's words caught in his throat for a second and he turned his head away, choking back tears of hopelessness and despair. Brokenly, in a voice that was barely audible Axel whispered, 'I can't Roxas. He's going to kill you. You know this, he's going to go too far and kill you… Fuck Rox… I can't just let it happen…'

There was a drawn out silence from Roxas in the wake of Axel's frantic words, but all Axel could register was that Roxas hadn't left the hall and hadn't told him to shove his caring where the sun didn't shine. Words spilling out of his mouth before he could think it through Axel resorted to begging unashamedly, 'Please Roxas, oh Gaia please just talk to me… I can't… I can't take it, seeing you come to training and imagining what sick shit you've been living through alone… You think there's nothing I can do but at least you wouldn't be alone Rox!'

Drawing on the last of his rapidly waning courage Axel lifted his gaze to meet Roxas' conflicted blue eyes and he knew that his usually well shielded emotions were laid bare to the other teen. After a pause that seemed to last forever Roxas broke eye contact and said lifelessly, 'You just won't walk away, will you Axel. I knew, I knew that I should never have told you anything… Fine. Fucking fine. If you want to talk… We can't do it here though. If he's got someone watching…'

Hardly daring to believe what he was hearing Axel stared at Roxas uncertainly, trying through sheer force of will to divine whether the blonde teen was being sarcastic or if he actually meant what he was saying. Suddenly deciding that he wasn't going to argue or give Roxas the chance to change his mind Axel said quietly, 'If you turn off the lights Rox I'll check outside and make sure that the coast is clear. Don't come out until I come and get you and then we can gap it to my place. I… Thank you Rox…Thank you.'

Roxas sat in Axel's car, unable to believe the events of the last few minutes. When he had turned up at the hall for training he had been so totally blindsided by the situation that his brain had at first refused to compute. Then from the moment Axel saw the bruise on his face Roxas found that events had progressed so quickly that he could barely get his head around things let alone keep up his guard and his defences. From the start Roxas had been fighting a losing battle in convincing himself that he could block Axel out of his life and when the redhead had broken down into abject pleading Roxas found that he just couldn't do it anymore. Terrified that his decision would end in pain and blood Roxas sat rigidly in the passenger seat, silently cursing his weakness the whole ride to Axel's house.

Moving robotically Roxas got out of the car when Axel pulled into his driveway and like someone in a dream he followed Axel into the house. Walking almost entirely on autopilot Roxas trailed after Axel into the brightly lit lounge and sank into a chair upon the discovery that his legs appeared to shaking quite badly. Aware that Axel's eyes were fixed on him intently Roxas tried to fight through the tide of panic that was rising in him. Torn between his promise to talk and the nausea that threatened when he thought of what his words would do to Axel, Roxas squeezed his eyes shut and tried to get a hold of himself.

Axel's quiet voice eventually broke the silence, the other teen saying almost too softly to hear, 'Rox…'

Somehow the sound of his own name said so gently loosened the constriction in Roxas' throat and after taking a trembling breath he blurted out, 'I tried to keep you away because… Because it's dangerous for you to even know me. I didn't want to hurt you but I couldn't think of any other way to keep you out of it. I shouldn't even be telling you this much but you just don't seem to get it.'

Biting his tongue at how incoherent he sounded Roxas was suddenly hit by vivid flash of memory, the sight and sound of Vexen threatening Axel's life bursting into his mind before vanishing just as quickly. Abruptly terrified that his very presence at Axel's place was putting the redhead in mortal danger Roxas jerked to his feet before Axel could reply, intent on getting out of there before he brought his own hell down on his friend. Standing up so suddenly turned out to be a mistake however, all the blood draining away from Roxas' head and leaving him swaying, on the edge of blacking out.

The breath rushed from Roxas' lungs and he buckled at the knees, his arm flying out in a futile attempt at snagging something to catch himself. Roxas' hand smacked into something and he heard a sharp inhalation, reality starting to filter in at that point, informing his brain that somehow he hadn't hit the ground and that he was propped up in a semi sitting position. Shaking his head and then groaning at the spike of pain that shot through his skull, Roxas tilted his head back to look at Axel who had dived to catch him as he fell.

Even though Roxas' head was killing him with a vicious post-faint ache the blonde shoved the pain and his own issues away without hesitation when he caught sight of Axel's face and saw that the teen had gone stark white and his teeth were buried in his bottom lip. Ignoring his own discomfort Roxas pushed himself to his knees and with suspicion blooming in the back of his mind he asked haltingly, 'Axel… What's wrong? You look… Oh son of a bitch, what the hell… You're bleeding… Shit, get up, we need to get you to the bathroom.'

Roxas was so intent on the spreading bloodstain on Axel's stomach that he nearly jumped out of his skin when Axel wordlessly hauled himself to his feet and walked off unsteadily in the direction of the bathroom. Standing carefully so he didn't have a repeat of his dizzy spell Roxas followed after Axel, his brain whispering to him in words laden with guilt that the blood could very well be his fault on more than one level. Arriving in the doorway of the bathroom Roxas stood and stared at Axel for a long moment, the redhead having stopped at the sink, leaning heavily on the edge and staring at his hands.

The seconds stretched out with Axel staying motionless by the sink and Roxas' guilty anxiety grew stronger and stronger until he couldn't stay quiet any longer. Softly, hoping not to startle Axel, Roxas asked simply, 'Ax, I'll understand if you just want me to go away but I don't really want to leave you alone. I… I want to help… What can I do to help?'

When he lunged to catch Roxas as the blonde's legs gave way Axel had been too focused on stopping the other teen from hitting the floor to avoid the out-flung hand that collided hard with his stomach. Axel sank to his knees with the semi-conscious Roxas in his arms and let out a tortured hiss, realizing that the harsh contact had reopened at least one of his most recent wounds in a very painful way.

Biting his lip to hold back a groan Axel only heard Roxas' voice as a background murmur until he caught the word 'blood' and understood that the worst had happened and he was already bleeding through his shirt. As Roxas knelt next to him saying something worriedly Axel slammed all of his defenses back into place, withdrawing into himself and focusing on the single goal of getting to the bathroom and dealing with the problem. Axel didn't even notice that Roxas had followed him until he was slumped weakly over the sink and he heard the other teen's soft question from behind him.

Axel's mind was in such disarray that Roxas' words threw his thoughts off on a complete, almost irrational tangent and he found that he had gone through dazed and somehow come out the other side into cold calculation. In the silence following Roxas' genuinely caring question Axel could only think about how he could turn the situation into a way to find out more about the things Roxas didn't want to tell him. Caught up in the plan beginning to form in his head Axel almost forgot that Roxas was expecting an answer.

After an extended pause Roxas spoke again into the echoing silence and Axel slowly lifted his head to look at the other teen as he said, 'Please Ax, say something… I… That bloodstain's getting bigger. Fuck, can you just let me make sure you're okay? Then you can kick me out or whatever…'

Unable to meet Roxas' gaze properly Axel glanced at the other teen out of the corner of his eye. Hating himself for the borderline deception he was putting into play Axel muttered, 'Sorry. Look I… It's in an awkward place otherwise I would have been able to do the dressing properly in the first place.'

Looking down for the first time since reaching the bathroom Axel let out an aggravated growl as Roxas was indeed correct and the bloodspot had soaked through his shirt and was now nearly four inches long. A totally unfeigned note of nervous distress entering his voice Axel forced himself to continue with his ploy saying weakly, 'Roxas… If… If you help… Fuck I don't know if I can do this. No one's ever seen my skin Rox, no one.'

Axel barely had time to shut his mouth and look down before Roxas was standing beside him and touching his shoulder to get him to look up. The tone of empathy in Roxas' voice made Axel's heart break a little as the other teen said, 'I'll go if you want Ax but… You can trust me, you know? Even after what I said… Fuck… I just want to help.'

Looking into Roxas' sincere blue gaze Axel swallowed hard and told himself one more time that this was the only way that he had even a chance of getting the teen to open up to him. Quickly grabbing his medical box from on top of the cabinet Axel shoved the container at Roxas and turned around to face him. Leaning back so that he was propped up against the edge of the sink Axel stared at the damp spot of blood, gripping the hem of his shirt with trembling fingers and nerving himself to do something that went against every instinct in his screaming brain.

Until Axel thrust the box of bandages in his direction Roxas had been sure that he had pushed Axel too far and the redhead was about to invite him to fuck right off. Stunned that Axel apparently did trust him enough to accept his help Roxas stood silently and watched the other teen fight against years of ingrained secrecy. Then Axel jerkily lifted his top to expose his stomach and it was all Roxas could do to swallow a wordless sound of distress that tried to escape his lips.

Wide blue eyes wandered over Axel's stomach, a small part of Roxas blinking in surprise at how defined the lean boy's muscles were but most of him preoccupied with and horrified at the thick silvery lines and scabbed over cuts that littered Axel's skin. Though Roxas knew that Axel needed help with the blood soaked gauze that was stuck to his skin just above the line of his pants, the blonde teen found himself momentarily unable to look away from the deeply carved 'WORTHLESS' that scrawled from Axel's hip to ribs.

Roxas was snapped out of his trance when Axel made a sound that was a cross between a cough and sob, realizing that while he was staring like an idiot Axel was most likely imploding inside his head. Acting without really thinking it through Roxas let out a small sound of distress and reached out to lay his hand on Axel's shaking arm, trying to convey that he wasn't judging or recoiling. Seeing that Axel had his eyes squeezed shut and was shaking like a leaf Roxas abruptly shoved all of his own baggage to the side and he began, as gently but as quickly as possible, to clean up the mess of Axel's stomach.

When Roxas' fingers brushed Axel's skin he felt the teen stop shaking and freeze motionless but he kept going just to get what had to be torture for the redhead over and done with. The blood soaked dressing pretty much fell off when Roxas touched it and he had to work hard to detach himself enough to look without cringing at the seeping wounds that had been hiding beneath it. Keeping his touch light Roxas wiped away as much of the blood as he could, biting his lip every time his ministrations provoked a twitch or a suppressed whimper.

The lacerated area finally clear of blood Roxas hesitated for a moment, realizing that he wasn't actually sure how best to bind up Axel's injuries so that the dressing would stay in place. Clearing his throat uncomfortably Roxas glanced up at Axel's determinedly impassive face and said, 'Ax, I, uh… Could you help me get this right? I can be your hands, but you need to tell me what to do so it stays on.'

Roxas watched Axel's face as he waited for his words to get through. Eventually Roxas saw a flicker of some undefinable emotion glimmer behind Axel's eyes and in a low, spiritless voice the redhead walked him through, step by step, how to properly dress and secure a wound. The task wore on interminably but finally as he smoothed down the last piece of medical tape Roxas took a look at his handiwork and felt a fleeting feeling of pride in what looked like a good job. With hands that barely shook at all Roxas reached up and covered Axel's fingers with him own, gently helping the teen cover the clean dressing with his ruined shirt.

It was only Axel's determination to break through Roxas' defences and find out what was really happening with the blonde that got him through the excruciating ordeal of letting someone see his skin let alone touch his fresh wounds. Though he had manipulated himself into the situation with a dash of deception to boot, Axel still had to fight against the wave of terror and creeping dissociation that assaulted him when he forced his numb hands to lift his shirt. With his weakness bared to the world Axel felt each second that passed scrape on his nerves like sandpaper.

While Roxas stood in stunned silence Axel could feel the blonde teen's gaze like a blowtorch moving over his skin. Staring into the air trying to repress the urge to run Axel caught a sudden mental flash of the scars that spelt out 'WORTHLESS' and he couldn't hold back a choked moan. No longer able to deal with it all Axel's eyes slid shut and he worked to keep it together, shudders wracking his frame when he felt Roxas' touch on his arm. Then things took on a whole new level of bad for Axel when Roxas actually began to gently clean up his stomach.

Despite his best efforts Axel started to space in and out as Roxas worked to wipe away the blood from his skin but he was yanked back to reality when other teen broke the silence and asked for help in a tone that sounded bizarrely apologetic. Realizing that if he could get through this last ordeal then it would be over Axel let his brain and inner instructor take over, mechanically talking Roxas through how to dress a wound and resolutely ignoring the alien feel of someone else's hands touching his skin. Axel only realized it was all over when Roxas reached up to take his hands and lower the hem of his shirt into place.

At the end of his self-inflicted torture Axel wanted nothing more than to escape the bathroom and try to forget that Roxas now knew even a fraction of his secret, the flight response making him feel more guilty for what he was planning to do next. In a voice that sounded nothing like his normal upbeat self Axel said shakily, 'I think I need to sit down Rox. I'm sorry… Fuck I'm so fucking sorry.'

Roxas was up in a flash and it was no act for Axel to lean on him as they made their way back out to the lounge. The care that Roxas took to move slowly and not to jolt him just increased the streak of self-loathing spreading through Axel and by the time they sank onto the couch the redhead was seriously reconsidering his next step. Axel was almost at the point of giving up on his plan completely despite what he had just endured, but then he caught a glimpse of Roxas' face as the other teen moved wrong and grimaced with pain, the suffering in the blonde boy's eyes stiffening his resolve.

Waiting a moment for stillness to fall and also to try and organize his racing thoughts Axel took a deep breath and said in a voice that he hoped didn't sound as shaky to Roxas as it sounded to him, 'Rox… I hate this. All of this. I saw you flinch just then… I don't even know how to ask harder, please, please talk to me. Don't shut me out…'

His green gaze locked on Roxas' startled, wide blue eyes Axel could see indecision warring with reluctance in the teen's face and ignoring the twinge of his conscience he added with as much understated reproach as he could muster, 'You said before that you just wanted to see if I was okay Rox. I can see you're not okay, I can see you're about as far away from okay as you can get. Just sitting here watching you get slowly worn away to nothing is killing me.'

Axel wasn't sure if it was his pathetic tone of voice or the subtle reminder that he had bared more of his own secrets that he ever thought he would, but he actually saw the moment that Roxas came to a decision. Looking into blue eyes that were brimming with desperation Axel listened with a horrible kind of hope as Roxas mumbled, 'You can't say you're sorry Axel, you've got nothing to be sorry for unlike me. I wanted to keep you out to keep you safe… But just knowing me is enough to fuck things up for you. I can't… I can't lie to you Ax but the more you know… Oh fuck…'

Roxas trailed off and the look on his face spoke volumes of how hard it had been for him to even say that much. Refusing to just drop it and let things lie Axel met Roxas' conflicted gaze and threw the blonde's previous words back at him murmuring, 'You can trust me Rox, I just want to help.'

There was a brief second during which Axel got to feel a distracted kind of triumph when the stubbornness on Roxas' face faltered and abruptly shattered into resignation but Roxas had one more surprise up his sleeve, narrowing his eyes and saying urgently, 'Tell me one thing Ax please… Please don't just brush this off, I, uh, I need to know… Were those… Did you cut because of what I said…? Are those because of me?'

Axel had thought that there was no way he could field a more awkward question than when Zexion asked him if he self-harmed, but Roxas' words hit his brain like a freight train. In the wake of having just had to sit through Roxas cleaning up the wounds in question Axel sincerely wanted to just drop dead. Never had Axel wished harder that he was a better liar but something in Roxas' voice had tipped him off that the blonde boy already knew the answer to the question he had just asked. Knowing that even a second's hesitation would give Roxas his answer Axel struggled for words, despising himself for the answer he was about to give.

Bowing his head and hunching his body around the shame that burned in his chest Axel was unable to completely conceal an undertone of anger as he whispered, 'The fuck did you have to ask that for Rox? Yes, okay? I'm that fucked up that I went and did this when you pretty much told me to go fuck myself… But you didn't make me do anything… Fuck's sake Rox, you have no idea what it's like inside my head…'

Axel trailed off into silence, incapable of finding any further words in the face of Roxas' guilt filled and grief-stricken stare. There were a couple of seconds of agonizing silence and then Roxas suddenly spat out in a tone of self-condemnation, 'This is why you should've never come near me in the first place Axel. This is why I try, oh fuck I try to push everyone away before they even know my name! Gods fucking dammit I just wanted to make sure you never got hurt because of me, but you're bleeding and it's my fault anyway!'

It took Axel a couple of beats to realize what was fundamentally wrong with Roxas' outburst as he had to first fight his way through a wave of nausea generated by the vicious self-hatred in Roxas' tone. After the second it took for his brain to catch up with reality Axel's green eyes sharpened to a chillingly icy glare and he snarled, 'Did he fucking threaten me? Is that what made you… Me getting hurt… You thought you had to protect me so you… Rox…'

Axel suddenly realized that he was almost yelling and with a superhuman effort he snapped his mouth shut and took a deep, shuddering breath. In a tone of forced calm Axel shut his eyes and said as steadily as he could, 'Roxas, you need to tell someone. If not me then someone else but you can't keep going like this. Please… Just… Please tell me what happened…'

Roxas found out that being sure in his own mind that he was the reason behind the serious injuries he had just assisted in cleaning up and hearing from Axel's mouth that his actions led to the gaping cuts on the teen's stomach were two very different things. The horrified guilt that crashed over him was nothing compared to the utter contempt he felt for himself and in the throes of self-loathing he revealed much more than he intended to about his reasons for pushing Axel away. Axel's reaction momentarily froze the churning mess of emotions in Roxas' chest however, the teen catching a glimpse of what the redhead must have been like in his pre anger management days.

Although he hated himself for it Roxas couldn't help a shiver of fear that must have been discernible in his eyes, because Axel immediately caught hold of himself and locked down his fury tightly. Then Axel shut his eyes with a look of such hopelessness on his face that Roxas' heart clenched in a painful thump that seemed to shake his whole body. It could have simply been the whiplash from fear to painful compassion, but Roxas felt the last of his resistance to Axel's entreaties shatter into splinters.

The stubbornness inside Roxas drained away, leaving behind only aching fear and pervasive anxiety as to how Axel would react to what he was about to say. No matter that the redhead had done nothing to support the idea, Roxas still could not shake the nagging dread that Axel would reject him completely once he revealed to the other teen just how tainted and dirty he really was. Roxas' mind was a whirling mess of tangled emotions but somehow, in the middle of chaos he found a single fragment of hope and clung to it with all his strength.

In a broken, almost childlike voice Roxas whispered, 'The day he finished his punishment, that Tuesday… I was so scared all day, so paranoid about seeing him, but he caught me anyway… So easily. I didn't have a migraine Ax… He raped me so violently that I could barely walk. Gaia Axel, you have no idea… He decoyed the whole school by setting up a fight and then went and waited for me and fucked me right there in the hallway.'

Pausing briefly as Axel let out a small sound of wordless anguish Roxas made himself continue, his voice becoming colder and filling with bitterness as he spat out, 'That was when he told me he would kill you if I kept defying him. He said he'd make me lick u-up your b-blood as you bled out on the ground if I didn't come whenever he called and… If I didn't pretend to want him as much as he wants me. And I've… I've discovered he wants me a lot.'

Roxas broke off once again, this time because his voice simply stopped working at the mere thought of what he was about to expose next. Out of the corner of his eye Roxas could see Axel's long, slender fingers were clenched into bone-white fists and he couldn't bring himself to raise his eyes to see the other teen's face. Knowing that if he stopped for too long he would never be able to start again Roxas struggled to find the words to frame for Axel the horror of what he had barely managed to live through in the past few weeks.

His heartbeat echoing in his ears Roxas fought against the impulse to simply fade away from the world although he did let his eyes slide closed so that he wouldn't be able to see Axel's reaction to what he was about to say. Tears pricking at his closed lids Roxas finally whispered, 'That wasn't the worst, not by a mile. Every day, every single day since then, he texts and I… Obey. Ax… Oh Gaia I don't even know if I can say it… I don't even know how… He… Brings Saix in almost every time now… Sometimes Vexen just watches while his friend… Does what he wants to me.'

Roxas wanted to tell Axel the worst of the brutalization he suffered, he really did, but when he blurted out that Vexen was bringing Saix into his daily torture sessions he was startled into a hoarse cry of shock. Unable to see what Axel was doing as his eyes were tightly closed Roxas nearly died of shock when a huge crash sounded right next to him and his eyes flew open as he cried out, sure that somehow Vexen had burst in and was going to murder them both. Wild blue eyes widened to almost impossible size when Roxas saw Axel was standing with his back to him, shuddering with rage, the coffee table in front of him lying in ruins.

With his back still to Roxas Axel spoke in a flat voice that contrasted oddly with the wreckage in front of him saying, 'Tell me the rest Roxas. You're not telling me something and I want to know what it is. If what you just told me isn't the worst… Dammit R-Rox…'

Axel's controlled tone broke and a sob escaped before the redhead clapped a hand over his mouth to muffle the sound. Moving without intervention from his brain Roxas didn't even realize what he was doing until his arms slipped around Axel's waist and he gently pulled the other teen back to sit on the couch with him, the blonde boy biting back comment when he saw the state of Axel's extremely scabbed and battered knuckles. A tiny part of Roxas' mind marveled bewilderedly at the effect Axel's distress had on him but most of his thoughts were taken up with how to verbalize the very worst.

The two teens slumped next to each in blank silence, each with tears streaking their cheeks and horror-shows in their heads. In an effort to distract himself at least for a few moments Roxas absentmindedly reached out and took Axel's hand in his own, examining the split and bleeding skin and plucking out the splinters left from the destruction of the table. Strangely enough after a few minutes of sitting in silence absorbed in his task Roxas felt the tightness in his throat loosen a little and with the very last of his courage he threw caution to the winds.

Fixing his eyes on the floor Roxas released Axel's hand and wrapped his arms tightly around himself, taking a shuddering breath as he felt the redhead look at him questioningly. Before the tiny spark of strength vanished from his heart Roxas forced the words out in a barely coherent rush that left him at the point of retching, 'The worst is that he keeps escalating it, finding sicker and sicker things to d-do to me. I started to think that he'd done the worst he can think of and then he… Then he r-raped me with a broomstick handle. N-now he uses anything he can f-find…'

As the memory of the broomstick hit his mind like a bomb Roxas felt bile rising in his throat burning like acid. Ignoring Axel's stunned paralysis Roxas shoved himself off the couch and sprawled onto his hands and knees, scrambling almost immediately to his feet and dashing blindly for the bathroom. Just as Roxas burst through the bathroom door his foot caught the doorframe and he crashed to his face on the lino, the impact forcing a harsh gasp of pain from his lungs. The only thought in his head that he couldn't face making a mess on the floor, Roxas dragged himself to the toilet and threw up until there was nothing left.

Hearing that Roxas was now being used and abused by not one but two depraved perverts released a rage in Axel that had been locked up tight for over five years. All of a sudden Axel found himself standing over the coffee table that was now smashed on the floor and with deep unease he realized that though he must have done it, he couldn't remember the powerful punch that had shattered the wood. In the silence that followed his violent outburst Axel heard his own voice say blankly, 'Tell me the rest Roxas. You're not telling me something and I want to know what it is. If what you just told me isn't the worst… Dammit R-Rox…'

Fear, anger and a deep sorrow overwhelmed Axel and the hand he slammed over his mouth was too late to hide the sob that broke free. Axel almost swallowed his tongue when Roxas lightly grabbed his waist and he was in no condition to resist as the smaller teen pulled him down onto the sofa. Floating in a fog of confusion, hearing nothing but the roar of his own heartbeat in his ears Axel watched as Roxas delayed his response by tending to his mistreated hands. Words wouldn't come so Axel didn't force it, using the quiet to try and get a grip of himself.

Then Roxas started talking again, his words running into each other in his distress and Axel couldn't talk, couldn't breathe, couldn't think. His muscles drained of strength by the horror of what Roxas just disclosed Axel couldn't force his voice to work before Roxas tumbled off the couch and ran from the room. Alone in the lounge with his muddled and reeling thoughts Axel bit through his tongue to choke back a scream of rage and sorrow, wanting to follow Roxas but knowing that if he did he would probably say something apocalyptically regrettable.

Axel's indecision lasted for almost two whole minutes, his overwhelming urge to hunt Vexen down and gut him warring with the driving need to somehow stand beside Roxas and protect him from the world. Slowly however, Axel realized that he was sitting in the lounge like a dipshit while Roxas, who had just re-traumatized himself to reveal his horrific story, was somewhere on his own having to deal with the fallout. Giving in to his emotions long enough to let out a resounding 'FUCK!' Axel jerkily climbed to his feet and went after Roxas as quickly as his rigidly tense body would let him.

It didn't take extreme detective work for Axel to discern that Roxas was in the bathroom in the process of regurgitating his whole digestive system and the sounds were so worrying that Axel actually managed to break into a run. Skidding to a halt in the doorway of the bathroom and stumbling into the room, Axel pulled up short and stared at Roxas helplessly, suddenly realizing that he had no idea of what to say. Caught for once without words Axel felt his heart sink in his chest and more tears begin to burn behind his eyes.

Although Axel had moved in a creepily silent fashion Roxas still could feel him there, aware of his presence even through the retching sounds he was making. Roxas swallowed in an attempt to control his nausea and looked up to see that Axel had misery and shame written all over his face, and before he could even open his mouth the redhead whispered unsteadily, 'I shouldn't have made you tell me Rox, I'm sorry… I can't help pushing and pushing… I wouldn't blame if you were already out the door. I just… Fuck Rox I'm scared. I'm really scared and I don't know what to do.'

It was possibly the utterly unguarded note of vulnerability and helplessness in Axel's voice that reached Roxas even through the flashbacks roaring through his head. In a hoarse voice that was only just audible Roxas whispered, 'I'm scared too Ax… I don't know what to do either. I'm starting to think there's nothing I can do without getting someone I care about hurt or killed. I don't… I… I'm glad you're here though. I think if I hadn't had you to talk to… I'd have called the police to protect Sora and killed myself by now. When I started at training… I was so close…'

Roxas was taken completely off guard when Axel let out a pained sob at his words and dropped to his knees next to him. Suddenly Roxas found himself wrapped in a tight hug, pulled so close to the redhead's chest that he could feel the teen's body shake as he cried. Tears filled Roxas' own eyes and he returned the hug, careful not to bump Axel's wounded midriff and only just able to restrain himself from abjectly clinging to the other boy. For a long time the pair sat on the bathroom floor, trying to find some strength hold onto.

After shedding what felt like every last tear in his body Roxas simply held onto Axel and listened to the sound of his rapid heartbeat. Eventually Axel's tears also faded away and Roxas turned his head slightly so he could hear the other teen murmur, 'Rox… I need to ask you something. I… I realize that if I do you might just push me away and walk straight out the door but I can't… I can't leave things like this. You were ready to die and I can't do anything to change anything… I have one idea but you… You might hate me for even suggesting it.'

If Roxas hadn't been paying such intense attention he might have missed the near hysteria in Axel's voice and he pushed aside the flutter in his throat and nodded against Axel's chest, mutely inviting him to continue. Hesitantly and in a voice that wavered noticeably Axel said, 'I have a cousin, Reno… H-he's a cop. If I told him your s-story with no names or anything that could identify you or… Or H-him… Reno might be able t-to think of something… Anything that might help.'

For a second Roxas heard Axel's words without comprehending them but then everything hit his brain in a rush and he jerked back, looking up into Axel's white, strained face. A storm of thoughts swept through Roxas' mind but to his surprise and Axel's too, what emerged from his mouth was, 'Could you… Would you be able to promise that he wouldn't know it was me? Gaia's love Ax… How… How could you make sure it never got back to Him or, oh fuck, or Thirteen Black…'

The expression of disbelief and dawning hope on Axel's face hurt Roxas' heart and he tried to calm his breathing as Axel said reflectively, 'I could change things, obviously names and leave out physical descriptions, but things like setting too. Change the story so that you and, him, aren't at boarding school but are somewhere else. We could work out a story Rox, something that you're comfortable with… I mean, would that… Do you think you'd even consider it?'

Roxas could hardly believe that he was seriously contemplating Axel's plan, but for some reason he couldn't seem to be able to speak the words to crush the hope in the redhead's eyes. Wrestling with himself for a moment Roxas came to a decision that both lifted his heart and made his spirit quail, saying faintly, 'Do it. A-ask your cousin… I trust you Axel. If there's a chance, any chance at all… I can't do this for much longer without knowing there's some end in sight. W-whatever that end might be.'

At Roxas' last words Axel clearly picked up on the thinly veiled hint of suicide and Roxas found himself clutched even tighter against the redhead who was shivering uncontrollably. Regretting that he had voiced the sentiment at all even though it often loomed large in his mind Roxas felt an utterly alien impulse rise up inside himself and instead of listening to his first instinct of running in the opposite direction as fast as he could Roxas recklessly gave in to the urge. As smoothly as if he had practiced the motion a thousand times Roxas reached up and took Axel's face in both hands, stretching up to lay feather light kiss on the stunned redhead's lips.