Chapter 9: Clubbing with the Spyfam, Trippin' with the Vamps

A/N: See Prologue for Disclaimer/warnings/Alias notes.

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Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again." - Marin Paper TV listing for "The Wizard of Oz"

They are not all saints who use holy water. - English Proverb

Chapter 9: Clubbing with the Spyfam, Trippin' with the Vamps

HAVANA

Dayami was relieved, a little. Ever since Faith had casually jammed Xander's cane into the Old One's chest Dayami had felt slightly nervous around her.

Dayami was sad, a little. Nervous or not she still rather liked the couple, and as paying guests went they were generous and flexible, appreciative of her cooking. As it was Xander had paid her for another week, asked her to keep the room available just in case.

"We have a little business to take care of," he told her. "Might take a day, might take a lot longer. We might have a couple friends coming to join us, but let's keep that between ourselves, okay."

He'd given her a list of numbers she could call if she felt supernaturally threatened.

But mostly she was disappointed. She hadn't thought Faith and Xander, mystic warriors or not, were the sort who would work for someone like Derevko. But, she shrugged, I guess we all have our price. She had passed on her aunt's warning, and Xander had smiled and thanked her, told her not to worry.

Now they were all packed up, the duffel and the suitcase stacked in the hall by the back door and they came into the diningroom to join her for a last meal, making small talk about her kids, about their day on the water. Then as she was clearing the table there was a strange glow and suddenly two cell phones appeared. It seemed bizarre for some reason, magic cell phones. Magic transporting people, once you got over the whole magic?! thing seemed natural, but magic and cell phones. Wrong, somehow. But there they were, one dark blue, one bright pink and with a grin Faith quickly reached out and grabbed the blue one. Which immediately turned pink in her hand.

"What the fuck?" she said and Xander started laughing. Faith grabbed the other phone that had turned blue but at her touch reverted to bright pink, with tiny flower and cuddly unicorn designs.

Xander held out his hand and she slapped one of the phones into it where it immediately turned blue.

"Red's never really gonna forgive me, is she?" Faith said.

"It's just what you get for flashing her in Cleveland," Xander said. "If the worst thing she does is give you a pink phone you can consider yourself forgiven."

Then Xander had dialed out, said, "Hey, G, secret agent X9 reporting…" and took the phone out into the backyard, where Dayami could hear him talking, then arguing for awhile, but she couldn't make out the words.

"So?" Faith asked when he came back in.

"Would you believe, Giles says 'Be careful'."

And then Xander was giving her a big hug, and Faith punched her lightly on the shoulder, told her to take care and they were out the back door, the motorcycle started up and with a last toot on the horn they were gone into the night and Dayami sagged into a chair wishing to hell she had just left that purse in the closet.

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"Puta!" her father shouted and pushed and Sydney tumbled out of her mother's Hummer, the door slammed shut behind her and the heavy vehicle sped away. She dragged herself upright, straightened her skirt, wiped ineffectually at the tears streaking mascara down her cheeks in black lines, and began staggering down the dark street, occasionally shouting profanities after the long vanished truck.

She walked on, one block, two, she could hear music ahead, a little tinny, someone's radio playing, she could hear the low murmur of male voices. She stumbled on.

"Señorita," a voice called, high pitched, a woman or a child, Sydney paused, looked around, "Señorita," the voice called again, in Spanish, "you shouldn't be here."

"Don't go that way, Señorita," a second voice called out, "those are very bad men, Señorita." Two figures came out of the shadows, young girls, thirteen, maybe fourteen, "Please, Señorita, where do you live, do you have a hotel, you shouldn't be here, very dangerous at night here."

"I'm fine, thank you," Sydney answered in fluent Spanish and tried to walk on but the two girls ran to catch up with her, pleading,

"Señorita, for your safety, come this way," each reaching out to take an arm.

"I'm fine," Sydney growled, pulling away, "go away. Please…errk" as the girls suddenly grabbed her arms and lifted and Syd felt herself being carried rapidly backward into the black-on-black shadows of a narrow alley, fingers like iron clamps gripping each bicep. She struggled, kicking wildly, was rewarded with a slight grunt as one of her knees connected with the ribs of one of the girls. But it was far too little, too late as she was slammed back against a wall and held in place as girls closed in, each nuzzling at her neck…

And then suddenly the two girls levitated, turned to face each other and slammed their foreheads together with a loud thok. And fell in a heap.

"Nicely diverted, Syd," Faith said.

"But…they're just girls," Sydney gasped out.

"Hey, it's an equal opportunity afterlife. I did this one vamp, he'd turned his whole family, and he had like seven kids. Aged from two to thirteen. Sneaky little bastards, had all these hiding places around the house. But the baby was the worst, damned anklebiter could crawl like you wouldn't believe, finally had to pin him to the floor with barbecue fork and kick his head off."

"What? You… kicked a two year-old's head off?"

"Yeah. Every mother's fantasy, huh? Look, Syd, it was a vamp. Just cause it was in a little body don't mean it wasn't evil. Like these two," she said, bending to pick up the two moaning vampires by the scruff of their necks and carried them out into the lights of the approaching Hummer. Faith dropped one of the vampires onto the ground, put her foot on the back of her neck and held her down, freeing up her right hand to pull her broadsword out of the scabbard strapped to her back. She impaled the second vamp and affixed her to the wall like a butterfly on a pin. The Hummer came to a stop and Xander, Jack and Irina got out and came forward.

"So," Faith said to Sydney, "you wanna do the honors, your Spanish is way better than mine. Just ask her where the biggest demon bar is."

Syd stared a moment at the skewered girl….vampire, then spoke briefly and was answered,

"¡Chinga tú madre, puta!"

Syd turned to Faith, started, "She said…"

"Yeah, I got it," Faith answered, "you got the squirter, Xan?"

"Yeah," Xander answered, tossing her a small plastic squeeze bottle, which she passed on to Sydney.

"Give her a little squirt in the face and ask again."

"What is it?"

"Holy water."

Irina stepped forward, said, "Here, let me," but Syd held the bottle away, said,

"No, I'll do… what needs to be done."

"If it'll make you feel better, you can ask nicely again," Xander said. "Or you can remember they were going to kill you just now. That always works for me."

Sydney sent a tentative stream of clear liquid into the girl's face and suddenly there was smoke and her face changed, the eyes went yellow and feral, the brows bulged, the fangs emerged, clearly visible as the vampire screamed in pain. Sydney heard her father curse in surprise. Sydney forced herself to stay steady, trying to ignore the smell of burning flesh.

"Jack," her mother said and her father stepped forward and took the bottle from her frozen hand, stood between her and the vampire. There was more smoke, another scream, then some rapid Spanish then Jack turned and named a club and Irina shook her head,

"I know that one, it's… a normal club."

"Debajo, debajo," the vampire shouted, underneath.

More Spanish between Jack and the vampire, Jack checked with Irina again,

"That sounds possible."

Xander stepped forward, offered Jack a stake, "You want to get a feel for it?" he asked. "In the heart."

Jack took the stake and nodded. Xander grabbed the sword and pulled and as it came out Jack struck and there was a whoosh and the vampire was gone.

"Yeah," Xander said, "just think of the shit people would get up to if humans did that. So," he added turning to Syd, another stake in his hand, "If we're gonna do this thing, maybe you should get a taste too."

"What?"

Xander slapped the sharpened length of wood into her hand, said softly, "I know you're not a slayer, and we've got your back. But you're a fighter, and I know that look. You'll feel better. Trust me."

And he stepped back and to the side and Faith let the second vampire up and it came at her. It still looked like a girl and Syd hesitated, but as she barely blocked the vampire's first punch and the pain ran up her arm like liquid fire she felt the reluctance leave her. She lashed out with a kick that the vampire took with a grunt of pain but without flinching, grabbing her leg and shoving so Syd fell backwards on her ass. She felt the rage rise, I'm getting seriously fucking tired, she thought, of getting my ass kicked by women half my size. She kicked her legs upward and snapped to her feet, ducked the vampire's next blow and took the girl's arm in a come along grip and slammed her into the wall and the fight was on.

The vampire was strong and fast, but clumsy, unprepared for Sydney's skills, again and again she hit the vampire with full force kicks, knees, elbows, that should have put down a man of Dixon's size but only slowed the vampire a moment, knocked her back a little, but only for a second before she came again. The fight went on, Syd began to gasp for breath, felt her lungs burning, felt herself slowing, the vampire's blows that before had missed her by inches now missed by millimeters.

And then suddenly the vampire reared back and hung squirming in the air and she realized Xander had her in a full nelson and he was saying,

"Stake. Stake. Stake," in a steady cadence until the concept penetrated and she looked around and found the stake where she'd dropped it, picked it up and whirled and slammed it into the vampire's chest and it exploded into dust and Syd fell forward into Xander, who caught her, let her rest against him for a moment as she gasped for breath. Then gripped her biceps and set her upright, grinned, said,

"Feel better?"

"Yeah," she said and grinned back. "Much better. Now what?"

"Now we get you cleaned up. Then we go clubbing."

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So," Sydney said, "what do you wear to a demon bar? Horns and a tail? I usually like to blend in with the clientele."

"Me? Broadsword and a bad attitude," Faith answered. "You should probably wear running shoes. Seriously." They were back at Irina's house, Faith sprawled out on Syd's bed watching as Syd, back from her shower, pulled out her box o'wigs and opened her make-up kit. "So, you ready for your pop quiz?" Faith asked.

"What?"

"You've just had your first lesson in the Xander school of vamp fighting, I wanna make sure you're up to speed before we hit the big time here. Wadja learn tonight?"

"What do you mean?"

"Yeah, I hate the whole q and a thing too, lemme spell it out. One, sometimes vamps look pretty and helpless but they ain't. Two, you can fight them but, three, you're gonna get tired before they do, so use a weapon and go for the kill. You got some sweet moves, but when you throw a vamp into the wall the first thing you do is not kick'em in the kidneys, first thing you do is pick up your damn stake, yeah?"

"I see that."

"And most important of all, don't take them on by yourself if you don't have to. Cause by yourself out there tonight, Syd, you were dead. One more thing. You know when you dusted that vamp and you fell into Xander and he held you for a moment and you thought how nice it would be to just curl up in his arms…."

Sydney looked away, blushing slightly.

"Hey, it's cool. I ain't mad or anything. You just need to know, long as we're all working together, Xander's gonna be doing stuff like that. Teaching you stuff. Holding your hand when you need it. That's what he does. Listen to him. Truth is, I bet if you and him threw down on the mat you'd kick his ass. But he's been fighting vamps since he was sixteen without any super powers and he's still around, he knows his shit. Just don't make any more of it than it is, right?"

"I understand, Faith, I really didn't mean to…"

"Hey, I know. I'm just sayin'…. I ain't mad, and I ain't jealous, and you can tell that by the not being on the floor with a stake up your ass. And let's keep it that way, yeah?"

"Of course."

"Listen, after we're done with business tonight, if you wanna go out, pick up a boytoy to work the uhhhh outta your system, I'll watch your back. I know a couple guys, pretty good dancers, and most guys that can dance ain't bad in the sack, yeah?"

Syd smiled shyly, almost tempted.

"Thanks," she said, "but you know, actually this is going to be my first night in my mother's house since I was six years old, so, not tonight."

"I got a feeling your old lady would approve but suit yourself," Faith bounced off the bed, crossed the room and paused in the doorway, said, "And Syd, don't sweat the outfit, where we're going, no one's gonna care what color your hair is."

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They parked Irina's Hummer in the alley behind the club and gathered round the back where Jack began to distribute weapons until Xander interrupted,

"Let's leave the heavy armaments, shall we? The only one you're gonna hurt with that stuff is me. Keep a pistol each if it will make you feel better but nothing automatic."

"We are professionals, Mr. Harris," Jack snapped. "We can handle our weapons."

"You stay cool tonight and I'll think about it, but right now, you look like an axe man to me," he said, digging into Faith's duffel and retrieving a double-sided weapon with a leather shoulder sling. He looked at Irina, asked, "Sabre?" and was rewarded with a pleased smile and nod and he dug for a moment then handed her a scabbard. She pulled the blade out and made a few practice swings.

They moved down the alley following Xander who marked the landmarks the vamp had given and poked around with this walking stick until he found the spot in the wall where his probe plunged easily through the illusion of stonework. With a bit of chalk he marked the outlines of the opening then reached back to lock wrists with Faith and stepped forward through the wall, and disappeared, then poked just his head back out and said,

"Come on down," and they followed and found themselves in a wide stairwell leading down to a set of bat-wing doors that Faith threw open wide and they went in.

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Jack Bristow had been in some rough bars in his time. On the Afghanistan border where any man wearing less than an AK might as well have been naked, in Washington where men killed with a smile and the stroke of a pen. But this was something altogether out of his understanding. He knew one thing for sure. He was never eating lobster again.

The room itself was not unpleasant, a bit dark and smoky, but large, even spacious. Like everywhere else in Cuba, there was a live band, in this case a reggae group working through the list of classic Marley. A well appointed bar ran the length of one wall, and except for some of the things floating in jars on the shelves behind it, it looked normal enough. There were many normal enough, human looking customers, though Xander assured him most were vampires. But not all, which Jack supposed, was actually stranger.

And then there were the fish things. Squid seemed be the dominant theme, lots of tentacles about. But Jack could swear he'd seen at least two hammerhead sharks walking by, and various humanoid crustaceans, who apparently didn't share Jack's sudden squeamishness as shrimp cocktail seemed to be a favorite bar snack. There were other…things as well. A few with fur, more with reptilian features, some nearly human but for the horns or the tails or the blue skin.

All of them gathered now in irregular lines about four deep around Faith as she laid a third severed head on a central table. She stood back and raised her dripping broadsword and held it like a conductor's baton.

"Once more, with feeling. Repeat after me. Slayer."

"Slayer," came a rough chorus.

"Smartass demon."

"Smartass demon."

"Dead demon."

"Dead demon."

"Are we clear now?"

"Are we…" pause, mumbled cacophony of yes's.

"Allison Doren. Vampire. Julian Sark. Human. I want them. Alive." She held up her hand and Xander tossed her a rag from the bar. She inverted one of the severed heads and using the ruptured neck as an inkwell, dipped the rag and began writing a phone number on the wall.

"You give me the info that leads me to them, you get your bar bill paid for a month," Faith announced. "The sooner I get this tip, the sooner I stop coming in here and cutting off the heads of anyone that pisses me off. Any questions?"

"You sleep with her?" Jack asked Xander who was standing beside him, leaning back against the bar. Xander turned and looked at him, not answering but his eyes asking, 'Where you going with this?'

"You are a very brave man," Jack said.

"Maybe," Xander answered, nodded lightly toward Irina who was watching Faith at work with a slight smile and approving eyes, "but if you sleep with her tonight, you're braver."

Ignoring that, Jack nodded back toward the demons that were slowly edging back to their seats as Faith finished writing.

"What happens if they all attack us at once?" he asked.

"We die," Xander answered. "But they won't. That's why humans rule the world and demons don't."

Xander shifted, sidled up to Irina, Jack heard him ask, "See anyone you recognize?" and then their voices went too low for him to hear, then Xander came back over, pointed with his eyes, spoke softly,

"See the vamp over by the big spittoon, next to the green demon with the dead chicken on his head? Black hair, pirate shirt?"

Jack nodded.

"That's our best bet. You and Syd do your thing, come back and get Irina and go upstairs to club normal, take the indoor exit and leave the alley door clear. Faith and I will stay and watch your back and we'll meet you at the bar in fifteen."

"What happens if he catches us?"

"Faith cuts off his head and we go to Plan B. But I thought you guys were pro's. Don't get caught."

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"Well, that was fun," Faith said, joining Xander at the bar after the Bristows had left. "Any luck?"

"Says she recognized the vamp in the pirate shirt."

"The one who just slipped out the back?"

"That's the one."

"They get the tracer on him?"

"So they say. This works out we'll have to get with Giles, get some of those tracers for the girls, make tracking the vamps back to their lairs a lot easier."

"Careful, Xan, you get too hi tech you'll take all the fun out of it. The spyfam find their way upstairs?"

"Yeah, the inner stairs are back in that corner. They found them quick enough."

"Did Irina ask directions?"

"Not that I saw. But maybe she asked first thing when we got here. She seems smart enough for that and I might have missed it."

"Maybe. You think Jack picked up on it?"

"Beats me, there's so much unspoken shit flying between those two professional liars that I'm not even gonna try to figure it out. I'm just gonna try to avoid the crossfire. Shall we?"

"Let me just take care of the band first." Faith went over and leapt lightly up on the low stage, reached down and began ripping chains out of the floor so that the band was no longer attached to the stage, but only to each other. She bent down and inspected the drummer's ankle shackle, then came back over to the bar and reached over to grab the terrified bartender.

"You're gonna go unlock them now, yeah?" she said and the bartender nodded frantically. "Look, they're musicians," she added. "you don't have to chain them up. Just give them free drinks and pay them a little and they'll come back on their own."

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Julian Sark cursed as the knocking on the back door grew steadily louder. With a pistol in one hand and a stake in the other he approached the portal and peered through the peephole, stepped back and opened the door.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"The slayer's working for Derevko now, man, looking for you," the vamp said. "She was in the Dante Club taking heads and kickin' ass."

"So you ran right over."

"Yeah, man. That chica is scary fast, man."

"Oh shit," Sark said, pointing, "there she is!"

"What, where?" the vampire said turning to look and Sark slammed his stake into the back of the loose white shirt and sighed in relief when the vampire went to dust.

"Thank god your heart was bigger than your brain," he told the floating dust cloud and slammed the door and turned and ran back to pause outside Allison's private room. Entrance was normally verboten but this was an emergency so he knocked once and went in.

She was sitting in a rocking chair, naked, with an equally nude young man curled in her lap, her face buried in his neck, Sark saw the blood dripping down her chin as she looked up. She took just a moment to come out of the feeding haze to register his presence,

"We need…." He started, but she screamed at him,

"Get out, get out, get out, get OUT!"

"I'm sorry, but…"

In a rage she threw her meal aside and leaped at him, grabbed his arm and threw him out into the hall so hard he hit the opposite wall and slid for fifteen feet.

"Stay out!" she shrieked and slammed the door.

"Well. If you insist, dear," he said, picking himself up. He ran upstairs to his own room and grabbed the flight bag he kept always ready, and ran for the back door, but skidded to a stop when he heard the Hummer engine grumbling just outside. He spun and went for the front door, stopped and peeked out just in time to see the motorcycle come to a stop. Okay, he thought. Plan B it is.

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The steady knocking woke her, Dayami threw on a robe and went downstairs, wondering if Faith and Xander had come back. They'd never woken her late before, at least not by knocking, if they came back in the wee hours Faith just leapt up to the balcony. Maybe she was hurt, Dayami thought and hurried to pull open the back door and she stopped in shock.

"Javier?"

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Next: Chapter 10: Naked and Bombed