Disclaimer: If I owned ToA I would probably have something else to do right now. But now I have a copy of the game. Go, me.
Fishy Things
"Wait, the COD generals?! What kind of fighting force are fish-dressed freaks?!" Luke was getting irate, since he was the only one who had taken all the way to St. Binah to draw the line between the fish suits and the "cod generals". "But none of them are wearing a cod suit! It just doesn't make sense!"
"It's a generalization, Luke. Live with it." Guy said testily. He was still annoyed about his monologue back at the Toys R' Us being walked out on. These Cod Generals apparently lacked not only a sense of dramatic style, but any manners whatsoever. Though, he chided himself, looking at his bartender outfit, I can't really say this has any kind of dramatic style either... Guy's thoughts were interrupted as he was forced to dodge yet another flying female, inadvertently magnetized to his bartender clothes. This was the real reason he was annoyed. Luke just HAD to spill shocking pink pixels on his usually awesome outfit, and so now he had to be constantly aware, lest some random girl in the crowd fly out at him for no good reason and ask him if ND 1803 was too strong a vintage for average drinking. The heck if he knew! Had he been alive back then?
"I still wish we could have kept the Toys R' Us," Luke griped. "Hey Jade, just wondering, but how many people were on that ship anyway?"
Jade thought for a moment. "Let's see, this was supposedly a secret operation, so only about half the usual number, only around 489,354,005,123,456,789,876,543,210.2"
Luke looked worried. "Okay, firstly, there aren't that many people on all of Auldrant, so how can that be just half of your crew?! Oh, and, uh, what's with the little .2 at the end? It's a liiiiitle creepy."
Jade pushed up his glasses and replied- almost before Ion butted in with a sword and started screaming, "'Cause I maimed someone that badly, an act I wouldn't think twice about having an encore of if you don't just shut the heck up and get on with it already!!!"
Everyone could tell by Ion's italics that he was trying to make up for the fuzzy dice incident by this display of utter violence. Of course, it wasn't as bad as what he'd done to the poor soldier that had ambushed them on the way to St. Binah. The poor soul. It had been all they could do to scrape the pieces together and give them something vaguely like a cremation on their campfire. And keep Mieu away from the smell. Umm, yeah…
Anyway, St. Binah proved to be very hospitable to them. They restocked, using Luke's name and thus massive potential gald payments to run up a huge tab and buy basically everything in the town save for the town itself and the people living there. The only problem came when they actually tried to leave.
"Luke, why are you slowing down? Keep moving or by the time we get back to your manor you'll be old enough to leave anyway." Tear urged, trying to push Luke forward.
Luke didn't answer, favoring the approach of shoving Tear back and getting behind a column to avoid the coming of the Cod Generals. Tear fell flat on her rear, and rolled behind a column as if she had just noticed the fishhead brigade, all the while deep in thought. Hmm, he's not as big a moron as I thought, she mused. Then again, I suppose that would be quite a challenge. Still, something's wrong. I heard there were six Generals, and I only see five, so where's the sixth?
The six generals strolled out to the area immediately in front of St. Binah. All six were assembled: Arietta the Rude, Legretta the Twitchy, Sync the Breezy, Largo the Black Kitten, and Asch the Scraped.
"Ahem," began Jade, speaking to the author, "I believe that you forgot someone."
I did say there were six generals, didn't I? Sorry, I just didn't notice the sixth before: Dist the Figment, in his entire flying lawn chair, bad-hair-day glory that is next to impossible to see, except with highly honed instruments, like Jade's glasses, or incredibly advanced, super-honed sensor equipment.
"SHUT UP!!!!!" Asch roared for no apparent reason, seeing as how none of the generals had technically spoken yet.
"Ummm, yeah, why is your hair blowing like that, Sync?" Arietta questioned.
"Oh, that's what he said? I thought he was asking about why you, me, and Largo all have weird natural hair colors. Anyway, in case you didn't notice, my very title implies some kind of wind connection, and this nice little epic hair blowing is my favorite." He only left one little thing out: it was the only thing he could do with wind. He was the breezy, not the tempest or something cool like that.
Asch muttered a quiet, "Shut up…" and was silent. Sync, however, began flipping out. "Shut up, shut up, shut up! IS THAT THE ONLY PHRASE YOU KNOW?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? WELL IT'S GOTTEN PRETTY CONFUSING, AND I THINK IT'S TIME FOR A LITTLE UNDERSTANDING HERE!" Sync, in this fit of "shut up" induced rage pulled out his greatest weapon, leveled it at Asch, and pressed the "subtitles" button. The light came on indicating that the batteries were dead, and Sync, feeling incredibly smug, refilled his world altering remote with 26 fresh D-size batteries.
Asch lost his temper (Go figure, huh?) and started shouting back, "Shut up! SHUT UP?! SHUT …up…" Asch's trailing off was caused by the unexpected appearance of subtitles floating below his head in little turquoise letters.
"So you—can say something—besides "shut up", you say?" Legretta said sarcastically after she had read the subtitles while going through one of her constant, minor twitching spells. "Prove it." Jade was not happy about this.
"Hey, she's encroaching on my sarcastic mental property. If you don't revise this before putting it in there I will sue her down to the bitter dregs of her life." So of course I changed it. And then changed it back and put it in here anyway.
During the course of the Cod Generals' dialogue, the party had sneaked away from St. Binah, noticed only by Dist the Figment, who tried to tell the others, but was completely ignored as usual.
Yeah, this took a long time to get up. Life happens, and not always conveniently. Anyway,