iDisclaimer: iDon't own iCarly

When I was writing this… I was playing Coldplay's "Fix You". Sets the mood, you know?

Sam's Point of View- Next Day

Spencer knew I was pregnant. I wish I could read his mind. He's probably thinking, "Sam, I'm so disappointed in you. I already knew you're life wasn't perfect, but pregnant?" or "I'm definitely telling Carly."

Good lord, I hope he doesn't tell Carly. I wish I could, though. I thought I had guts; I thought I was so tough, but then why can't I tell my best friend that I have been pregnant for 6 weeks? Why can't I even tell my boyfriend; the guy who helped create it!

My thoughts were interrupted when I nearly tripped down the stairs of Bushwell Plaza. Jeez, I forgot I was even walking.

I forgot why I was even walking; I might have been looking for a bathroom because man, I really had to pee!

I have to go to the bathroom at least seven hundred times a day. Let me tell you spending half of your day peeing and puking in the bathroom- it's not fun.

If that wasn't enough, I also feel like I can lie down on the floor and go to sleep. I wouldn't mind sleeping on the lobby floor right now, actually it sounded kind of nice.

And my boobs! Oh, don't get me started. Most girls like big boobs, but I think I grew another cup size! I feel so ugly, or at least different. So my boobs grow, but not my stomach? Well actually, I'd rather it be that way. I'd like to hide the baby bump as long as I can. Keep hiding the lies as long as I can might be a better

I keep finding myself thinking about how there's going to be a living thing in my stomach. It's almost scary to think about. I'm more scared than I let out…. Obviously, considering the fact I haven't told anyone except Spencer because he found out.

When was my appointment again? Within a few days, I guess. I wish I didn't have to go. I'm only going because I want to keep this baby healthy. If this baby gets an illness when it's out, it would be my fault. I can't do that. I may not be keeping the baby, but I will do everything I'm supposed to so it comes out healthy.

Right now, I'm responsible for my baby, even if it is the size of a blueberry at the moment.

"Sam?" I turned around, realizing I was in the lobby at the same time, and saw Spencer noticing me, "What're you doing down here, not in the apartment?"

"I… forgot. I was just wandering aimlessly."

He grinned, sort of, "Did you tell anyone?"

"No."

"Does your mom know?"

"I haven't talked to my mom in a week.
No more questions, "Well, I'm running to the store. Why don't you go up to Carly? She's with Freddie. I think you better tell them now sooner instead of later."

He walked out the door.

I walked up slowly, and opened the door.

Freddie nearly jumped up from the couch when he saw me. He was irritated, "Sam! Why haven't you answered my calls?"

I looked down, "Sorry.
I felt I should have said a little more, but I didn't know what.

"Is everything okay? Carly told me about the doctors. The better eating and water thing." He looked me in the eyes, as if saying, or are you hiding something else?

I smiled, trying to reassure him for the time being, "Yeah, it explains the whole throwing up and stuff."

He nodded, still looking at me. Studying me. "Well, alright, so do you want to go out?"

"Sure, Carly coming?" I looked at her, and she shook her head.

"I got a date." She smiled.

"OoOh, Carly." I faked girl talk, and then rolled my eyes, "Tell me about it later."

"Okay, see you guys!"

Freddie and I walked to his car in the parking lot, "Sorry for not answering your calls." I said. I don't have to tell him right now. Now wasn't the time for it.

"Were you ignoring me?" He asked, out of nowhere.

"What? No, Freddie! I had to turn it off for the doctors, and I forgot to turn it on after. I just forgot. I was too tired to think."

He eyes me suspiciously, "Did you ask the doctor? You know, about being pregnant?" He probably tried to sound less nervous than he did.

I slapped his arm, "Don't say that! And yeah, I did! She gave me two tests, and they were both negative." Lying became easier. It was much smoother to say, and came out more certain. I smiled at him, and I was making myself sick.

"Really? Oh, that's so great! You had me worried to death, but now I'm glad we don't have to. We can push it behind us and forget about it. Back to normal." He smiled widely. The first real smile I saw today. He was happy. Really happy that we didn't have to deal with pregnancy.

Somehow, for whatever reason whatsoever, that did not make me feel too great. Not that it was his fault. I'm putting this all on myself.

I tried to grin with him; I tried to pretend to be happy to put this whole thing behind us because it was done. I tried to pretend I really wasn't pregnant when I was.

Freddie went on the rest of the day worry-free, and I was actually a little surprised he didn't notice me looking as if I would be sick any moment. It was probably half the lying that was making me sick, and half the actual pregnancy.

Freddie got me a smoothie, and we went for a walk, "You know," He threw an arm across my shoulders, grinning like crazy, "I was really thinking that you could have been pregnant."

I nervously looked down and played with my gray sweater, "Well, I'm not, so you can stop thinking about it."

"Man, if you were pregnant…" His voice trailed off, but then he finished his sentence, "Well it's a good thing you're not pregnant-"

It's like he was taunting me, but of course he wasn't purposely. I was doing this to myself.

"Can you stop saying that?" He stopped talking, and looked at me, "Can we change the subject? It's over, so I don't even want to talk about that ugly word."

"Sorry." He looked sympathetic, "Hey, you don't look too good."

"The, uh, doctor said if you eat a lot of junk food, you wouldn't feel so great." I paused, "I've been sneaking a lot of Spencer's cheese doodles, popcorn, donuts, candy, cookies…" I tried to make it sound a little humorous.

Freddie looked at me, "Well, even though you don't gain a single pound from all of that… you should probably cut back a little. It's making you sick."

I took a breath, "I guess. I mean, I ate a grape today at lunch." Lying was so much easier than Carly once told me it was. Carly can't lie for her life, and if she does, the guilt eats her alive and she tell you everything. I'm not like Carly.

"One grape?" Freddie asked, and laughed, "Well, it's a start."

The way he believed me so easily made me sick. Literally.

I threw up into the garbage bin, and felt like dying.

Later

I went home later. Not Carly's, but my actual house where I was supposed to live. My mom was home.

"Hi Mom."

"Hey honey. Long time no see." I haven't seen her in about a week. I usually don't like being home.

I didn't say anything to her, because if I have a conversation with my mom, it usually ends in getting my feelings hurt, or a fight.

I walked to the bathroom. I didn't look much different, except for the purple under my eyes.

I felt my stomach. I didn't feel any bigger, was it supposed to? I don't even know anything about this. I'm supposed to know what to do by this point, but I don't. I guess I'll know when I go to that dumb appointment.

When my stomach get's bigger, it'll be noticeable. I wonder what I'll do.

When will I tell Freddie? Will I even tell him? He'll be so mad, and I can't hide the pregnancy. He's basically in it as much as I am, I mean, he did help make this baby. It's his, too, he just doesn't know it yet. I kept trying to convince myself that I will tell him tomorrow, or the next day, but let's face it; I really wasn't planning on telling him any time soon. It was either you tell him from the start, or you keep putting it off until you can't any longer. And I knew that was the road I was going down.