Authors note~ Finally the chapter you have all been waiting for!
Chapter 10.
I stayed slumped against the door for a good half hour before I finally summoned up the strength to move. I headed straight to bed, but it was around 4 o'clock by the time I finally drifted off, and even then my sleep was broken and restless. I spent half the night tossing and turning and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get settled or shut off all the confusing thoughts that were running through my mind.
I honestly didn't know what to think any more. Firstly, I couldn't understand Edward's odd behaviour and erratic mood swings. One minute he was literally all over me, then the next it was like he couldn't get out the door fast enough. It didn't add up, but I would have to wait to get to the bottom of it. After all, he had promised to call. "Just give me a few days," he'd said, so I just needed to be patient.
Nonetheless despite his assurances I didn't feel any more positive and when I woke up the following morning I felt shattered and exhausted. Crawling into the bathroom and looking in the mirror only confirmed what I already suspected; I looked as bad as I felt. My awful appearance aside, I couldn't face work so I called in sick, claiming that I had come down with the flu. It would explain my puffy eyes the following day when I would be forced to return. Unfortunately, I couldn't afford to be take any more sick days, after the time I'd had off during the whole James fiasco.
I knew that faking it was bad, but in my defence I doubted I would be any use in my distracted state anyway. So instead I stayed at home, slumming in the oldest pyjamas I could find, wallowing in self pity until I eventually drifted off to sleep. When I woke a few hours later I was starving, but at the same time apprehensive to leave the house just in case Edward chose that moment to ring. I was forced to settle for a crappy dinner consisting of whatever random contents my kitchen cupboard held, but despite my forward thinking, there was still no significant developments on the Edward front.
That didn't stop me from thinking about him and his distance from me. The first day I put it down to his busy schedule and the fact that he was obviously busy dealing with whatever had called him away so urgently. Most likely I was over thinking the situation and making it far more complicated than it actually was, but I couldn't get rid of the nagging little feeling at the back of my mind that told me something wasn't right.
When the next day came I was forced back to work and rather than taking my mind off things, it proved just as ineffective as staying at home waiting for the telephone to ring had been. It didn't help matters that the atmosphere was a little weird and it seemed as though Alice was avoiding me. Normally whenever we were both in the office, without fail we would go to lunch together, but come lunchtime when I went to find her, she was conveniently absent from her desk. Later that afternoon when I finally managed to track her down in the kitchen, she was immediately on the move again. She was unconvincing, even to me, the world's worst liar, when she claimed there was some urgent place she needed to be. I didn't buy it for one minute, unfortunately I didn't get another chance to question her again, as the rest of the week she was out of the office researching her latest feature.
Though it had only been a few days, it seemed like a lifetime since I had seen or spoken to Edward. I was no better off than when he left me alone that evening. In fact, I was probably even further away from getting the answers that I so desperately wanted. I probably sounded like some crazy obsessive psycho, but believe me I did try to shut my mind off from thinking about him, but nothing seemed to work.
I couldn't bare the thought of seeing him looking all calm and composed with his winning smile, whilst I was a emotional mess, so as a result I had even resorted to avoiding all gossip magazines and particular TV shows in case I saw him on screen. I had always been sceptical when celebrities claimed they avoided reading the newspapers, but now I understood how that was possible. In theory if I didn't see him then I wouldn't have to think about him, but when the third and subsequent fourth day passed and still I heard nothing, I was beyond aggravated. Leaving me with a kiss like that and then nothing at all was uncalled for and down right rude. He owed me an explanation at the very least.
I tried to be patient but my anger eventually came out. As a result of my frustration, I even resorted to breaking all the rules by calling him a few times, but I was greeted by his voice-mail. When I continued to get no response I started to face facts and that Edward was avoiding me.
Though that realisation hurt, it wasn't what bothered me most. What troubled me the most was the reason behind his sudden indifference towards me. I knew I would have to eventually face it head on, but at that time I wasn't strong enough to think about the reasoning's behind it.
However, after another shitty day at work, returning back to an empty flat only seemed to heighten all the emotions of the past week. I was miserable and lonely with Rosalie off in America on a shoot. And whilst she had called a few times, each time I'd missed her calls. It was probably a good thing too, because whether it was face to face or over the telephone, she was always able to get past my bullshit. One word from me and she would have known that something was wrong and right now on top of everything else that was going on, her sympathy was something I couldn't deal with.
More time passed, to be exact it was a week to the day since Edward had abandoned me. Nothing much had changed and I found myself sitting alone in my flat. It was a position I had become familiar with as I sat dwelling over Edward.
It was there, at scene of crime, that I could run away from the truth no more, but that unspoken ending broke me more than Edwards avoidance ever could. By now it was blatantly obvious that he was not just avoiding me, he was cutting me out from his life entirely. My world fell apart in an instant when the reality hit that I had given my all to a man who just wanted me at that lust filled moment in my flat. He hadn't tried to contact me since. By now it was obvious that he didn't want me, but knowing that didn't necessarily make it any quicker to get over.
To make matters worse, the reason he'd probably avoided me was because he knew I was in love with him. No doubt I was not first and certainly not the last to fall for his charm. Edward was kind and caring and he obviously didnt want to hurt me, but his distance hurt more than anything I'd ever felt before.
I didn't want to admit it at the time, but I was right in my assumption that the kiss was goodbye. Most likely he just did it out of sympathy or to draw a line under what we had and left me with something to remember him by. It was a fitting ending of sorts, but that realisation still brought out the worst wave of emotions yet. If I thought I was suffering before, it didn't compare in the slightest to the torture I felt now. I broke down sobbing hysterically, letting out all of the tears I had kept bottled up over the past week.
After god knows how long sitting crying, I finally headed into my bedroom. When I got there I slowly closed the door behind me and leaned my head back against it. Letting out a shaky breath, I shook my head and wiped away the final tears from my cheeks and held my head up high. Though I knew sleep wouldn't come easily, I walked over to my wardrobe and grabbed the nearest pair of pyjamas, before collapsing on to the bed. Squinting my eyes shut, I was determined I would waste no more tears over Edward Cullen.
Needless to say, I didn't succeed in my quest. It felt like my heart was broken, I had never felt a greater loss. Soon my heartache turned to anger and resentment. Screw him for breaking my heart and making me fall in love with him.
But for all my strong words it was all a front. I wanted to hate him but I couldn't. It was impossible to consider hating Edward and in his defence he hadn't led me on in any way. I was the stupid fool for thinking that being his friend would ever be enough.
The following day at work I was noticeably tense, but I tried to deal with the pain as best I could. A few people asked if I was okay, clearly showing I wasn't as successful as I would have liked.
Despite my pretence, I wasn't so deluded as to think I could cut Edward out my mind immediately. He still crossed my mind several times a day and I constantly found myself walking around in a preoccupied, disorientated state. It was worse when I thought about him and our times together. The memories only made me more despondent. Even when I closed my eyes and pictured happier days, like the way he held my hand in his, or those times when he was so attentive and affectionate, it still felt like he was slipping away from me.
It was like there was a massive hole in my heart and my world felt so empty without him. I missed him like crazy, it was literally eating me up inside, but that kind of obsession wasn't healthy, and ultimately the dream could only last so long. Looking back I used to think that if I loved him enough then he would realize that no other girl could love him as much and then he would miraculously fall in love with me too. But you can only love someone so much and eventually there comes a time when you have to let go of the fantasy so that someone real can come into your life, someone who can turn into the man of your dreams. And while it was unthinkable to contemplate a life without Edward, it was time I let him go, because much like the Jacob saga, it was something I needed to do if I wanted to move forward with my life.
Something told me that letting go of Edward wouldn't be so easy...
Unfortunately, I was right in my prediction and everywhere I turned there were reminders of him. Even listening to the radio taunted me. One song in particular caught my attention and seemed to sum up my turmoil so accurately.
"When I'm down and my hands are tied
I cannot reach a pen for me to draw the line
From this pain I just can't disguise
Its gonna hurt but I'll have to say goodbye
Up in my lonely room
When I'm dreaming of you
Oh what can I do
I still need you, but
I don't want you now"
The days passed by painfully slowly as I tried to put on a brave face and work through my heartache. I was coping as well as I could. It wasn't easy, but it was all I could do to get through the difficult days and the long nights. When the weekend arrived I wouldn't say I was fully recovered, but I was slowing managing to pull myself together. I may have lost my dream man but I was on the way to recovery, or so I kept trying to tell myself.
Saturday was pretty uneventful besides a take out and film night at home. I headed to bed shortly before midnight, determined to have a solid nights sleep to make up for all my broken, restless nights of late.
I would have too, had the sound of hammering on my door not woken me from the most peaceful nights sleep I'd had in a long time. Glancing over at the alarm clock, I groaned and covered my face with the pillow in an attempt to block out the violation at 7 o'clock on a Sunday morning!
Unfortunately the banging continued and if anything it became even more forceful. Realising my lie in was ruined and I had little chance of going back to sleep, I reluctantly crawled out of my warm snug position to give whomever this asshole was a piece of my mind! On the way, I grabbed my dressing gown and stomped towards the door equally aggressively as the banging continued.
"I'm coming I'm coming," I bellowed.
Cranky didn't even cover how pissed off I was. I was hardly a morning person the best of times. I checked through the peep hole to make sure it wasn't some deranged psycho and got the shock of my life when I saw who it was. After fumbling with my keys I eventually got the door open.
"Emmett? What the hell are you doing here? Do you know what time it is? Rosalie isn't even here," I snapped.
"I know. I came to see you. Can I come in?" He asked in a strange voice.
"Sure," I replied surprised, stepping back and motioning for him to follow.
"So do you care to tell me what brings you banging and hammering on my door at oh let me see, 7 o'clock in the morning?" I announced, with my hands on my hips in irritation at not only his rude awakening, but his failure to explain his reasoning thus far.
His posture tensed before he finally spoke, "There's been an accident."
My heart sunk then stopped beating all together as one thought alone consumed my mind.
"Oh god, it's Edward isn't it? Is he hurt? Tell me what happened?" I frantically asked, not even giving him time to answer before moving on to my next question.
I must have been seriously freaking out because Emmett had to resort to gripping my shoulders to stop my violently shaking body.
"Calm down it's not Edward. Well it is, just not in the way you think. It's Esme, she had an accident." he explained and I was ashamed that my first thought was that of relief that it wasn't Edward who was injured.
That said, I was immediately concerned for Esme. "What happened?" I asked, hearing the panic in my voice.
"They were involved in a car smash. Carlisle was there too, but his injuries were only minor. Esme is recovering now and all being well she should be fine. But that's not the reason I'm here. It's Edward, he needs you Bella."
That was all I needed to hear. Edward may not have wanted me, but I knew that I had to be there for him, like he had been for me on so many occasions. I owed him that much at least.
Instantly I lept into action.
"Give me five minutes to change," I called out, already half way into my bedroom. I was back out in less than three and ran downstairs to find Emmett ready and waiting in the car outside.
He never confirmed it, but I strongly suspected we were on our way to the hospital. On the way Emmett was quick to fill in some of the gaps and went on to explained how the accident had occurred on the night of the benefit all those weeks ago. For one thing it explained Edward's sudden departure.
"How is she now?" I asked once he had finished explaining.
"She's out of intensive care and her condition is rapidly improving," he said with a pained smile. Edward and Emmett were like brothers so I could only imagine how close he was to Esme.
I had been holding back asking but after a few minutes I couldn't contain my concern any more. "And Edward, how is he coping?"
"He's not, that's why I called on you," he replied casually.
Deciding Emmett was my best bet for getting some much needed answers, I hesitantly began,
"Why couldn't he call me himself?"
"He doesn't want you here," he said simply.
My face fell as his words sunk in and I sighed disheartened.
"Not like that Bella. Jeez, Ed was right about you; You really are clueless," he said, laughing to himself and when he had composed himself, I looked at him questioningly.
"Despite what he says I think you're a lot more resilient than he gives you credit for. That's why I'm breaking my promise by bringing you here. He banned either Alice or I from telling you, but I honestly didn't know what else to do," he sounded defeated.
"Edward doesn't even want me to know?" I said, hurt and betrayed by him shutting me out.
"Yes, but not for the reasons you're thinking," he cryptically answered.
"Then why?" I pressed, completely baffled.
Nonetheless he was unmoving and shook his head defiantly.
"That's his story to tell. All I know is that he's a wreck without you. He needs you Bella, whether he wants to admit it or not. He's too busy running around everyone else to take care of himself. He's barely holding himself together."
My heart ached with sympathy, but Emmett was quick to pull me out of my thoughts.
"Did you not see it in any of the newspapers of late?" he questioned.
"I've been trying to avoid them," I admitted.
"Just like you've been avoiding Rose's calls?" he challenged. I couldn't deny it.
"I figured as much," he said triumphantly before his expression turned serious.
"I will say this now and then never mention it again, but you two seriously need to talk and sort this mess out."
Something told me he was no longer talking about me and Rosalie.
The remainder of the journey we sat in silence, each contemplating our own troubles. While Emmett was probably worrying about breaking his promise to Edward, I was guilt ridden by all of the horrible thoughts I'd had over the past two weeks. I felt awful for branding him a coward and selfish for not having the decency to put me out of my misery. No wonder he never found the time to end what was never really a thing in the first place with all this hanging over his head.
As we pulled up to the hospital car park a wave of panic hit me when I contemplated being face to face with Edward. That would be the true test of how good an actress I was. Would I be able to be strong and there for him when being around him would no doubt cause me such inner turmoil.
Only time would tell because I couldn't let either Edward or Esme down...
When we reached the hospital entrance Emmett immediately took charge and led the way through the main wards until we reached a more secluded part of the hospital. Reaching an isolated room at the end, he stood staring inside the window.
When I caught up and glanced through. my heart sank at the sight of Edward and all the hurt and humiliation I had felt came flooding back to me. He was sat with his shoulders hunched, elbows resting on his knees and his head in his hands. I couldn't see his face, but from what I could make out he looked in an abysmal state. In all honesty he was a shadow of his former self, let alone poor Esme. She looked comfortable but it was still distressing to see her hooked up to all manner of machines and I had to look away quickly.
My gaze returned to examining Edward and despite my pretence that I was over him, seeing him again looking so vulnerable and pained brought back every feeling, every longing. If I'm honest they had never really gone away, they were just buried underneath my false charade, but one look at Edward knocked down the carefully constructed shield I had built around myself to help get through the past weeks.
Standing outside the door, I took a few minutes to compose myself before I finally went in. I would get through this for him and be the friend that he needed. Taking a shaky breathe, I reached for the door handle and slowly entered.
My eyes met his instantly and at first surprise appeared on his face, followed by caution and finally sorrow. His mournful expression alone nearly killed me.
"Edward," my voice broke with emotion at the sight before me.
I couldn't stop myself even if I tried and I instinctively ran towards him, at quite some pace considering how physically challenged I usually was.
He drew me into his arms at once and I tried to hold off the tears and be strong for him. I failed miserably and sobbed uncontrollably into his shoulder, while he gripped me tightly.
When he started tracing slow, soothing circles along my back, it calmed me somewhat.
"Shh, shhh," he gently whispered. I was the one meant to be reassuring him and here he was soothing me.
It was wonderful being back in his arms, but in some ways it was more painful to be that close to him with all that had happened still hanging over us. That said, there was nowhere else I could be.
Eventually, though I had to pull away and started frantically wiping my watery eyes. After I had sufficiently composed myself I was finally able to look back at him, though seeing his haunted expression left me verging on tears again.
"I'm so sorry. I should have been here," I stated apologising and Edward shook his head disapprovingly.
"You're here now, that's all that matters," he replied.
"But just look at me; I'm a mess. I should be comforting you, not the other way around."
"You are," he declared and started stroking my cheek. "You don't know how pleased I am to see you."
Who's fault is that, the resentful part of me thought when memories of my conversation with Emmett sprung to mind. Almost immediately I had to push those thoughts aside. They had no relevance here, not when Edward was struggling.
I was pulled from my reflection when I felt Edward move away from me slightly. Reaching down to gently tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear- a gesture so small but it felt so raw to me.
I couldn't stop from flinching and tried to put some distance between the two of us to calm my rapidly beating heart.
When I finally glanced back to Edward, both hurt and confusion were evident in his haunted eyes and we seemed to stand there for an eternity holding each others gaze, neither one of us willing to brake this strange silence.
Only the sound of someone clearing their throat behind us interrupted our intense stare off. Looking up, I was surprised to see Carlisle standing in the doorway. I approached him instantly. It felt natural and not at all forced when I gave him a friendly hug.
"I'm so sorry," I said sympathetically.
"Thanks for being here, Bella," he said simply, brushing past my apology.
"How is she?" I asked as Carlisle took a seat besides Esme. He patted the spare seats besides him, and both Edward and I approached.
"She's a lot better now. I think we are over the worst of it," he sounded positive.
I stayed with them for a while before I felt it was time to leave them in peace.
"I'll leave you alone now. Does anyone want a drink?" I offered.
"I'm good thanks Bella," Carlisle replied and Edward stayed silent.
I was preparing to leave when Edward surprised me by suddenly appearing besides me.
"I'll come with you. I could use a breather," he said.
Despite the slight tension between the two of us, some things never changed like the way his hand always had the habit of finding mine. My head was spinning amongst all the mixed signals. I couldn't work it out. One minute he was avoiding me, the next it was like he couldn't let me go.
As he guided me through the corridor I noticed several people turn in our direction and blatantly stare at both Edward and I. Weirdly enough it felt normal by now- I had finally gotten use to young women admiring Edward.
Once we entered the café the man in question was quick to lead me to a table in the far corner of the room. Ever the gentleman he pulled my chair out for me and we argued for a minute or two over who would pay. Unsurprisingly Edward won and he left to grab our drinks. While he was gone I sat worrying about how this would all turn out. Soon enough everything would settle down and return to normal. Of course then Edward would be okay and wouldn't need me any more. It was difficult to consider and I already ached with longing at the prospect of a life without him in it.
With that thought at the back of my mind, once Edward returned it was killing me to act normal around him. We were silent for the most part, but that didn't help control my urges and my gaze often drifted to his lips. Though it saddened me to see that they were slightly down turned. How on earth was it possible that he looked adorable, even with a frown on his face?
Seeing his pain, I tentatively reached across the table and took his hand in mine.
"She's going to be okay, Edward," I tried to reassure him.
He nodded, offering me small smile in return.
"How's Carlisle coping?" I asked.
"He's doing well. Obviously it's different when it's someone you love, but I imagine being around this on a daily basis makes you better able to deal with it. He's coping well, I'm the nervous wreck," he joked, a trace of that infamous smile returned for a fraction of a second before he turned sombre again.
There was such intensity in his eyes and he squeezed my hands.
"Seriously, I don't think I would be able to cope if anything were to happen to y..." he paused, catching himself before apparently saying too much. His one hand immediately flew into his hair, tugging at it aggressively and in the process making it even more messy.
My heart had started beating irrationally in my chest just as his words drifted off, but I quickly shook my delusional mind out of that ridiculous fantasy. I mean did I seriously expect him to say me?
I needed to get a grip so I squeezed his hand reassuringly.
"Thanks for being here Bella, I really appreciate it," he sounded so earnest.
"Any time, that's what friends are for," I offered, sending him my practised smile.
That same sorrowful look appeared on his face before his expression became more apprehensive. Something told me I wouldn't like where he was going with this.
"Listen, Bella, about that night..." he sounded hesitant and dred filled me.
I clenched my hands, forgetting they were already preoccupied holding his. Subsequently Edward looked down at our joined hands curiously and my grip loosened.
I sat in silence, petrified of what he was going to say. Did he think that the kiss was a mistake? Did he regret it and had it signalled the end of our friendship?
I couldn't bear that possibility, so I tried interrupting before he could start. Unfortunately this being Edward, he was having none of it.
"No."
I only managed to utter a single word before he hit me with his penetrating gaze. That alone was enough to silence my protest.
"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," he was back to his playful teasing, which was a good sign- I hoped. I may have been more convinced however, if he wasn't looking everywhere but at me.
"I'm sorry I didn't call, but as you can imagine things have been pretty hectic around here," he said, still refusing to look me directly in the eye.
Yeah right. Too busy for a three minute phone call, that wasn't going to wash with me.
"About what happened that night," he paused and finally made eye contact.
Oh, here we go I thought fearfully.
"How are you doing dealing with all that?" he asked, finally putting me out of my misery.
Huh? Did I miss something? Was he seriously asking how I was dealing with the single most magnificent kiss, correction, kisses of my life.
Edward raised an eyebrow at me, before he continued, "I'm used to it by now, but you're new to all this paparazzi intrusion. I imagine it must have come as a surprise to you," he offered.
Oh, so that's what he was referring too.
I nodded mutely. In one way I was glad that we were avoiding that potentially cringe worthy conversation, but in another way I was slightly disappointed that he was brushing past the kiss entirely.
"Though you're coping better than I ever imagined you would, it still frustrates me that you were subjected to that," he added with a scowl.
"Honestly, Edward, like I have told you repeatedly, it's no big deal. Why are we even going through this rigmarole again, I'm fine," I declared, frustrated that we were going over the same old story again.
Edward looked me over speculatively. "You don't look fine," he mused.
"Yeah, thanks for that, way to compliment a girl," I teased.
"That's not what I meant and you know it! You always look good to me. All I'm saying is that you look tired," he accused.
I brushed past his compliment."That's rich coming from you," I resorted, but his hard-line stare remained.
"You need to take better care of yourself," he added disapprovingly.
"Big deal, I haven't been sleeping well lately, that's all," I responded.
I wonder who's fault that is?
I didn't realise I had spoken aloud until Edward's fierce gaze met mine.
"Just what the hell is that suppose to mean?" he snarled, narrowing his eyes at me defensively.
"Nothing," I mumbled, blushed and looked down.
"You can't say that and expect me to forget about it!" he sounded incensed.
I hadn't realised we were causing a scene, until I noticed a few people looking at the two of us curiously.
"Just drop it," I said firmly and went to leave, but when I stood, I felt Edward's hand grab a hold of my wrist to stop me. I stared back at him angrily as he sent me an equally icy stare.
Still not saying anything, he switched to gripping my arm and started marching me out of the café towards one of the waiting rooms. Impressively, he somehow managed to open the door with me struggling behind him and shoved me inside. I tried to turn away from him but almost immediately he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me back to meet his intense and angry gaze.
"Let go, you're scaring me!"
"You're not scared, you're hiding something," he accused.
He still didn't let me go, but his grip did slackened.
"Why are you running away from me?" he sounded genuinely clueless, but his anger was still brewing under the surface.
"Let's not go through this now. I'm here for you isn't that enough?" I replied, trying to control my temper.
"Enough!" he yelled, glaring at me again. "What the hell are you talking about now? For once could you at least try being open with me."
I was enraged seeing him stood in front of me looking all hurt and betrayed when he was the one to abandon me.
"Open with you! I've been nothing but," I snapped in retaliation.
He sniggered and that was the final straw. In an instant my anger flared. I stood up to him, though my own measly height was not nearly as intimidating as I would have liked.
"Don't you dare laugh at me Edward." The venom in my voice seemed to silence him and he stared at me with wide eyes.
Despite his silence, I couldn't stop myself. My self control snapped and I let out everything that had been building up over the past two weeks.
"I gave you everything; I tried to be everything you could possibly want me to be in the stupid hope that one day you would see me that way," I exclaimed.
Shock registered on his face, but I couldn't hold it in any longer.
"Do you honestly not see what you do to me? What you are constantly doing to me? Even just now when you were standing there all miserable and moody or even angry, you dazzled me! You don't know how infuriating that is. God, I gave you my heart and you just threw it back in my face," I confessed, my voice breaking at the end.
Shock, quickly followed by panic set in when I realise what I had said. Shit, where did all of that come from?
I couldn't look at him and my hands flew straight to my face. I stood motionless, shocked by my sudden outburst. No doubt I had single handedly ended any chances of maintaining our friendship, though I'm not sure after the last two weeks there was even a friendship left to salvage.
"Your heart," Edward repeated, sounding as dazed as I felt.
Feeling slightly nauseous, I turned around for my escape. I needed to get out of there and I made a beeline for the exit. I'd almost made it to the door when Edward planted himself in my path and turned me around swiftly.
I struggled even harder as he tried to pry my hands away from my face.
"God damn it Bella will you stop fighting me?"
Even when he finally managed to pull my hands away, I couldn't bring myself to look at him and I stared intently at the floor.
"Bella," his voice sounded thick with emotion and I felt his hand on my chin urging me to look at him, but I couldn't bring myself to meet his gaze.
"No Edward, please, just let me go," I pleaded, trying to push him away. He was relentless and easily secured my hands in one of his.
"I'm afraid I can't let you do that," his voice was gentle but commanding.
Regardless of my struggle he still forced me to look at him. I shook my head dismissively. I couldn't understand why he was doing this to me. Surely by now he knew how I truly felt about him. Why did he feel the need to torture me any more?
"Why are you making me do this?" I whimpered, hearing the desperation in my voice.
"Because I have to Bella. I need to hear you say it. Please," he pleaded, looking at me with hopeful, pleading eyes.
It was like I became hypnotised by the way he started stroking my cheek lightly with the back of his hand and somehow I found myself confessing to the most deepest well kept secret that I had hidden for so long.
"I love you," I said barely above a whisper.
I tried to look down immediately but his hand on my chin forced me to look into his shining emerald eyes.
"Again, but louder," he ordered, but I was too distracted by the emotions that were swimming in his eyes to answer his request.
"Bella," he warned, sounding slightly aggravated.
Taking a deep breath I looked directly at him before I spoke.
"I love you," I repeated with greater conviction this time.
I expected him to be repulsed, what I didn't expect was the breathtaking smile that lit up his entire face. Before I could fully comprehend what was happening Edward drew me close to him, kissing me hard, and passionately. His lips pressed firmly against mine, almost devouring my mouth and I couldn't help responding with just as much eagerness.
In that moment I literally felt like I was whole again and in desperation I wrapped my arms around his neck to anchor him to me. Edward held on to me equally tightly, bringing me closer to him and intensifying the sensation. I stopped worrying and over thinking everything and instead focussed on just feeling- and what a wonderful feeling it was.
I couldn't contain my smile when I felt his tongue lick my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I eagerly obliged and he wasted no time in deepened the kiss. I felt rather than saw his own smile tugging on his lips as he kissed me so fiercely and passionately that I thought I would pass out.
I was literally gasping for breathe, but still I fought to keep him close to me. He too seemed reluctant to part and pulled me impossibly flush against him. Several minutes later I was almost panting, but still I couldn't contain my pout when he drew away from me. He didn't leave me disappointed for too long before he reverted back to placing light open mouthed kisses from the side of my face, trailing down my neck. I sighed in content when his lips settled against my jaw.
Eventually when his head came back to rest against my forehead I was lost in his enchanting eyes. His intention were clear when a flash of desire flashed in his eyes and he glanced down at my lips.
Thankfully he didn't keep me waiting too long before he drew me close to him once more. This time however he was much more restrained, much slower and gentler. It felt like he was savouring the moment, as his lips started moving delicately over mine.
Edged on by his tenderness I gained more confidence, my hands picking up there journey tracing his firm shoulders and impressive physique. Edward however was less tentative in his quest. His hands roamed over my body with more eagerness and confidence, yet his touch always remained gentle and loving. After rendering me speechless with another breathtaking kiss, he took my face in his hands and pulled away from me slightly.
He lowered his face to mine slightly so that our eyes were level.
"I love you, Bella," he said hoarsely
"You do?" I repeated not believing my own ears.
He tilted my face slightly, looking at me with such sincerity that it startled me.
"I'm insulted that you have to ask," he said shaking his head slightly.
"I think I fell in love with you the first day we met. I noticed you in that cafeteria, you completely captivated me from the start," he declared, placing a light kiss on my trembling lips.
I was completely dazed by his words and could only stare at him completely stunned. Edward seemed to notice my surprise and smiled ruefully.
"You really don't see yourself clearly!" he exclaimed. "Don't you get it, there was never a moment when I didn't want you, when I didn't love you."
Slowly he began to inch his face closer to mine until he was centimetre's away. Again I saw his eyes drift down to my lips and however much I wanted to pick up from where we had left off, there were things I needed to know before I could get carried away again.
"You didn't want me," I painfully whispered, glancing up to Edward, who had a look of pure horror on his face
"When have I never wanted you?" he sounded genuinely confused but slightly angry once more.
"Emmett said you didn't want me here and then you left me at the flat, and the last two weeks you didn't call or anything. I thought you were cutting me out."
I was slightly teary from the memory of how upsetting the past few weeks had been and when I got to the end of my declaration, Edward looked both shocked and concerned. Once he had finished whipping the few stray tears away, he pulled back a little and gently took my face in his hands.
"You honestly thought I was cutting you out?" he calmly asked.
"Not at the time, but when you didn't get in touch I didn't know what to think. One minute everything was wonderful and we were- " I paused, blushing furiously as the memories of that night came flooding back to me.
"Then the next you couldn't get out of the door fast enough. I felt humiliated and used."
Edward seemed horrified by this thought and he shook his head, before he pulled me into his arms and held me tight. A curse left his lips when I nodded in response.
I looked nervously into his eyes, but he did not look angry, if anything he seemed upset.
"Look at me, Bella. I don't function without you!" he exclaimed.
Taking in his rugged appearance and tired eyes I was momentarily flawed. Edward would always be inhumanly beautiful, but it was only now, up close that I really took note of the dark circles under his eyes and the redness in eyes. Was it possible that he had suffered as much as I had in our time apart? If that was the case then why did he keep me away?
As if reading my mind he was quick to offer an explanation.
"The only reason I didn't want you here was because the press are already on to us, so I wanted to spare you the ordeal of going through all that again."
"But it's fine, there's not one journalist here," I countered.
"Not now there aren't, but they've had a few weeks to settle down. They've had their story for now."
"Oh," I responded, distracted by Edward gently strolling my cheek.
"And as much as I'm mad at Emmett for bringing you here, I'm glad he at least followed one of my wishes," he mused.
"Huh?" I mumbled and not for the first time I was completely lost again.
"He had the sense to wait until all of the press were gone. I know you Bella, I know how you like to stay hidden and would try to go unnoticed. But being with me means you will be noticed, you will be in the spotlight. And as much as I want you besides me always, I don't want that kind of life for you. It's been torture not talking to you, not seeing you, but most of all not being able to kiss you," he spoke, leaning in to kiss my cheek.
"But why couldn't you call and say anything?" I asked.
"I wanted to, believe me I did, but it's one thing to avoid you completely and another entirety to deceive you. By now you have to understand that I can't lie to you. One phone call and I would have given in. If that happened I knew you would have been here in an instant. I was trying to spare you from seeing me like this," he said gesturing towards himself.
"Look at me Bella, I always want to take care of you, but the past few weeks I've been barely able to look after myself, let alone be there for you too."
"I want to look after you. I want to be there for you ," I offered shyly.
His eyes sparkled as he brought my hand up to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on it.
While his concerns weren't justified, I could understand where he was coming from. This was Edward after all; he was always putting me first, even if I didn't see it at the time.
"I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions," I weakly offered.
"Don't apologise, it was my fault too. I shouldn't have up and left like that. I wasn't thinking straight. At the time my only aim was getting to the hospital without you coming with me. It never crossed my mind how that would look to you," he solemnly spoke.
"I was going to contact you at some point, but I was needed here, and then the longer I left it the harder it got. I'm sorry you thought I was abandoning you, but in my defence I never thought you could doubt my intentions after that kiss," he said with a teasing grin.
"I guess I will have to make it up to you," he said, his hands returning to my waist, drawing me flush against him.
"How do you propose on going about that?" I said teasingly.
"I think proposing may be a little bit premature don't you think?" he smirked and I blushed furiously.
"I love it when you do that," he declared, leaning in to kiss my cheek.
"It's involuntary," I argued, embarrassed.
"I still love it," he said kissing my other cheek.
"Just as I love you," he whispered into my ear. I doubted I would ever get used to hearing Edward say he loved me, but I didn't give it much thought as I happily launched myself at him.
We were both so caught up in the moment, that neither if us realized that we had an audience until a light coughing besides us interrupted our moment. We both pulled apart sheepishly and turned to find Carlisle standing in the doorway.
"If I'm interrupting I could always come back?" he said, accompanied by the teasing grin his son had perfected.
I quickly looked down to my feet while blushing in embarrassment. I was mortified enough at being caught, so it didn't help that Edward was right beside me, nuzzling his nose against the side on my face, undeterred by his fathers presence. I tried to pull away from him, but he was having none of it. Instead he kept a firm grip around my waist, only allowing me to turn slightly so that I was rested against him.
"I just came to tell you that your mother is awake and asking for both of you." Carlisle said, returning our focus to him.
"She will be delighted to finally see the two of you together," he said with a laugh, before shutting the door behind him.
As soon as Carlisle was gone, Edward immediately rounded on me. The killer combination of his penetrating eyes and electrifying touch meant that I didn't stand a chance. Add to that, he was looking at me with an expression that I was finally understanding and certainly more than liking.
"Edward?"
"Bella," he drawled, unable to keep the shit eating grin off his face. Moments later his lips came down to claim mine once more.
"I've missed you so much," he whispered in between kisses.
"Mmmm, me too" I incoherently mumbled and gave up trying when his tongue brushed against my lips to deepen the kiss.
When we reluctantly parted to catch a much needed breather, he rested his hand on my cheek and slowly started caressed it.
"We'd better go," he seemed as reluctant as I felt.
"My Mom can't wait to see you," he added, sounding happier. He kissed me chastely before taking my hand in his and leading me out of the room.
There was still a lot to deal with and drama was sure to follow us, as it had right from the start. But none of that mattered; What really mattered was Edward and the fact that we were finally together.
As we made our way through the corridor, I felt his grip tightening. I responded, holding onto his hands equally firmly. I didn't plan on letting him go ever again...
Finally I hear you all cry- It seemed to take forever to get there and it was depressing to start, but I hope it was worth the wait. Thank you all so much for sticking with this story and all your kind words and encouragement.
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