Chapter Ten - Will You Take This Journey With Me?
Author's Note: A big hello to all of my wonderful readers! The wedding has been split into two parts because like anything, in order for me to cover it well it needs two chapters (if not more) I hope you love reading this half as much as I loved writing it.
Christian and Anastasia's adventure begins…
Christian's POV
If someone had told me I'd be getting married a year ago, fuck if someone had told me six months ago I'd have laughed in their fucking faces and bet my entire net worth on how delusional and wrong they were. Yet here I am, 8AM on the morning of my wedding. Anxious as fuck and proud of it too. So it seems that I'm the delusional one, delusional to think I could resist the beauty that is Anastasia Steele. My wedding day. I'm getting fucking married.
After a gruelling six mile run with Taylor I find myself scrolling through my phone for her name, my thumb hovering over the call button before a hungover Elliot swats the thing out of my hand and shoves a fist into my chest. "What the fuck, bro? You do know it's bad luck to talk to her before the ceremony, right?"
"You sound like mom." I roll my eyes and bend to pick up my phone, the same phone which now has a fucking crack across the screen, Ana's face slightly distorted and grainy as a result. "You'll pay for that, asshat."
"Why are you trying to call her?"
"Why not?"
"Grow some fucking balls and man up, you'll see her in what…nine hours?"
Nine hours. Longest nine hours of my fucking life.
"What crawled up your ass and took a shit?"
With a huff he rubs his eye with the heel of his hand and throws back an Advil followed by an entire bottle of mineral water, leaning against the doorjamb with his eyes closed. "Why is it so god damn early? And why the fuck is mom cooking for the five-thousand? That bacon stench is making me want to hurl."
I don't even attempt to hide my grin. Serves the bastard right for thinking he could out drink my Uncle Jeremy and still remain upright. After Anastasia left with the girls last night my dad ushered the men into his study for a 'night-cap' His cheeks were already flushed, indicating that his tolerance for the twenty-five year old malt he'd been necking all night was almost at it's limit, not that he even gave a shit. He didn't so much as blink when my mother told him he'd be sleeping on the couch if he came home drunk.
Ray being the machine thathe is managed to drink all of us fucking stupid. I threw in the towel the second I thought singing in public was a good idea and Elliot, well Elliot made it to bed long after we'd left for Escala. Mia said she got up to use the bathroom somewhere during the early hours of this morning to find him slumped against the wall in the hallway snoring like a lumber-jack. She tapped his ribs with the heel of her foot and he didn't even stir.
"Elliot Grey, you should be ashamed of yourself. Lord knows I am." Mom pushes at his shoulders, forcing him into a seated position and despite his loud outcry of pain she swats at the side of his head again, clicking her tongue and shaking her head as she pours him out a glass of orange juice. "Drunk on the morning of your brother's wedding. It's disgusting."
"It's not like I was the only one drinking."
"How old are you? Twelve?"
"How old are you? Twelve?"
He mimics back like a little bitch, scrunching his face up as he reaches across the table to swipe a pancake the second mom sets the plate down in front of me. I rest my case. "I thought you wanted to hurl?"
"It's passed."
"Can we please just have a nice, civilised breakfast without any fuss? Today's a big day."
"Yeah, the sooner we do this the sooner I can get the hell out of here. Kate's already tried to facetime me twice." Mia whines and drops her face into her palm, her lips pursing into a disgruntled pout. "I don't see why I have to be here when I'm one of Ana's bridesmaids? Surely it makes more sense for me to be at their apartment?"
"You're here because you're part of this family and we're spending time together as a family, now stop with the sulking and eat your damn breakfast." Grace Trevelyan-Grey is a force to be fucking reckoned with this morning. Of course, she's all sweetness and light with me but then again I am the one getting married and I can do no wrong. These two are nothing but fuck heads.
By 7AM, Mia and Elliot were piling out of my elevator and setting up camp in the kitchen where mom had been for the past twenty-five minutes. I don't know how long Ray had been awake for but he was already seated at the breakfast bar with a coffee and a newspaper by the time I'd made an appearance. "Anyone would think I'm the one getting married. My stomach's in knots." He'd told me with a heavy sigh, his fingers scratching the back of his neck as he flicked the paper closed and sipped his cappuccino.
He hadn't been the only one. After exchanging a handful of texts with Ana I tossed and turned for the best part of the night, even the scent of her balled up tee-shirt next to my face couldn't lull me to sleep so soon as dawn broke I gave up, showering quickly before knocking Taylor up for a run. I don't ever remember feeling this fucking nervous in my life, I don't do nervous. I never have done but the minute my sweet girl's face crept into the forefront of my mind I crumbled to the damn ground.
In less than ten hours she'll be my wife and fuck if that doesn't scare the shit out of me. I fell in love with this woman the second I laid eyes on her and nothing's changed, if anything my love for her has intensified and now that we're here, emotions are running more than high. I just need her to be mine. I need her with me always.
"Isn't Jen eating with us?"
"Jen? She left for Kate's apartment before you even got here."
"What? See, mom, everyone is already there. Can't I just bag this up to go?"
"You're seriously treading on thin ice, young lady. I won't tell you again."
"Oh, just let her go." Elliot grumbles through a mouthful of food before burping and patting his stomach. Fucking disgusting. "She'll only bitch the entire time if you don't."
"Dad isn't even here."
"He's in the shower, he'll be out shortly."
Two hours later I'm showered and shaved, perched on the edge of the ottoman and waiting for my mother, the small box I'm holding nestled tightly in my palm. The door behind me opens and clicks closed but I don't turn around, I don't look up when she sits beside me and I don't make eye contact when her elegant fingers curl around mine, lessening my grip and tugging the box out of my hand. It's only when her palm covers mine, our fingers locking together that I jerk my chin to the right of me. "You're sure about this?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"I don't mean that, I mean are you sure you want me to give this to Anastasia?"
"I'm not allowed to see her, am I? So I need you to do it for me. It needs to be today."
She sees right through me, she always has done. This is the woman who tore right through my grief when I was a small boy. She held me, loved me and cherished me back to a healthy place despite the empty, gaping hole inside of me. I don't care what anyone says, I may have only been five years old but I still knew what happened, I remember everything. I didn't believe in fucking angels and I didn't believe in heaven. One day she was there and then she wasn't. She wasn't there anymore. "Do you talk about her?"
"Not much," I shrug and release my mom's hand, wiping my palms against the fabric of my sweatpants. "There isn't much to say. Ana knows the basics."
"What would you like me to tell her?"
"The truth, that I want her to have it and I want her to have it today. She'll grill you until you break so I know you'll tell her more and that's okay, she deserves to know the truth."
With a soft smile, Grace rises and slides the box into her Hermes purse. Her face is void of all make-up and her hair is hanging loose around her shoulders. She hasn't changed into her wedding outfit yet, she's dressed in a pair of light denim jeans and camel-coloured cashmere sweater, she looks so casual, so normal. My mother is a beautiful woman, she's barely aged a day over the past twenty-three years and if anything she's more attractive now. She's a socialite and being the mother of Christian Grey has put her in a constant spot light so seeing her so dressed down is refreshing. "Do you have any other messages?"
I love her. I can't wait to marry her. I need to make her the mother of my child? "No, nothing."
Just like she always used to do, she runs her fingers through my hair and bends to kiss the crown of my head before gliding out of my bedroom. I said I didn't believe in angels but that isn't entirely true.
Grace Grey is my angel.
Anastasia's POV
I was right. Kate did take care of my outfit for the car ride and it is tacky as hell. Hanging on the back of my bedroom door is a black velour hoodie and pant set with The Bride emblazoned across the back in rhinestone lettering. Not only that, she's bought us all matching pale pink kimono robes to wear whilst getting ready.
With nothing more than any eye roll she tossed the scrap of silk in my direction and fisted her hands on her hips. "You may be marrying a Mogul but that doesn't mean you can't do all the tacky shit before. You're wearing it!"
It took me all of three seconds to throw the thing on and lighten up. I'm blaming my sour mood this morning on total lack of sleep. I felt beyond nauseous with nerves and as soon as Jen strolled into the apartment wearing her signature perfume, arms stretched open with an adoring smile I broke into a fit of sobs. I think everyone thought I was having second thoughts so to ease their discomfort I tried to laugh through my tears, flapping my arms in the air and shaking my head resembling a demented seal. I couldn't even speak, the reality of what's happening today slapped me in the face like a fucking freight train and nothing could calm me down.
Until someone shoved a glass of champagne in my face that was, I flopped down onto the bed and guzzled the thing back like a champ, the fizzy bubbles calming my ridiculous nerves somewhat.
In the shower I shaved every inch of skin possible before buffing with an inch of my life, deciding to ditch the loofah when my skin turned a raw shade of pink I shampooed my hair not once but twice, following Ashleigh's strict instructions and leaving the conditioner bottle well alone after the first pump. Both Olivia and Kate burst into the bathroom on separate occasions to pee and when my Maid of Honor interrupted for the second time with a face slathered in pea-green gloop I swallowed the urge to throw the bar of soap straight through the glass.
So when Grace arrives with Mia a little after eleven-thirty I'm more than relieved. Mia is as boisterous as ever, in fact she's a real fireball as she rushes to change into her robe but Grace is a picture of calm and serenity. I needed her like…yesterday.
"Ana!" She gasps quietly, her hand flying to the base of her throat as she drops her purse. "You look so beautiful."
"She isn't even finished yet," I giggle, glancing up at Danielle who thankfully gets the hint and backs away for a second, discreetly sifting through her wide array of brushes across the room. "How is he?"
"Perfect." She beams, her eyes twinkling with love and adoration for her baby boy. "How are you?"
"Nervous. Excited."
"Are we on schedule?" Her neck twists as she glances around the living room, smiling at my bridesmaids who are sitting with their feet in warm Jasmine scented soak, flutes held out to the side when Luke circles the room to top up their champagne.
"God, I hope so. I need everything running smoothly for when Heather gets here." Tapping my hand, she jerks her chin and quietly asks for a private moment. Aware that my toe-nails are still wet I tiptoe into the bedroom on the balls of my feet and tighten the sash of my robe. "Is everything okay?"
"I have something for you." She rummages around in her purse for a few seconds, almost like she's stalling but when I open my mouth to speak she pulls out something small and dark, navy blue I think.. I can't quite make it out, her hands are covering whatever it is and obstructing it from my view. My heart hammers in my chest and my leg starts to bounce. "Well, Christian has something for you."
"What is it?"
With nothing more than a warm yet nervous smile, she takes my hand and places a small velvet box in the center of my palm, squeezing my fingers and puffing her cheeks out. I'm almost too nervous to open this because whatever's inside has Grace welling up with unshed tears, she almost looks distraught.
Shaking fingers fiddle with the clasp, slowly lifting the lid to reveal a beautiful necklace. The delicate chain holds three linked rings with a freshwater pearl in the center, my fingers gently trace the stone as a light exhale escapes my lips. This is so different to all the other pieces he's bought for me, usually it's something with bling encased in a Cartier box but this, this is so simple and stunning it takes my breath away.
"It was his mother's." Those four, quietly spoken words have my head snapping up to find Grace's watery orbs under less than a second, a dainty finger catches a falling tear and she gently shakes her head. "Not me. His birth mother."
"His birth…" I can't even finish the sentence, the lump in my throat prevents me from doing anything other than breathing heavily. The box is still open in my hand but now I'm too afraid to look at it, I'm still trying to absorb what the hell she's just said to me.
"This is all he has left of her. Growing up he couldn't even bring himself to look at it, Carrick had the box locked away in his safe ready for whenever he needed it but the day never came, not until your birthday."
"My birthday?" Why the fuck am I repeating everything like a gormless moron? I have so much I want to say, so much I want to ask but I can't seem to articulate the words. "Why then?"
"He said he needed it for you. I think he knew he wanted to gift it to you before your wedding, I think he always knew that from the second he proposed."
My mind drifts back to my birthday. We'd spent the entire weekend before in Montesano with Ray and it had been absolutely perfect. Not only had it been the first time I'd brought Christian home but it was the first time he'd been able to see where I grew up. There were no unhappy memories tainted with sick step-father's or neglectful mothers, there had been no screaming or glasses thrown against walls; shattering into a thousand pieces, that house was my happy place, I think it always will be and being able to share it with the man I love was incredible.
So to include the Grey's we'd spent my actual birthday with them. Grace had prepared the most beautiful dinner and we drank mimosas outside on the deck facing the water, talking and planning the wedding until the early hours. Looking back now I do remember Christian dragging Carrick away after dessert. They were gone for more than half-an-hour and once they'd returned, Christian looked spent and desolate. I remember thinking he'd been crying, his eyes were red and swollen and every so often he'd swipe at his nose with the sleeve of his sweater. Is this what he was doing? Reclaiming his mother's possessions back?
"I don't understand?"
"She was wearing it the day she died. Like I said, it's all he has let of her." I feel like the walls are closing in on me when the room spins, my fingers are clenching the box so tightly my knuckles are white and my breathing is heavy and laboured. "Does he talk about her?"
"Not really," I whisper. "I didn't even know much about her until after we were engaged, he said it was too hard to even think about."
The details are sparse and vague but I know what's important, I know what he's chosen to share with me. Christian was born into a single parent family, she had been young and despite growing up in a wealthy and respected environment she fell for the resident bad boy, later falling pregnant. Of course, his biological father wanted nothing to do with either of them ultimately leaving her with a baby and nowhere to live.
She died when he was five years old, knocked down by a car. I think the impact of the hit killed her instantly. My body shudders as a chill runs down the length of my spine, I can't even think about it without feeling the need to throw up. What if Christian had been with her that day? What if the car had…Jesus I can taste the bile in my throat and all I'm doing is thinking about it.
"He adored her," Grace continues, her voice slightly stronger now as her back straightens. "I'll never forget meeting that broken, little boy as he cried for her, he just couldn't understand why his mommy never came back for him. It still gives me nightmares even now."
"I've always wondered something, why didn't Christian's father come forward? What about her parents? Didn't she have any siblings? How could he have no-one after she died?"
"Her parent's were Catholics, Ana. They disowned their daughter the second she came home tainted and pregnant, as far as I know they had never even met Christian after he was born. She was an only child and as for his father?" She spits the word father like it's venomous and I guess in a lot of ways it is. "He'd moved on to the next poor girl before she'd even reached her second trimester, she had no-one. Only Christian."
My lip quivers and my hand shakes as I remove the necklace from it's tiny box, the chain feels so thin and delicate in my hand to the point where I'm scared I'll break it. "He was automatically placed into the care system?"
"We were contacted by the authorities under less than a week. After adopting Elliot, we always knew we wanted more so we kept our names out there and I'm so thankful that we did."
I want to ask her why they chose to adopt him, what made that little boy so special but before I can open my mouth I realise just how ridiculous that question even is. Christian has always been special, there's something so loveable and perfect about him. There's a reason why I couldn't resist falling for him and although it's different on so many levels, I'm sure Grace knows exactly what I mean. "It's a pearl?"
"His birthstone. Well, one of his birthstones. I like to think she chose the pearl because it symbolises beauty, loyalty and wisdom. Perfect for him don't you think?" Once again I'm speechless, there are no words. This moment is so surreal and overwhelming, part of me wishes that Christian had given me this himself but on the other hand I think it's perfect that Grace is here with me now. His mother. "He doesn't want you to wear it today, he knows it won't go with your dress whatsoever but he still wanted you to have it. Put it away someway safe?"
"I will,"
Her hand reaches for my face, her thumbs tenderly swiping across my cheeks and hitting the tears as they fall at a rapid and uncontrolled pace. "Now, let's get back out there. You, my darling girl need this make-up retouching."
I don't follow her out straight away, instead I stand facing the full-length mirror with Christian's birth mother's necklace around my neck, my hand grazing it's beauty with the gentlest of touches. I so desperately want to wear it today, I couldn't give a shit if it doesn't exactly match, I wouldn't care if it was a huge blue pendant, it's so special and sentimental it deserves to be worn.
But what if he doesn't want me to wear it? Despite what he'd told Grace, what if seeing me with his mother's necklace will be too much for him to handle? I know for a fact if Ray wasn't here with me today, Christian wearing something of his would mean the world to me. It would feel like my dad, in some small way was there with me. But it's not you, Ana. We've both lost parents, my biological father died before I even had the chance to know him, but Christian - Christian loved his mother, he knew her. He knew her and then he lost her, some careless bastard deprived a little boy of his mommy. They are in no way, shape or form, the same situations.
I scour the bedroom for a good five minutes, trying to find somewhere to stash it but then I remember I'm in Kate's apartment and I have fuck all here, no jewelry box, no safe, nothing. I could just have Sawyer take it back to Escala but I want it with me after the wedding, I want to wear it during our honeymoon and having it at the apartment is just too much of an inconvenience so instead I track Luke down, shaking fingers hand the box over and I don't think I've ever been more terrified to let something go before.
"Keep this safe for me, don't let it out of your sight."
He doesn't know what's inside, he doesn't even ask but the strong, confident nod he gives me is enough as he slots the most precious piece of jewelry I've ever owned inside the breast pocket of his jacket, patting it with his fingers and throwing me a sincere smile. I trust him. He'll keep it safe.
"You are such a beautiful bride, baby, as I knew you would be."
My make-up is finished but my hair is still pinned into curls so they won't drop too early, I'm wearing my Bride sweats and my limbs feel like damn jelly. I don't feel beautiful yet but having Ray here with tears in his eyes soothes me to the bone. He taps the tip of my nose with his finger and bends to kiss my cheek, surprisingly mindful of my make-up. "Are the cars here?"
"Any minute now." The camera continues to flash behind me but I'm oblivious to the guy now, he's taken that many pictures of me this morning I couldn't begin to count even if I wanted to. I swear I'll shove that camera up his ass if he gets in my face one more time, though.
"Thank Christ you're here, Ray, she's been chewing on her finger-nails all morning," To prove her point Kate snatches the offending hand out of my mouth and holds it in the air, my pale pink polish is still perfectly in tact much to my surprise. What the hell is in that stuff? Fucking glue? "I swear I'll wrap your fingers up in duct-tape if you do that again."
"I'm fine,"
"If you don't have a case of the butterflies on your wedding day, baby, then something isn't right. Do you need a drink?"
"That only makes me worse," I grumble, shaking my half-full bottle of water and pushing my hip off the back of the couch. "I think I'm getting indigestion."
"Okay, you seriously need to calm it the hell down, Steele," Olivia's hands grasp my shoulders and she shakes me slightly. I'm not hysterical, I'm just nervous. She's treating me like I'm about to set the apartment on fire. "Eat another Hershey bar before your sugar levels drop."
"I don't need a fucking Hershey bar, Olivia! I need the damn car to get here so we can leave, I just need to be there. I'll be fine once I'm there."
"I knew it was the calm before the storm,"
"Excuse me?"
"You've been so weirdly relaxed throughout this entire engagement, it was only a matter of time before you imploded." Kate cocks her head to the side and clucks her tongue, her eyes doing that "I'm right and you know I'm right" thing. It's annoying as fuck.
"I'm not imploding."
"Well, you're not calm!"
I rock back and forth on the heels of my feet, folding my arms across my chest before storming across the room to the window, almost like I'm expecting the cars to just appear out of thin air or something. Maybe I should just change into my dress? Maybe then it will feel more normal, this whole thing will feel more normal.
I don't know how many times I've called Luke over since giving him the necklace, I stopped Ashleigh three times when she was expertly winding my hair around the most oddest looking barrel I've ever seen just so I could check that it was still safe. I even patted his chest down like a mad woman at one point, needing to feel the bulge in his pocket for myself. That sounds so much filthier than I intended it to.
"Okay, which wise ass thought it was a good idea to give Bethy soda?" Lou pinches the bridge of her nose, puffing her cheeks out and wiping her palms against the hem of her knee-length champagne coloured dress. She looks ready to commit murder. "Ana, she hasn't stopped bouncing around since I dressed her. If you don't want her to-"
"Lou, she's fine." I smile at her. "She's just a little excitable, that's all." I need some of that kid's energy. "She'll settle soon enough."
Just then, said child skips into the living room before breaking out into a run, tugging on my sweat pants as she circles me to the point where I think she'll throw up. Lou tries to make a grab for her arm but the little shit isn't having any of it, if anything it makes her worse. I bend to her height and pinch the tip of her nose, trying to look as stern as possible and failing miserably. Just look at that face…
"Ana, baby, I think the cars are here."
"Can someone please double check we have everything?" I palm my forehead and close my eyes but a hand swats at my arm, grumbling about smudging the make-up and leaving a hand-print like I even give a shit. I'm getting freaking married. "Mia? You have the dress?"
"Of course I have the dress!"
"Has anyone seen my over night bag?" I almost scream when I don't see it near the front door, the spot where I'd left it now empty. "How the hell can I leave without my bag!"
"Ana, I have it!" Kate yells with an eye roll, tapping her foot against the floor and waving her hand in the air with a huff. "We have your dress, we have your shoes, we even have your goddamn panties the only thing we don't have is you. "Let's do this!"
"Ma'am if you could just hold tight for a second,"
"What? What is it?"
"Bailey is securing the area ready for our departure."
"Are there paps outside?" I groan, lifting my thumb nail to my mouth so I can chew the anxiety away until Kate shoots me another glare. "I thought we had that under control?"
"For now we do, but I'm not risking you setting foot outside this apartment until I know for sure."
I can see the panic washing over Ray's face as he absorbs Sawyer's words. Before I can even intercept he's yanking the apartment door open before sprinting out only to return less than two minutes later. He doesn't even appear breathless. "There's a group of them around the corner, the boy outside with the ridiculous goatee is convinced they received a tip off."
"Who would do that?"
"That doesn't matter right now," Sawyer cuts in, his fingers tapping across his smart phone at rapid speed, most probably shooting a text to Taylor. "Mr. Grey has insisted that under no circumstances are-"
"I know, I know he doesn't want any pictures of me leaked. How do we go about this?"
I feel ridiculous. Ten minutes later Bailey has my car door open and ready as my bridesmaids shield me with umbrellas while I walk. It's not even raining. If anyone is getting this on camera then my girlfriends have more than likely been snapped helping me to the car but I can't help that, Christian didn't say anything about getting pictures of anyone else and besides, they aren't in their gowns so what's the harm? "Jen? Ride with me and dad?"
"I thought I was in the car with the girls?" Her hand freezes on the handle as she stands half bent, one leg already safely in the confines of the vehicle ready for my bridesmaids, Lou and Bethany tucked inside away from all the drama.
"I've changed my mind. Would you?"
She's slamming the door shut and skipping towards my car before I can even blink. I don't know what prompted me to ask her to ride with us but something stirred inside me the second she locked Kate's apartment door. Her hand flying out to squeeze my shoulder as I scurried down the path, reassuring me that I was still well hidden. She calms me. "Are you ready?"
"Ready as I'll ever be, let's do this."
"I know I promised I wouldn't cry but I can't be sure of anything once you're in that dress."
"You're already sniffling, woman." I snort a laugh, unzipping my hoodie and shrugging out of my bra. We're locked away in the bedroom at Wagner House to change, just me and my bridesmaids minus one Mia Grey who is off distracting Heather somewhere. "Kate, you've already seen me in it."
"Not like this! This is just…surreal." Kate's eyes widen as she pushes herself off the wall. "Are you stalling?"
"Of course not, I just feel like we're ahead of schedule that's all."
"It's 3:20." Olivia flicks her wrist and checks her watch, arching one perfectly defined brow suspiciously. "You're stalling, Steele."
"It's not that," I breathe. "Its just…when I have this thing on, it will all feel so real."
"That's kind of the point," She smiles softly, her fingers smoothing over the loose hairs at the back of her neck. "It's show time."
It takes just under fifteen minutes with the help of Dana, I'm yanked, pulled and tugged in every which way until all three women step back and cover their mouths with their hands, fighting back the tears. Now, I've seen what I look like in this dress and last time I had to force myself to take it off, so when I shuffle towards the full length mirror and slowly open my eyes I choke on a sob, actually I choke on more than a sob. I'm seconds away from full on bawling.
Never in my life, never did I picture it looking like this, looking this beautiful. It's so perfect I can hardly believe it's mine. It's low cut but instead of trashy it's subtle and discreet, the bodice is fully lined and fitted hugging my waist until the skirt flares into a fishtail train, embroidered lace detailing the entire dress. When I say fishtail I don't mean one of those toilet-roll holder type dresses either, oh no, this is so stunning and gorgeous, tacky would be the last word I'd use to describe it.
"Oh my god," Kate breathes behind me but I can't even bring myself to turn around, I'm too engrossed with my own reflection to try. My hair is a thick mass of soft curls, each one cascading around the next and creating a veil around my shoulders and breasts with a beautiful clasp pinning one side back. My make-up is just like I'd imagined, soft and subtle without being too light, my eyes a perfect blend of taupe and pale gold. I look…I feel beautiful. "Ana!"
"So," I turn on the spot and reach for the skirt of my dress, my fingers toying with the lace as I try to gauge their reactions. "Will I do?"
"Do? Christ, Ana, Grey is one lucky fucking bastard."
"Shall I fetch Ray?"
"Hang on," She must sense the urgency in my tone because the second I step away from the mirror Dana quietly slides out of the room, flashing me a wink as she clicks the door closed behind her. "Before everyone else comes in, I just want to…I just need to say something."
"Oh no you don't! This isn't the time for soppy shit we need to get you outside."
"I know, but I just wanted to-"
"No, Ana. You don't need to do anything, you don't need to say anything."
"Not even-"
"No." They both sing at the same time, grins tugging at the corner of their mouths as our hands automatically link without even needing to think about it.
"Okay I won't, I just want you both to know that I love you and that without you…Well, I don't think this would have been as easy. After Brody I mean."
"He wasn't the one for you, Ana." Kate whisper-spits through gritted teeth, her eyes darkening as her jaw clenches. "He never was."
"I know that now, as soon as Christian Grey walked into my life I knew."
"Oh crap," Olivia breaks the circle and flaps her hands in front of her face, her face flushed and her lips parted as she blinks back tears although one manages to slip through despite her efforts. "I knew you'd make me cry."
"Danielle's still out there, right?"
"I told her at least one of us would cave," I sniff loudly as I wipe the corner of my eye with the tip of my nail. If I get so much as a tear mark… "She's staying until I tell her otherwise."
"Oh, thank fuck."
A timid knock breaks us from our ridiculously emotional moment, each one of our heads whipping to the side as the door gently pushes open. I didn't even need to look to know who it is, I'm surprised he's waited this long to interrupt. "Annie…"
"Ray," Kate chokes. "Just be grateful you aren't wearing mascara."
Christian's POV
"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"
"Well I was hoping to see Kate before we get this shit on the road. Why do you look like you're hyperventilating?"
"Don't even think about it," Adjusting my cufflinks I stare my best man down, his hand releasing the door knob as his shoulders slump. "Talk the big boy down, Ell. You're not fucking your girlfriend this close to the ceremony so straighten your tie and quit with the fucking pouting."
"Haven't you wondered where the hell Blake is? My money's on him knocking one off with Olivia."
"Shut up."
Anastasia is here in this house somewhere and I can't stop thinking about her. We're so close yet so far apart and the thought of her being here, stripped down to her wedding lingerie ready to change into the most beautiful dress she'll ever wear is driving me fucking crazy. Maybe if I just tell her I need to talk to her? No, that will freak her out and she'll think something's wrong. I don't think I've ever been this desperate for something in my entire life.
Heather Manning knocks on the door and tries to give me a briefing but I cut her off with nothing more than a curt nod and a flick of the wrist, I don't need this bitch telling me how to act during my own wedding. Fuck, and I thought I was a cold and calculating bastard, this chick is something else entirely, she's treating the biggest day of our lives like it's a fucking business transaction. "Get down the aisle, recite your vows and don't waste time crying. Before you know it you'll be married and all of this will be a distant memory."
"Fucking hell, just listening to her voice makes my balls shrivel." Dylan shudders as he stands, buttoning his jacket and shaking his head. "How relieved will you be when you can finally get rid of her demented ass?"
"You have no idea," I grumble. "Ana can't stand her either but I'll give her credit where it's due, she's fucking brilliant at her job."
"It looks incredible out there, man." He slaps my shoulder and throws me a tight wink, telling me to calm the fuck down when I pace the floor for the fifth time in under two minutes. "Honestly when you see her, everything else will fade away. That I can promise you."
"Are these your words of wisdom?"
"Fuck yeah," He scoffs with a grin. "You remember how much of a fucking wreck I was? Megan wasn't any better her end, either."
I do remember but only vaguely, but I think that's mainly due to his choice of best man. Anything involving that son of a bitch has been permanently wiped from my memory and fuck if I'll think about it willingly-think about him willingly.
So instead I choose to remember Megan's Maid of Honor, Amelia. Her childhood best friend who practically begged me to fuck her, I'd attended the wedding dateless and she pounced on me like a dog on heat despite already having a boyfriend. I can't deny she wasn't hot because she was, she had a rack the size of fucking Texas and her body was pretty outrageous but her disgusting attempts at flirting turned me off her instantly.
She groped my dick under the table during the rehearsal dinner and hiked up her dress to show me just how wet and pantyless she really was. Now, usually I would have been all over her like flies on shit but having her unassuming boyfriend of three years seated right beside me churned my stomach, so instead of sticking around to fight her case she grew bored and moved onto my horn dog of a brother.
They fucked ten minutes after the ceremony in a private bathroom, something Kate doesn't know thank fuck. Amelia had helped organise Megan's baby shower with our girlfriends three weeks before Henry was born, imagine that shit storm if she'd ever discovered the truth about her boyfriend and the skanky whore who has no trouble dropping her panties for complete strangers?
"You and Ana, you're the real thing, Chris."
"I know that."
"Of course he does," Elliot booms behind me. "Just like he knew he loved her the second he saw her, it sounds fucking ridiculous but I always knew."
"Knew what?"
"That you were in love with her."
"The fuck did you," I snort a laugh and turn on the spot. "Elliot, even I didn't know I was in love with her so how the fuck were you supposed to?"
"Maybe because I have eyes and it was plain to see?"
"You're talking shit."
"I'm talking truth."
Even though I'm shaking my head and rolling my eyes I'm grinning like a fool. When I think back to that first night in the restaurant then the club, I can't help but wonder if it was obvious. I couldn't take my eyes off her, she looked so fucking hot and beautiful and instead of feeling happy for my best friend for bagging such an incredible woman I felt resentment. I wanted to be the one taking her home, I wanted to hold her and kiss her and…fuck her. I felt both disgusted and conflicted with myself but the second I learnt Brody's intentions towards Ana weren't all that fucking honourable I took what I wanted, took what I needed.
And now I'm marrying her. I'm marrying my beautiful, maddening, sweet and gentle girl and suddenly my feet can't carry me fast enough. Just get me outside.
"Anastasia's mother?" I ask Taylor the second he returns. His face is hard and his lips are set in a thin line, the poor fucker's been at it since 5am this morning and I doubt my constant grilling is helping but I can't help it, he's my go-to-guy. I almost choked on my coffee when Elliot referred to him as that this morning but the more I think about the more I realise it's true. Without him I don't know where the fuck I'd be, I wouldn't even know which way was up.
"Still inside the house. She hasn't made an appearance since last night."
"Good, let's keep it that way. I can't risk the bitch getting within three fucking feet of an airport."
"Sir," He nods. "Surveillance will remained stationed until you give the all clear."
"That would be never," I mock with a scoff. Actually, I could quite easily keep her under supervision 24/7, 365 but if Ana ever found out my life wouldn't be worth living. "Just don't let her slip off anywhere."
The weather this week has been dreary and shit, even though it's mid October in Seattle and it's to be expected Anastasia was still expecting a fucking miracle, but for the first time in over eight days it's bright and warm. Well, warm enough. I smile to myself thinking about my girl who was no doubt awake at the crack of dawn checking the goddamn forecast in the same way she's been doing every morning this week. So fucking adorable.
"You look so handsome, Christian." Greeting my mother with a kiss on the cheek she swipes at the lapels of my jacket with the palms of her hands and checks for lint. She'll be looking behind my ears and asking if I've brushed my teeth next.
"You're beautiful, mom." I quickly take her hand and lead her to her seat before she starts crying on me, I've caught her with a fucking handkerchief three times this morning already and I didn't even do anything. "Did you…?"
"She loved it, you did the right thing, baby."
"Did she cry?"
"Of course she did," She chuckles. "I did, too. Were you expecting different?"
"Not for a single second. Where's dad?"
"He'll be out in a moment, he wanted to see Anastasia before she comes out."
"Christ, has everyone seen my bride except me?"
"You won't be disappointed, honey, trust me."
I don't doubt it for a second. I'd pictured this moment a thousand times over, how I'd feel, how the gardens would look, visualising the love of my life making her descent down the brick walk overlooking Gravelly Lake. I pictured it all. But standing here now, greeting a handful of our guests as I make my way through the throng of people leaves me feeling numb. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, no-one ever warned me about this part but I know the second I see my girl emerging around that fucking corner my legs will be sure to buckle beneath me.
"You good?" Elliot clasps my shoulder, puffing his cheeks out. "You look like you're ready to throw up?"
"I'm fine, I'll be fine."
"You're shaking."
"I just need to see her," I shake him off and square my shoulders. What was that about dutch courage? If Gramps handed me a brandy snifter I doubt I'd say no. The soft strain of the prelude music hums in the background but I can't hear anything other than my fucking heartbeat ringing through my eardrums. "What time is it?"
"She isn't late, bro. You're just nervous, shake it off."
Megan throws me a tiny wave as she takes her seat, cradling a sleeping Henry close to her chest. Both her and Dylan contemplated bringing the baby at all in the worry he'd cause a disturbance during the ceremony but Ana shot them down the second they mentioned leaving him with Megan's mother, she wants him here just as much as I do. He's part of their family which makes him our family.
Again, I don't have the faintest idea when I became so fucking pathetic and accepting of children but that's just another side Anastasia brings out of me. She's so amazing. Dad comes into view and makes a bee-line straight for me, for a mad moment I think he's about to tell me she's changed her mind and that she doesn't want to marry me, but when he pulls me in for a quick hug with watery eyes and a tender smile I know he's emotional for a completely different reason. "She's stunning, Christian. You're one lucky man."
"Is she okay?"
"She's perfect," He grips my shoulders and shakes me slightly. "Get ready, son, she's on her way."
The following five minutes are somewhat of a blur. The music changes but again it's all background noise, the guests stand but I barely even notice. All I can focus on is the hammering in my chest as Olivia rounds the corner with Jake on her arm, a jubilant Bethany walking in front and looking so fucking cute my throat tightens.
Mia follows with Dylan and when I spot Kate and Blake I force myself to take a deep breath. She's next. I feel Elliot's hand on my back, mom winks at me before dabbing her cheek with a tissue and I feel like the air will suffocate me if I inhale any harder. My eyes drop to the floor, my hands clasp together in front of me and when I glance up, the love of my life turns the corner with a proud Ray on her arm.
She hasn't looked up yet and for that I'm thankful because I need more than a fucking second to process the vision in front of me. She's breathtaking, that's the only word that springs to mind to describe how beautiful she looks. I can sense how nervous she is, Ray bends to whisper something in her ear and the second he does she raises her chin, her eyes instantly locking with mine.
That's right, it's just you and me, baby. Focus on me.
As if she can read my mind, her feet start to move, descending down the steps before slowly carrying her towards me. I close my eyes and force a deep breath, my hands are shaking and my chest feels like it's about to burst but I can't seem to take my eyes off her for longer than a second. I never want to forget this moment. I catch Gramps' eye and he nods his head with a wink, this is what he meant at my bachelor party. This here is what I'll remember until I take my last breath and if I thought I knew what I wanted to say, that's all been shot to shit now.
It takes him a brief minute, almost like he's contemplating how to do it but he must snap out of whatever reverie he drifted away to because he lifts his head with a grin, taking his daughter's hand and dropping a kiss to her knuckles before placing her soft, dainty palm in my open one. I don't think I've ever taken hold of something so strongly before in my life, I'm surprised I didn't pull her arm out of the damn socket.
Her arm trembles as she turns to pass her bouquet of flowers to Kate and when she turns to face me, she exhales and smiles that perfect smile, silent communication passing between us as our eyes remain locked together.
You look so beautiful.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Everything else fades into insignificance, all that matters to me is the beautiful woman in front of me, holding onto my hand for dear life and when the time comes to recite our vows I freeze. I thought this would be the separate way around, I thought I'd be the one offering Anastasia comfort when words failed to escape her but instead it's me, I'm the speechless one.
Her hand squeezes mine, lacing our fingers together as her powder-blue orbs cut through my bravado with a single flicker. I completely zoned out when the Reverend began, only when Ray stepped forward with a strong stance and a sharp nod in my direction as he gave me his daughter, his soul reason for living did I jolt back to reality, tearing my gaze away from my bride. He's giving her to me…
"Anastasia," I start with a shaky breath and a trembling heart. "Before you, I thought I knew happiness. I thought I had happiness. I've conquered and achieved more than I ever thought possible but the second you came into my life, you made everything else seem mundane and inconsequential." Her bottom lip quivers and her fingers tighten around mine but I don't falter, I can't falter.
"Your beauty and your strength astounds me, you bear so much passion and warmth and as each day passes I struggle to remember what life was like without you there beside me. You've shown me what it's like to be loved and you've shown me how to love, something I never thought possible." I hear several snickers in the crowd but instead of taking offence I'm laughing along with them. Yeah, I used to be a heartless bastard, so what? "So today as I stand here, in front of our family and in front of our friends, I promise to love and protect you. I vow to hold what's dear to you close to my heart and I promise to cherish you for as long as I shall live. You're my everything, my world, you're my reason for breathing and without you I would be nothing more than an empty shell. I love you with everything I am, baby."
I feel like I could go on for fucking hours, there aren't enough hours in the day for me to profess my love for this incredible woman but the thick tears rolling down her soft cheeks tell me enough is enough, I fear if I continue she'll start to hyperventilate.
"Christian, do you take Anastasia to be your wife, will you pledge to share your life openly with her, to speak the truth to her in love? Do you promise to honor and tenderly care for her, to encourage her fulfilment as an individual through all the changes in your lives?"
"I do."
Ana takes a deep breath, rubs her glossy lips together and smiles bigger than I've ever seen her smile. She's ready. "Christian. I haven't had the most conventional start in life, I've battled with demons for as long as I can remember and I've struggled to find peace with myself, I struggled to find peace with anything until you came into my life with your arrogant attitude and your cocky ass mouth."
She purses her lips together and throws the Reverend an apologetic glance as the crowd erupts into a bout of laughter. Something tells me she didn't intend for that to slip through. "You taught me how to love myself, something I needed to do before I could truly love anything or anyone else. You've shown me strength and you've guided me through the dark, even when I thought we'd never see the light again."
Don't cry, Grey. Don't you dare fucking cry you pathetic asshat.
"I'm not perfect and I can't promise to be, I'll drive you crazy and I'll push you to your limits but I can promise you this, I can promise you that I'll love you every single say for the rest of our lives. Your happiness is my priority and I vow to protect your heart, something you didn't give me without care or thought. You're it for me Christian Grey, you always have been and you always will be."
I don't give a fuck if it's frowned upon, I lift our conjoined hands to my mouth and press my lips to her knuckles before swiping a salty tear away. She presses her face into my fingers and it takes every ounce of self control I have just to refrain from kissing her. God, I want to kiss her so much.
"Anastasia, do you take Christian to be your husband, will you pledge to share your life openly with him, to speak the truth to him in love? Do you promise to honor and tenderly care for him, to encourage his fulfilment as an individual through all the changes in your lives?"
"I do."
Birds singing. Violins. A fucking choir singing from the rooftops. Never in my life did I think it would feel like this, hearing those simple words slipping through her plump lips has my legs buckling and my heart pounding like a jack-hammer. I do. I do. I do.
Elliot passes the rings forward with watery eyes and when I glance over my shoulder and catch him sniffling back a sob, I shake my head with a quiet laugh, growing even more amused when he mouths fuck you before taking a step back.
I'm grinning as I slide Anastasia's band onto her perfectly manicured finger, a beautiful platinum setting adorned with 12 white diamonds, her eyes twinkling when she flexes her hand and beams down at her new permanent fixture. That's staying there for eternity, baby, so get used to looking at it.
"Please join hands and repeat after me," The rest of the ceremony is a blur, the Reverend is harping on about something or other and even though I'm sure it's all beautiful and lovely, all I can focus on is the woman in front of me with a giddy giggle as she struggles to remain still. Declare us married, damn it. My mother is now full on bawling, even Ray is dashing a tear away with the back of his hand, his eyes never once leaving his daughter. Mia has a tissue covering her face and her body is all but racking with sobs, not one of them thought this moment would ever come but here we are, seconds away from the rest of our lives.
"By the authority vested in me, I pronounce this couple husband and wife."
I don't even wait for the green light, I grasp her beautiful face between my palms and kiss her so hard and deep I'm almost certain I've made my grandma blush. Her hands fly around my neck and the second she breaks contact to breathe a laugh I crush her to my chest and spin her around. My wife. We're married.
"You look so beautiful, baby. What did I do to deserve you?"
"You must have been a good boy in a former life," Her thumb swipes at my mouth before leaning in for another kiss, although this times it's much softer and more chaste. "Come on, husband. How about you get me out of here and show your wife off?"
"Fuck that," I growl in her ear, our guests still on their feet and applauding. "How about I get you out of here and make love to you all night long?"
Despite the delicious shudder that runs through her body she takes my hand and kisses my wedding band, her warm breath tickling the cool platinum. "Later, Mr. Grey."
"Mrs. Grey," I breathe almost inaudibly after locking our fingers together and whisking my wife through the crowd, our parents make a grab for us but other than that we're left to escape to a few private moments together before the madness of our wedding reception descends on us. "I can't believe you're mine."
"Well, believe it because it's true."
"Are you happy?" I ask her as I lead her through one of the secluded gardens. There's no Heather, no screeching bridesmaids or crude best men, it's just me alone with my bride. My wife. Ana stops and moves in front of me, cradling my face between her soft hands as she brushes our noses together.
"Christian, you have just made me the happiest woman alive. I can't…I keep thinking I'll wake up any minute and none of this will be real."
"That won't happen, baby." I want nothing more than to strip her out of this fucking incredible dress and cherish every square inch of her beautiful body, I want to show her how much I love her, how in love I am with her. But for now I make do with kissing the shit out of her, nibbling on her lower lip and suckling on her tongue until she whimpers. "This is it now, Ana. You and me, forever. You ready for that?"
"I've been ready ever since you made me yours the first time, Christian. I'm yours."
"You're mine."