Food for Thought Chapter 7: Ramen to go, Mr Uzumaki?, a naruto fanfic

Author's Pre-notes: Woo! I got this one out pretty quick, didn't I? I have some very definite ideas about where things are going next, and while this was another transitional chapter, there was at least a lot of movement, if you guys know what I mean. I hope you enjoyed it Please, let me know what you think about how I handled Team Kurenai-it's important to me, as I think I have much less a grip on them than I do Team 7, but I'm still very fond of them and don't want to screw up.

Review! Especially if you think something stinks, I can take it, I swear! Tell me it's so bad you support retroactive abortions if you think so! Also, as you can see, I'm trying a new format to break things up. Please everyone let me know if the old way was good enough, or if this is an improvement, or suggestions as to how I should do it.

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Tsunade on more than one occasion drank to get drunk, and succeeded, but it wasn't so bad. As a legendary healer she controlled her body's functions as easily as flipping a switch. She had done just that on more than one occasion when circumstances demanded.

But Jiraiya wasn't a legendary healer, he was a legendary…well, actually, he was sort of a legendary jack-of-all-trades. In any case, those wise to his wily ways guessed he wasn't drunk nearly as often as he seemed. This was true, but not because he didn't indulge in a frequent liquid lunch, or was sipping a fake alcoholic beverage. The strange, perverted sage had been a master of seals for a lot longer than careers of living shinobi; would anyone really have been surprised to learn he'd crafted an anti-hangover seal?

Together with Tsunade (whose mastery of metabolism was less legendary in her younger days), the two Sannin created a seal which hydrated, oxygenated, and boosted the metabolism of the body. It was one of the many more legendary accomplishments of the Sannin that was for the most part a secret; they had enough pride to want to avoid being known for inventing seals like that.

Many years after inventing the special seals, Jiraiya was doomed to once again learn the dangers of taking on an apprentice. Sometimes, the apprentice takes what the master has generously taught and turns it against him. If you're very unlucky, you get an Orochimaru level of treachery. Or, if you're Jiraiya, you get a Naruto level of treachery. Late one evening in Wind country, Jiraiya strutted back to their campsite from the rambunctious mining town they were visiting.

'Oh great, he got laid again. Probably not a working girl, either, judging by his strut,' Naruto groaned to himself. He was annoyed enough with his sensei as it was. Not only had the Toad Sage taken to mocking his pupil in colorful terms about his many romantic failures with Sakura, he'd left him – again – to learn by himself that day. True, this method meant that everything Jiraiya taught him, Naruto owned, but some company would've been nice. Naruto had had his fill of solitude.

But he hadn't had his fill of pranks. True, when he returned to Konoha he intended to change his reputation from 'annoying snot-nosed prankster' to 'evil-stomping helpless-helping hero', but that didn't mean he couldn't get away with some small-scale mischief right now.

Especially way out here in Wind country, far from Konoha. Alone, with a teacher who was absent so often as to qualify for missing-nin status. 'Heh heh, you never expected me to even read that book, much less read ahead!' he grinned wickedly. One of the only books Jiraiya had ever published that didn't involve vice was titled So you Want to be a Seal Master? Thanks to a series of mutinous shadow clones (Naruto had not yet learned to enjoy studying) he was nearly done with the primer on fuinjutsu, and well ahead of schedule, too.

'Like how to cancel a seal's effects, hehehe,' he grinned to himself. There were a few ways to negate a well-crafted seal. One could use a counter-jutsu, such as a water technique to deflect a burst of flame. Destroying it outright would work, of course. So would slightly damaging it; tearing the paper or smudging the ink badly enough would do the trick. But none of those methods suited his mischievous purpose. Fortunately there was another way, a way he'd just learned about towards the end of Ero-sennin's book: sabotage.

Glorious, glorious sabotage! Surely the inspiration for this prank came from a nearby kami, a spirit both just and merciful! Someone had to realize how awful Ero-sennin was as a teacher, right? What with the constant stealing of Naruto's money, ongoing attempts to turn him to the Pervy Side, and violent responses to Naruto's justified complaints against these outrages, Ero-sennin was really pretty awful!

Granted, all of those training methods were surprisingly effective. Stealing Naruto's money ensured he had nothing else to do but train, thus limiting distractions. Naruto had never really traveled before, so despite his devotion to self-improvement, he was often tempted to spend his hoard in many of the tourist traps they passed. The constant mockery (never intended to really hurt) just spurred him on to show up Ero-sennin, even when he knew that was the goal. Spite was a powerful motivator. As for perversions…well, for better or worse, Naruto needed little instruction in that regard.

'But that's not the point!' Naruto reminded himself, scowling bitterly at Ero-sennin as the Sannin settled down on his bedroll. Since Ero-sennin expected him to stare, it was a perfect cover for the student to study the master. 'Yes, there he goes!' he grinned to himself, seeing the Toad Sage rummage around in his pack and pull out a seal. Jiraiya was sure to be currently sporting the anti-intoxication seal, and what he reached for would ensure his morning was headache-free.

Or at least, the second seal was supposed to ward away hangovers, and if his nose was any indicator – Jiraiya reeked like a distillery – his teacher had earned a whopper. And for once, Jiraiya would get what was coming to him! Naruto had carefully (so carefully) snuck Jiraiya's anti-hangover seals out of the man's pack, and subtly sabotaged the topmost seals. It was too bad he couldn't manage something really clever, like making hangovers worse, but for now his knowledge of seals permitted only cancellation.

"Ugh…g'night, punk," Jiraiya offered sourly from his bed. Jiraiya was already starting to get a headache. He relied upon the metabolism boost of his anti-hangover seal to quickly deal with the impairment.

'But not this time, Ero-sennin!' "Good night, Ero-sennin," Naruto said angrily, hiding his happiness quite well, really.

Some things were just worth the risk!

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Even a jinchuuriki's brain suffers temporarily when it gets wanged really bad by a legendary fist, sending it rocketing towards the large doors to the Hokage's office. Fortunately his body remained attached to his head; Tsunade was not very angry. The oft-abused office was lucky too, for Izumo – who had yet to weasel his way out this unpleasant and risky duty – stood ready and quickly opened the door before it could be shattered to matchsticks. He deftly caught the careening Naruto and set him upright to trudge back into the office, nursing a seriously painful but already healing wound.

"So! Ummm…wait a second," Naruto wobbled on his feet, still slightly brain-scrambled, "Ummm…where were we?"

Along with Sakura, he had nervously entered the Hokage's office over an hour late for their meeting. Fortunately Sakura (in fear of becoming collateral damage) had helped him concoct an excuse on their way to the Hokage Tower, in exchange for a promise to tell her all about the seals he was studying. Their effective bullshit excuse was that Jiraiya had whisked into town for some late-night training. They had no idea if he was even in Konoha, but it (mostly) diverted the Hokage's attention from being too angry with Naruto.

If Jiraiya was in Konoha at the time, his stay would not be very productive. By now a runner had already been sent to all hot springs, bath houses, dressing rooms, and anywhere else attractive women were likely to gather to issue warnings. 'Bah, not like Ero-sennin doesn't deserve it!' Naruto thought to himself. He was still stinging in anticipation of having to fork over some hard-won cash in payment of the autograph bet, whenever he saw his master again.

Once Naruto de-scrambled his brains, Tsunade explained their assignment.

"Listen up brat, this one's off the books," she began, and he perked up immediately. 'Off the books' meant just what it sounded like: an assignment that for whatever reason was not recorded by the bureaucrats. Of course the term was something of a euphemism. The Hokage would have private, very highly classified records of her own, along with some other top officials. A hidden village had to keep very close tabs on their closeted skeletons.

"Obviously this is highly classified. All of it, until the mission's complete and perhaps after as well. Understood?" Tsunade demanded, and went on when the pair nodded. "We may have a problem with one of Fire Country's nobles, Itakura Hiroshi. I doubt you know the name, but the man is a serious player at the Fire Daimyo's court. Here's a dossier, also classified. Read it then destroy it." Again her subordinates nodded.

"Since you were late," she scowled coldly at Naruto, "I'll have to keep this short. At best we have concerns about Hiroshi-san's ability to govern effectively. At worst he is disloyal. In these situations we normally petition the Fire Daimyo for authority to question the man in our usual way." The usual way was a polite meeting with a shinobi who could be trusted to detect falsehoods, with the shinobi varying according to the diplomatic necessities involved. A meeting with a Hyuuga was often considered an honor; an interview with an Aburame sometimes a calculated insult.

"Unfortunately in addition to being a real power at court, Hiroshi-san is also very popular. It's almost suspicious. His people love him. His soldiers love him. His peers at court love him. Everyone loves him, so we've got to tread very lightly. Even if he is a traitor, we can't afford to alienate him before we have hard proof," she sighed unhappily. Tsunade was capable of as much deceit as any Kage, but it clearly wasn't her preference.

"Had everyone been present, you would've gotten a more thorough briefing, but the others had to leave. It was important that they be seen leaving 'officially'. Team Kurenai, minus Kurenai-san, left a little under an hour ago. You can catch up to the three of them if you hurry, I have no doubt. Naruto, get started reading that dossier. Sakura will have it done by the time you're still using a dictionary to understand all the words," she sneered, shooing him out of her office with a wave of her hand. Shizune went along, to mother-hen him as long as she could until he left.

"Sakura," Tsunade said with the snap of command in her voice, "I order you to return with Naruto to Konoha at once, willing or no, if there is so much as a whiff of Akatsuki activity. Be on the alert. Jiraiya reports that after losing their two 'immortals'," she sneered with deep satisfaction on that word, "Akatsuki is in disarray. Those rings we captured are very strange, not just ornamental. Since it's Akatsuki we suspect they're crucial to the bijuu extraction process. For these reasons we think that if Akatsuki can muster up trouble, they'll send it here to get the rings, and not to Naruto specifically. A technique as complicated as transferring an imprisoned bijuu would be much more dangerous and time-consuming without those rings."

Sakura was stunned. "That's wonderful, Tsunade-shishou!" she exclaimed in delight. "Errr…well, not that they might attack Konoha, but…well, you know what I mean," she hurried to explain in embarrassment. The thought of even one of those obscenely powerful lunatics attacking Konoha made her stomach churn. She clearly remembered the damage to Sunagakure, even protected from the final blow by Gaara's sacrifice.

Fortunately for her, Tsunade nodded with a little smile. "Of course. The little punk is why I came back to this town, remember? I took the job because of him and…others," Tsunade rarely spoke of her own past, "and even though assuming the title meant Konoha becomes my top priority, I'm still glad the heat's off him. Besides, we're no pushovers, either. We're stronger than Suna was when they were attacked, and Akatsuki is weaker. I welcome an attack. We've got the momentum now, Sakura. I want to keep it," she grinned fiercely.

"Hai, Tsunade-shishou!" Sakura saluted with a flair of patriotism. Akatsuki still frightened her – she was no fool – but after having personally had a hand in putting one of the monsters down, and witnessing the defeating blow of another, they were now more along the lines of powerful opponent than bogeyman. And Sakura knew what to do with powerful opponents.

You found a way to kill them, any way, and then you did it.

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"Y'know Sakura-chan, I did read the dossier, and I passed through this area before with Ero-sennin on training, even though we only stayed for a day," Naruto groaned as Sakura began to lecture him on what to expect on their mission. The two were rocketing through the treetops heading northwest out of Konoha through one of the shinobi travel corridors in the KSZ. Most of the traps in those paths were kept dormant on a rotating random schedule. It was important to check with the guards at the gate to make sure you knew where to step, and where not to.

"You did? That fast?" she replied with some surprise, and instinctive disbelief.

"Of course! C'mon Sakura-chan, y'don't study fuinjutsu by being illiterate. Who knows how many arms and legs I'd have if I couldn't read well and fast? Or how many arms and legs I wouldn't have," he grinned. "Hup!" he grunted, vaulting over an especially thick bough. Only near Konoha did the trees grow so large. The lowest portion of the canopy where the enormous trunks were just sprouting branches was still dozens of meters from the ground.

For her part, Sakura groaned in embarrassment. 'Really, haven't I learned my lesson yet?' she groaned. It just didn't pay to underestimate her teammate. 'At this rate, I won't even be able to rely on him having shitty table manners!' "Well then, Mister Know-it-all, why don't you just tell me about this lord and his town?"

"Ha! A test, is it? Well I ain't so bad on tests as I used t'be, Sakura-chan," he vowed and then went on in a voice that was pure tour-guide. He'd heard more than one of them on his travels. "Lord Itakura Hiroshi is a twenty eight year-old nobleman. He's got many towns and villages in his fief, thousands of acres, and tens of thousands of subjects, but his capital is the city of Sodegaura…"

Sakura had to admit that although the tour guide voice was annoying as hell, his information was accurate. Sodegaura, like most civilian cities, was much larger than Konoha in both size and population. It had seen a lot of action in the last Shinobi War, sited for it was located almost perfectly between Konohagakure and Iwagakure. Fortunately those wars had been nearly twenty years ago, and while some of the city was still fortified with walls, towers, barracks, and fortresses, it had expanded far beyond its old martial boundaries.

'Is he still droning on?' Sakura wondered, and then paid attention to his words again.

"As for Lord Itakura himself, he's the only son – in fact the only child – of the famous Lord General Itakura. He's well loved by…well, everyone, really, according to his dossier, just like Tsunade said…"

'Right, right,' she sighed. Sakura had learned how to tune out the redundant lectures of teachers, she'd just never expected to have to do that with Naruto of all people. Still, she had literally asked for it so she may as well endure. Nothing else to do besides rush through the treetops anyway.

Lord Itakura hadn't really earned his popularity. His father first became famous for good generalship in the wars, taking up his post at a young age and acquitting himself well. When the war ended he earned more respect by presiding over years of steady and uneventful prosperity, low taxes, and just laws. In addition to being a charismatic, amiable man in person, these qualities and his decades-long tenure had earned him tremendous goodwill throughout Fire Country, and this respect carried over to the Itakura name.

"The new Itakura-sama, on the other hand…well, it's too soon to tell what sort of leader he'll be. Everyone still loves him, but according to our reports it's mostly because he hasn't really screwed with his father's setup. But part of the reason we drew this mission is that things are changing. Several key administrators have 'resigned' in the past few months, to be replaced by much less experienced aristocrats who are personal friends of Lord Itakura, cronyism pure and simple. Also, it seems Lord Itakura is spending a lot of money, even for a spoiled aristocrat." Habits like those were especially distasteful to an aspiring leader like Naruto.

'And here I thought the only reading he understood was on the side of a ramen cup,' Sakura sighed. That's just how life was, right? You rely on a guy not being able to count past ten due to a finger limit, and then he goes and gets an education. Typical.

"Long story short," Sakura snorted in amusement at that, "Lord Itakura has all the markers of either treachery or incompetence. But everyone kisses his ass, so we gotta take things slow with him. That's why Granny's sendin' a Hyuuga on a 'diplomatic visit' to Sodegaura to check things out. Lots of people will see through that, but it's a necessary bit of bullshit," Naruto concluded, his expression sour.

There was much more to the dossier, of course: birthday, blood type, known likes and dislikes, associates, friends, enemies, favorite foods, and all sorts of (probably) trivial details ad infinitum. Too much information was usually better than not enough, but sometimes that just muddied the waters. Sakura counted herself lucky that she and Naruto, serving as the fist in a Team 8 diplomatic glove, wouldn't have to worry about it very much. 'Make sure Naruto lets Team 8 do their job, Sakura. We cannot afford alienating such a powerful noble until we know what's going on, and by all accounts the new Lord Itakura loves courtier manners.'

'I won't let you down, Tsunade-shishou,' she promised herself. Still, she reminded herself that her knucklehead teammate had seriously surprised her twice in just the past hour or so. 'Who knows? Maybe he learned some discretion?' Stranger things had happened…but not many.

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Naruto and Sakura were surprised when, just a short while later, they caught up with their teammates for this mission. Due to his enormous stamina Naruto was faster than anyone over the long haul (except Maito Gai and Rock Lee, of course), and Sakura was no slouch either, but Team 8 specialized in long-range reconnaissance missions.

Naturally this meant they had to be able to move, fast. Many of their assignments took them to the frontiers of Fire Country and beyond. As they grew more experienced, 'many' was slowly becoming 'most'. In those kinds of situations, the wisest option was usually a quick skirmish followed by running like hell, if they were spotted at all. They were very good at it, and didn't seem the least bit winded when the five met up.

"Good morning Naruto, Sakura," Aburame Shino said evenly. "We have been expecting you," he said politely. His reflective sunglasses flickered in the uneven light of the forest canopy.

"Ha! How late did you sleep in, Naruto? We've all but broken out the walkers and gone for a stroll while we were waitin' for you," Inuzaka Kiba offered with a sneer to Naruto. It was a good natured taunt, but Kiba had been nursing a healthy competitive grudge the fabled fart.

"Well I'm sorry Kiba-chan, but Ero-sennin demanded some last-minute training before this assignment," Naruto growled, masking his unhappiness that he had to keep his studies secret with his ongoing annoyance with his sensei.

"What, late night training? Did Jiraiya-sama work out some night-vision jutsu for peepin' at night?" Kiba asked immediately, eliciting a sigh from Naruto.

'God, why does every man think the sun shines outta his ass?' he wondered. Perhaps it was true that the closer you got to a legendary figure, the less legendary they appeared. It certainly seemed true with the 'Gallant' Jiraiya. With the exceptions of Lee, Gai, and Shino, it seemed every male was a fan of Icha Icha. Not a few females for that matter, secretly of course. And those three hardly counted anyway, being exceptions to normative behavior almost as a rule.

"No, nothing like that. I'm sure if he did, though, you'd read about it real soon," Naruto pointed out.

"You got that right! Jiraiya-sama is the best writer since…huh?" Kiba began, then raised his eyebrows and glanced downward, where Akamaru had growled something up at his partner from the forest floor. The enormous hound could tree-run if he liked, but lacking thumbs he elected to thunder along on the ground. His pads liked the soft, cool dirt better than dry, flaky bark and moss anyway.

"Oh, right, sorry! Hinata, you were saying?" Kiba inquired with a tinge of embarrassment. He was usually very solicitous of his teammate, aware of the circumstances behind her reluctance to speak out, but talking about Jiraiya led to thinking about Jiraiya's books, which let Kiba get quite distracted! Fortunately Akamaru was there to keep him on his toes.

"Please don't apologize, Kiba-kun. I know you're a big fan," Hinata said in that quiet way of hers. She spoke in the very clinical, detached way of many women when discussing Jiraiya, a tone which artfully indicated disapproval without actually expressing disrespect towards such a legendary and heroic man as the Toad Sage, whatever his personal habits. "Good morning Sakura-san, Naruto-kun," she offered with a friendly smile.

"Howdy Hinata-chan!" Naruto replied with his usual wide grin. Naruto was a friend who always made sure to let people know he was glad to see them. "Don't be embarrassed. If you think that crusty old pervert is a twisted, alcoholic, lazy old deviant, why, just go ahead and say so! No need to respect Kiba-chan's feelings!" At this Naruto mimed licking his fingertip and putting a mark up on an imaginary scoreboard. Zing!

"Grr, why you little-"

Fortunately for everyone, Sakura chose that moment to intervene. Inuzaka Kiba was no coward, but his mother also didn't raise any fools. He wasn't going to interrupt Haruno Sakura just for a silly squabble. Only Naruto made a habit of being so stupid.

"Good morning, Hinata-san," Sakura replied sweetly, speaking as though Naruto's little outburst hadn't happened. Hinata and Sakura were not enemies. However, they did recognize in each other rivals of a sort. Perhaps for that reason the two still called each other by '-san' instead of something more familiar. Whatever the reason, though, their relationship remained as polite acquaintances and comrades, nothing more.

"Good morning to you too, Sakura-san," Hinata replied just as nicely, though without Sakura's unspoken threat to Naruto. Her stammer around Naruto had, after much intense effort, finally been left by the wayside. At least, when she was expecting to see him, like she was now. Sometimes when she was startled by him, the stutter reared its ugly head. "I hope Jiraiya-sama didn't keep you up too late, Naruto-kun?"

As for Naruto, he simply didn't know what to make of Hyuuga Hinata. Sure, he respected her; who wouldn't, given how hard she had plainly struggled to master her own fear for her cousin? And she didn't even hate the guy! Yes, he recognized she was as Ero-sennin would've said 'a looker', but Naruto had excellent training at the hands of Sakura in viewing women without perversion (at least, not where they could see him!).

But there was all that weird stuff from back when they were kids together. She was always looking at him, at least whenever he caught a glimpse of her in an unguarded moment, which wasn't often. At least it wasn't like others had stared, though. Other than that, she stood out only in the sense that she didn't stand out. And the stammering, and the facial coloring! Hinata was as different from other would-be kunoichi as it was possible to be.

Unfortunately for Hinata, Naruto was not the sort of guy who spent a lot of time (or any time at all, really) thinking back on the past. If he were, the Naruto who returned from a two year training journey with Jiraiya, who was on his way to becoming well-read and maybe even sophisticated, might have looked back on the experiences of his childhood and realized something about her, but he wasn't. He was a forward-thinking sort of guy!

"Naw, I'm fine Hinata-chan," he replied with another smile. "Ero-sennin, see, he's so old and worn out, he needs his beauty sleep. Like, a hundred years worth. Right after his prune juice," he snickered. Naruto really let loose with the insults when his master (who did the same) wasn't around. That's just how they were, almost nothing about their master-apprentice relationship approached ordinary.

"That's…good to hear, Naruto-kun," she replied, a smile quirking her lips. Hinata wasn't the sort to approve of mocking a legend like Jiraiya, but that didn't stop her from thinking it was funny. "Did he teach you anything interesting, Nar-"

"We are approaching the border of the security zone," Shino reported in a bland tone. Sakura had been listening intently to the conversation ('Just to make sure he doesn't spill about fuinjutsu,' she told herself), and Kiba had been seething, looking for a break in conversation to insert a barb. They all stopped talking and became more serious. Once they exited the dense, dangerous forests surrounding Konoha, vigilance was their responsibility and theirs alone.

"Right, OK," Naruto said with a faint smile. Even though he had traveled the area before, he always got a little excited to burst into bright sunshine and open terrain after the twilight shade of the forest. "Kage bunshin no jutsu!" he chanted, fingers moving in his favorite seal, and there were four new Narutos leaping through the treetops. Only a hundred meters or so from the forest's edge, the quintet then stopped and hopped nimbly down to the ground to join Akamaru, who demanded and got happy greetings and petting from both Naruto and Sakura.

"Henge!" whispered three of the clones along with the original. All of them turned into small, boring pebbles. "Here guys, carry these," the remaining shadow clone offered to his comrades. "A little surprise backup in case we run into trouble!" he gloated. In the event of a fight, the clone could either fight or dispel to transfer information. It wasn't nearly as good as the Aburame tracking technique, but still, it was something, and Naruto loved surprises. "If we get split up and you're in trouble, drop me if you can so I can change into somethin' with eyes and see where we are, OK?"

Sakura quickly picked up the original, gave it a friendly squeeze, and stowed it in her pack. Hinata looked faintly disappointed, but only to Sakura since she had been expecting it. 'Sorry honey, but he's my teammate! Ha!' Sakura might be taking a cautiously conservative approach, but as usual Inner-Sakura was quite clear on how she felt.

The travelers made last-minute checks of their equipment and readiness. Kiba and Shino were done first, of course, the former having Akamaru to help and the latter having extraordinary self-awareness. The enormous hound and his partner tussled happily in the dirt and leaves, although their roles had switched from the old days when Kiba dwarfed his partner. Shino appeared to be meditating, though it was just as likely he was communing with his colonies.

That left Hinata and Sakura, Naruto being an oblivious pebble. They checked their kits first, and then Sakura went over her medical supplies. That's the life of a good combat medic: check, check, double-check, and just in case check again. No good medic ever wanted to feel that moment of dread when they realized they were missing that vital bit of equipment, even if it wasn't their fault. Hinata's medical kit was less extensive, but she also checked the documents she was carrying, both ceremonial and practical. She bore messages from both the Hokage and her father to Lord Itakura and other important people.

This final verification didn't take long, and once Hinata and Sakura were done, the shinobi nodded to one another and headed out of the Konoha Security Zone into the wider world towards Sodegaura. They would arrive there in less than two days, but for diplomatic purposes would not openly enter until the day after their arrival. Their orders also included a surprise inspection if possible, diplomatic mission or not.

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Later that evening shortly before sunset, Naruto was doing an excellent impression of Rock Lee. Calisthenics, katas, and just running around turning flips and cartwheels were all part of his bizarre display. Kiba openly snickered and snorted, Akamaru groaned in a canine way and covered his eyes with his paws, and Hinata and Sakura studiously didn't pay any special attention to the pretty boy doing pretty things.

For Hinata this meant looking everywhere but Naruto. This worked on the subject of her avoidance, but not on anyone else. For Sakura, it meant snickering right along with Kiba, but her barbs and comradely jeers weren't quite as pointed and sharp as usual. In fact her commentary was pretty detailed.

Shino simply appeared to be meditating, but was probably debating deep philosophy with his insect tenants.

'Oh to hell with them!' Naruto thought with a harrumph to himself, hearing Sakura and Kiba mock him again. It was tough spending hours and hours on end as a pebble! Unlike them, he hadn't moved all day! He needed to stretch his legs, damnit! Just to keep himself busy, he had gone the extra mile to really be that little pebble; he could still sense chakra, but nothing had come up. He didn't even turn into a little frog to wriggle around or nothing. There just wasn't much for an oblivious pebble to do stuffed between syringes and bandages for so many hours.

Though he did delight in how close he was to Sakura-chan's ass, before remembering that those weren't very pebbly thoughts and dropping them like, well, a rock.

"Naruto!" she barked in annoyance from the campsite, and he nearly fell over from where he was doing some stretches. Sure he was a shinobi and should've kept his balance, but Sakura just had that effect on him. All pretty, capable women did. He looked over anxiously.

"Yes, Sakura-chan?"

"If you're done making an ass out of yourself in new and exciting ways," Inner-Sakura leered a bit at that, "then get your butt over here. We've got to discuss our insertion into Sodegaura," she pointed out. Now that they were getting down to business, Inner-Sakura was mercifully silent.

"Right Sakura-chan! Sorry guys, it's just hard bein' a pebble!" he pointed out, trotting over and taking a seat in the grass. It took a moment, but he chuckled at his unintentional pun.

"Quite alright, Naruto," Shino said blandly. "Even my colonies will sometimes become weary of cramped spaces." Everyone wanted to wince at that just a bit, but carefully hid it so as not to give offense. They all liked and respected Shino, but the instinctive antagonism towards creepy-crawly insects ran deep. Mastering that instinct, Naruto quickly smiled and nodded at his comrade.

"Tsunade-sama has ordered us to conduct some reconnaissance of Sodegaura before we officially arrive," Hinata said. "But since the worst-case scenario is that Lord Itakura is a traitor in collusion with another shinobi nation, we have to be careful. Her orders to us at our briefing stated that it was vital our sneak-inspection go unnoticed. Does anyone have an idea how we can do this?" Hinata asked with some concern. Henge no jutsu was among the most basic shinobi techniques that also made it a skill many shinobi were well-equipped to defeat.

"Perhaps my insect clones might serve," Shino offered. This idea was rejected after discussion pointed out that, while different from henge, Shino's clones had special olfactory vulnerabilities. It was quite difficult for a massive swarm of insects to completely mask their scent.

"Akamaru'n'I can still do our beast cloning like it was in the old days, when Akamaru was small," Kiba pointed out while he rubbed down his partner, who was rumbling and groaning in contentment. But this too was rejected, because the Inuzaka clan was famous throughout Fire Country, and small dogs lurking where they shouldn't were not always considered innocuous.

Naruto was grinning and fidgeting in pride while these ideas were shot down, but he kept quiet. But Sakura and Hinata, both experienced Naruto-watchers (for one reason or another), knew something was up. "Ugh, what is it, Naruto? Is Shino pranking you with ants in your pants again?" Sakura asked with an acid edge to her voice. This was serious business, and Naruto was screwing around! Again!

"I can do it, Sakura-chan," Naruto offered proudly. "My henge is unbeatable!" he exclaimed. "Also, I sure as hell know how t'get along better than you four as a plain old civilian," he said smugly.

"You wouldn't know plain if it jumped out and bit you in the ass, Naruto!" Kiba growled before Sakura could interject. Akamaru seemed to be snickering. Shino and Hinata looked intrigued.

"Oh yeah? Wanna bet?" Naruto asked slyly.

"No!" Sakura cut that possibility off at once. Her experiences with Tsunade-shishou led her to shun gambling in the strongest possible terms. Besides, as she reminded herself earlier that day, people who bet against Naruto had a way of losing. "Just prove it, Naruto, and then we'll move on," she instructed her teammate.

"Right!" He jumped up and struck a pose, eliciting a wince in Hinata. She seemed both disappointed and a bit flustered; it was hardly the way to start off innocuous, but he had looked very nice doing it, and as usual remained oblivious to her reaction. Then he disappeared in a dramatic puff of smoke, causing Sakura to groan aloud.

"Oh, this'll be good," she said with a wince. "Hinata-san, cover your eyes, he's sure to come out a porn star or something," Sakura ground her teeth.

"A porn star, kunoichi-san? Out here? How awful!" an elderly artisan said as he walked out slowly from behind a nearby tree. The man was a brilliant imitation of an aging, stuffy craftsman of some sort. Clad plainly in work clothes, his appearance was as boring and ordinary as the blonde haired blue eyed Uzumaki Naruto's was exotic. Short, black haired, dark eyes, thin, walking with the slight care the elderly are prone to, their comrade stepped into the light and turned slowly to display himself without even a whiff of theatricality.

Only Hinata's Byakugan was able to defeat the deception, and even then only partially. To an Inuzaka's nose and an Aburame's insects, Naruto was now to all senses a man with more behind him than ahead, who had spent his life working with his hands building things and done moderately well at it. Even Sakura, who knew him very well and had a prodigy's grasp of chakra control, could not penetrate the technique, and none of them were able to tell by looking and listening that this man was not what he appeared to be.

"So are you kids satisfied?" the old man inquired with the slightly patronizing air that oldsters sometimes get when talking to youngsters.

"Naruto, how did you get so good at that?" Sakura demanded, speaking for everyone.

"Naruto? Oh my, how the mind wanders! It happens when you get old, you'll find. Were we discussing ramen toppings?" the old-timer asked politely. "But to answer your question, I have heard that the great Jiraiya-sama did not become master of Konoha's foreign intelligence just because his old teacher was the Hokage," the senior explained.

"Well that clinches it for me," Kiba said shaking his head. "If that dumbass can refer to his teacher as Jiraiya-sama when everyone knows how much he loves to make fun of him, and fool us, he's our man." Akamaru was pacing around the old man sniffing with a comical tilt of confusion to his shaggy head.

Shino, Hinata, and Sakura quickly agreed. "You've got the job, Naruto," Sakura told him, and the old man nodded politely without even grinning.

Releasing the technique with barely a wisp of smoke, Naruto reappeared like the difference between night and day. His trademark squinty grin was back, and he rubbed the back of his head in satisfied embarrassment at the praise, just like usual. "Ero-sennin had me spend a lot time disguised, though not as he would've liked," Naruto said with a scowl. His mentor had first demanded constant Sexy technique, only to be shut down in the strongest possible terms. "It really helped my shitty chakra control, so now I'm really good at it," he explained with pardonable pride.

"W-well then," Hinata continued and then paused. The shocking display of transformation genius had – for just the briefest of moments – brought the stammering Hinata back to life, with Naruto perched proudly on a pedestal high above. But the moment didn't last. Hinata who was ashamed of herself as a default position was gone. There were only so many life-or-death missions a person could undertake (and succeed without friends killed) before you just couldn't consider yourself a failure any longer.

Still, it was rare indeed that someone could use chakra in a way that even partially defeated Byakugan. She would have to consider that very carefully in the future. "Well then, obviously Naruto will be our spy," Hinata said. She was in charge of the mission, given its diplomatic tenor, though for issues like these she shared authority to an extent. "How should he get into Sodegaura and what should he try and discover?"

"Ah-ah-ahh, Hinata-chan," Naruto chided with a grin, shaking a finger at her. Kiba rolled his eyes. "You leave that to me. Since the biggest requirement is a low profile, and we'll be there for at least a few days, I can't do something really sneaky, like whang an officer on the head and take his place. But I can still learn at lot, at least get a feel for the pulse of the city. You'd be surprised what you can learn if you're looking at trivial details with big-picture eyes," he explained. He was quoting Ero-sennin, but none of the others had to know that, did they?

"Well then Naruto-sama," Sakura said with a warning grin. 'He's getting a swelled head again!' she thought to herself, determined to keep her rambunctious and reckless teammate under control. It was almost comforting to see this Naruto again, after the surprises of fuinjutsu and henge mastery. "Please, if you can spare the time, brief us on your plans."

"Eh-heh heh heh," Naruto grinned looking almost queasy. He knew what that look on Sakura-chan's face meant: that he'd screwed up again and was cruising for some serious bruising if he didn't shape up. Although he was still proud of himself and his espionage skill, he ceased rubbing everyone's faces in it, sat back down, and explained his strategy to them.

x-a-x-a--a-x-a-x--x-a-x-a--a-x-a-x-- x-a-x-a--a-x-a-x-- x-a-x-a--a-x-a-x-- x-a-x-a--a-x-a-x--

Story Statistics:

Released: 3-15-08

Word Count: Approx. 6200

Reviews: 46 (Big jump! Thanks a bunch, guys! And most especially mrriddler, y'all should check out his story ASAP. You Hinata-fans out there (and I'm one too) are helping me get back into the spirit of Hyuuga Hinata, although I'm no longer committed to any pairing yet)

Hits: 4505 (242 for the previous chapter)

Favs: 21

C2s: 9
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Author's Notes: Howdy! Like I said, I'm quite happy that I was able to complete this installment so (relatively) quickly. I've had some help from people such as mrriddler, who can tell you I'm quite happy to pander to readers if they make their case right, heh.

I don't really understand stories that have Hinata unchanging in the time skip. It's a bit baffling to me, but perhaps it makes sense in canon considering that from appearances, Naruto certainly hasn't changed very much./annoyed

I've also decided firmly on this story's setting in canon timeline, although of course I reserve the right to change it later, heh. It takes place shortly after Hidan and Kakuzu are killed (or at least indefinitely incapacitated) by Shikamaru and others. The things which happen in canon shortly after that, don't assume they're happening in this story.

In this chapter, I've also outlined another one of Naruto's unexpected (to his comrades) specialties: espionage. So here we've got a kid who shows remarkable abilities in fooling others(hiding his pain and anger at loneliness and bitter looks), is the last person anyone would suspect, and he's off training for a long time with the Sannin specializing in espionage among other things? The conclusion seems obvious.

The Toad clan will be making a reappearance again soon, probably in the next chapter, with Maaya maybe showing up again as well. Some people have expressed a lot of liking for those guys, which makes me quite happy. I hope everyone likes where this story is going, and looks forward to the next installment!

Oh, as mrriddler pointed out, this story does seem to be lacking a big purpose. It is sort of directionless in the sense that there's not one big, huge goal of the plot. At least, not obviously anyway. I'm thankful to my readers for bearing with the story despite these flaws. Rest assured that there is, it's just that the story's premise-about how Naruto changes hearts and minds-takes time. Other things, such as dealing with Akatsuki, Sasuke, Kyuubi, Sakura/Hinata/Maaya, they'll all come within that framework. I'm trying lately to give the story more focus, though. Lemme know what you think.