SPENCER'S P.O.V
I was hoping she wouldn't be here, then I could leave and pretend I tried to find her.
"Hi"
When she looks up I force a smile.
"Spencer I thought you'd gone into hiding..."
"Ash I wasn't hiding, I was delaying"
"Delaying?"
She's hopping up.
"Putting off the inevitable"
It's only been a day.
We've been talking for twenty four measly hours and now it's come to this.
Why did I sent that stupid message?
"Spencer we should talk"
She's drying herself with a towel while wearing very little clothing, it's distracting.
"Are you okay?"
I should probably answer her, she seems worried.
"Yeah sorry..."
"Let's go somewhere more private and talk"
She's being really sweet.
"Ash it can wait, I don't want to drag you away"
I'm trying every trick in the book.
It's okay, let me just grab my things"
When she walks over to collect her belongings I don't move.
I need to figure out what I'm going to say and I need to figure it out fast.
"Are you ready?"
No.
"Lead the way"
I have no idea where she's going, but I'm following.
"Excuse me I'm really sorry, I saw you down here earlier and I thought it was you, but I wasn't sure..."
She's nervous.
"But it's obviously you, you're Spencer Carlin!?"
"Hi..."
"I'm a big fan"
"Thank you"
When I look over at Ashley she's smiling.
"Sorry I'm interrupting aren't I?"
"No, it's okay..."
I'm only waiting for the love of my life to tell me she doesn't feel the same way.
It can wait.
"Could I possibly get a photo?"
"Of course"
When I move so I'm standing next to her, her friend appears with a camera.
"Thank you so much, I'll stop annoying you now..."
"It was nice meeting you"
Usually I'd ask for her name and start up a conversation, but Ashley's here and I can't keep delaying this conversation.
"Sorry Ash..."
She's still smiling.
"It's okay"
"Did you mean it?"
I'm not sure how I'm supposed to act right now.
I don't want this to be a big deal, but it is.
This is my life and I want to spend it with her.
"Spencer?"
There's only so long I can stand here and put off answering.
"I did... I do"
I've loved her since I was sixteen.
"I'm sorry Spencer, I wouldn't have joked around and said everything I've said if I had of known..."
"It's okay, you have nothing to apologise for"
We walked into her room and I decided this was my spot.
I haven't moved since.
"Look I'm sorry I sent that message and vanished, I just knew this conversation was coming"
I know I need to hear her out, but it doesn't make it any easier.
I'm not going to like what she has to say and then it's going to be awkward.
"It's been a really long time Spencer..."
"I know"
"We haven't even been in each others lives for a really long time..."
"I know"
I seem to know a lot.
"I just..."
"Ashley it's fine, I get it"
Here goes nothing.
"You wouldn't of encouraged me to message another girl if you still felt the same way and I'm really sorry I've dropped this all on you, it wasn't something I planned..."
If I had of made a plan it wouldn't have been this.
"You were just really persistent and we were joking around and I got it in my head it was a good idea"
It definitely wasn't a good idea.
"And there's this really big part of me that wants to stand here and act like it's nothing, but I don't want to lie to you..."
She deserves the truth.
"I've been in love with you since I was sixteen Ash and I haven't been sitting around all of this time waiting for you..."
There's been other girls.
"There's been other girls and I've been on dates, but it's never worked out and if I'm being honest, I never wanted it to..."
Success was more important to me.
"I left LA for a fresh start Ash and I never wanted to leave you, my family or this crazy world we have, but I needed to get away and moving to North Carolina was the right thing for me to do at the time"
It was hard leaving, but it was the right thing to do.
"And when I got to UNC, I was so determined to learn from my mistakes and it was different, I didn't care what anyone thought anymore... Then everything just started working out for me"
Not quite everything.
"I was part of one of the biggest basketball programs in the country, there were scouts coming to my games and the team was doing really well... Then before I know it I was drafted and moving to Seattle"
It's been crazy few years.
"This is the first opportunity I've had to move back to LA and I know it's been a really long time, but I've missed you Ashley and I've missed this crazy life we have and I know it's not fair that I sent that message and it definitely wasn't something I planned, but it's the truth"
The truth will set me free or make my life incredibly awkward.
"I've been in love with you since I was sixteen and I've tried moving on and I've let all of this time pass, but it's still there"
It's always going to be there.
"Spencer I..."
When she pauses I know it's coming.
"I..."
She's nervous and I know what's coming isn't what I want to hear, but I love her and my love I have for her makes me want to make this easier on her.
"It's okay Ashley"
She's only a couple of steps away, but when I start moving, it seems so much further.
"You don't feel the same way..."
"I'm sorry"
I thought for sure I'd be the one with the tears in my eyes, but it's her.
"It's okay Ash"
I reach out cupping her cheek in my hand.
"I care about you Spencer and the last thing I want to do is hurt you..."
"I know but you have to be honest"
I force a smile so she knows I'm okay.
"You've moved on and that's okay"
I brush my thumb over her cheek one last time and step back.
"But I should probably go"
I force another smile.
"I told mum I'd go swimming and she'll be really annoying if I don't show up"
It's the truth, but it's also the only excuse I have right now.
I need to leave, so I can breathe again.
This room is suffocating me.
"I'll see you later..."
"Spencer?"
I'm at the door when I hear my name.
"Yeah?"
When I turn around that stupid fake smile I've been wearing is still on my face.
"Are you okay?"
This question shouldn't be as difficult as it is.
There's only two possible answers.
The truth and a lie that will make this easier on us both.
"Yeah"
I went with the lie.