"Cas, could you hand me the knife?"
Lilith's voice irritated his headache more than he ever figured a voice could. Castiel held back a groan when he opened his eyes, standing up from his dark corner of the shed to walk over and grab the knife. He handed it off to Lilith before walking back to his corner, watching as Lilith grabbed an apple and cut it into slices, most likely for Dean, who was sitting down by the table and watching Lilith with a fondness in his eyes. Castiel just took pleasure in the fact that Dean disliked apples-Lilith was pretty much just setting herself up for disappointment there.
Lately Dean and Lilith had been hanging out at the shed all the time, instead of.. wherever they usually were during the day. Castiel typically had headaches during this time, unfortunately, because Lilith was just so fucking annoying and he couldn't let his annoyance show. Not when Dean was around anyway, he didn't want to lose the only friend he had-even if he was barely around him anymore anyway.
Anyway, Lilith had taken to getting fruit for Dean, like Castiel used to. However, today she'd picked an apple, and Castiel was pleased.
That is, until Dean accepted the paper place with a smile, pressing a kiss to the corner of Lilith's mouth before eating an apple slice.
Castiel had stood, grabbing the radio and walking outside to sit down in his typical place and turn on the music, ignoring the intense pain it brought his head.
Too many days were like that, with Lilith and Dean being all couple-y and lovey while Castiel quietly sat away from them, trying to nurse his headaches away with either silence or loud music. And-
"I FUCKING HATE IT."
Castiel's loud, angry shout wasn't heard by a soul, his slim and cold form laying on it's side in the shed. Moonlight flooded through the window, illuminating Castiel as he lay on the floor, trying to sleep. His eyes were red and stinging, a strange feeling on his face that, when he reached up to feel it, revealed itself as tears.
He was crying.
Castiel didn't cry.
He curled in on himself after kicking the tattered blanket away, burying his face in his hands as the tears continued to fall. He let himself shout curses into the still silence, knowing that no one would ever know that he did. Dean wasn't here. He was never here except to fuck his girlfriend. There was a feeling that seemed to be hidden between his ribs, it felt as though it was both ripping him apart and making him curl up on himself simultaneously. He didn't stay still for too long, shoving his elbows forcefully down on the creaky wood floor and pushing himself up until he was sitting up. He wasn't wearing his jacket, and naturally his elbows caught splinters in the skin, but he didn't pay attention. He was freezing but didn't want the blanket, he didn't want his jacket-he wanted Dean. He wanted his body pressed up against his own, the other man's arms wrapped around him and holding him close, providing him with all the warmth he needed. He wanted Dean's lips to be the ones that whispered comforting things into his ear, his fingers trailing through his hair in an attempt to calm him.
Castiel stood on shaky legs, stumbling more than a little as he walked over to the table, grabbing his jacket even if he didn't plan on wearing it. Instead he just reached inside his pocket, fingers wrapping tightly around the contents and pulling them out, tossing the jacket at the wall and setting the items in his hands on the table. Now on the table were a few syringes and the like, his usual drugs and such. And he had wanted to take them, take them all, he wanted to stop feeling because feeling this was too much. But now. Now he couldn't. The tears were too much and he couldn't see, he was cold and he just wanted warmth-
He let out another cry, eyes shutting tightly as he sunk to the floor, arms clutching his waist. He hated this. He hated caring about people. In the end this is what it did to him and he fucking hated it.
He fell asleep to the sound of his own sobs, his body on the floor under the table and his face tear-stained, and unsurprisingly, alone.