Hey sorry I've been gone for so long. I've had high school and family problems I've had to deal with. A good friend of mine is also in the hospital for attempting suicide so I have to deal with that as well. So this goes out to you Cas, love you and you're stronger then all of this.
So anyways I am back and will be updating more I hope. I'm also rewriting the entire story because I did not like how it was and where it was. It was very poorly written and Gerard and Codie (originally Cody) got together way to quickly and I'm going to fix that and some other details in the story. So please bear with me and enjoy(:
Codie POV
Time seemed to freeze when I got the call, the call that changed my life. The call that my only true friend, Nikki, had died from an overdose. My world was slowly crumbling down all around me as I walked to the last day of high school. She was the only person who ever truly understood me; the only one who didn't care what I looked or acted like. Hell she was the only one who cared about anything at all.
As I finally arrived at school my so called "friend" Elizabeth came up to me with a "concerned" look on her face, "Hey girl, are you okay?" I just glared at her as I pushed past her and the rest of her group as she huffed, "Bitch! It's so obvious why you don't have any friends. Hell I wonder why I even try to be friends with you at all." That's funny; she's never once actually tried to be my friend. She invited me to her birthday party once in middle school but that's only because her mom made her. She's never actually tried to even talk to me before, hell Elizabeth doesn't even know what my name is.
The name's Codie Rapp and what she said about me having no friends is absolutely true. I felt completely and utterly alone in this big world of ours and there was nothing I could do about it. People didn't want to talk to me here because they were afraid of me due to how I look. At 5'1" with shortish pitch-black hair that was bleached at the tips, stick skinny body, and hazel eyes I looked like any other human being. That wasn't the problem though. I was made fun of day and night ever since I can remember because 1: I have a guys name, Two: I dress differently the most, Three: I'm not into the same things other kids are, and Four: I just don't fit in. Yeah let me just tell you that high school has been fucking hell for me, well school in general has been fuckin hell for me.
My family…fuck I don't even know what to say. They are almost never there for me and I hardly even know them. My parents are both workaholics who spend most of their time over in Europe, in France I think, then at home in Newark, NJ. With no other siblings I'm completely alone in this huge house we live in. The only thing I really have is my music. It's the only thing that has been able to hold me together; the only thing that could never leave me.
As I continued down the hall to my third class in a daze Adam, the jock of the school, said "Hey everyone look it's Codie. Mr. Loner is back make way for Mr. Fagoot. Whoops, I mean here comes Mrs. Loner Faggot." Yeah very original Adam, like I haven't heard that one before. This provoked everyone in the hall to continue calling me unoriginal names like emo, Goth, scene, slut, etc… I just blocked it all out and ran outside to the courtyard fuck school. I'm not dealing with this shit anymore. It's my last day of high school and I'm not about to spend it inside with all of those assholes.
I was going to spend the rest of the day sitting out in the courtyard doing whatever the fucking hell I wanted to. I just sat down up against a tree, turned my IPod onto I'm Not Okay, and started sketching in my book. By the time I'd finished about five songs I'd draw around ten-twelve pages all relating to either My Chemical Romance, pain, death, or anything I was feeling at the moment which just so happen to be a mixture of the last two including sadness.
The last class of the day was Art, my favourite class. Well pretty much the only class I liked and could be myself in. I wasn't going to miss that class so I decided to get up and head that way. Anyways after Art was over it would be time for the graduation ceremony and then I would finally be free from this damn place. As soon as I walked in Art kids started calling me names and poking fun at me. Ignoring them I grabbed some my sketchbook and just sat down and drew whatever came to mind. The scenes that came to mind were full of sadness and death due to Nikki's death.
When the bell finally rang all the seniors gathered in the social hall to get their caps and gowns as well as get in place for the ceremony to start. I don't remember when the ceremony began but I do remember being on stage and looking out into the crowd for my parents who weren't there. Of course they wouldn't even show up to their own daughters high school graduation. Whatever, I just can't wait until this whole event thing is over and we could finally leave this place for good.
As my fellow classmates said their sad goodbyes and their I'm going to miss you so much I quickly snuck out the back hoping not to be seen. This wasn't the case because Adam and his "gang" followed me out. As soon as I had left the school grounds he yelled, "Hey faggot! What are you just going to leave without saying goodbye to me?" So childish, I thought to myself as I just kept walking.
"Throwing rocks is a bit childish, don't you think Adam?" I said as I turned around to face him after feeling a rock hit my shoulder. "Why yes I do, let me throw something more grownup at you like my fist," he said throwing his fist, which I easily blocked. I then quickly punched him in the nose not wanting to deal with his bullshit right now. He fell to the ground stunned, holding his probably broken nose. I was tired of this bullshit and now that school was over I could finally do something about it.
"What the fuck was that for! You're going down emo bitch! Get her!" Adam shrieked as his nose spurted blood. The rest of his little "gang" attacked all at once leaving it four against one, not a very fair fight. Ah but what they didn't know was that I was in fact a black belt and knew how to defend myself. One after another they all joined Adam on the ground with either a broken nose or the wind knocked out of them. "I've had enough of your bullshit, I took it for four years and I'm fucking done with it. I've had enough of it and now that high school is finally over you are going to fucking stop," I yelled off to them as I walked away. The only response I got was muffled moans from the pile of mess that was Adam and his gang.
Once I made it home I didn't even bother walking inside the house fully knowing that there would be no one inside. Instead I got into my Jeep, love my fucking car so much, and drove off towards Meg's. She was a good friend about five or six years older than me, the only friend I had now that Nikki was gone. A few years ago, when I was 16 I believe, I went to her tattoo parlor and got a Jack Skellington tattoo on my left bicep. It depicted Jack sitting in a cemetery full of blank graves. She's also tattooed the anchor on my left hand on the skin in between my pointer and thumb that reads refuse to sink underneath.
She also tattooed Wrist are for bracelets, not for cutting on my left wrist as a reminder that I'm better then all of that. There is also a music note behind my left ear representing my love for music. I also had a full colour sleeve on my right arm that was 80% completed. It was a mash of all my nationalities into one flowing tattoo. So it had images that represented Cherokee, French-Belgian, British, and German culture. It was a beautiful tattoo that was a pain in the ass to get. We'd been working on it for about a month or so now and it was almost completely done. Just needed to finish colouring part of it and then it will be complete.
This time I had a couple new tattoo ideas and an addition to my Jack tat. I also really needed to talk to her about Nikki. It was painful thinking about Nikki, but she was connected to everything I did so I would never be able to think about her. She'd always be in my mind, gone but not forgotten. She introduced me to my favourite band, My Chemical Romance, a few years back when I was in a dark place and contemplating suicide. Ever since she talked me down from the Jersey Bridge we were irrespirable. We became closer than ever and she acted more like a mother to me then my own mum ever was.
Speaking of suicide, after that whole ordeal my parents started drifting further and further away to the point where I hardly knew them at all. They'd give me $1000 a week just so I wouldn't bug them because they were "embarrassed" of me. That part was the silver lining of this whole ordeal. I'd put most of it in my own little banking account I'd set up and use the rest for little things I needed that week. They also, like most parents, had set up a college funds account for when I go, well if I go, to university. That account had more money then you could ever imagine, as did my banking account. $1000 a week added up pretty fast when you hardly spend anything.
Surprisingly I made it to Meg's without crying or hitting anything, which was a complete surprise considering the fact that I was an utter wreck. "Codie, what took you son long? Come right into the back," Meg yelled out as soon as I walked through the door. She always knew when I was coming; don't ask me how because I don't even know. Meg was sitting in the tattoo chair with everything already set up when I walked into the back room. With open arms she got up, "Come here little girl. It was just her time to go so don't worry. You're gonna be all right, you're a fighter Codie." Weakly smiling I hugged her, "Thanks Meg. I don't know how you do it, but you just make everything seem so much better then it really is. " She smiled and motioned to the chair, "So what shall I be this time?"
Laughing I said, "Okay well there's a couple I'd like. Firstly on my Jack tat could you add Nikki's name to the gravestone he's sitting on with the words 'Gone but not forgotten'. I also want to see if we can completely finish my nationality sleeve. Do you think that's possible?"
She nodded, "Yeah okay so let me get this straight, you want me to add Nik's name to the grave and then we'll finish your sleeve. Yeah we can definitely do this. It'll take five hours at the most to complete it. We'll work for two hours then take a break for an hour and then continue working on it just so we don't overwork your skin. But yeah this is definitely doable. So just sit back and relax as much as you can." This was great news; I'd finally have my sleeve done and it was already badass looking. I nodded at her and put my headphones in as I pressed play.
The My Chemical Romance playlist came on with their song 'Lady of Sorrows' coming up first on full blast as Meg started up the machines. You see I'm scared to death of needles, I just have this deep fear of them and have to drown out the sound other wise I'd probably have a panic attack. I don't know where the fear came from but I can deal with it if I drown everything out with music. But not just any music, it has to be My Chemical Romance or I'll start panicking. Now this doesn't mean that I don't freeze up when I see a needle anymore, it just calms me down. Their music calms me down just enough to allow me to get a tattoo without freaking out and having a panic attack.
Two hours went by pretty quickly and we were already half way done. She had finished adding Nikki's name to the gravestone and it looked amazing. She even added her favourite flowers in front of it, Lily of the Valleys. She had also begun working on my sleeve and I must say that it looks fucking amazing. Instead of taking an hour break I convinced her to just wait twenty minutes and then start again. I was impatient and really wanted to see my finished piece. As the next hour and half passed Meg was able to completely finish the sleeve. It was gorgeous. She didn't use any bright colours at all, which is what I wanted, and used a more traditional style design, which I also wanted.
"Thank you much Meg! It all looks amazing! I'm so happy the sleeve is finally over with; I'm in love with it. Now how much do I owe you for all of this?" I said crushing her to death. She just shook her head, "Girl I don't understand why you keep paying me, I'm your friend and friends are free. I do this for you to be happy, not for me to get paid." I laughed, she always does this to me. "How will you ever keep this going if I never pay you?" I jokingly questioned. Her tattoo parlor was always busy and was doing pretty damn well. There were always clients in there and she always had clients on a waiting list. That's why this is a joke to us. We laughed about it as I said goodbye and got into my car. Where I was going now, I did not know.