Okay, we tortured the horror characters with dates and Jessica Simpson…what to do next?
Freddy: I got it! (jumps up and down) Let's have me killing a piggy!
Synn: (irritated) No! Too easy and predictable, Freddy!
Candyman: Maybe a talk show?
Synn: (purses lips in thought) Nah
Ash: Let's have me using the…what the hell (searches himself)…my boomstick is gone!
Synn: (pulls it out) You mean this? (aims it at Ash)
Ash: Stupid broad…Give me my boomstick back!
Synn: Come and get it! (taunts
Ash lunges at Synn and is promptly lifted off the floor, courtesy of Jason.
Ash: What is this screwheadYour bodyguard?
Synn: Jason, go throw Ash in a big pile of doggie doo…and make him eat it!
Jason nods and carries Ash off.
Pinhead: May I suggest a new housemate?
Synn: Not a bad idea! In fact, that's perfect!
Author's Note: I don't own these characters or the surreal life. In fact, I don't want to own them!
Pinhead was the first to wake up the next day. Tired from entertaining the ladies the night before, he yawned, picking up the surreal life newspaper.
"Hmmm" Pinhead said to himself, reading "We have a new houseguest. I wonder who it is!"
"What's in the paper?" Djinn asked as Pinhead walked into the kitchen "What's up for today?"
"We are getting a new houseguest" Pinhead said, shrugging as he handed Djinn the paper. "I don't get the riddle"
"He is someone that loves the dark and loves to kill" Djinn read, pursing his lips in thought "Ummm Dracula?"
"Too easy" Pinhead said, sitting at the table "Maybe it's Pumpkinhead"
"No, he's too busy stalking for some hick farmer right now" Djinn said, sighing.
"Have you ever thought of maybe action or sci fi characters?" Chucky grumbled, walking into the kitchen "I think I know who it might be"
"Who?" Djinn and Pinhead asked in unison.
"Riddick" Chucky said simply "He hates the light because of his eyes, and he's a Furion who loves to murder"
"It's a possibility" Djinn said, thoughtful "I don't know anyone else with that description"
As if on cue, a window shattered in the main room.
"What was that?" Pinhead demanded, standing up "Did I just hear a window break?"
Before anyone else could say anything, a familiar bald headed man with black tinted goggles burst into the room, wielding curved daggers.
"Hah" Chucky said, smirking "I was right. Hey Riddick"
Riddick stopped and lifted his goggles.
"You've gotta be shitting me" he said, putting them back on "They put me in a house full of horror movie characters?"
"Nice to meet you too" Djinn said sarcastically "What prison did you break out of this time?"
"Crematoria" Riddick said proudly, putting his daggers in their hilts before sitting down "So what's the deal with you guys?"
"The playboy mansion was full" Chucky quipped as Freddy came into the kitchen.
"Who the hell is this?" Freddy demanded, glaring at the bald guy sitting at the table
"The playboy mansion was full" Riddick joked, shrugging "So I broke in here"
"Hmmm good one" Pinhead said, chuckling "Frederick, this is Riddick"
"What's the deal with the Christmas sweater?" Riddick asked, eyeing Freddy's sweater "Are you the ghost of hell Christmas present? I mean you're EFC…Extra Freaky Crispy"
"It's NOT A FUCKING CHRISTMAS SWEATER!" Freddy yelled, jabbing a finger knife in Riddick's direction "I'll KILL YOU"
Freddy charged at Riddick, who simply stuck his foot out and grabbed Freddy's glove as he tripped headfirst.
"Hmmm" Riddick said, examining the glove "Looks like Colonel Extra Crispy has way too much time on his hands!
Author's Note: Riddick is our new houseguest…Will he kill everyone in sight or will he run away screaming?
Riddick: Hmmmmm (sniffing) It's been a long time since I smelled beautiful.
Freddy: Watch it, man! She has quite the attitude.
Synn: (waves hand and glues Freddy's mouth shut) I apologize in advance for Krueger…but keep the sweet charming talk going. I like it.
Riddick: It's my pleasure! (watches Freddy as he turns blue from lack of oxygen)
Synn: Riddick, you can be my bodyguard from now on…if someone pisses me off, you can kill him.
Riddick: With pleasure (smirks at Freddy as Synn unglues his mouth)
Freddy: (panting hard and breathing as he slowly turns back to his normal color) You guys are nuts!
Riddick: At least I'm not singed beyond recognition. Now back off and stay away from our author!
Freddy: (grumbles and walks away)