"…And I love you Zayn, I really do. I've never felt this way about anyone else before; ever, and I realized that the moment I walked away from you last weekend. And I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry and I could never say it enough times." I took his hand in mine, still sitting next to his hospital bed. "I know there's nothing that I can do to take the words back, but believe me: if I could, I would, Zayn. And I just don't know what else to say." My grip over his hand grew tighter, fingers interlacing themselves as I spoke. To hold his hand was so comforting and so missed. The warmth of his hand filled me with a joy that brought tears to my eyes. A smile cracked on my lips as I whispered the words, "I love you."
"Damn it, Li," he said, voice faltering. "I love you, too."
I leaned up to him, a maddening fluttering in my stomach. I pressed my lips to his, and felt the sparks of emotion that erupted from our moving mouths. A click came from the opposite side of the room, and footsteps could be heard. I immediately pulled away, returning to my seat, embarrassed.
"I'm sorry, is now a bad time?" It was Harry.
"No—" Zayn and I said at the same time. I glanced to him and smiled shyly.
"Right, okay. Well," Harry continued. His eyes had bags and his hair was messy. He must have had a long night. "Zayn, you're free to go. But next time you decide to drink…limit yourself. We don't want this happening again," he said, sternly.
Zayn nodded. He sat up, slowly getting off of the bed.
"Uh," he said. "Where are my clothes?"
"We put them…on…this chair." I looked down at the chair I had been sitting in to see that it was barren.
"Sorry hun," I chuckled, "Looks like we're taking you home in that." He pouted and sighed as I took his hand in mine.
We made our way down the corridors of the hospital until we reached the exit. Harry bid us farewell, and told us if we ever needed any help with something medical-related, to give him a call.
"You know," Zayn said, arriving at my car, "I'm glad I got drunk last night."
"And why is that?" I asked.
"Because it brought me back to you."
"Do we really have to talk about this?" Zayn huffed as we entered his flat.
"Yes, Zayn, we do. You can't be drinking again—at least not like that—I don't want you to end up getting hurt."
"Li," he said, removing his smock from the hospital, left in only his underwear. "I'll be fine. It was a one-time thing."
He turned to face me as he unfolded a shirt in his hands. He threw it over his head, letting it fall across his body as he walked into his kitchen.
"Are you hungry?" he asked. "Because I'm starved."
"Let me make you something," I told him, making my way to his cupboards. Rather than answer me, he snuck up from behind and wrapped his arms around my waist, swaying us from side to side.
"That's not exactly what I meant" he breathed into my ear. It sent a tingling down my spine and through the rest of my body that drew me in for more. I flipped in his arms and smashed my lips to his. He pushed me back up against the pantry—it was quite uncomfortable really—as he ran one hand through my hair, the other up the small of my back. I had one hand in the back of his hair, the other caressing his face.
It wasn't long before he began to unbutton my plaid shirt, and my boxers were suddenly a size too small. Finally, finally Zayn reached the last button my shirt and tore it off from me. His mouth never left mine, and as he forced his way closer to me, I felt his hard-on press against my leg.
Oh my god, I thought. Is this finally it?
I was flooded with emotions of all sorts. Passion, pleasure, a desire, a deep, deep desire to have his skin pressed against mine for as long as possible. It stirred within me and was released in pants and hot breaths as Zayn and I made our way, clumsily, to his bedroom.
We flicked the light on, collapsing onto the covers of his bed. Lying on top of him, I tore the shirt up and off, over his shoulders, and latched on to his neck. I sucked and bit the delicate skin, and Zayn moaned, low and rough. I worked with my tongue to another spot, and repeated the process, and he groaned in delight.
I trailed down to his nipple, leaving a string of saliva across his hot body. I flicked it with my tongue and fondled it between my fingers as I moved my lips back to his. His kiss was fierce, biting my bottom lip until the metallic taste of blood hit my tongue.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Li, I didn't mean to…" he said, panting.
"It's fine, baby," I said, a smirk across my face. His eyes were dark as I gazed into them, revealing avidity; a thirst for me to continue.
And I was glad to do so.
I placed my hands on his chest, engaging in foreplay with his nipples as I planted kisses up and down his jaw line. His hand was on my back, fingers twitching as his neck tensed. I grinded my pelvis into his, feeling his crotch brush against my own. I made my way down his toned body with my mouth, kissing and licking past his abdomen, reaching the elastic strap of his undergarments. I lifted it up, pulling them down off of Zayn's legs. I had to hold back a gasp at what I saw, because it was just so big.
I stroked his shaft before placing my lips on its tip, and Zayn whimpered as my tongue swirled around it. One arm was now lying on the bed, hand gripping the blankets tightly, the other mangled with my hair.
My head bobbed up and down his length, cheeks hollowing out as my tongue grazed against his skin. Zayn's head lurched back, small cries of gratification buzzing from his lips every few seconds.
"My, my god-L-Li…" he wheezed. "You're so…God…" his words faded into a deep moan. He never finished his sentence, but it didn't matter to me. I stopped, taking a short breath and Zayn's hand guided my face back to his. Our mouths collided, packed with an underlying passion masked by our eager love. We fell into it slowly, perfecting the strokes of our tongues as he wrapped me close to him. I was still on top, grinding my dick against his for an amount of time that was unknown to me. I had gotten lost in the sensuous ecstasy that poured from our bodies and immersed us in an intense heat of bliss; it was the most amazing experience of my life.
And it was nowhere near finished.
We alternated positions, Zayn now above me. He ripped my boxers down my legs and his eyes grew wide. He placed his fingers around my cock and rubbed it painfully slow. He placed his mouth on one of my nipples, tongue working my sensitive nerves to an extent of pleasure I thought never existed. He pushed me to what I thought was close to the edge before stopping. He leaned forward, face centimeters from mine. Both our mouths were open, waiting for him to say what he wanted to say as he breathed into mine.
"Liam," his voice was clear, yet it cracked a bit under his nerves; a bit fearful, even. "I want you inside of me," he whispered.
"Zayn," I said, looking at his now-distressed face. "Are you sure?" I asked.
I hadn't known or even thought that this would happen so quickly. I wanted it, sure, I really, really wanted it, but from what I could tell about Zayn's past, he was still a virgin. Not that I had much experience, but I could remember how afraid I was during my first time. Scared of the pain, the hurting; abashed by the fact that it involved revealing myself to someone else completely. To be exposed entirely was a frightening thing, and I was glad that he trusted me so wholly.
"I'm sure, but Li…" he continued, "Can you please go…slow? It's my first time and I'm scared it's going to hurt…"
"Of course. I would never want to hurt you, Zayn, and if it makes you uncomfortable at all, don't hesitate to tell me. We'll stop, okay?" I kissed his nose softly.
"Okay," he said, grinning shyly. "The lube is in my drawer."
I was surprised that he kept lube on him, but I suppose he knew this day was coming sooner or later. I slid the drawer back, seeing the bottle of gel immediately. It sat atop several unopened condoms, which I grabbed one of. I stepped back to the bed, Zayn lying with his head propped on one elbow, a thin layer of sweat covering his body. God, he looked sexy.
I lay behind him now, popping the cap off the tube and squirting a generous amount of the gel onto my fingers.
"Just relax," I told him, sliding one finger into his back side. My finger pushed slowly forward past the tight ring of muscle that lined his anus, and he tensed.
"Relax," I said once more, kissing him. He instantly eased, body falling limp at the collision of our mouths. I took the opportunity to place another finger into him, making sure that he was coated with lubricant. "Are you ready?" I asked, lifting my face from his.
"More than I'll ever be," he replied. Crunching sounds echoed through the room as I tore the small package open, slipping the condom over my length. I even put more lubricant over that, because I wanted it to be as painless as possible for Zayn.
Even though I knew it would hurt like Hell.
I wrapped my arms around him as I laid down facing his backside, placing my hands around his body and on his chest. I touched the tip of my dick to his ass, barely penetrating him.
"I love you," I whispered as I pushed in further and further. He winced, breathing growing heavy.
"I love you too, Li" he managed to say. I finally had all of my length in, and he grimaced.
"I'm sorry, I…do you want me to stop?"
"N-no," he said. "It's not that bad."
With precision and leisure, I gradually pulled out, and slid back in the same as before. This kept up; me going as slow as possible (the desire to go harder was an aching within me) Zayn flinching and whimpering a bit. It pained me to know that he was hurting, but he had not yet objected to the intimacy. Bit by bit, my motions became faster, my breathing more ragged; and the pleasure overwhelmed me. I was gasping and moaning into Zayn's ear as I caught his lobe between my teeth again and again. I changed the angle of my thrusts, and was glad to hear Zayn's voice.
"Fuck, Li!" he grunted, "Do that again!"
I held him in my arms as I slid in and out of him again and again. Each time he yelled incoherent words back at me, and though I had no idea what he was saying, they still put a smile on my face. That or it was the immense amount of pleasure that was washing over me like never-ending waves in a raging sea.
Between all of the pants and the trickling of sweat, I thought hard about the situation I was in, and how perfect this moment was. With Zayn—boyfriend for over five months—having sex. No; not just sex. We were making love, despite how cheesy it sounded.
And it had been a lot better than my first time.
"Li," he gasped, as I kept at pushing inside of him. "I-it's coming…"
I had been so mesmerized by what I was feeling—the smell of his scent, how his body glistened while drenched in sweat, the way I got lost in his loving eyes as we carried on—that I hadn't even noticed how close I was to blissful release. The revelry had been coursing through my veins all along, of course; heating up and dispensing itself into the air around us; but it was now more evident than ever.
"Fuck!" Zayn yelled, and the sight of his cum shooting on his chest pushed me, too, over the edge. I orgasmed, the warm fluid quickly filling the condom that encased my member. I slowed down to an eventual stop inside of him, and pulled out. I rolled onto my back, arms outstretched above my head, breathless and exhausted as the fatigue cascaded over my body.
I twisted to face my lover, Zayn grinning widely at me. It was easily returned, and I absentmindedly brushed a lock of hair from his face.
"I guess we should get cleaned up…" he said, teeth still showing.
"Yeah," I answered, lethargy afflicting my speech. We cleaned up, together, throwing his sheets in the wash after being soiled. A mutual decision was made that a shower would be needed, and so we made our way to the compact bathroom. He turned the light on, and it lit the tiny space.
He spun the faucet, the shower spraying water over the bathroom floor. The head had been pointing outside of the tub, and he sighed.
"We'll get it later" I laughed.
He made a pouting face at me as he stepped into the shower, grabbing my arm so as to make sure I didn't fall. He closed the curtain, and I let the hot water run down my body as he massaged my shoulders and back. I really thought like I was the one that should be doing the massaging, especially since he had just undergone the tribulations of his first time. But when offered a romantic back-rub, my gesture was denied, and I wasn't in the mood to argue.
His hands worked up and down my body with amazing tenderness, and it did my muscles wonders.
"Jesus, Zayn…" I said sleepily, still under the hot water and the daze of his hands. "You're fucking great at massages. Are you sure you don't want one?" I asked.
His flowing fingers stopped, and his strong, bare arms wrapped tightly around me.
"You've done enough for me in one night, Li…and I mean that. You just made everything so…perfect. It was the best I've ever felt, and that was because of you. And I…" he paused. "I just love you so much."
He nuzzled his head into the crook of the neck, hair plastered against my face from being wet. I felt his eyelashes flutter against my shoulder, and I tapped his forehead lightly. He squinted under the running water, a questioning look on his face.
"Maybe we should get back to bed?"
"Yeah, okay…" he said, yawning.
We dried each other off and walked back to his bed, placing a new set of sheets over the mattress. Zayn jumped in immediately, bringing his knees up and curling the blankets around his body. I slipped under the layers of cotton and instantly felt the permeating warmth of Zayn's body reach into mine. He scooted closer, pulling me into his arms once more. His cheek presed against my shoulder blade and his hair tickled my back.
I fell asleep to the light snores of Zayn at my side and the realization that he loved me, and that I loved him.
I felt Zayn toss and turn in the bed as my eyes blinked open. I squinted as I readjusted to the light that had been left on by mistake. Since he was still sleeping, I stepped out of bed and onto the floor gingerly, so as not to wake him. He needed the rest, especially after being in the hospital and then having sex for the first time.
I tiptoed to his closet; I figured he wouldn't mind me borrowing one of his bath robes. I grabbed a navy blue satin covering that had the initials "ZM" sewn into one of its corners. I shut the door delicately and quietly and advanced to the balcony, pulling back the curtains and taking a view of the outside. I couldn't see any heavy winds about, and decided that I could step outside without any undergarments on, save for the thin piece of silk draped about me.
The air was cool as the sun began to set in the distance. Far off, behind the tall buildings and the colorless walls of landscaping, lay overlapping hills and mountains, where the beams of light seemed to hang. They generated a silhouette of darkness engulfed within a sort of divine radiance; the kind seen in movies that appeared to be impossible to find in real life. I took a seat in one of the unfolded lawn chairs, thoughts drifting to none other than the boy in the other room.
The ambient aura of perfection that was portrayed by the landscapes of the city were crafted by my own notions and beliefs that everything, at the moment, was terrific and without fault. I had completely overlooked the problem of Zayn drinking, and his possible relapse back into his habits tugged at my mind inconveniently; yet I still shoved the thoughts to the back of my mind. I just needed one day without the sorrowful introspections and diluted cogitations that were—at least lately—my pitiful life.
The sliding glass door creaked as it glided across the plastic, and Zayn took a step onto the balcony, sporting one of his many colorful robes inscribed with his own initials. The one he had on was green, and made of the same silky smooth satin material.
"You look cute in my robe," he smirked. "It's fitting on you." I smiled back at him, patting my legs as a gesture that said "Come sit".
He sat down in my lap, cringing as his bum touched my legs. I wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my chin on his shoulder.
"I'm really sorry it hurts," I said. "I wish it didn't. I wish you didn't have to feel the pain."
"Li," he said, "it's okay. Today has been…the best day of my life, and it's all because of you."
He craned his neck to the side, touching his forehead to mine. I closed my eyes, savoring the moment that transcended simple words. It was a feeling too complex and too difficult for even me to understand fully.
Zayn reclined the chair, bringing his knees to his chest as he laid his head against my chest. One arm was wrapped instinctively up and around his back, whilst the other was stroking his hair. He began to snore again, obviously still exhausted, despite the hours of sleep he had gotten just minutes ago.
I stared out at the rising and falling hills once more, contentedly, as Zayn slept in the all-too-cramped chair with me at his side. There was a knocking at Zayn's door, but it couldn't have been meaningful enough that it involved alerting the sleeping boy on top of me.
Nothing was that important