A/N: edit: I guess I should look at my stats a little more closely than I did before writing that author's note. Sorry for that. So, I thank you for reading my story, and hope you enjoy this chapter that hopefully resolves some of the mess that Kate/I made in the last chapter.
Much love and thanks to my beta-ish, agentchuckles, who has put up with my constant nagging of her on twitter to edit this so that I could try and get this piece out by today. This chapter would not be what it is without her help.
Disclaimer: Having realized I forgot disclaimers on the last couple chapters I would like to make up for that by adding one here...I do not, nor have I ever, owned the wonderful characters that Andrew Marlowe has created for our entertainment. Any character you recognize most definitely does not belong to me, I am just dragging her/him along with me on this ride.
Kate watched in slack jawed fascination and horror at Alexis' uncharacteristic display of emotion as Chloe continued to hold her leg whilst crying her eyes out. It took her a few more minutes before her brain caught up with her as she paced back and forth as best she could on her crutches having detached Chloe from her leg.
"Oh crap! What have I done? What was I thinking? Shit. Shit. Shit."
Before she could say anything more, a hand clamped over her mouth while the other arm wrapped around her waist- forcing her to stop her pacing.
"Detective…pleasewatch your language. There are little ears in the room." A little voice tickled Kate's ear.
"Chloe, can you please go check on Alexis. Maybe eat some dinner without us. I need to talk to Kate…alone." Rick said as he led Kate back to the couch with the arm around her waist while still holding his hand firmly over her mouth. Reaching the couch, Rick took Kate's crutches and leaned them against the chair he had been sitting in earlier.
With tears still streaming down her face, Chloe heeded her father's suggestion and walked to the door of the study. Before she completely exited the room, Kate couldn't help but focus on the tear streaked face of the little girl who stood hugging the door before she turned away and gently closed it. I can't do this to them.
As Kate watched Chloe walk out of the room, she realized that Rick still has his hand clamped over her mouth. Struggling to break free, Rick's hand and arm only clamped tighter around her. Thinking that if she stopped, his grasp would loosen, she melted into his arms and unceremoniously bit his hand-succeeding in freeing her mouth, if not the rest of her body.
With a steely voice, Kate lashed out.
"Rick, let go of me now."
"No."
"What do you mean no? I said…let…me…GO." Kate punctuated each word with a strong push and at the end, she forcefully threw an elbow into Rick's stomach that left him breathless... but did nothing to loosen his firm grip around her waist.
As Kate once again struggled against the physical force keeping her in place, she lost the battle with her emotions as tears started rolling down her face. After another minute of struggling, Kate gave in and felt the full force of her emotions take over her as she started to sob.
Before she knew it, Kate realized that the arm restraining her loosened it's grip in order to turn her around and pull her in for a hug.
"Shhh….Let it all out." Rick whispered while rubbing soothing circles on her back.
After five minutes of this, Kate slowly evened out her breathing until she was relegated to sniffling. Sitting still, Kate couldn't help but think about the situation she found herself in. She had yelled at a guy, hurt his daughters- possibly beyond repair, and here he was comforting her. What had she done to deserve this?
When all sniffling had subsided, Rick gently pushed Kate's shoulders- forcing her to sit up straight. Not wanting to see all the emotions that she knew must be playing across Rick's face; Kate ducked her head and allowed a curtain of hair to cover her face.
Placing a finger under her chin, Rick forced Kate to look up at him but her eyes refused to meet his.
"Kate, we need to talk about this. And by that, I mean, I am going to talk and you are going to listen. No interruptions. Got it?"
"What if I don't want to talk about it right now? What if I just want to go home and be left in peace?"
"That is too bad detective…Kate. Not talking about it is only going to make this worse, and we need to talk about it. This is important for all of us, not just me and you, but also for my daughters who are completely besotted by you as well." Rick sighed, exasperated.
Opening her mouth to speak, Kate quickly changed her mind and just nodded instead.
"Good. Kate, I need you to understand some things." Rick said as he released her chin. "While it would hurt me for you to walk out on us, it would hurt my girls more. It is hurting Alexis. I can't just let you walk away and ruin my amazing daughter. You will stay. You will work this out and you will make it up to Alexis and Chloe. Chloe is still resilient, she would bounce back, but Alexis…Alexis has been amazingly strong after dealing with all the shit, life has thrown at her but you leaving? That would be the final straw and I don't want to see my daughter go down like that. Do you understand me?"
With guilt written all over her face, Kate nodded her head once again.
"Okay then." Slightly perplexed at the lack of fight that Kate was putting up, Rick tentatively stood up and started slowly walking towards the door wondering what Kate was thinking. "I am going to go get us some food and I expect you to still be sitting there when I get back."
Opening the door, Rick suddenly turned around and walked back towards the couch. Leaning down, he quickly grabbed the crutches and carried them out with him.
He looked at her and responded to her unasked question."Just to ensure that you don't go too far because this conversation is not over. Not by a long shot."
Watching the door close behind him, Kate leaned back heavily into the couch and let out a loud sigh as she
closed her eyes and fell deep into thought.
-o-O-o-
Hearing the door open abruptly, her eyes popped out as she sat up straighter and grasped for her gun... before remembering that Ryan had taken her gun and badge when she had gone in for her CT scan. Realizing that she was unarmed, she tensed her arms- ready for an attack.
When she saw who walked in the door, she lowered her guard and regarded him curiously. He came in carrying a tray with two plates of lasagna and two glasses of water. Handing her a plate and a glass, he sat down in front of her and addressed her.
"Eat up. I know this isn't exactly what Alexis had in mind when she made it but it is good and you need to eat."
At the reminder of why she had planned on going to the Castle's that night, she lost her appetite and felt sick to her stomach with guilt. While tempted to put the tray on the couch next to her, Kate reached down instead to take a bite of lasagna knowing that Rick would not leave her alone if she didn't at least attempt to eat something.
She quickly devoured the food offered without realizing how hungry she was. Ignoring the look he was throwing her way. Happy to see that she was eating, Rick turned to his own plate and started eating while surreptitiously studying her.
"That's creepy," Kate told Rick as she set her fork down on the tray.
"What is?" Rick's worried expression changed to one of complete innocence as he met Kate's gaze.
"You watching me eat."
"I wasn't watching you eat. I can't help it if I was bored. What can I say?" Rick said with a half-hearted smirk and a shrug. "My eye was drawn to the only movement in the room, which just happened to be caused by you."
"Mm hmm...'cause that makes it better." Kate replied sarcastically.
She was expecting an equally sarcastic reply but she was surprised when his gaze hardened and he trained his eyes on her.
"I don't want to start this conversation just to have you freak out on me and yell again but Kate, I need to know that you are okay. I need to know that we—you, me, my daughters—that weare okay."
The way that Rick was talking had Kate's ire rising again but she suddenly felt too tired to act on that anger as the day and her injuries finally caught up with her.
As she sat staring bleary-eyed at Rick, she saw him stand up and walk over to her. Standing over her, he leaned forward and eased her into her standing.
"Rick, what are you doing?"
"Taking you to bed."
"What?" Kate, suddenly much more awake, pulled back her arm back... and punched him.
"No! Not like that." Rick said as he stopped the fist that came flying towards him. "You are practically falling asleep in front of me so I am going to tuck you into my bed, by yourself, and you are going to sleep. I will sleep in the guest room."
"No. I can't take your bed from you. Just let me go home. I'll be fine." She protested.
"Kate. You were shot today and you have a concussion, I am not letting you go home to an empty apartment. No way. That is not going to happen." He raised an eyebrow, as if daring her to challenge him.
"I am not going home to an empty house. Ryan is going to…Oh God, Ryan and Esposito. I forgot all about them. What time is it now? I told them that I would take ten minutes." Kate turned and took a few steps before her ankle gave out on her. Rick swiftly caught Kate as she tipped sideways and let out a yell of pain.
"Kate. It's okay. I sent the boys home when I went out to get dinner. Besides, how far do you think you'll get on that ankle without your crutches?"
"You sent the boys home without talking to me? You just assumedI was going to stay here?"
Noticing the anger that was starting to creep back into her voice, Rick cut her off. "Kate, when I left to get dinner we were still having a discussion that I was planning to finish tonight. I told them that after our discussion was over I would take you over to Lanie's- whose apartment you were originally planning on staying at... or so I was told, and they didn't need to stick around because I didn't know how long the discussion was going to take. But right now, you are falling asleep on me and I am not going to continue a heavy discussion with someone who can barely keep her eyes open. We can continue this in the morning, but for now you need to sleep."
Giving into his argument as she felt her eyelids drooping once again, Kate let Rick lead her into his bedroom, located directly off of the study. as she let her mind wander. Losing attention, see heard Rick wandering around and opening and closing drawers-looking for something. Before she knew it, Rick was back at her side handing her a pile of clothes, a toothbrush and some Tylenol, as he helped her into the bathroom.
"Take your time. I'll be outside." He told her before he closed the door.
After getting ready, Kate opened the door to find Rick standing there, ready to help her over to the bed. Sitting down on the bed, Kate was shocked when her left leg was lifted and Rick's hands moved to her ankle to loosen the wrap. As he stood up, Kate felt herself being pushed back into the bed and tucked in. Within a couple of minutes, she was fast asleep.
-o-O-o-
When Kate woke up early the next morning, it was to the feeling of a body on the bed next to her, leaning over her. Opening her eyes, Kate was startled to see just how close the other person's face was. Blue eyes stared into green as both stayed perfectly still, trying to decide what to do.
After a couple minutes of the staring contest, the blue eyes broke contact as the little girl sat up and gave Kate a small smile.
"Good morning, sleepyhead."
"Sleepyhead? Me? Are you sure it is me who is the sleepyhead?" Kate asked as she grabbed Chloe to tickle her.
Chloe let out a laugh or two but it was not her normal high pitched shrieks which worried Kate, causing her to remember the events of the night before and abruptly stopped tickling the little girl.
"Yes, I am sure. I am the one up and dressed while you are still in bed in your pajamas. That clearly makes you: the sleepyhead." Chloe said in a matter-of-fact voice.
"Breakfast is ready if you want to join us. Daddy said I wasn't supposed to wake you up to tell you but if you were awake it was okay. So if you want to..." Chloe started to roll off the bed.
Reaching out an arm, Kate snagged Chloe's wrist before she got too far and stopped her in her tracks- hoping she would turn back around and look at her.
"Chloe, are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?"
"I'm fine. Please, let's just go eat." Chloe turned to her, a sad smile on her face.
Kate couldn't help but feel a tug at her heart as she realized what the little girl was doing—trying to distance herself from the pain she thought was coming.
Letting go of Chloe's wrist, Kate's heart broke to see the small girl experiencing such emotional turmoil at such a young age.
Do I hate or love her? She told Dad that she doesn't want us but maybe...
Seeing the question lying just beneath the surface of those blue eyes nearly brought Kate to tears as she wished she could magically remove the doubt Chloe was feeling.
Whilst seated deep in thought, it took Kate a minute to realize that Rick was standing in the doorway.
"How long have you been there?" Kate choked out.
"Long enough." Rick simply stated. "Kate, I know this is hurting you just as much as it is hurting the girls and me. I can see it in how you just reacted to Chloe. If it is hurting you so much, why are you doing this? Why are you trying to break this great thing we have going?"
"Long enough." Rick simply stated. "Look Kate, I may not have known you for long but I can see that this is affecting you. We won't judge you. You know that. You know us. So why are you doing this to yourself?"
Opening her mouth to answer, Rick stopped her with a finger over her lips. "I don't want you to answer right now. I want you to think about it."
Walking over towards the bed, Rick got down to his knees and pulled Kate's leg towards him so he could rewrap her ankle.
"I want you to come and eat breakfast with us and think about it. We can talk after the girls head off to school. Does that sound good?"
After thinking about it for a second, Kate then proceeded to nod her head in agreement, not trusting her ability to speak at the moment. Grabbing her crutches that he had left by the door, Rick quickly handed them to Kate and walked out the door giving her time to get her head on straight.
Downing a couple of Tylenol to combat the headache that was developing and the soreness in her chest, Kate grabbed her crutches and hobbled out to get breakfast.
-o-O-o-
Breakfast was an awkward affair as Alexis stalwartly gave Kate the silent treatment and Rick and Chloe tried to keep conversation flowing, even if it meant they were only talking to each other. As it all became too much, Kate silently set down her fork and pushed her chair back and grabbed her crutches, preparing to leave.
Stopping his conversation with Chloe, Rick looked up and watched Kate as she stood up. "Kate? Where are you going?"
"I am going to go get my stuff and then head home before heading to work."
"Why?" Chloe's voice popped in. "You don't have work today."
"What? Yes, I do."
"No, you are on…medical leave?" Chloe then shifted her attention and looked up at Rick. Right, daddy?After receiving a nod from Rick, Chloe continued, "That's what Ryan and Sito told him."
-o-O-o-
As Kate sat at the kitchen table, she watched Rick pack lunches for the girls and thought about what she needed to do to fix what she had broken, or, at the very least, severely damaged.
While everything was silent, Rick took the time to make their lunches. The next minute was filled with the sound of thundering feet as both girls flew down the stairs, backpacks in hand, and headed for their dad. Grabbing their lunch sacks, each girl gave Rick a hug and a kiss on the cheek before heading for the door and the town car that waited to take them to school. Watching them leave, Kate couldn't help but wish that she could be a part of something so pure. As if reading her mind, Chloe turned around and ran back into the loft. Running up to Kate, she gave her a quick hug and whispered:
"Thank you for staying."
Chloe was off again, racing to catch up with Alexis who was holding the elevator door open and waiting impatiently.
How could I have tried to turn my back on this?
Once the kitchen was clean, Rick came over to Kate and proceeded to lead her into the living room. Settling her onto one end of the couch, Rick then sat himself on the other end and stared at Kate for a couple minutes.
"Do you remember the questions I asked you to think about before breakfast?" He said and waited for a nod before continuing. "I would really like to hear your answers to those."
"I am...scared. I think that that is it. Plain and simple. I am not sure how much you heard through the door the other night. And don't you deny that you were standing with your ear pressed to that door while Alexis and I talked." Kate said putting an end to Rick's shaking of his head and opening of his mouth to interrupt. "I am sure you heard about my mother being murdered when I was younger, and I think that is where the fear came from. We might not have been the best example of a happy family when my mother died, but we were happy and then everything changed. I think I started to feel that again with you guys, and I love that feeling, which made me stick around. I felt happy and alive again. Then, yesterday when I was shot, I realized how dangerous my job was. I started seeing myself in my mom's place and Alexis and Chloe in mine. I didn't want them to have to go through what I went through and so I decided to remove myself from the picture before that happened. I thought grieving because I walked away would not hurt as much as grieving because I was taken from them."
"Kate, that is where you're wrong. The pain you feel from having someone taken away from you is nothing... nothing compared to having someone willingly walking away. Walking away from someone means they're not worth fighting for... that they're unimportant...that you are better off without them. Alexis knows that. She knows that better than anyone. Do you know why? Because two people have already walked away from her. But that doesn't hurt her as much as the knowledge that it was completely voluntary. That they choseto leave her behind."
Rick then sat back and watched as Kate took in what he had told her. Once she appeared to have worked through what he had said, he continued.
"Now Kate, yes, you have a dangerous job which puts you in more danger than most, but not every danger in the world comes from criminals. Were you not a cop, you could still be taken from us in some freak accident or another. Don't think that we are going to accept your resignation from our life because you think your job is too dangerous. We will fight for you to stay, and trust me, we Castles don't back down from a fight when we truly believe in the cause we are fighting for. "
-o-O-o-
After their conversation, Rick and Kate spent the rest of the day on the couch relaxing and watching movies.
As soon as the girls got home, Kate got up from the couch and walked over to Alexis.
"Alexis, can we please talk?"
Receiving a hesitant nod from Alexis, Kate led them both to the study.
"If I find that either of you have pressed your ear to this door to listen in, you will not be happy campers." Kate made sure to mention to Rick and Chloe before closing the door.
While Kate was giving her warning, Alexis had sat down in the chair behind the desk, keeping the same power dynamics that had been in play for their conversation the other night.
Seeing this, Kate sat down in the chair across from her with a heavy heart and a small sigh.
"I am not going to beat around the bush here. I am just going to jump right in and hopefully you will hear me out. I am sorry, Alexis. I am so sorry. After talking it over with your dad, I know why I tried to run, but that doesn't make it any better. It doesn't make it right, and I ended up hurting all of you and I can never apologize enough for that. I only hope that you will let me stick around and try to make it up to you. Try to prove to you that I mean what I say. I hope you can trust me when I say that I am never going to leave you guys again unless you ask me to go, but I know where trusting me got you last time and I will understand if you don't think you can, at least not yet."
Alexis sighed heavily and looked at regarded sadly. "I can't trust you on that yet, Kate, but...I want try to learn to trust you."
"That is all I ask. Thank you." Kate gave her a happy smile and joked.
"However, we need to get your father in line."
Alexis sighed exaggeratedly and said. "I've been trying to do that for years. I will be your padawan, master." She mock bowed at her and looked at Kate in the eye. They stared at each other for a couple of seconds before they burst out laughing.
A/N: After the last chapter, I posted a companion piece to this story from Rick's point of view. Based on the response I have recieved for it, I am willing to add more chapters to it, but I would like to know what you guys want to see. So, if there is anything (chapter or just subject) from this story that you would like to read about from Rick's POV, please tell me (PM or leave a review) so that I can see about writing it.