A/N - Yes Quinn is being an idiot but in her defense, she just lost her best friend and her career and in her mind, she can't be there for Rachel. And unfortunately, Rachel's also fighting her own demons. THey so need each othr and just need to realize it and I have 4 chapters to get it right :)

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

1 Year Ago

Rachel sprints the last few hundred yards, pushing herself even though she knows that no one's timing her. The endorphin rush enough for her to ignore the ache in her muscles. She sees Kurt wave at her from the park bench as she stops in front of it, catching her breath at last.

"How many miles did you do today?" He's proud of her and what she's managed to accomplish in the past twelve months. It hadn't been easy to broach the subject of Quinn Fabray but once he convinced her to not give up, it was easier to get her to take the necessary steps to look after herself.

"Ten miles and I think I could probably do five more…except you arranged for an interview today." Kurt had been a different person the past year, less focused on her career even though he still managed to get her a number of amazing contracts but more importantly focused on getting her healthy and well.

It wasn't easy to admit that she had been wracked with depression and guilt, the only outlet she thought she had was to drink to forget. As long as it didn't interfere with her work, she thought she could get away with it but Kurt didn't let her. To his credit, he had hounded her, threatening to quit and stop booking any work for her.

So she threw herself into getting better, focusing on it the same way she would with any of her musical projects. Working up schedules and timelines, meeting targets and focusing on achieving her goal. To Kurt, it was to get her to stop drinking but in Rachel's mind, it was finally reuniting with Quinn and getting herself well again was just the first step.

"Do you think she'll see the interview?" Regardless of his answer, it was something that she wanted to do. An interview for the American Armed Forces Network, focusing on her life and work as well as her interest in supporting the troops. When Kurt had first raised the possibility, it was the first time she felt real hope about reaching Quinn.

Not in the indirect ways she had been doing but of perhaps being able to almost talk directly to her. All the questions would be pre-screened and she could somehow work a message of sorts into the interview, something Quinn would recognize, something that that would let her know that Rachel was looking for her.

He's debated endlessly of whether to tell her that he knows Quinn will because General Sylvester word was as good as United States currency or at least that's what she had told him repeatedly when she requested for him to arrange for the interview.

Kurt had been skeptical about the idea wanting instead to set up a direct meeting for Quinn and Rachel, expounding that he had held up his end of the bargain. He had argued for over an hour, but she had been relentless, highlighting the fact that Rachel's recovery could have all been faked considering she was a skilled actress and he always sounded like a twelve year old girl.

Not that one had anything to do with the other but it did shut him up for a full thirty seconds. Enough time for the General to deliver her coup de grace.

Quinn's tour was almost up and she needed to make a decision on what she wanted to do. She deserved to see all her options but it was imperative that she did not feel pressured into making any decisions. General Sylvester had argued that meeting Rachel in person would be too much but perhaps seeing an interview, would allow her the space and distance needed to make an informed decision on what she wanted.

Kurt really couldn't argue with the logic or even if he could, he knew that he wouldn't win because General Sylvester was the one controlling all the choices.

"I'm sure of it." He really is although he cannot tell her how or why he had come to that conclusion because if Quinn didn't choose her, he knew that it would break her heart. And all her hard work would be for naught but even worse, he knew that Rachel would just give up and he does not want to imagine what that would entail.

So all he could do was to ensure that Rachel got the chance to show Quinn that she was there, waiting for her. The questions were all prepared, each one leading to the next, revealing Rachel's ascent to fame, just slightly touching on her brush with alcoholism and ending with the fact that she was still looking for that special someone. Someone she had known and with whom she wanted to rekindle the relationship.

It was perfect even if he was biased in thinking so because it had been all his doing but it had to work. "Just be yourself. You're an amazing person, Rachel Berry and if I wasn't gay…" He sees her face fall at his words. "What's wrong?" His arms go around her shoulders as she bows her head, trying to hide the tears forming in her eyes.

"He used to say that." She doesn't have to specify whom she was referring too as she glances up to see Kurt's face also crumple. Jesse had been Kurt's first crush and even though Kurt never built up the courage to do anything, Jesse had always been kind to him. "He wouldn't want us to mourn."

"No, he would have wanted us not to forget but also to celebrate." Kurt needs Rachel to have a happy ending. It was the only thing that would finally make sense. "So what are you going to wear?" He shifts the conversation, not wanting Rachel to cry further and get her eyes too puffy.

#$#$#$#

Quinn's surprised that her flight schedule had been rearranged but it's happened before and the General would always have a damn good reason for it. Besides, it finally gave her some time to think about her future, about what she wanted to do and if she wanted to stay in active service. It wasn't like she had a long list of options and even if she did, she would always rank the corps and her fellow soldiers first.

"Hey, Fabray, I think you should watch this." Ally's voice carries from her quarters. She had hoped that Quinn would arrive on time when she asked to meet her. It had been weird that the Lt. Pierce had cornered her in the hospital asking about a rash her cat seemed to have caught before giving her the week's TV schedule with this show circled. However, when she read the description for the Interview, she had immediately thought of Quinn and knew that regardless of how she came to the information, Quinn needed to watch the show.

"I thought we were going to get something to eat." Quinn runs her hand through her hair as she enters the room, she didn't really need food but it had become habit to be able to eat whenever possible just in case an emergency arose and sustenance became secondary to survival.

She stops short when she recognizes the voice coming from Ally's small TV in the corner of the room.

"It was difficult, everything seemed so difficult." Rachel's voice is low, as her eyes drift from the interviewer to stare at her hands in her lap.

"So drinking made it easier?" The question hangs between them, and it looked like Rachel wouldn't answer except she does in the end, her eyes still downcast as if ashamed.

Quinn's mesmerized, seeing Rachel on TV made her seem so close and all her memories of talking to her, hearing her laugh, come flooding back. She walks closer, her hand almost rising to touch the screen but what she really wants to hear is Rachel's answer. She remebers her eyes and the feel of her hair but she also remembers the the sound of Rachel in pain and the feel of her blood on her hands.

"Yeah, it did." Rachel finally looking up, a look of regret on her face that changes to acceptance with her next words. "I knew that I was so lucky, to have the career I have but…"She does not want to make excuses for her behavior.

"But, what exactly? Why all the excessive drinking if it wasn't just you wanting to party or to cut loose?" He sees Rachel's manager waving at him off-screen as if to stop his line of questioning and move on to the next question but it felt right and Rachel Berry was a celebrity who chose to live a public life, hence, she would have to also expect the scrutiny that came with it.

"No." Her voice goes soft as she shakes her head. "I needed to forget, I wanted to not remember some things that happened in my life." The words do not flow out easily, each one stilted, disjointed like she's revealing something she does not want to.

"What things did you want to forget, Rachel?" He's almost sure, he'll win a local Emmy for this. The warning to stick to the questions long forgotten as he smelled a story far bigger that just scoring a run of the mill interview with Rachel Berry. "What happened that made you drink to forget?"

"It happened five years ago. I lost…"How does she describe losing her heart and her best friend all in the same night. She feels the tears roll down her face and wipes them away, accepting the handkerchief offered. How does she express her fervent wish to find the one person who she thinks will make it all ok and not losing faith that it will actually happen . She needs him to ask her that last question, hoping that Quinn is watching.

"I guess I should get to my last question after we take this commercial break." He knows when he has pushed too far and asking for more information would only make him seem cruel.

Quinn does not need to listen to Rachel's interview any longer as she leans forward to turn off the television. She had read all the stories and cut out all the pictures of Rachel in the last year. Each one showing her in a state of inebriation but never looking happy just incredibly sad and each one nearly broke Quinn.

She wanted to reach out to Rachel, hoping that perhaps she could make a difference and make the beautiful brunette smile like she did all those years ago but the interview confirmed her worse fears. Rachel wanted to forget, she needed to forget what happened five years ago and she didn't need Quinn in her life.

"I'm going to go." Her voice wavers and nearly breaks and she sees Ally looking at her in sympathy. "I need to speak to General Sylvester." It's the easiest decision to make right now. Stay and defend and be a part of something that allowed her to feel like she was making a difference, making amends of some kind. Because she really didn't need to go back to civilian life and ruin somebody else's life like she had Rachel's.

Ally watches her best friend leave, wanting to offer comfort but knowing that nothing she could say would make a difference as she turns to switch on the television again. She's gleaned as much as she could about Rachel Berry from Quinn and perhaps knowing more about the brunette will allow her to help her friend. She hears the question being posed and wonders if it would have helped if Quinn had stayed to hear it but she also realizes that the answer may hurt Quinn further.

"What are you looking forward to in your future?"He's been told that she has a plea planned. Some message about wanting to re-connect with an old acquaintance and hopefully meet up.

Rachel looks pensive as she ponders the question. The question is not unexpected as it was the one she knew she needed to answer and Kurt had worked on the answer with her. Only she wants to speak from her heart, not regurgitate a manufactured answer even if it was targeted at Quinn. She needs to say something that Quinn and only Quinn would understand.

"I'm looking forward to a date I promised someone once because we already had the kiss." Even through the pain, she could remember Quinn's words, holding her to her promise of the date and she would never forget the feel of her lips. She sees Kurt give her a WTF look and she shrugs. She has to think that they have their own private code which only either her or Quinn would be able to decipher.

She thanks the interviewer despite his pushing the alcoholism angle knowing that he had just been doing his job and in the end, he had backed off. Kurt takes her arm, whispering in her ear, "You did good even if no one stuck to the script."

She agrees with his assessment, "If she saw the interview, she would know."

The Present

It's when Quinn does not call for the next two weeks that Rachel begins to panic. She sends emails daily, sometimes three a day but there had been no answer fothcoming. Kurt had to talk her out of flying to Afghanistan. After fourteen days, she thought she should assume the worse only to get an email in response, containing the same four words that she had received six years ago from Quinn. The four words that Quinn had just left her with before disappearing from her life,"I am so sorry."

Only Rachel cannot make sense of because it would mean that Quinn was apologizing for not wanting to talk to her, for possibly not wanting her. She had written back then, pleading for an answer, hoping that Quinn would respond but she didn't. Emails and letter for two weeks before Rachel stopped writing.

She thinks back and regrets calling Quinn about Karofsky's release, coming to terms that her naked fear and overwhelming need would scare anyone and Quinn had her own life to deal with and the most dangerous job.

It hadn't been fair to her to dump her worries on Quinn and in hindsight, Quinn had to deal with life and death situations on a daily basis, her own insecurities paled in comparison. Quinn had been nice enough to at least apologize though it hurt so much to know that she was not wanted. She didn't want to impose herself on Quinn. She had managed to live without Quinn for six years but having had Quinn in her life, she does not know how to live without her any more.

She needed to think, maybe to plan. She was Rachel Barbra Berry after all.

End Part 10

Drunk Rachel is adorable.