C-E: After a full chapter of WNF I like to rewind by writing a chapter of crazinees! Crazines craziiii- uh whatever. AKA! Clone. FUNNINESS! Enjoy.
Clone
Chapter Eleven:
The Ending of One Year and The Forshadowing of The Next
((((Start))))
SCREEEECH SCREEEECH. Vash panted, leaning on the toilet Meryl made him get to replace the one Clone massacred. Currently, he was pushing it into the newly renovated bathroom. Shkoolp! Clingclingclingcling. He leaned over the porcelain appliance to look at the exposed pipe and a little empty pickle jar, rolling on the floor. Curiosity overtook him and he picked up the little jar... AND SHOOK IT!
High-pitched screams made Vash drop the bottle and hide behind the toilet. He slowly poked his head out from behind the toilet, staring at the little bottle that rolled on the floor with his eyes wide. "Wow... A HAUNTED BOTTLE!"
He ran over to the bottle again and picked it up, shaking it really hard. More high-pitched screams could be heard and claw marks appeared on the glass surface. "Cool! I wonder what else I could do with this..." he said, looking around the room for ideas. His eyes fell on his broken dresser with firecrackers poking out, a case of hydrochloric acid, a hammer, and the stove in his mini-kitchen. "Man, I'm hungry!"
He walked over to the stove and stared at the burners (don't worry they were off). Then, he looked at the bottle in his hand and, by some random connection of neurons to axons, he decided something. "Maybe I can cook the bottle!"
So, in a few minutes, the stove now held a pot with boiling water and a pickle jar inside the pot. Vash watched the floating jar, stirring it occasionally. As the jar got hotter, more high-pitched screams could be heard. Vash poked the jar with his wooden ladle. "Hmm. Not done yet... Oh what am I saying! Man, I haven't had this much fun since before Didrean was born!" He turned off the stove and picked up the jar.
"What now..."
"VASH! Have you gotten the toilet installed yet?"
Vash glanced at the porcelain piece sitting in the middle of his room. "Yes, dear!" he giggled, running outside with the bottle in his hand. He looked up and down the street and ran to his "Secret Hideout" a.k.a the boarded up house on the outside of town. Inside, the gunman refurbished the place for reasons unknown.
He locked the door and opened the "weaponry" aka the closet which was filled with a variety of dusty weapons. He set down the bottle and rummaged through the closet. "I know it's here somewhere..." Kathink. Clinkclinkclinkclinkclink... He turned around with machete to find the bottle rolling away on its side.
He smiled and picked up the jar, "Sorry little guy. But, I'm not done with you yet. Although, how you fell over on your side and started rolling away, is beyond me! Now, where did I put it?" The former gunman rummaged through the closet until he found what he was looking for... A SLINGSHOT!
He put the bottle in the sling and pulled back. "Alright, I only have one chance at this..." Slip. Twang! Dinkdinkdinkdink. Splish! "Crap! Not the toilet!" he said, running over to the toilet when his hand slipped and hit the flush handle. Flush. Vash watched in vain as his only entertainment, after twelve years of grueling misery, go down the drain...
"BUT! I will not stopped!" he yelled, jumping up, "TO THESEWER!" Thumpthumpthump thump thump...
((In The Sewers))
Clone sat crossed-legged with her arms crossed as she floated in the mysterious liquid beneath the surface. "Note: Next time I get a chance... KILL VASH!" She lay down, thanking the all powerful masters of this story, that the jar is waterproof.
She sighed. "Man, I need a banjo or to randomly pop out of a drain in Father's hideout...Any minute now would be convenient... (C-E: STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!) " Then, suddenly, a sewer fish grabbed the bottle in its mouth and swam down until it met a waterfall, where it met its untimely death after spitting out the bottle, which flew through the air until it hit the wall, ricocheting into another pipe.
"Well, that was entertaining..."
((Back At Knives' Base, Inside Clone's Body))
Didrean walked to the troops room followed by the ever loyal Amy. She was desperately trying to avoid Knives at any cost; and, since it had been a couple of hours since Clone escaped, Didrean thought Knives would be at the kitchen trying to convince his troops that ghosts did not exist. This job was going to be easier than she thought thanks (surprisingly) to Clone.
But, as Didrean happily controlled the crazed Clone, she neglected the supposedly empty box behind her. The same box that held the darker side of Clone's conscience which crawled out of its confines and dusted itself off. She smiled at the child standing behind the body's controls and wandered over to the unsuspecting Didrean. Clone's conscience leaned down to the child's level... "Boo."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" POOF! Didrean disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving the evil Clone cackling as she sat at the controls. She twined her fingers together as she sneered at the monitor. "So, what's has my lesser side been up to, lately?..."
((Outside Clone's Body))
Amy opened the door to the observation room. "Master, I insist you stay in here to observe the troops for now on." the psychic said, bowing.
Clone-Knives snorted and walked outside, followed by a surprised Amy. "Nonsense. I must be in person to train my troops. In fact, Amy go fetch me a cattle prod," the Knives look-alike said with an evil smile, "I'm going to make these men as merciless as the spiders they are, even if I have to make them cry tears of blood." She chuckled as Amy handed her the prod.
((Ten Minutes Later))
Knives (the real one) stalked down the hall. After the entire "ghost" episode with the pathetic excuses of soldiers, he really did not feel like bothering with another spider for as long as he LIVE-
"Master Knives! We have reports of an intruder in Sect...ion... Um, sir?"
Knives turned on the soldier towering over the poor human with flames spouting from his eyes. "You do know I could kill you easily, human." Knives growled as the man sank to the floor.
"P-p-pleasesirforgiveme,butIthoughtyoumightwanttoknow..."
Knives stepped back, rubbing his temples. "Tell me later. In fact, I'll spare your life if you get me some aspirin." Knives said as the man ran down the hall. He continued his walk down the hall into the plant room where his trapped siblings waited for their freedom.
"Brethren, I know you have waited a long time for your freedom," he said, sitting down in front of the bulbs, "However, my brother has proven a greater threat than I originally thought. His many years of fighting expertise gave him the upper hand. But," he chuckled, "My brother has many weaknesses which can easily be exploit-"
"Sir! Here's the aspi...rin. Oh, crap."
Knives sighed, "You're lucky I need every man in my troops." He stood up, yanking the bottle from the soldier's hands. "Take me to my troops, spider."
The soldier took the front until they reached the training grounds. The soldier cracked open the door and peered outside. SLAM! He turned around, blocking the door, to his angered master.
"Um, sir. Maybe we should come back some other time. Like, a long time from now." He said, smiling as Knives' glare hardened.
"Step aside, human!" Knives flung the soldier aside and opened the door.
((Outside))
Clone stepped back, tossing the cattle prod over her shoulder. "Damn, ran out of batteries." She looked at her troops that wore no shirts and torn pants with war paint on their stern faces. She smiled and turned to Amy. "Go fetch me the armories greatest weapons. I believe these men are ready for it..."
So, Knives stared at his shirtless troops chasing a sand worm with nothing but plastic sporks, screaming.
"OLILILILILILILILILILILILIIIIIIIIIII!" they yelled as they brought down another worm before Knives' eyes. Twitch.
"AMY!"
"Master?" Amy said behind her master, making Knives jump and turn around.
"What the HELL is going on here!"
Amy stared at Knives for some time, confused. "Master, you're the one who trained them..."
"WHAT! I haven't been here for the last twenty minutes! Because, some IDIOT decided it would be funny to scare my men by creating a 'ghost'" Knives said doing the air quotes. He stood panting as Amy hit her forehead with the palm of her hand.
She sighed, "Master, we have an intruder."
((Back With Vash))
Squilk, squilk, squilk. Vash trotted into his living room covered in sewer yuck. He plopped onto the couch and leaned his head back. "Oh well, good things can't last forever." He sighed and closed his eyes.
The gunman was about to sleep when something poked him. "Mmmph!"
"Dad."
"Five more minutes."
"Dad! I really need to talk to you."
"Didrean, go talk to your mo...ther..." He opened his eyes and stared at his daughter.
"I think the mission failed. Should we take offensive actions before Knives tries to attack us now?"
"... Honey, how long have you been out?"
"Long enough," she shrugged than raised an eyebrow, "Why are you covered in, um, muck and smell like crap?"
Vash stood up patting Didrean on the head that flinched under the smell, "It's a long story, let's go get your mom." He said walking to the kitchen followed by Didrean, holding her nose.
((Back With The "Good" Clone))
"Two bottles of water on the wall! Two bottles of water! HEY! I'm here." SQUOOLP! Tish! "FREEDOM!" she said, floating up from the shards of glass and through the bathroom door. "Now, to find my Father!"
Float, float, float. "Hmm, 'SECRET ROOM OF HIGHLY DANGEROUS THINGS' Awesome! Surely, Father is in there!" She passed through the door and saw the silhouette of Knives in front of a computer monitor. She floated up behind him and gasped!
"YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!"
Knives-Clone turned around and smiled at the ghost-Clone. "Well, well. There you are. I was starting to wonder what happened to you! Now," she pulled out a jar and trapped Clone inside, "I'll deal with you as soon as I'm done with this."
Knives-Clone turned back to the monitor and set ghost-Clone by the monitor. Ghost-Clone looked at the monitor and gasped (again)! "'Necromancy!' Who are you trying to resurrect!"
Knives-Clone stepped back and began the steps. "Silly child. No wonder you're so easily tricked. Now, be quiet as I resurrect the Gung-Ho Guns."
((Outside Knives' Fort))
Vash pulled the binoculars from his eyes and glared at the encampment. Didrean sat next to him, crossed legged with Meryl setting up the picnic. "So, we'll stay here while you go fight your brother in yet another epic battle, dear." Meryl said, giving Didrean a sandwich.
Vash propped himself on his elbow and surveyed the fort. "Right, it shouldn't take me long. I'll be back before dinner!" The gunman jumped up and ran down the sand dune at top speed.
Didrean watched her father get trampled by a troop of crazed, screaming men with sporks. "Mom, was he always like this?"
"Honey, you have no idea. Eat your potato salad."
((Inside The Fort With Knives(the real one)))
He sat at in the observatory, rubbing his temples as Amy poured another glass of wine for the two of them. Knives sighed. "So, there's an intruder in my base who is imitating me and making my troops better than I could have ever trained them."
Amy nodded giving Knives the glass of wine. "The intruder even fooled me."
Knives tasted the wine and sighed, trying to take in all this information. "Alright, you will stay with me until we capture this intruder. And then we'll-"
"KNIVES!"
Crish! Knives broke the wine glass as his eye twitched. Amy walked to the window and looked down. "Master, I believe Vash is here for you."
Knives stood up breathing deeply, "Then, let's go meet him," he growled.
((Back With Clone))
SHIIING! Doomdoomdoomdoom. The room filled with a blinding light as Knives-Clone cackled and a fleshy hand rose from the sign of blood on the ground. Ghost-Clone stared wide-eyed as more of the figure rose from the ground. "Ew, gross!"
"You're right. Let's leave." Knives-Clone said, picking up the bottle and leaving the resurrection behind. She closed the door and walked to the main room where she froze. Knives and Vash rolled on the ground, fighting as Amy watched them. "Um, we're going to stay away from there..." The Knives Clone said, walking into another uniformed room. She opened the bottle and let Clone float free, then exited the body herself.
"Let's end this..." Fwooah. The clones glared at each other, waiting for the other to attack.
((In The Room of Bad Things))
Wolfwood looked around the room. Thankfully he was wearing the clothes he died in... Wait. "What tha hell? God, I need a cig." He left the glowing pentagram and walked to the closest closet that he could smoke in. He opened the door and his jaw dropped. "No way... A WHOLE CLOSET OF CIGARETTES!"
((Back With The Clones))
"Noogie noogie noogie noogie!" Knives-Clone said with Clone in a headlock, rubbing her knuckles against her head.
"Owowowowowowow! Ya!" Clone flipped the torturing Clone through the air and floated away. Knives-Clone passed through the wall and stopped, floating back to the room.
"You idiot! It's not like a wall can hurt us. Why is the door open? Oi, she forgot she could pass through walls. Well, little voice in my head you can't hide forever. I will find you..." she said, floating into the hallway.
The other Clone frantically floated down the hall, rubbing her head. "Ow, that really hurt! Oh! What's this? A smoking closet!... FIRE!" she flew into the closet and ran into Wolfwood's lit cigarette. FWOOOSH!
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" She flew around on fire and managed to go outside where the evil Clone waited, unfortunately, she caught on fire too. That's when Wolfwood stepped outside to see two flaming things and a currently resurrected Legato...
"Oh hell!" Wolfwood yelled seeing the psychopath's monotone smile. "Ahem. I mean. Hey! What are you doin' here? And please don't ask about those..." he said, pointing to the frantic lights.
Legato chuckled and walked past the nervous priest and into the room where Knives held Vash down with his foot on his leg. "HA! WHO GOT SERVED! Oh, Legato! What are doin- Oh my god! Legato what the hell are you doing here?" he said, running off Vash and to Legato but he stopped as he saw Amy was hugging him.
"DADDY! You're alive!"
Legato looked to Knives. "Help, master." He mouthed. Knives chuckled and walked over to Legato.
"Nice to see you again, but your daughter is your own problem. Now, go cause Vash eternal pain."
"Master," Legato said, pushing Amy aside, "Where is Vash?"
"WHAT?"
((In The Hallways))
Vash panted, leaning against the wall. "Hey, spikey."
"Oh, hi Wolfwooooo- AHHHHHHH!" Vash yelled, falling down and crawling away. "Wh-wh-what!"
Wolfwood leaned against the wall and lit a cigarette, "Yeah. That's what I thought too. So, what have you been up to? Oh, and have you seen two flaming- wait. There they are."
"EEEEEEEEEEE!"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
The priest chuckled as Vash tried to catch his breath. Finally, the gunman stood up only to be tackled by a crazed Knives followed by Legato and his daughter. "Hey, psychopath and psychopath look alike, wanna go somewhere else?" he said stepping past the fighting brothers.
Legato stared at the violent mass, "Yeah, let's go watch the two fireballs," he said smiling with Amy latched to his arm.
((Back With The Clones))
Splish! Fwisssssssssh. Both Clones climbed out of the toilet and sat on the seat to catch their breath. Their eyes met and they stiffened. Fwoosh! They flew into the air and stared each other down.
"Let's take this outside."
"Yes, of course."
So, into the hall they went; the same hall that Vash and Knives were still fighting in. The Clones began their own fight that was so epic and exciting that only your immense imagination can conjure the action that went down. And all the time the psychics watched with growing amusement.
Until, WHAM! Fwee fwee. SQUOOLP (C-E: ...I'm sorry.) The clones ran into each other during a "flying" kick and merged into one. Of course, only Legato and Amy actually saw this soooo.
"Wow. Don't see that every day, huh dad?"
"Where's the popcorn?" Legato's monotone voice asked.
"Dad..."
Vash eventually beat Knives and dragged him outside to Meryl and Didrean who were now on desserts. The now single Clone shook her head and looked around to find no other Clone and her empty body. "Hey! I found you!" she entered her body and now I don't have to go through all the craziness of her consciences again.
((At The Human Settlement Two Months Later))
The house seemed a lot stuffier since Vash dragged Knives back and he fell into a coma. Amy was trying to bond with her father, Legato, and Legato was trying to teach Amy the way of the evil psycho, a combination which wasn't working out too well. Clone, herself, was having a hard time getting used to her two consciences in one body even when she sat by her father's side, she felt as if he were just using her.
Vash decided to revert to his old self now that Wolfwood was around and Milly was happier with the priest by her side. Didrean loved Vash now that he had a hankering for mischief. Only Meryl didn't seem too fond of this new family, mainly because she had to clean up after everyone...
But Clone couldn't help but feel an uncertainty about something, like everything was going to change...
((Seeds Ship 500 Miles From The Town))
A chilled chamber sat tranquilly in the bowls of the fallen ship. The door opened and chilled smoke cascaded from its insides as figure made its way out of the chamber. Her aqua eyes peered around the room, memories flooding her blank mind. The serene eyes hardened with anger and eerie smile spread across her face.
"Knives..." she whispered, walking out of the room.
((((End Year One))))
C-E: WOO! The end of one year in a freakin' long chapter. It's my present for being so late in updating. I'll get up another Ham hams destroy after this and then an Elimi-date. But first, I like to say sorry about the hiatus. My comp. was on the blinx and I just got out of summer "camp" but we're all cool now, right? Anyway, stay loyal and I'll put up the new year of Clone!