I got on the computer and looked up everything I could find on the Biers family. I knew it would be hard to get close to the father with all his security, but I at least got a good look at his face. I would try to approach him as a friend of Riley's who needed to pay him back some money. Rich politicians were greedy and would always respond to money.
Bella woke up looking so much better and when she walked into the kitchen I jumped up to make her breakfast. "Just something small," she said, "I'm a bit nauseous."
I made her toast and yogurt and then I made a shake to take up to Jamie. I knocked but she didn't answer so I walked into her room. She was coming out of her bathroom and began to cry when she saw me. I rushed over to her, "What's wrong?"
"I have pee coming from my rear," she said and cried harder.
"Oh sweetheart, I have some medicine for that. Think of it as the cancer being kicked the hell out of your body," I said to make her smile.
I ran downstairs to get her the diarrhea medicine and Bella came back up with me. Jamie looked at her mom and said, "The cancer is getting the hell out of my body from my butt."
Bella turned to look at me with an accusing stare and I couldn't help the grin that formed. "Thank God you won't be a doctor," she said and I felt the sting of her words. I would give it up for her and Jamie, but it had been my path for so long that the realization I would never be a doctor finally settled in my mind.
I gave Jamie the medicine and told her it would take awhile to work and it was extra important for her to drink her water today. Bella began encouraging her to drink her shake and I left the room. I was getting dressed when Bella walked in.
"Edward, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you," she said with sad eyes.
"Bella, it isn't as important as you are. I think I'll enjoy working with Jasper."
"Is there any way we can work it out for you to go back this semester?"
I pulled her in my arms and looked right into her eyes. "Bella, it isn't just Jamie's illness keeping me here. You're my wife and I love you passionately. I can't think of anywhere I would rather be, you are not taking anything from me, you are giving my life purpose."
"I love you, Edward. I think you get lost in the battle and I want you to remember I love you so much."
"You were right all those years ago," I smiled. "You are worth it."
I kissed her and she swatted my ass and said, "Get to work, Cullen."
"I'm driving to Seattle today," I said and watched her eyes widen in surprise. "I'm flying to Arizona to have a talk with Riley."
"You better explain to me how to wire money so I can get you out of jail," she said seriously.
"I'm not going to jail; we are just going to come to an agreement. He'll show up when he is supposed to or he can explain on national television why his father talks about family values as he runs off on his kid in need."
"Promise you'll be careful. I worry about how they will respond to this," she said with sad eyes.
"I'll be fine, can you manage this weekend by yourself. Rose and Alice are going to come by so you can rest for a couple of hours in the afternoon."
"Edward," she said and rolled her eyes, "Your mother is here."
"I know, but it is a big job to keep Jamie entertained and the house running. Just make sure they both wash their hands really well, and they don't have a cold."
Jamie called out for Bella and I finished dressing and packed a small bag. I headed into Jamie's room and could hear the shower running and Bella trying to get Jamie to calm down. I stood outside the bathroom door with my forehead resting against it and felt so angry that Jamie had to go through this. She was only seven and her life was full of pain and humiliation.
I waited patiently for them to return to the room and Jamie was still crying so I held my arms out for her. She ran to me and let me comfort her, without actually fixing anything. I noticed Bella crying and she left the room. I was torn with the decision of who to offer my shoulder to for support.
For a brief moment I considered cancelling my trip, but I couldn't let Bella continue to believe Riley wasn't going to help Jamie. I kissed her head and helped her climb into bed. "Jamie, I have to go on a business trip this weekend and I won't be home until Sunday night or Monday, but I will call you every day and you can call me anytime you want, okay?"
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To Arizona to talk with someone, I'll bring you something, what would you like?"
"Can I have a kitty?" she asked.
"A stuffed animal," I asked.
"No, a real kitty, so I won't cry so much," she said and let her lip stick out a bit. I was being played and I knew it. Girls were born with this gift and I saw it over and over throughout my life. I never fell for it when a girl begged me to call or begged me to be faithful, but this time my heart was being ripped from my chest.
"Honey, we can't get you a pet until you're better, they have too many germs, but next summer we'll look into getting you a kitty, okay?"
"Okay," she said sadly and it was just another thing she would have to be denied because of her illness.
"I'll bring you something else," I offered and she just shrugged. I laughed and leaned over to kiss her head and got up to leave so she asked if I would get her a banana. I was thrilled she seemed hungry and ran right down to get it. She took a small bite and let it sit in her hand.
I kissed her one last time and she asked for a movie from downstairs. I found it in the cabinet and headed back to her room. Bella was waiting by the door and took the video from me. "Honey, she is trying to keep you from leaving, I'll take this to her."
"Damn, she got me," I exclaimed and Bella laughed before giving me a very serious kiss. She walked into Jamie's room and I had to force myself to get my bag and go. The drive to Seattle was long and I kept thinking about the time when we would be making this trip over and over again. Jamie would be in the hospital for close to two months for the transplant and I worried about Bella traveling during the winter and very pregnant.
I boarded a plane and sat next to the window as I stared at nothing and planned what I was going to say to Riley. I vacillated between hoping he would tell me it was all a misunderstanding and he is still planning to donate his marrow, and having to beat him to a bloody pulp and take it myself.
I arrived in Phoenix late in the day and drove right to the capital building. I saw Mr. Biers' parking spot was occupied so I walked to his office. A pretty woman sat at the desk and I wondered if my buzz cut ruined my appeal. I smiled and she blushed a little.
"Hi, I'm a friend of Riley's," I began and she quickly interrupted me.
"He won't be here until about seven tonight. He's at the golf benefit with his father."
I wanted to kiss her for giving me the information without having to offer up any lines. "Thanks," I said and turned to leave the office. I walked over to a small bench and sat down to wait as I stared at the large staircase he would come up.
It was seven ten when his father came walking up with several men around him. I searched for Riley, but he wasn't in the group. I kept my head down and hoped nobody noticed me hanging around. After they entered the office I walked to the staircase and stood with my back to it, thinking Riley wouldn't recognize me with the buzz cut.
I heard someone coming up the stone steps and turned to see him heading right for me. He glanced at me but looked away, not noticing who I was. He stepped onto the marble floor and I spoke. "Hello, Riley."
He looked at me and his face drained of blood while I smiled cockily. I had my arms folded and I hit the start button on the small tape recorder in my hand.
"You aren't answering your phone," I said and he glanced at his father's door. "We can take the conversation into Daddy's office if you like," I offered.
"No, this is good," he said nervously.
"Okay, you get a girl pregnant and tell her you'll come back for her, but you don't. Then you find out your daughter is sick and needs you as a donor, but you stop answering your phone. You are a bit of a prick aren't you Riley Biers?"
"Look, I gave her money to leave me alone and…."
"You didn't give her shit, your daddy gave her money and only after I threatened to go public with the fact you have a child…more than one I understand."
"I'll leave the country if you don't leave me alone," he said with panic in his voice.
"I don't care, go, but your father will be on every newspaper in this valley. I doubt he will be so forgiving when his career is ruined."
"He can get rid of you with one phone call. He is in tight with the unions and he can buy any favor he wants."
"You're bluffing," I said with a smile. I knew I had him right where I wanted him, but I had to keep my composure. Riley was beginning to visibly shake and I wondered why he would go to such lengths just to keep from going through a simple outpatient procedure.
"No, I'm not, he's gotten rid of people before and he knows how to keep them from being found."
"You expect me to believe you? I don't believe a word out of your mouth," I challenged him.
"I'm not lying, looked into the disappearance of Shawna Sherwood. She tried to blackmail my father and now she's gone."
"Riley, Jamie is a little girl who deserves a chance at life. We are not asking you to claim her or have anything to do with her, we only want her well. And you are going to dick up and do the right thing and you know why?" I asked and he shook his head back and forth quickly. I raised my hand to show him the tape recorder. "Because Daddy is going to prison if you don't."
He lunged at me and it was just what I wanted. I hit him hard right in the gut and when he bent over I brought my knee up and caught him right in the eye. I pushed him back into the wall and held him tightly by the throat. "Shall we go have a talk with Daddy or are you going to call Dr. Dunn?"
"I'll call," he said quickly.
I pulled a business card from my wallet and handed it to him. "He's expecting your call," I said and walked away. I was a bit worried about his threats, although it seemed like he hadn't told his father about Jamie's need for his marrow. I decided to find a seedy motel where I could pay in cash just in case I was being sought.
It was over an hour later I got a call from Dr. Dunn telling me Riley had contacted him. I smiled at the news and asked him to keep in touch with Riley often in case he became afraid again. A lot could happen in five months and I wanted to stay one step ahead of Riley.
The next morning I headed to a local mall and searched for a gift for Jamie. I found an animated cat which looked so real and purchased it. I also looked for a ring for Bella. I found the perfect diamond shaped like a delta and bought it. As I sat in the airport, so proud of the fact I would be home early; I called Felix and asked him to keep his ear out for news regarding Riley. If he quit his job or moved, I wanted to know about it.
I was just about to board the plane when two men in suits approached me. I looked around for any officers and wondered if I yelled for help if anyone would actually come to my aide. "Mr. Cullen, we work for Mr. Biers and we would like a word with you," they said.
"I'm boarding my plane; you'll have to call me," I said nervously.
"We suggest you take a later flight," one man offered.
"I suggest you tell the Lieutenant Governor I'm needed at home and he can call me," I said and took a step away from them.
"We need the tape," the larger man said.
"I have no idea what you're talking about, but a friend of mine with the Arizona Republic newspaper is holding a package for me, maybe he knows what you mean."
"Sir, this can be worked out easily."
"You're right it can, I don't have a beef with any of the Biers except Riley. If he shows up for his procedure, I'll never give Arizona or the Biers family another thought. Make junior do the right thing for once in his life and all the problems go away."
"And you'll give us the tape?" they asked.
"What tape?" I repeated and turned to walk away.
I was shaking when I sat down on the plane and realized I was in over my head. I had to keep that tape protected to make sure Riley came forward or not only my daughter's life was in danger, but mine too. There was only one person I could think of I would trust with this job….Tanya.
29
I got off the plane and drove to the Denalis house just north of Seattle. I had been here many times, mostly in Tanya's bedroom and I had to hope she wasn't upset about being tossed out of our house. I wouldn't put my friends in danger, but there was no link from me to Tanya that anyone would be able to connect. She was my only option.
Tanya lived in a small cottage behind the main house and I headed straight there without stopping to speak to her parents. I knocked on the door and she opened in just a t-shirt and panties. I felt my stupid cock react and hoped it was just conditioning and not from any conscious desire for her.
"What do you want?" she asked angrily.
"Don't give me that shit, Tanya, you insulted my wife and child, what did you expect me to do?"
She stood back from the door and let me inside. I glanced at her legs as she walked to the large overstuffed chair and then forced myself to look away. She sat down and then raised one leg and placed it over the arm of the chair.
I walked past her and pushed her leg down before going to sit on the couch. The last thing I needed was a look at her pussy; I already knew it by heart. "I need you to help me with something," I said to get right to the point and the hell out of that familiar place.
"Why, she won't suck it?" she asked with a sly smile and I refused to answer either yes or no.
"I'm going to give you something to hold for me. If anything happens send it to the Arizona Republic newspaper, okay?"
"What do you mean if anything happens, are you in danger?" she asked and I could see the old sweet Tanya returning.
"It is assurance Jamie's marrow donor shows up to do his job, that's all," I said with a smile and she came over to sit next to me.
"I'm so sorry, Edward. I was awful to you and you are dealing with so much. What can I do to help?" she offered and ran her hand down my chest.
It felt so good to have a woman who didn't expect anything from me. I didn't have to hold her broken heart together or worry about her energy. She was right here, smelling incredible, and it would take only a little effort to forget for just a few moments.
I closed my eyes and she leaned in to kiss my neck causing me to move my head back to offer her better access. I could feel her hot breath and when she licked up to my ear I inhaled and got hard instantly.
"Let me do something for you, Edward. I can take it all away for a few moments," she offered and I felt my hands reach out for her, but Bella entered my mind. Her beautiful face filled with hope as she carried my child and worried for her own. I pushed Tanya away harshly and stood to make my way to the other side of the room.
"I need you to keep this," I said and pulled the small package from my pocket, "Nothing more."
"Wow, you have changed," she said angrily. "Fine, I'll keep the damn package."
"Thank you, Tanya, you are the only person I trust with this," I said and she softened again and smiled at me.
"Thank you for trusting me. And just so you know, you can trust me with anything… anything."
"Yeah, I'll keep that in mind," I chuckled and left the cottage quickly.
I was so tired and horny as hell, but I wanted to get home to my girls so I drove through the night to get there before Jamie went to bed. I walked in the house and heard both Bella and Jamie scream and come running. I laughed and pulled them both into my arms.
"You're home early, is that a good sign?" Bella asked and I nodded enthusiastically.
My mother came into view and asked if I was hungry. "I'll get it mom, don't worry about it," I offered but she rolled her eyes and said, "Nonsense."
I followed everyone into the kitchen and opened my bag to pull out the toy. I turned it on to show Jamie how it meowed and moved its body. She grabbed it into her arms and said, "You're silly, daddy. I still want a real one next summer."
"If you take care of this one, you can have a real one," I teased her.
I looked up to see my father standing in the hallway and he motioned for me to come to his office. I smiled and kissed Bella before saying, "I'll be right back, I want to say hello to my father."
I entered his office and found him waiting for me by the door. "I just want you to keep a check on Jamie's fever, she's been elevated all day, but seems to have plenty of energy."
"Have you checked her port?" I asked and he nodded.
I took a deep breath, knowing Bella had an appointment on Tuesday but worried about Jamie having to return to the hospital. "Is everything okay with the donor?" he asked.
"Yeah, he'll show up, I can guarantee it," I said and followed him back into the kitchen and put a smile on my face.
I sat down and my mother put a plate of pasta and breadsticks in front of me so I dug in. Jamie played with her cat on the carpet while Bella watched me eat. I turned to thank my mom and Bella suddenly tensed and stood.
"What's wrong?" I asked her as she tried to keep from crying. I reached out for her arm but she pulled away from me without looking at my face.
"Nothing, Jamie, come on dear it is bedtime," she said and walked from the room.
I wolfed down my food and went upstairs to tell Jamie goodnight and check her fever. Bella left the room the moment I entered and her sudden shift in mood had me stumped. I didn't know if it was something to be expected with pregnancy or not.
I gave Jamie some meds and sat on the side of her bed to talk to her before she drifted off. "Are their germs in Brazil?" she asked.
"Yes, but we'll go before your transplant and be very careful," I told her. "Do you know how to swim?"
"Dad, I'm seven not three," she said as if I was stupid to ask such a question.
"I just wanted to know if I needed to buy you water wings," I laughed and she giggled too. "I love you," I said as I was overcome by the sound of her laughter.
"I love you too, and I'm glad you're home, dad."
I kissed her and shut off the light before heading into my own room to check on Bella. I shut the door and she walked right up to me and slapped me hard across the face. "You bastard," she yelled at me and I stared at her with a stunned expression. "I'm carrying your child, and fighting to keep my daughter alive and you cheat on me?"
"I didn't cheat on you," I gasped.
"Do you mind telling me how you got lipstick all over your neck?"
I ran my fingers down my throat and felt like the room was closing in on me. I looked at Bella with guilty eyes and she backed away from me. "I'm going back to my dad's," she said in tears and began grabbing items from her dresser.
"I can explain," I said softly and she shook her head back and forth. "I didn't cheat, and if you'll just listen."
"Go to hell," she turned and said angrily as she tried to push me from my room.
"Bella," I yelled loudly. "I did not cheat on you. God, would you listen to me. I got something on tape to incriminate Mr. Biers and I'm in danger if I keep it here. I gave it to Tanya to hold for me."
"Tanya," she screamed loudly. "She was the one kissing you?"
I let my head fall in shame and could see all the things I did wrong, but never stopped long enough to think about them. Of course Bella would not want me going to Tanya's and now I had to tell her I had been tempted. The old Edward would have lied, but I needed her to know I would always tell her the truth.
"I'm terrified Bella, I'm twenty-four and Jamie's world is resting on my shoulders. If she dies I will have to look into your eyes every day and know my stupidity killed her. I'm trying so hard to be the strong man for both of you, but I'm not strong, I'm confronted everyday with just how weak I am. I was at lunch with a client and ran into a woman I used often from Port Angeles. She laughed at the idea someone would marry me."
"So you proved them right?" she demanded.
"No, I had one moment, one weak moment where I wondered if I could actually return to how I was and let everything wash away, but I couldn't. I never kissed her Bella, she kissed my neck and I pushed her away from me. I need her to keep a recording for me, because it is too dangerous to bring it here or to give to one of my friends. Tanya is not connected to me in any way, so it had to be her."
"Edward, I'm terrified, too. I'm watching my daughter slip away and pray I can keep it together enough for my baby, while wondering if you are even capable of being faithful. I hate being afraid all the time," she cried. "And I am fully aware of how much I screwed up your future, Edward."
"If I don't have your love, I can't go on," I told her honestly. "Nothing matters without you."
"Are we going to be okay through all of this?" she asked.
"I don't know," I said softly and honestly. "It's worth the fight, though." She nodded and stepped forward to bury her head in my chest. I tightened my arms around her and held her to me as she cried. "I love you, Bella, more than you will ever know. You didn't ruin my future."
"And I won't blame you if Jamie dies, you can't ever leave me, I'm lost without you," she said and clung to my shirt.
I held her and rocked us back and forth as I contemplated her words. We were in the very first stages of the nightmare coming for us and I wasn't sure we would survive together. I was so worried our grief would be the wedge to separate us forever. I led Bella to the bathroom and began making a hot bath. I was anxious to relax and hold her in my arms.
We climbed in and I held her against me as I spoke softly in her ear. "I got you a gift."
"You shouldn't have," she said and let her head fall to the side so I kissed her gently.
We were quiet for a few moments and she finally asked, "So how did it go with Riley?"
"I waited for him at the capitol and when he showed up I taped our conversation. He threatened me with his father's people, but in the end he called Dr. Dunn and said he would show up."
"Do you think he will?" she asked.
"I can guarantee it. Some of daddy's people showed up at the airport, they are terrified I'll go to the press, so he'll show."
"Thank you, Edward," she said softly.
"Exactly what did you see in the guy?" I asked with a hint of jealousy. He wasn't overtly handsome and looked like he never cared about his body.
She finally laughed and said, "I could ask you that about Lauren, Emily, Leah, Jessica…."
"Okay, I get it," I said to stop her from a conversation that could go on all night. I actually didn't give much thought to their looks or personalities. As long as they were easy it met my criteria. But Bella seemed too good for Riley on all accounts.
She turned her head away from me and said, "He had a great car."
"What?" I asked.
"He had a great car," she repeated and I stared down at the back of her head.
So many things began to fall into place and I gasped, "Oh my God, you liked me for my car. If Jasper had a vintage Mustang you would be Mrs. Whitlock right now."
"It wasn't just your car," she laughed. "You had sexy hair, too."
"So now I have a Volvo and a crew cut, what's keeping you here?" I asked and was really quite interested in the answer. I wanted to believe her feelings for me were similar to my feelings for her, that everything about me kept her interested, but I wasn't so sure.
She turned her head again and looked at me. "When you got out of the Volvo I realized it wasn't the car, it was you I was attracted to, and when you shaved your head I realized it wasn't your hair, but your face I found so handsome. But I have to admit it is your heart I love the most. It accepted Jamie without hesitation and forgave me for all the stupid mistakes I made."
"Can yours do the same and forgive me?" I asked.
She took my hand and pulled it to her chest before saying, "You hold my heart in your hand, Edward. It is all yours."
I kissed her neck as my hand filled with her soft breast. I looked down and saw how her flesh appeared in my palm as I kneaded it. She moaned and I moved my other hand down between her legs playing lightly with her as she grabbed my wrist and guided me inside. My kisses turned to a gently sucking and she began moving my hand with quicker motions.
Her writhing body was turning me on so much I spun her around and pulled her onto me. She sat straddled with her knees resting on the bottom of the tub and her hands on the wall beside my head. I held her hips and braced my feet against the end of the tub to find the motion I needed. I moved her quickly back and forth as she held on. One of her hands left the wall and reached into the water to fondle my balls.
"Oh hell yeah," I moaned and she gave me a squeeze that was painful and erotic at the same time. I sat up completely and moved my arms to her back and circled her so my mouth could hold firmly to her nipple. I bit softly and she gasped for air before plunging her hand into my hair and pulling me tighter to her chest.
I held on tightly and sucked hard as she bucked back and forth on my cock. I felt sick at the thought of Tanya touching me; this was the only body that would ever bring me pleasure. This was everything worth living for and all I had to do was hang on.
When Bella fell asleep in my arms I slipped the ring on her finger.
30
By the time we made it to Jamie's two week reprieve we were all exhausted. Bella was finding the prenatal vitamins made her sick so she was vomiting almost as much as Jamie. I came home each evening to take over for my poor mother who was also growing weary of an emotional child and hormonal woman.
Jamie's head was now a shiny bald dome and mine was coming back with a vengeance along with a beard I grew to save time with not shaving. I had bags under my eyes and looked like I aged five years in only six weeks. I hoped having this break would give us time to put some weight on Jamie, she was skeletal and her mouth sores made it difficult for her to eat.
I was moody and easily angered and we were all walking on egg shells around the house. I sat in my car with my eyes closed as I tried to find the strength to go inside. The house felt like a prison we all wanted to escape from, but there were too many germs in the world and if Jamie couldn't leave, we wouldn't either.
I finally grabbed my computer bag and got out of the car. I walked into the house and nobody ran to greet me. The house was dark and quiet. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a cookie off the middle of the table and headed up the stairs. I saw Jamie sitting outside my bedroom door with tears streaming down her face.
"What's wrong, princess?"
"I don't know," she said and went back to looking at the wall in front of her.
"Where's mommy?" I asked and began to feel a deep fear.
"She's crying," Jamie said without looking at me.
"Is she in her room?" I asked and Jamie nodded so I stepped closer.
"Can you move sweetheart so I can check on mommy?"
"The door is locked," she said.
"Where are grandpa and grandma?" I asked and I could hear my voice shaking.
"Grandpa's at the hospital and Grandma is at the spa."
"Jamie move," I said harshly and jiggled the door. "Bella," I called out loudly.
There wasn't any answer and I pounded on the door with my fist as I screamed for her.
"She won't answer," Jamie said and sat against the far wall with her legs pulled up to her chest, hugging them tightly.
"How long has she been in there?" I asked.
"I don't know, she started crying and then locked the door."
I stood back and kicked as hard as I could, sending the door splintering off the lock and flying open. I saw Bella lying on the bed in a pool of blood. "Oh God," I screamed. I ran to her and checked her vitals. She had a heartbeat but her pale complexion told me she was in trouble.
I called for an ambulance and noticed Jamie hunched against the wall with tears running down her face. "Jamie, go to your room," I screamed and put some pillows under Bella's legs to elevate them.
I saw her bleeding was coming from her vagina and knew she lost the baby. I began massaging her uterus trying to get it to contract so she would stop bleeding but minutes kept ticking by. Her fingers were growing cold and I held them in my hands and blew on them as I rubbed them frantically.
"Bella," I yelled. "Open your eyes, Bella."
I heard the ambulance coming up the driveway and ran downstairs to open the door. They followed me up the stairs and as soon as they saw Bella they pulled her onto a gurney and ran out the door. I followed and remembered Jamie was home so I ran back into the house. I screamed out in frustration when my father didn't answer his phone and then called my mother.
"Hi son," she answered sweetly.
"Mom, Bella's been rushed to the hospital; I need someone to be with Jamie."
"I'm coming," she said and the line went dead.
Jamie was sitting on the stairs gasping for air as she cried so hard. I rushed over and pulled her into my arms as I cried right along with her. I was drowning and clinging to a child for help as she trusted me to fix everything. I was going to break her trust and she would now know I couldn't fix her either.
I sat on the step in surrender and screamed into the air causing Jamie to cry louder. "Damn it God, help me," I begged. "Take me, not them. It is me who deserves this not my angels. Are you really that hateful?"
"Daddy," Jamie cried and I cringed at the word. I couldn't be her daddy, because I didn't deserve her and God would take her from me.
I pushed her from my lap and moved away from her outstretched hands as my heart shattered into pieces. "Daddy, hold me," she screamed loudly and I moved quickly up the stairs and into my room. The bed was drenched in blood and I fell to my knees and ran my hands though it before bringing them to my face and smearing it all over me.
This was my payment for wanting Bella so badly. I never cared about any girl I defiled or if my children were sucked down a sink, this was God's revenge and it hurt as badly as he intended for it to hurt. Jamie came to the bedroom door and screamed when she saw me covered in Bella's blood. I turned and sat along the bed as the room began to twist and spin.
I was confused when I woke up to the sound of machines beeping. I opened my eyes and didn't recognize where I was. My head fell to the side and my father jumped up and grabbed my hand. "Edward, are you okay?" he asked.
His question sounded funny and I chuckled at the absurdity of it. Was I okay? I was far from okay and I couldn't pretend any longer. "Where's Bella?" I asked.
"She's down the hall, Charlie is with Bella and Rose is with Jamie. Your mother just left."
"She lost the baby," I told him and he nodded.
I felt tears sting my eyes and he gave my hand a squeeze. "Edward, there will be other babies; you have to stay strong for Bella."
"I can't dad, I'm not strong enough. Hell, look at all the help I have and I'm still not strong enough."
"Son, you had a psychotic episode brought on by stress. What you are doing is so hard for someone your age, but you are Bella's husband and Jamie's father, you can't desert them, they need you."
"Dad, Jasper is going to sink tons of money into my idea and it may fail. Bella got pregnant because I was too stupid to put on a condom, and now look at her. Jamie thinks I'm her real father, and only he can save her, not me."
"And it is Wednesday, Edward," he said and I stared at him in confusion. I had no idea what he meant unless I had something to do and had forgotten about it.
"You can't control the facts in your life. Jamie has cancer, fact, Bella lost the baby, fact, today is Wednesday, fact. You accept the facts and deal with what comes at you. It is called life and sometimes it really hurts. Your mother lost baby after baby, if we gave up you would have never been born."
At the moment it was preferable to the life I was living. My wife lost a baby and I still felt like such a baby myself. I mistakenly thought if I worked hard enough and loved deeply enough everything would be fine. I was learning life didn't work that way. I sat on the edge of the bed and asked which room Bella was in. My father walked me to the door and I opened it to see Charlie sitting in a chair as Bella cried.
I walked to her side and she pulled me into her arms so I climbed into the narrow bed with her. We held each other and cried, unable to change anything but finding strength in each other. Charlie left the room and I took a deep shaky breath. "Bella, I'm so sorry."
"Edward, you saved me, don't be sorry. I should have called you, but I thought if I rested the bleeding would stop."
"I almost lost you, too," I said and more tears fell.
"I'm sorry," she said softly. "Is Jamie okay?"
"God, Bella, I lost it right in front of her. She must be terrified now," I said with a sigh. "I'm such a pussy."
Bella laughed and it made me smile. I tightened my arms around her and tried to fight off images of trying to live without her. "I saw my dad cry," she said. "I thought my dad never cried. I don't think we're doing so badly."
"Do you remember in high school when you shut your finger in my car door?" I asked her.
She looked up and me and said, "Yeah."
"I held you in my arms so you wouldn't see my tears. God, hearing you cry ripped me apart…plus I could see down your shirt."
She slapped my chest and we laughed together. I felt like she poured strength right into me when she laughed. I pulled her back to my chest and we both closed our eyes and tried to rest for the next battle we had coming at us.
I remained in Bella's room throughout the evening and people began stopping by. I assured Jasper I was fine but he gave me the next day off anyway. Alice burst into tears and when she walked into the room. I held out my arms but she pushed them aside and grabbed Bella.
"I'm so sorry; you need to let us help more. We'll wait on you hand and foot," she promised and Bella laughed.
"I'm fine, Alice. I didn't lose the baby because of too much work. These things happen."
I ran my finger through Bella's hair and knew she was trying to be strong, but her heart was still aching. We would have more kids, years from now, but we would always feel the pain of losing our first. When the doctor came in that night he told us both Bella should wait six months before becoming pregnant again. I was relieved to know I had Riley's commitment locked down.
I was released but stayed the night with Bella as Rose and Alice entertained Jamie. I figured Jamie needed a bit of space from us both right now. We snuggled up together on her bed and she asked, "Edward, do you think it was a boy or a girl?"
"Bella," I said and wished she would change the subject.
"I know I was only two months along but I felt in my heart it was a boy," she said softly. "I knew Jamie was a girl when I was pregnant with her, too."
"We'll have a son someday, I promise," I said and felt the weight of life returning to my shoulders.
"Do you think Jamie will survive now? I'm not being greedy and wanting two babies, so will God let me keep one?"
I didn't want to tell her I felt God would take all my happiness not just part of it; I couldn't do that to her so I kissed her head and said, "Sure, Jamie will be fine."
We slept as newlyweds should, peacefully and full of hope. But as soon as the sun rose the reality came back for us. I woke up to the sound of Bella crying and all I could do was hold her in my arms. We didn't speak, because there was nothing to say. My father dropped off clothes for us and we waited for the doctor to come say Bella could go home. We dressed and I helped Bella into my mother's car. The entire drive home was silent.
I noticed our mattress by the side of the house and it was covered with a tarp waiting for a disposal truck to come get it. The bed from the spare room had been moved into ours and I wondered if Bella would even know the difference.
I put her right in bed and Jamie came and stood by the door. Bella held out her hand and Jamie ran to her. "Honey, I'm sorry you were scared, but I'm fine now."
"What happened, you were bleeding," Jamie said softly.
"We're not going to have a baby anymore. I had what is called a miscarriage," Bella explained and Jamie stared at the ground. "It is very common, it happens regularly."
Jamie glanced at me and quickly looked away so I got onto my knees to be on her level. "Jamie, I freaked out. I lost control and it was wrong. I didn't mean to scare you, sweetheart."
She nodded but wouldn't look at me and I was just too raw to deal with it, so I stood and left the room. I would let Bella talk to her and find a way to restore faith in our daughter. I went into my father's office and poured a drink. I downed it quickly and poured another just as my mother walked in.
"Edward, drinking won't help," she said and took the glass from my hand.
"I don't know mom, I think you're wrong this time. I lost my child, I'm not sure Jamie will live and my wife is a ghost of her former self. A drink is surely in order."
"I'm not letting you do this," she said and walked out of the room with my glass. I headed to the game room and found an old pack of cigarettes and went onto the back deck. I hadn't smoked in years but tonight it was just what I needed. I lit up and took a deep draw before blowing it into the warm air. It felt so familiar and I got a bit of myself back.