Warnings: Squick all over the place. I'm not warning for anything specific, though, so read at your own risk. Not a happy fic.
Nobody correctly guessed the ride I went on :( Probably because my very first Disney ride in my entire life was the Davey Fucking Crockett Explorer Canoes and no one would ever guess that. Canoes, yo.
Anyway, we're on the home stretch. In the interest of not being accused of accidentally cutting the chapter in half, this one is a bit long and the next one is a bit short, but it seemed like a better place to cut it. Enjoy!
XXX
Sephiroth showered and dressed before he cautiously poked his head out the bedroom door in the morning. If he was lucky, Cloud would still be asleep and he could go to work and put off the inevitable awkwardness. Cloud's door was depressingly open, however, and as he walked quietly down the hall, he heard the sound of the coffee maker.
Cloud was also dressed, which was unusual for this time of day, and Sephiroth wished he could think of some reason to skip breakfast entirely. He couldn't do that, though, without hurting Cloud's feelings, so he shuffled into the kitchen and grabbed a mug out of the cupboard.
"Morning."
"Good morning. I've got stuff cut up for omelets, if you'd like."
Cloud's voice sounded strained, Sephiroth decided, but he didn't have a clue what to do about it. He probably should have restrained himself last night; Cloud wouldn't have been harmed from not being able to figure it out on his own, but what was done was done. "I'd like that, thanks."
"I—I'm sorry. About last night," Cloud said quietly as he broke eggs into a bowl.
"No, Cloud, don't say that. If anyone should be sorry it should be me." Even though he wasn't. He knew he ought to be, but despite the current awkwardness, and the fact that Zack would kill him if he ever found out, he didn't regret it.
Cloud cooked in silence after that, and Sephiroth found himself with little appetite while Cloud merely picked at his food.
"Cloud," Sephiroth finally said, "how about we just forget it ever happened? Things can go back to exactly how they were, unless you're uncomfortable with that, and we'll just never speak of it again." He didn't want to forget, and he definitely didn't want to pretend it never happened, but he hated seeing Cloud so upset.
"Sephiroth," Cloud started, then dropped his hands to his lap and stared at them.
"What is it?"
"Nothing. Let's just forget it, like you said." Cloud stood and began gathering up the dishes. "You're going to be late for work."
"All right. I'm not going to mention it, but if you need or want to talk about it, tell me. I'm not going to be upset."
"'Kay." Cloud turned away and didn't say anything more while Sephiroth got ready to leave. Sephiroth struggled for a few moments to come up with something else he could say, but gave it up and left without saying anything.
XXX
"Fair, I need you to come to my apartment," Sephiroth said as he passed Zack, hurrying through the halls like the piece of paper in his hand was about to explode and he needed to get it carefully out of range.
"Sure thing, boss. Crisis?" Zack hopped up and began following him.
"I'll explain when we get there."
When they reached the apartment, they managed to startle Cloud, who had been lying on the couch in a set of workout clothes. He ran back to his room and came out zipping up a hoodie over his short binder.
"Is everything okay?" Cloud asked.
"It's fine, Cloud. Don't worry. Were you exercising?"
"Yeah. I'd just finished." Cloud shuffled closer to him, and Sephiroth laid a hand on the small of his back. He had been acting a bit strangely the past couple weeks, always standing closer than strictly necessary, and seemingly looking for physical contact. Sephiroth didn't mind, however. If anything, it made him wonder if Cloud was hoping for a repeat of the masturbation lesson. It was getting harder and harder to not make some sort of move, but he really didn't think that Cloud was prepared to handle sex in his current body. It felt like he would be taking advantage if he acted on his current feelings, especially since he hadn't had an opportunity to really figure out what those feelings were. He liked taking care of Cloud, and was attracted to him, but he wasn't sure what other feelings that entailed.
"That's good. I'm glad you've been using that. Zack, I've got the passcodes I need to get into the materia vault, and Tseng will take care of the other security measures for me for a few minutes. I need you to stay with him, but be prepared to run if things go badly. There's a place in the slums you can go." Sephiroth handed him the piece of paper with an address written on it. "It belongs to Rufus; Tseng says it's safe, but if I don't meet up with you within an hour, take him somewhere else, out of the city if you have to. I'll either find you again or I won't, but I want you to protect him."
"Got it. He'll be safe with me."
"Sephiroth, are you—" Cloud began speaking, but Sephiroth cut him off.
"It's going to be fine, Cloud. This is just a precaution."
"If—When you change me back, what—"
"Don't worry about that for now." Sephiroth bent and kissed Cloud on the forehead, cradling his head gently. "We'll work it all out; I'm not going to do anything to you before you're ready, understood?"
"Yeah. Good luck."
"Thank you." Sephiroth resisted the urge to kiss him again; Zack was already looking daggers at him for the first one. "If there's any sign of trouble, you need to go with Zack. Don't worry about me; I can handle anything Hojo throws at me. And that's only if I get caught."
"Okay." Cloud suddenly lunged and hugged him tightly. "Don't get caught."
"I won't." Sephiroth pried Cloud off of him and passed him over to Zack. "I'll be back shortly."
He left before Zack could say anything and wondered if Cloud would be getting a lecture on inappropriate behaviour too. He returned to the main building and took the elevator to the 59th floor, then crossed to the second set of elevators just as he felt his PHS buzz in his pocket. The message simply read "elevator clear." He glanced at the back of the keycard that Tseng had acquired for him so he wouldn't have to use his own and snorted. Mayor Domino had a rough enough time as it was, and apparently it was going to get rougher. Shrugging, he swiped the card and hit the button for the 63rd floor.
The two guards on duty were unprepared for Sephiroth to immediately hit them with Sleep, and they went down easily before they had a chance to turn around and see him. The rest of the security system, according to Tseng, was entirely automated. He went north and then west, following the map that Tseng had given him, and punched in the first code in the door he came to. To his great relief, the light on it flashed green and it slid open. The second door on the left opened with the next code, but the one after that remained stubbornly red.
Not wanting to waste time trying an incorrect code repeatedly, Sephiroth sent a message to Tseng. The, "Shit. Wait," he got back was not encouraging. He waited anxiously for what felt like hours, though it was probably only a minute at the most, before he got another message. "Unlocked door to the north. Enter room and climb up air vent. You should fit. Go south as far as you can. Should take you to room in SW corner. Unlocked door to the east. Go through. Locked doors north, south, and east. East door leads to materia vault. Will double check on code, but think the one you have should work."
"Fucking air vents," Sephiroth muttered to himself as he turned around and found the door Tseng was talking about. He had to leave Masamune at the entrance to the air vent, but he had brought a long knife just in case and got it out. The vent was cramped, and he was certain he was making enough noise to alert the entire building, but he made it to the other end and gracefully rolled out in a cloud of dust. "Unlocked door to the east..."
He got his bearings and tried the only door in the room, which opened into an extremely short hall with three additional doors. The one straight ahead had to lead to the vault. Sending out a small prayer to whatever gods happened to be listening, he punched in the code and breathed a sigh of relief when the door slid open.
The vault was dimly lit with strip lighting along the floor and the faint glow of materia, but Sephiroth didn't bother looking for a light switch. He could see just fine and didn't want to draw any more attention than necessary. He listened carefully for a moment, then, after hearing nothing, set off between the narrow stacks, looking for the materia labelled GS-M.
He found it on the bottom shelf of the Mastered-Experimental section; Sephiroth pondered it as he picked up the little green ball. For such a tiny thing, it had caused so much pain. He replaced it with a nearly identical looking one from the selection that he had brought with him in the hopes that it would delay finding out what had been taken.
His PHS buzzing again caused him to jump, and Sephiroth hastily shoved the materia in his pocket. "On my way out," was his reply to Tseng's demand to know where he was. He hurried back to the room with the vent and hoisted himself up, retracing his steps through the area and grabbing Masamune on his way out. He sent Tseng an update once he got in the elevator, and again when he was in the regular elevator heading for the ground floor.
"No alerts have been triggered yet. I think you're clear. Lie low at your place for a while, and I'll keep an eye on things."
XXX
He caught a glimpse of Cloud sitting bolt upright on the couch with a mug clutched in both his hands when he opened the door, but Cloud dropped it and was rushing over to him a fraction of a second later.
"You're back! Are you okay? I was worried." Cloud gripped him tightly around the waist and Sephiroth carefully manoeuvred him all the way through the door so he could close it.
"I'm fine, Cloud. It's okay. I got the materia, and so far I'm in the clear." Sephiroth picked him up and held his shaking body tightly. He hadn't expected Cloud to be so afraid; he wondered if it was him Cloud was worried about, or his chances for being changed back. Although...Cloud hadn't asked about the materia...
"I told you he'd be fine," Zack said as he picked up the dropped mug. "When you put Sephiroth and Tseng on a team, there's not much that can go wrong. So, you're probably going to need some time to study that thing and figure out how to reverse it. Want me to keep Cloud out of your hair? My roommate's gone for a few days, so he can hang with me."
Sephiroth started back and reflexively tightened his hold on Cloud. "No. He's fine here." Cloud wasn't a child who would bother him while he was trying to work; he didn't need a babysitter. But Zack was looking at him disapprovingly again. He sighed and set Cloud down. "It is going to take me a day or two. I want to make sure that it's safe before I start testing it out on you."
Cloud nodded. "I understand. I can wait."
"Good, thank you."
"And I'd rather wait here," he added. "All my stuff's here. It'd be a pain to move it just for a couple days."
XXX
Sephiroth took a break from staring at the materia—really, staring at it more than he already had been wasn't going to help—and laid his eyes on Cloud instead. He was curled up on the couch, eating popcorn and watching a new movie. It had taken a while to realize, but Sephiroth didn't want Cloud to leave when he was changed back. He had grown used to the constant presence of another person, and the thought of being alone again was rather depressing. Besides, if Cloud left, that dismissed the possibility of furthering their relationship, and he had come to the conclusion that that was something he wanted to do. It definitely wouldn't work if Cloud reenlisted with Shin-Ra. There were far too many regulations about things like that to be worth it.
He didn't think Cloud would reenlist, though. He had said right from the start that he didn't want to work for the company that had done this to him. That, of course, left the question of what Cloud would want to do. Maybe he wouldn't want to do anything. Sephiroth rather liked that idea. Zack would probably disapprove, but Sephiroth enjoyed the fact that Cloud was entirely dependent on him. In fact—Sephiroth rolled the materia around in his palms—he had complete control over Cloud's life. If Zack hadn't been aware of Cloud's presence, chances were good that no one would have noticed or cared about what had happened to him. Not that he would harm him, or do anything other than care for him, of course; he would never hurt Cloud, but it was nice having that much power over one person. Just like a puppet.
Changing Cloud back would mean giving up a lot of that power, he realized. Did he really want to do that? He could tell Cloud that he couldn't figure the materia out, or that it wasn't possible to use it to reverse the effect. Cloud would get used to it, in time. Things would stop being so difficult for him; he may even grow comfortable enough to be willing to have sex...Sephiroth shook his head. He couldn't do that; it would be as cruel as what Hojo did to him in the first place. Cloud would never forgive him if he found out the truth. Still, if he could keep Cloud here, that would let him maintain some of his control. That would be for the best; he would still need protection from Shin-Ra once he was changed back, after all.
He continued to watch Cloud until the movie finished, then moved over to the couch beside him.
"Hey," he said softly, "can we talk?"
"Um, sure." Cloud shut off the TV and drew his knees up to his chest nervously.
"It's nothing bad." Sephiroth slid closer and touched Cloud's shoulder. "I think I've done pretty much all I can do to figure out the materia. It'll either work, or it won't, but I don't think it will hurt you if it doesn't."
Cloud's eyes lit up as he smiled. "Really?"
"Really. So I wanted to talk to you about what you want to do. After you've been changed back, that is."
"Um, I don't—I don't really know. I guess I'll look for a job. I've still got some money in the bank from before all this—you never made me pay for anything—so I can look for a place..."
"That would work, if you want. Or, I was thinking that maybe you could stay here. Hojo is still out there, so you'd be in danger on your own, but even after he's dead..."
"Won't you mind?"
Sephiroth smiled. "No, I've grown quite used to having you here. I'd miss you if you weren't around all the time."
Cloud nodded, smiling slightly. "I'll get a job and help you out with the rent and stuff."
"You don't have to; it's not like I'm struggling to make payments, and you could use some time to recover. I know these past couple months have been an ordeal. A bit of rest would be good for you, I think."
Cloud frowned momentarily, but nodded slowly. Sephiroth could almost see him processing it. "I—I was wondering...what I'd do. If I didn't have to find something right away, that would be good, I think."
"Of course it would. You've been practically locked up for two months. Getting back out there will take time. You know I'll be there to support you." Sephiroth carded his fingers through Cloud's hair and pulled him close. "I'll be there for you."
"Thanks." Cloud pressed his face into Sephiroth's shoulder, and he held him there for several moments. "So, um, when do you think...?"
He let go of Cloud's head so his voice wouldn't be quite so muffled. "Tomorrow. I want to think on it overnight to make sure I haven't overlooked anything important, then there are a couple errands I've got to run in the morning. When I get back."
"'Kay. Quick errands?"
"Quick errands," Sephiroth assured him.
"Hey, you never told me what happened after you took the materia. Is everyone searching for it?"
Sephiroth laughed, "No, the guards didn't report that they fell asleep on the job."
Cloud gaped at him. "Really? So they don't know about..."
"Tseng wants to fire them, but I think he's decided to wait a while on that. Knowing him, he's probably scouring their records as we speak, looking for another reason to get them fired."
"But...they helped, I mean, they didn't mean to, but..."
"But they didn't report a security breach," Sephiroth said, ruffling Cloud's hair. "That can't be tolerated, even if we were the breach."
"Gaia, you guys are assholes. You magicked them, broke into their station, and now you're going to fire them for it?" Cloud shook his head in disbelief.
"I'm not going to," Sephiroth protested. "Think of it as a test that they failed. Shin-Ra can't have people like that working security for them."
XXX
Sephiroth set his shopping bags inside the door, then poked his head into the living room to see if Cloud was there. He wasn't, but he heard the sounds of the stationary bike in the exercise room.
"Good morning," Sephiroth said when he opened the door.
"Oh! You're back!" Cloud stopped pedalling and stumbled in his haste to get off the bike. "Did you do everything you needed to? Are you ready to—I mean, will you? Did you think about what you needed to think about?"
"Calm down, I'm ready," Sephiroth said. It really would be cruel to put it off any longer. Cloud would still be Cloud with a male body. At least, that's what he had told himself. "I didn't think that you'd be exercising this morning."
"I needed something to do while I waited. It was like that weird feeling you get in your stomach when you're waiting for your birthday party. Half sick, half feeling like you're going to explode, maybe a little bit of wanting to scream sprinkled on top. Besides," Cloud grinned, "last chance to wear a sports bra. Who would pass that up?"
Sephiroth glanced down at the binder Cloud was wearing. "Who indeed? What could be more fun than working out while compressing your lungs? Can you even move in that?"
Cloud rolled his eyes. "It's not that tight. And I wear the short ones specifically for working out so I can breathe and move easier."
Sephiroth frowned, but decided not to argue about the obvious lie; there wouldn't be a reason to wear them soon enough. "Take it off."
Cloud turned bright pink at his words, and his mouth fell open.
"I mean go get changed. I bought you some new clothes; they're by the door. You don't want to be wearing that binder when I change you back."
"Right. That would hurt. New clothes?"
"Men's clothes. You've grown a little bit since you first came, so I assume you'll be bigger than what your file said you were. I wanted to make sure you had stuff that would fit."
"Oh. Thanks, I hadn't even thought about that."
"You're welcome. So, go get changed, and I'll grab the materia."
Cloud ran off, made a short stop at the door to grab the bags, then disappeared into his room. Sephiroth took the materia out of the safe where he had stored it, and placed it into his bracer. He had just gotten it placed when Cloud came out again, dressed in clothes that were a fair bit too big for him, but would hopefully fit soon.
"I'm ready." Cloud was practically vibrating; Sephiroth could feel his excitement from across the room.
"Okay, maybe..." Sephiroth paused; he wasn't quite sure how to go about this. "Do you want to be lying down? Hojo probably had you on an exam table."
Cloud nodded. "I was strapped down."
"Well, I'm not going to strap you down, but if you fall or lose consciousness, I don't want you hurting yourself."
Cloud nodded again, suddenly looking nervous. "On the couch?"
"That will be fine, I think. Do you remember if it was painful?"
"I—I remember screaming. I don't remember if it was because it hurt or if I was just scared, though." Cloud sat on the couch and clutched his hands together.
"Okay, it's okay." Sephiroth sat down next to Cloud and rubbed his back. "Do you want me to Sleep you? You weren't in pain when I found you, so if just the change while it's happening is painful, it might be best if you sleep through it."
"Can you do that?" Cloud looked immensely relieved at the thought of not having to be awake.
"Sure, spells don't wake up someone who's under a magical sleep, so it will work. Just give me a moment to go get it." Sephiroth went back to his safe and took out his Seal materia. It would be better that way, he thought. Even if it didn't hurt, it would almost certainly be an unpleasant sensation. It would be far easier for Cloud to just wake up when it was done.
When he came back into the living room, Cloud was lying on the couch with his head propped up on a pillow. He was back to looking more excited than nervous, which was a relief.
"Am I okay like this?" he asked.
"That should be fine. I'm going to sit next to you, so shuffle over just a little. There." Sephiroth sat down half on and half off the couch. "I honestly don't know what the change will be like; I can't imagine that you'd flail around or anything, but I'd like to be close so I can hold you down, just in case."
Cloud nodded his understanding and reached for his hand. "Thank you for doing this."
"I told you I would, didn't I? Though I wouldn't blame you if you were starting to doubt it. I'm sorry I made you wait so long."
Cloud shook his head. "No, you got it as fast as you could. I didn't doubt."
Sephiroth smiled and squeezed his hand tightly before letting go and preparing to cast. "Ready?"
"Ready."
"Sleepel."
Cloud's head dropped immediately as his muscles relaxed and his eyes slid shut.
"Cloud?" Sephiroth reached out and touched Cloud's face to check that he was fully asleep. "Well," he said to Cloud's unconscious body, "I guess this is it." He stroked Cloud's cheek gently, wondering if this was the last time he'd ever be able to do so. His eyes shifted downwards; Cloud wasn't wearing a binder, or even a bra underneath his shirt and his breasts stood out in a way that Cloud had never allowed before. Would it be wrong to touch them one last time?
"Zack's right, you are a pervert," he said to himself. Some of it could be blamed on his upbringing, but he knew full well that molesting someone while they were unconscious was wrong. "And that would be molestation," he said it out loud, just to drive the point home. He wouldn't molest Cloud.
He brought his eyes back up to Cloud's face and reached inside himself to find the core of his magic. He didn't know what, if any words he should use to cast the spell, so he had to use his baser magic power to call on the knowledge of the ancients.
The magic flowed from his fingers, a strange green light the likes of which Sephiroth had never seen before. It spread over his target until Cloud was completely enveloped in the weird, shifting light. It grew brighter, so bright that Sephiroth was forced to look away, but when he glanced back through squinted eyes, he could tell that Cloud's body was changing. His shoulders widened, his chest grew flatter, and his hips became less pronounced.
When the light finally faded, he found himself looking at the physically male version of Cloud. His face still had the same qualities that Sephiroth liked about it, but his features were slightly squarer and more masculine. The change wasn't harsh, however. There was still a touch of androgyny to him. He ran his hand over Cloud's shoulder and arm, feeling the differences there. Again, it wasn't huge; Cloud would probably never be a stereotypical example of masculinity, but Sephiroth quite liked it. His chest was smooth except for the bumps caused by his ribcage and some muscles. He paused in his exploration of Cloud's body with a sudden realization: this probably wasn't the most appropriate thing, either.
"I suppose you'll want to check out further south on your own," he said, feeling slightly disappointed. "Wake up." He pinched Cloud's arm hard enough to leave a bruise, and Cloud sat up with a yelp.
"Ow!"
"Sorry, it had to hurt to wake you up. But it worked, as far as I can tell."
Cloud scrambled up, shoving Sephiroth out of the way. He ran, stumbling, to the bathroom and smacked the light switch. "I can't—It really—"
Sephiroth followed Cloud to the bathroom where he found him staring in the mirror and touching himself all over. "Everything back the way it should be?"
Cloud nodded feverishly and ran for Sephiroth, practically tackling him with his hug and squeezing like he'd never let go. "Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you."
"Hey, it's okay. You don't have to thank me." Sephiroth hugged him back, feeling confident that he had made the right decision. He wouldn't lose Cloud, and even if he did, it would be worth it to have made him this happy.
"I'm me again. I'm me."
Sephiroth saw Cloud blinking away tears when he looked in the mirror again, unable to keep his eyes off his reflection for long, it seemed. "You were always you, you just match a little better now."
Cloud laughed and nodded. "Yeah. I match."
"Want me to give you some time alone to get reacquainted with yourself? You seem enamoured."
Cloud laughed so hard that he snorted. "I—well, I'm not saying the thought didn't cross my mind last night, but I'm good for now. Though a few minutes alone would be nice. I just want to see."
"Of course. I'll just go listen to some loud music, so take as much time as you need."
"Sephiroth!"
Sephiroth simply laughed and left, shutting the door behind him. It really was only a couple minutes before Cloud came out again, still beaming.
"Can...can we go out? For lunch or a walk or anything, really. Just outside."
Sephiroth thought for a moment; he hadn't imagined that Cloud would want to leave the apartment so quickly. It might not be as easy as he had thought to keep him. But he had asked for permission and wanted them to go together, so that was all right. "Yes," he answered, "we can go out, but we still need to be careful. If Hojo sees you, he'll most certainly recognize you."
Cloud's face fell. "Right, I understand. If it's too dangerous, it's okay. I just thought it would be nice to go outside."
"No, we'll go." Sephiroth didn't like the disappointed look on Cloud's face. Of course he would want to go outside after all this time. "I just wanted you to know that we need to be careful. Lunch and a walk?"
Cloud's face lit up again as he nodded. "I'll be careful and do whatever you say."
"Good, that's all I wanted. Give me a minute to put the materia away, then we'll go out." Sephiroth took the materia out of his bracer and returned it to his safe. "I hope you don't mind the stairs," he called.
Cloud laughed, "No, not at all!"
XXX
A/N: Fucking air vents. Sephiroth should have grabbed some coupons while he was crawling around in there.
p.s. Does anyone have any Escaflowne fic recs?